Harry
My face scrunches slightly as I slowly wake up, barely cracking one eye open. It takes me a couple of seconds to gain focus, realising Elena is fast asleep next to me. A smile immediately spreads over my lips and I lift my head, almost bursting into laughter at the sight.
She's lying on her stomach at the very edge of the bed, her arm hanging down, cheek pressed against the pillow, hair a knotted mess. I'm occupying most of the surface of the bed, one of my legs bent at the knee, the other one sprawled, my arms each claiming one side of the bed. Not to mention the cover is wrapped around my lower body, leaving Elena exposed to the chilly morning.
Wow, I'm an asshole when I sleep.
I woke up before the alarm clock as usual, having some time to just lie on the bed and let my body function properly. I'd like to let Elena sleep, but she has to leave in order not to be seen. I prop myself onto my elbows, leaning in to give her a peck on the cheek before pinching her nose with my fingers, a playful grin on my face. She's going to kill me.
Her body stills as the oxygen flow gets cut off, her eyes shooting open suddenly. I release her nose, watching as her surprise morphs into confusion then, finally, anger. She shifts onto her back, but since she's on the edge of the bed her body drops down with a thud. It takes a couple of seconds before a groggy "ouch" is heard, my loud laughter filling the room.
When she doesn't make any effort to get up, I force myself into a sitting position, painfully slowly standing up, walking toward the other side. I find her lying on her back, her arm covering her eyes, her shirt rolled up a bit, revealing her navel.
"Get up, Lena, you need to leave," I manage to say, way slower than usual, which is really slow.
"My prince Charming, aww." Elena groans quietly. "Just a few more minutes." She groans again, waving me off. "You go shower and all and I'll be gone."
I crouch down, my hand grabbing her ankle and I pull her body toward me so it's between my legs, earning a squeal of surprise from Elena. Her tired eyes open to the half, a small smile spreading over her lips, her face all puffy from sleep, one of her cheeks branded with slight red marks from being pressed against the pillow. I lean forward, shifting my weight onto my hands and knees briefly so I can kiss her on the lips. I pull away and stand up again, leaving her a lying mess on the floor, my shoulders shaking with laughter.
. . . .
"Why do you look so satisfied?" Elena asks Niall, all of us looking at his smug expression, blue eyes bright and cheerful.
"Let's just say girls love it when a man has a brave battle story with a scar to go along with it," Niall replies, grinning widely. "Oh and don't be jealous babe, I know we had chemistry and I'm sure we would've been hell of a couple, but you're just gonna have to let it go," he tells Elena, a teasing tone in his voice. "I'm a stallion, I can't be tamed."
"My heart is broken now, how dare you," she replies dramatically while clutching her chest, suddenly holding up a knife she's sneakily pulled out of her boot. "Who do I need to cut?"
"Ah shit, I'm in love, marry me," he says jokingly, placing his hand over his heart.
We all chuckle at their exchange, enjoying our meals and talking among each other. I don't fail to notice glances Louis and Tori send to Elena and me from time to time, making me slightly irritated. This is why I didn't want people to know about my. . . closeness to Elena, it complicates things.
Liam suddenly drapes his arm over Elena's shoulders, pulling her toward him and whispering something into her ear. She smiles politely and nods, saying something back. My eyes dart down to my breakfast only to glance back at them, the situation making me slightly uncomfortable.
"Gee, Tori," Louis says rather loudly. "Looks like there's a pair of love birds sitting with us."
"Oh?" She asks a bit dramatically, obviously acting. "Why who are you talking about, Louis?"
Liam smirks, Elena and I exchange nervous glances, Niall looks at them in confusion, Alex isn't even aware something's going on since he's too busy stuffing his mouth, and Jess hides her amusement with a mug filled with some beverage, taking a sip.
"Why Liam and El, of course," Louis continues with his lame ass acting. I can see right through his and Tori's charade; they want to expose us, probably wanting to get a reaction from me.
