I was sitting in the library after school. More of hiding out then actually doing work. I didn't want to talk to Zayn and have his friends laugh at me from afar. I just wasn't in the mood for it. First Niall has been following me around like he's some sort of lost puppy and I've told him I'm not a charity case dozens of times already but somehow it's not sticking with him. "I know you're not a charity case. Can't I just hang out with you?" He asked.
"No." And still he followed me, even offered to drive me home. I pictured his car. A red mustang. Very noticeable. People will start to wonder. Plus it probably smelled like weed. I politely declined. Niall nodded, pulled his backpack higher up onto his shoulder, bit his lip and walked away. I slammed my locker and looked around for Zayn. He wasn't in sight. Neither was Louis, or Harry. I booked it. The library was about a quarter full. Kids doing projects, reading, writing papers. I found a secluded table at the back of the library, out of sight from the front door.
Nobody would know I was here unless they physically walked all the way to the very back of the library. I opened my Gov and Econ book. I slept in class. I actually fucking slept in class. I asked Niall what we did later and Mr. Cunningham didn't lie. They didn't do much, but it agitated me that I had actually slept in class instead of doing work. I pulled my book closer and leaned over it. Force of habit. I don't need to wear my glasses but i felt like i should. I clasped my hands under the table, elbows on my knees while i skimmed over the chapter. I kept checking the clock waiting for the number to change. My mom would be here at exactly three and she would be very confused to find me not waiting outside the school. It was only two fifteen now. i rubbed my hands together, sighed and looked back down at my book. It was long paragraphs and no pictures. I wondered if i should even care but then i remember that i have to get out of here. Out of this shitty town and somewhere where i'll actually matter.
Slump! Oh no. "Hey." slowly i lifted my head and found Zayn sitting across from me. He had a smirk on his face. i tried not to groan.
"How'd you find me?" i asked shutting my book a bit nosily. I put my arm on the table and ran it through my hair leaning into my palm.
"Did you think coming in here would stop me from talking to you?" he said answering a question with a question.
"A girl could only dream." i mumbled. Zayn smirked and i watched his perfectly sculpted jaw move as he bit his lip. I'm guessing he hadn't shaved today but the stubble looked good on him. I looked down and pushed my book across the table and into my backpack.
"I asked some kids if they'd seen you. They all pointed me toward the library." he replied scratching his cheek. I really just wanted to reach out and run my fingertips down his jawline which i was swear could probably cut glass. Either that or i could smack him. He wouldn't expect it. It's genius really.
"Oh god. You actually asked about me?" i said closing my eyes and moving my hand to cover my eyes.
"Course babe." my eyes snapped open and i removed my hand to glare at him. "Don't call me babe." i warned him. Zayn just smiled again and cracked his knuckles. I watched the bird on his hand move as he did so. "Why did you come in here?" he asked. "Why did you follow?" i retorted. "Because i want to talk to you." he replied like it was the simplest thing in the world. I shook my head and rolled my eyes. "What?" he asked. "We can't just talk Zayn." i started to tell him but he cut me off with. "Course we can." i shook my head and pursed my lips. "No we can't Zayn. You can't seem to fathom it. I. Don't. Like. You. We can't just talk Zayn. I hate you. I don't want you near me. I don't know what the hell you want but whatever it is just get it over with and leave me alone." i grumbled. We got some curious looks from the other people in the room. Emma and Zayn at the same table how odd.
Zayn doesn't reply to my little rant. He has one hand over his mouth and it looks like he's fighting a smile like he thinks this is all some big joke. His eyes bore into mine with such intensity that i have to look away, but still he stares. I begin to squirm. "Stop looking at me like that." i tell him. "Like what?" Zayn says lowly. I look up at him again. "Like that." He bites his lip again still holding in that smile before he lets it loose looking back up at me. "I don't understand you." he says quietly. My eyes narrow and i stare at him a bit shocked. "You don't understand me?" i repeat. Zayn shakes his head letting out a low chuckle. "Most girls would die just to catch my attention." he says leaning forward arms down on the table. I copy him and lean in too. "I think i might die from the attention." he laughs again his hazel eyes looking down at the table then back up at me. You could probably cut the intensity in the air with a butter knife. I realize how close we are. Within kissing distance actually. Not that i've ever kissed a boy but i'm assuming this is what it feels like, what it looks like when you're this close to a boy, or anyone for that matter, before your lips make contact. I want to lean away but his eyes stop me. It's like I'm hypnotized and i think Zayn can tell that i am because he's smiling again biting his tongue.
