A week later Lauren and I were in Los Angeles where she would receive her second award for creating a masterpiece with a story. The two of us were very excited and I was actually very honoured to accompany her. People were at her feet though, where ever she went, people begged her for some pictures and autographs. The media was very active too and Lauren had issues with none of them. She knew how to handle all but I on the other hand, I was losing my mind. I was so confused about everything and I'd often snap when someone would grab my arm to get my attention.
It wasn't just Lauren though. There were many other artists who were being awarded by the people but the girl I was in love with, she was getting the golden badge, something they don't give out just to anyone. One thing I noticed was Lauren's behavior. If I hadn't known what a massive dork she was I would have fallen for her “Bad girl” attitude as well. She was so different. Professional and confident. It turned me on really well. I fell for her even more and more and I couldn't wait to build a better relationship with her when we would go back to Miami.
Miami though, it was just two days away. The two of us decided to surprise our friends even though I was very well aware of their reactions and I knew that Lauren was too. I would lie to her and say that everything would be okay, but it wouldn't. She would definitely hear all the crap and bullshit our friends would throw at her face. But right now, we wouldn't think about it. Right now it was all about Lauren and telling her how mad our friends would be will only anger her or make her nervous for her speech.
As the two of us entered the auditorium where the award function was held, I was in an awe to see the beautiful decorations. It looked like a palace from inside and I could see Lauren's painting hung on the wall right next to a replica of Allison Marie. In that moment, I couldn't be more proud of her. Lauren met people, they were dressed so formally just like Lauren and I and she introduced me to everyone as her “girlfriend”. I almost passed out the first time when she told everyone that I was her girlfriend. The last time she told people about her painting, she was with Reyna and I could only dream of her being mine at that time.
As Lauren and I took a seat on the second row, she unintentionally grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers together, making me completely numb for a couple of seconds. I knew I shouldn't feel this way even after fifteen fucking years but being with Lauren made me feel younger. She made me feel like we were teenagers again. The award function started and soon I saw the rising talents and the people who were already well knowns receiving their awards. Lauren wasn't enjoying. She never liked social gatherings so it wasn't something new. And then finally the time came for which we all were waiting since the last two hours.
“Now, ladies and gentlemen. The time has come. I am here to present this Golden Honorary Award to a woman who personally talked to me and told me I could be anything. If I am standing here right now is just because of her. The woman who painted a girl named Allison Marie is sitting right in the middle of us. At the age of twenty three she won a Silver Honorary Award, the Rising Star award and the award for the Best Artistic Mind. And tonight, she won the Golden Honoray Award.”
People clapped everywhere and the smile on Lauren's face wouldn't go away. I was so emotional to see her this way but I knew if I'd cry, she would refuse to go up on the stage. I pulled her hand up to my mouth and instantly kissed the back of it.
“Please give a huge round of applause for the talented, beautiful and the person I personally look up to, Lauren Jauregui and her painting called The Mother's Duty.”
Everyone stood up along with me as I looked at Lauren who got up and took me off guard by kissing me on the lips. It was a small peck but I completely froze. I didn't even know how or when she got up to the stage while I still stood there and shivered a little. She received the award and people cheered for her even more, including myself. And then the cloth from the painting removed and I once again fell in love with Lauren's art. It was a lot different from Allison Marie, but it had a story behind it. And when Lauren made it, it was special to me no matter what.
I never saw this painting before so the first thing I noticed was how old the era looked like. I remembered Lauren telling me about the widow and how she fed her but I guess I never really imagined the condition of the poverty in her home. Sure, she had furniture but I could tell she wasn't that rich. The picture did look like it was painted in 1600's and that was why Lauren was given this award. I was so proud of her work and how talented she was.
“First of all thanks for giving me a chance to do what I love. I never really thought I would make another painting but I guess I did. It's an honor, really” Lauren smiled and soon turned her gaze to look at me.
“Lauren, tell us a little about this painting. What motivated you to paint this?” the presenter asked as the media quickly got alerted and focused Lauren on their cameras.
The girl I loved nervously scratched her nose with a giggle but I knew she would tell them the story of the widow regardless. I was sure if that woman was watching Lauren right now, she would be very proud of her too.
“It might take a while so grab your popcorns,” Lauren said on the microphone and people around us chuckled.
“It all goes back four years ago. I wanted to paint again because I was depressed because of...some personal reasons. I decided to visit different countries to find motivation but couldn't find it because I always ended up partying.” she smiled at the audience and began again.
“I was in Sri Lanka when a tourist guy named Castiel told me about his home in Alaska. He described it so very beautifully so I decided why not? Let's check it out. The almost thirty years old me was very excited to visit Sitka, his hometown. But something about that place begged me to go away. I didn't know what.”