"Ew, that's bullocks, the only relationship Liam is capable of having is his dick stuffed inside some girl's vagina for a few minutes," Niall says, nose slightly wrinkled.
"Well his dick was never near this vagina and I don't see it happening so," Elena speaks, removing Liam's arm off her shoulders.
"Something wrong with my dick?" Liam asks, slightly offended. "Is it not good enough for you? You'll change your mind once you see it, I can assure you-"
"Shit, enough! No one is in a relationship with anyone," I snap. "And no one's going to show their dick to anyone, especially you." I point at Liam. "Keep that thing where it belongs."
"Why are you all talking about dicks. . ." Alex suddenly asks, perplexed look on his face.
"Aw so innocent," Jess says, looking at Alex fondly.
"Calm down, H," Niall says. "Take a deep breath and slowly put down that poor fork you're currently choking."
I glance down, my fingers firmly clenched around the fork and I release it, taking a deep breath to calm down. "I'm fine. Just stop talking about nonsense." My glare is fixed on Louis who shrugs slightly then Tori who shoots me a wink and a smile. They got exactly what they wanted.
That damn couple.
The breakfast is over soon and I walk out of the mess hall, but a hand suddenly stops my movements, turning my body around. I realise it's Liam, his constant playful smirk plastered on his face, his tongue swiping over his lower lip quickly, over two lip rings pierced on it.
"You don't mind, do you?" He asks and I raise my eyebrows, not understanding what he means. "Me, being with El," he clarifies, my expression hardening.
"You do know Sundays are for shit like that, right? I'd hate to punish you, Liam, especially since we've been friends for years," I warn him.
"Funny, it has never bothered you before, you know I rarely follow that rule, so I wonder why is this time any different," he says, a cheeky smile present on his face as if he knows something I don't.
He's right, I never cared about his flings. Liam is a big flirt and girls basically throw themselves at him, his warm eyes and smooth talking tongue getting him all the sex he desires.
Louis, Tori, Jess, and Niall are standing grouped a few steps behind Liam, obviously listening in to our conversation, their eyes quickly glancing away from us when I shoot them a glare. I notice Elena and Alex are gone.
"You don't happen to fancy her, now do you?" Liam says suggestively, looking at me smugly, hands clasped behind his back.
"I don't have time to deal with trivial stuff like that now that we're on the brink of another war," I tell him with a frown, turning my back on him.
"You say that now, but just in case remember: no glove no love!" Liam raises his voice, a few snickers echoing behind me.
I'm pissed by the time I burst inside my training room, but I decide to start my training a bit less rough today. My knuckles have managed to heal properly in the past few days since I haven't felt the need to punch the bag, but it all changes now. I lift my hand and grab my shirt from behind, pulling if off my body in one swift movement, tossing it on the ground. I carefully take off my rings and gently place them on the bench aside, not wanting to lose any.
The training starts slow, without much force, but the more I think about everything that's bothering me, the rougher my punches get. A few minutes into the training, a slight perspiration has formed on my skin, quick puffs of air leaving my mouth. My secret relation with Elena, war with Vortex, problems with possible traitors, my past; everything has piled up and this is the only way to release at least some of the tension.
Instead of being reckless and completely exhausting myself, I decide to take a short break, using one of the white towels aside to wipe away my sweaty body. My hand grabs a water bottle, bringing the liquid to my mouth, feeling it cool down my dry mouth. My heartbeat slows down, a breath of relief pushing past my lips as I finish the bottle.
"Harry," Elena calls, startling me slightly. My head turns to look at her and she walks toward me, but I make no move to approach her, so she leaves some space between us. She's estimating me, trying to see if something's wrong, I can tell.
"Everyone knows," I say harshly. "They know about us. Or at least suspect."
"Why does it matter?" She asks quietly. "They are your closest friends, anyway, they won't judge you."
"We're not being careful enough, that's the problem." My eyes lock with hers, a deep frown on my face. "I can't risk the trust my soldiers gave me for this, it's not-" I quickly stop talking, anxiously looking into her eyes.
