I spend dinner not only eating but thinking and rethink what Tammy said.
I didn't think I was scared of commitment but even though it's hard to admit it, even if it's just admitting it to myself, I guess that was exactly my problem. I don't want to wake up one day and realize that I don't like the person and then I'd want to leave and hurt her. I don't want to be stuck at being unhappy just because I made a wrong choice in my life. I don't want that for me and I don't want to drag someone else into that misery along with me.
For now I'm happy with the life I'm living but the fact that Tammy knows the truth made me wonder if I'm that transparent.
We cleaned up after dinner and we all headed to the beach. I wasn't planning to drink so I was one of the assigned drivers, bringing Michael and Tammy with me. The ride from Ashton's house to the beach wasn't long but it was still long enough for me to hear Tammy's conversation as her phone started ringing.
"I'm good. I'm heading to the beach with Sandra's friends."
"Yes with her friends!"
"She's with her... no Cecilia's in a different car!"
"Can you please stop worrying? I'm fine!"
"I'll stay with Sandra tonight, don't worry!"
"Okay! I love you!"
"Bye!"
"I'm not staying with Sandra. I don't understand his deal!" She said to me and Michael as soon as she hung up the phone.
"He's worried about you!" Michael said trying to shrug it off.
"No, he's controlling me. What's the matter if I'm with Sandra or with Sandra's friends? If Sandra trust you guys then so do I!" She said as I watched her through the review mirror.
She was looking outside but the bright smile she had on her face only moments ago has now vanished. This is the type of things I try to avoid by not being in a relationship.
"Well don't worry about it now. Let's just have some fun!" I said trying to make that bright smile come back to her beautiful face but the only thing than was running through my mind is the fact that she said he's controlling her.
What does that mean? What does she mean by controlling? One thing is controlling someone in a worried way, it's possible, Luke does it all the time with Sandra, he asks her where she is and if she needs a ride somewhere all time and now that I think about it, that's not controlling that is carrying and worrying about someone. Now a different thing is controlling someone, as in having to know where they are all the time because you don't trust someone.
If that is Tammy's boyfriend's kind of controlling then he is indeed an asshole. I might not be in a relationship or never had a serious one in the first place but it doesn't take a master's degree or a fucking genie to know that you have to trust someone to a have a decent relationship.
We walked to the beach and I looked to my right and Luke and Sandra are all lovey-dovey with each other, I look to my left and the same shit happens with Ashton and Jamie, I wonder where the hell I fit between couples. I love them but I'm not holding candles for anyone.
"Well I guess were stuck between couples..." I said half annoyed.
"Don't tell me Mr. I Don't Date is jealous?" Tammy said with a hand on my shoulder to steady herself as she took off her shoes.
"What if I was?" I wasn't but I decided to challenge her as I waited for her while the other kept walking.
"Then you would only strengthen my theory!" She said running away to catch up with the rest of the group.
I wanted to fight back but I didn't know how to respond. I feel like no matter what I say she'll turn it and use it against me.
We found a table and me and the girls their bags there as Michael and I went to grab some drinks for everyone.
"So are you having fun?" He asked as we waited for the drinks.
"Yeah, it seems cool here, at least is different."
"I meant having fun with Tammy. You seem fond of her!" Michael said taking a glance at our table.
"Yeah, she's nice!" I said unable to deny it.
"And hot with a nice ass!" Michael said as he elbowed me.
My skin burned as I took a deep breath. Why does it bother me what Michael just said?
"She's pretty!" I said trying to keep my cool.
"And has a boyfriend!" Michael said.
I was going to answer something between the lines of him being the same guy that literally ignored Sandra but the barman came up with our drinks. I paid and we walked up to the table were Ashton, Jamie and Cecilia were already engaged in a conversation.
I sat down next to Tammy and I wanted to talk to her and get to know her a bit more, maybe try to understand what she sees that makes her think I'm scared of commitment.
"You know your theory is wrong, right?" asked sipping on my drink as I started the conversation.
"What theory?"
"The one you have about me!" I said trying not to be too specific.
"No it's not! Give me another reason for you to be single then?" She asked laughing again. I don't know what I did but she's laughing, that's good already.
"What if I haven't found the one?" I said going for a basic reason.
"With all the girls that must fall at your feet? I'm not buying that one." She said razing her glass to her lips innocently liking them afterwards.
"I don't understand your obsession about girls falling for me. Am I that attractive?" I asked as soon as I saw the chance of turning the subject to her.
"I'm not even going to answer that. You know you're that kind of guy who every girl has the heats for."
"Every girl?" I asked in a serious tone. "Do you have the heats for me?"
Asking this is like driving a car down a dead end street but right now... I have no breaks.