"You're doing it again." i say just to fill the silence. "Doing what?" he breathes out. Despite his habit of smoking cigarette's his breath smells only of peppermint. "Looking at me like that." he's closer now. I don't know if he moved or if i did or maybe we both did. I can't remember. "Like what?" he repeats. "That." is all i manage to say before the space closes between us. But before our lips touch I've grabbed my bag and I'm halfway out of the library. "Hey!" Zayn shouts a bit dumbfounded. He grabs my arm. "It's three i have to go." i say pulling away from him. And I'm right. I don't know where the time went but it's gone and it's three. She could already be here. "I have to go." i repeat. Zayn loosens his grip on my arm and is looking at me confused. I try not to dwell on it as i rush outside. She's already waiting looking a bit concerned but perks up when she see's me. "Sorry!" i say jumping into the car. "Let's go." my mom eases off the curb and we drive away.
I stood there a bit confused for a while longer after she slipped away. What the fuck had just happened. I had almost kissed her. I had almost fucking kissed her. Kissing was not part of the dare! I just had to get in her pants and get it over with. But I really wanted to kiss her.. She looked so defiant and stubborn. It was cute. The way her hair fell around her face made me want to run my hands through it and the way she blushed red when I call her babe. It's the only reason I do it really. I ran a hand through my hair nervously biting my lip. She said she hated me. There's no coming back from that. How can I show her that I mean well. But I don't. Don't feel. Don't think. Shaking my head I decide that my feelings aren't worth it. I can't like her. I'll never like her. I don't like her. I make my way out of the dusty smelling building and toward Building C. "How'd it go Malik?" Louis calls out. I'm about to reply with we almost kissed but something stops me.
"She was being her usual bitchy self. She told me she hated me." I said pulling out a cigarette and placing it between my lips. I don't light it, not yet. I fumble for my pockets for a lighter before a flame flickers in front of my face. Liam. Whose smoking his own cigarette. It dangles form the corner of his mouth ashes dripping down lazily. "Thanks." I mutter once it ignites. Liam doesn't respond but walks away takes the cigarette out of his mouth and blows the smoke into the air. "He has a stick up his ass." Harry mutters. "So what else? She ran out of the library like she had just seen a damn ghost." I shrugged and didn't exactly reply. "She didn't like the way I was looking at her." Louis laughed. "And what way were you looking at her?" Louis asked. "How should I fucking know. Look I've got to go." Even though I really didn't but I walked away from them throwing away my cigarette as I did.
"So where were you?" My mom asked as I walked down the stairs for dinner. "When mom?" I asked though I knew full well what she meant. "When I came to pick you up. You weren't there and I began to get a bit worried." She says slowly. I shrug as I grab my bowl of rice and chicken off the counter and pull out utensils for each of us. "I was at the library looking up some information. The time sort of got away from me. Were you waiting long?" My mom shakes her head and purses her lips. "No I was just curious." I know she wants to say something more so I wait for her to speak up. We sit down at the table and begin to dig in. There was a point in time where we were once religious but that hour has long since passed. It's not that we don't believe but you start to loose faith when awful things begin to happen to good people. And I'm not implying that were the best of people but there's always that thought of "Why us?" "Those boys were staring at me as I pulled up." She blurted out at last. "You mean Harry and Louis? Liam's friends?" My mom is shaking her head but not to answer no but in disappointment. "I still can't believe that boy stopped being friends with you for them." She murmured. I shrugged. "He did and I try not to think about it." I tell her. She stops eating and just sort of stares at me spoon raised halfway to her mouth. I go on eating pretending not to have noticed that she's stopped. "Oh honey.." she says in that quiet way where i know she's going to give some speech where I'm suppose to learn some big life lesson. I bite my tongue so i odn't have to tell her that i already know the punch line to this speech. "Don't say that sweetheart. He is your best friend." i choose to interrupt. "Was. Past tense." she says and grips her spoon tighter hands shaking. She lets go and puts the spoon down gently.
"Is. Present tense. Don't tell me you wouldn't do anything for that boy if he called up right now asking for your help." i nod slowly. I would. I would just drop anything for him. He's my best friend. Present tense but i don't think I'm his. "And damn it if i know Liam that boy would do the same for you." her use of foul language astounds me and i choke on my food. "Mom!" i croak out in disbelief. She only shrugs."It's what i believe. You two can somehow work through this. He's still your best friend." i nod in confirmation. More for her than for me. We finish the rest of our meal in total silence. Aside from the radio off to the sound playing a sad sweet melody. But it's turned down so low my ears have to strain to catch the singers beautiful voice. How many times can i break til i shatter? Over the line can't define what I'm after. I can't help but think how accurate these words are.
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A/N: the song she heard is Shattered by O.A.R but for some reason putting videos on my stories isn't working. It's a really good song though. Check it out. :) Thanks for reading xx