"Worth it," she finishes for me, a slight anger in her voice. "That's what you were going to say, right? It's not worth it?"
"Lena, I uh. . ." I start, regretting my words. I never said them, but I'm afraid that's exactly what I wanted to say.
"Forget it, I understand." She lifts her hand, stopping my pathetic attempt to make an excuse. "You're a leader, your army comes first, it's fine. It's similar to how I was raised." Her face shows no emotion, but by the tone of her voice, it's not hard to conclude she's hurt.
"Don't compare this, me, to Vortex," I say, my fists clenching at my sides. "We're nothing like those murderers. We don't use innocent children, we don't kill innocent people, we don't-"
"Harry, I get it!" Elena raises her voice and I realise my anger has increased to the point I'm breathing heavily, my body heated. "That's not what I meant. Honestly, I don't understand how can you even look at me knowing I came from a place like that. Maybe I just didn't want to admit it to myself, but you actually despise me. Maybe you're not even aware of that, but I feel like it's true." Her expression is now showing how hurt she is, no matter how hard she's trying to hide it.
Something in my heart clenches when I hear her words. I didn't want this to happen, what she said is not true. I turn around, closing my eyes for a few moments. I suddenly feel someone's hand on my shoulder and the action triggers something inside me. I grab the person's wrist instinctively and turn around abruptly, seeing Elena standing there. I release her wrist and look down at my hand, my heart beating fast. At first, I'm able to take control, silently praying I manage to collect myself and stay calm, to stay in reality.
Elena notices my sudden shift in the mood, taking a cautious step toward me. I lift my hands defensively, but not to defend myself, but her. I'm not to be trusted when I'm like this, I have no control over who I am and what I do.
I'm in a forest, sunrays peeking through the thick branches on the trees surrounding me, gunshots reverberating all around me. A soldier is moving toward me, brown uniform on his body, a cold expression on his face. My heart is pounding, my eyes frantically searching for my friends, for my brother.
The soldier lunges at me, but before he can do anything, I forcefully push him away, watching as he stumbles backwards, losing his balance. My rage is almost blinding, my hand gripping his collar, pulling him up slightly, my other hand fisting to punch him in the face. However, he blocks the punch when his hand clamps over my fisted one, a look of fear and determination visible in his expression.
He stands up, but he doesn't try to attack me, placing his hands on my shoulders. I don't wait for him to trick me and quickly deliver a harsh punch to his stomach, watching as he doubles over in pain, coughing dryly. My hand then envelopes the base of his throat, my body moving forward, forcing him to take steps backwards, until we reach a tree. I grit my teeth, slamming his back against the tree, a yelp leaving his mouth.
I apply more pressure to his throat, my widened eyes finally looking into his, noticing their gentle hazel colour. And suddenly, I don't see some random soldier anymore, I see Elena. Her eyes are teary from the lack of oxygen, face completely pale, lips slightly parted.
"Harry, it's me," she barely manages to say, her palm pressing to my cheek, her other hand wrapped around my wrist.
I blink a few times, a complete terror rushing through me as I abruptly release her throat, my eyes frantically looking at my surroundings, realising I'm safe, I'm in my training room. When I look back at Elena, her hand is placed over her throat while she coughs and tries to catch her breath, her other arm wrapped around her stomach. I did that.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I say, my voice cracking. My hands grab my head, fingers tangling into my hair as I process what have I done, what could've happened if I hadn't snapped out of my hallucination. "I'm sorry, I'm-"
"Shh, it's fine, it's okay," Elena says gently, approaching me carefully. Her palms cup my jaw, my eyes closing instantly. I can't look at her right now, not after what I did to her. "Harry, open your eyes. You're safe."
"But you aren't," I whisper, opening my eyes, gazing into hers. There is no fear or disgust in her features, only empathy and care. "I attacked you, I could've. . ."
"But you didn't, it's okay, that wasn't you. It was a stupid move, approaching you from behind, it's my fault," she tries to persuade me, my hand lifting to brush my fingertips against her cheek and down to her throat, noticing red marks on the delicate skin. She stops my movements, her fingers wrapping around my wrist, bringing my hand to her mouth, her lips leaving a kiss on it.
A warm feeling rushes through me, but not enough to wipe away the guilt, disgust, and sadness I'm feeling. I shake my head and step away, pulling myself away from her. "You need to leave. Right now."
Her eyes widen slightly, her head shaking. "Harry, don't shut me out, don't do this."
"I said leave," I demand harshly, masking my pain with a frown. "For once do as you're told."
"Why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you constantly punishing yourself, especially for something that wasn't your fault? Why are you locking yourself away from everyone?" Elena asks firmly.
"No matter what you say, that was me! I did that to you!" I snap, letting my anger get the best of me. "And don't act like you figured me out because you didn't. I don't have to explain myself to you, if you were smart, you would've left by now."
"Classic attempt to hurt me and push me away," she says, shaking her head. "You know what, I'll leave. But not because you said so, but because I don't want to watch how you destroy yourself."
"Good, there's the door," I say flatly.
Her eyebrows dip, a scoff leaving her mouth. "You're stronger and better than this. It's you who needs to finally realise that before it's too late." She turns around and I watch as she leaves the room.
My heart sinks into my stomach as the door slams shut, my feet carrying me toward it. I lock the door in case someone tries to come in, my forehead pressing against the wooden surface, the side of my fist slamming against it once. "I'm sorry."
. . . .
"Hey Little Dove," I greet Alice once I find her in her room. She's lying on her bed with her knees bent, a notebook placed against them, her hand holding a pencil, leaving marks on the paper.
Her head turns, brown eyes looking up at me, a smile forming on her lips. "H!" She says, quickly standing up and running toward me, her arms winding around me in a hug. "Is Ellie with you?"
I return the gesture, grinning down at her, masking the pang of hurt at the mention of Elena. "No she's not, but she sends you hugs and kisses." I crouch down and leave a few pecks on her cheeks, making her giggle.
"Why aren't you with the others? Tommy here told me you just left the classroom." Tommy's thick curly hair peeks behind me and he gives her a small wave.
"Because he keeps proposing me," Alice says, pointing at Tommy.
Tommy shrugs, lifting his hands defensively. "Hey I'm just making some options for myself, those delicate teenage years are comin' and she's friendzoned me."
I can't help but laugh. "Friendzoned? Where did you hear that?"
"We observe," Tommy says smugly.
"And take notes," Alice adds equally smugly.
"So you two are in a relationship?" I cross my arms, smiling.
"No," they say in unison, looking at me as if I've grown another head.
"We're just imitating the adults," Tommy says. "It gets boring around here, so we create "relationship drama-" he uses his fingers as quotation marks "-like in one of those tv shows."
"Yeah we're currently at "I need some space" stage," Alice adds with a shrug.
"Yep, we're also praticing so we know what to do when we grow up and get in a real relationship and start holding hands and all that serious stuff," Tommy says. "Once the war ends, I'm thinking a summer wedding-"
"Wait, how old are you two again?" I ask, amused.
"Twelve," they say in unison again.
"Well, I will be in a few weeks," Alice corrects herself.
"Right," I say, smiling widely. It's amazing how these children can make me forget about my inner demons and sour mood.
"Do you think the war will be over when we grow up, though?" Alice asks me suddenly, fidgeting with her fingers. "I don't want more people to never come back again."
"My dad promised me it will, he said H will make it happen," Tommy says confidently, grinning up at me.
My heart sinks into my stomach at the mention of Thomas, his father. He was a great friend of mine, another victim of my reckless actions. Every time I look at Tommy, I see him, and the guilt sinks its claws deep inside me, not letting go.
"I hope so," I answer quietly, putting my arms around their shoulders, pulling them to me.
"Can you promise you'll always come back when you leave?" Alice says, peering up at me with her innocent eyes.
Damn I didn't want to be emotional anymore today.
"I can promise I'll try, Little Dove," I say. "I'll always try for all of you."