I looked around the people and they were listening to her. The audience were dead silent and the only sound coming was the clicking of the cameras.
“So, I didn't wait for a single minute then. At that time a snow storm was occurring but I didn't feel like staying in Alaska anymore. But then my bad luck played its part and my flight got cancelled,” she rolled her beautiful green eyes as I smiled.
“But that didn't stop me. I hired a cab and asked the driver to take me to the nearest airport which was in another city, surprisingly. My driver and I conversed the whole ride. It was Arendelle's kind of cold there and I was freezing so bad.”
People just listened to Lauren. I loved listening to her, I didn't know why but I found peace whenever she talked. I just wanted to listen to her speak forever.
“We were heading to the mountains when our car broke down. Unaware of whom to contact I dreaded watching the sun sink welcoming the dark clouds of the night. So, my driver managed to get in touch with a local where we could accommodate for a night and leave the very morning. Crossing various lanes and streets within streets we entered a low blue arched gate and upon our right a badly structured staircase. We headed in and what we saw was a clustered one room set with a kitchen, bathroom and a small patio. The little things I observed were quite an evidence of the financial condition, which was not so well.”
She took a deep breath.
“The woman who gave us shelter, she was the one who laughed at just anything. She was nothing as that of an aesthetic. She was ordinary, beautifully ordinary. Her complexion like that of gold, not fair or dark, but one of its kind. Her eyes black as coal but in the light, they had a tinge of brown. Her hair like that of an incomplete painting, some strokes beautifully done in the most accurate places and some lack the fine touch of an expert. White, the colour of her scarf, the one she carefully kept over her head and pink, just a few shades of adorable was the colour of her lips. The ones that she stretched when she smiled and her pearly white teeth shone bright as she laughed. Even after all of this, she was uncomfortable for me. Her laugh, perhaps, was the one thing I did not approve of. She was ordinary but how I met her wasn't. Above all, she laughed at everything even if it wasn't funny that compelled me to at least smile so that she does not feel that I'm arrogant.”
I wasn't sure if I had to feel jealous or not. I was jealous because Lauren was giving so much attention to that woman but I knew she was only observing her because of her beauty, not because she wanted something from her. She herself told me that she was in love with me and never looked at any other person in lustful way. I trusted Lauren. She took a moment to breathe and soon continued again.
“She was a middle aged woman, the second wife of the man who owned the house. The owner of the house was my driver's employer and he agreed to accommodate us for a night in his small house. The woman served us delicious food and she happened to have developed a sister-like bond with my driver. They both chatted and laughed beyond I could bear. After having to listened to her, watched her, there was only one thing that couldn't come off my mind. The question was inevitable and it did not even let me sleep throughout the night even when I watched the stars twinkle and slowly disappear as the sun rose again.”
Was Lauren jealous? Was she jealous that the woman was talking to the driver and not her? Did she like the woman? My confusion was getting the best of me and I found my mood changing drastically. But before I could frown visibly, Lauren started speaking again.
“The next morning, she made us a heavy breakfast and insisted us to finish it all before we go. She packed us lunches so that we do not starve as we still had a long distance to cover. She constantly mentioned a few things about her sons and the food items they liked. She constantly looked down every time she spoke of her sons. My driver and I both left the place and I was brought down to earth by her generosity and all the love she showered upon me without even knowing me. We left the place thanking her and the least I could do was give her some money as I couldn't leave without giving her something. Gift wasn't possible and I wasn't sure if I'll ever meet her again. We left for the destination but the question didn't. Unable to fight my curiosity I asked my driver about her. He provided me the answer to all my questions.”
My heartbeat was rising in my chest with anger, anxiousness and curiosity. I wasn't sure which one it really was.
“The driver said and I'll try to quote him as much as I could, "Madam, she got married at a tender age of sixteen years and her husband was a very nice man. No, she didn't marry this guy. He is her second husband. This man, my employer, was a friend of her husband. We used to call them Big brothers. He was a generous and a loving man just like her. They had two sons. But the kid's father was diagnosed with liver cancer. They were a beautiful couple but all of it got ruined as if somebody conspired all of it. Till the time they got to know about his disease, Big Brother knew he didn't have enough time. The second son was barely a month old and he was born weak. The dying man asked sir, my employer, to make sure she remarries and does not surrender to the shackles of hard times. He wanted to make sure that she leads an equally happy life be it with him or someone else. Our sir tried really hard to find a man but there was nobody who wanted to marry a mother of two sons. The first child was five years old and she could not get into a job. Our sir asked his wife for permission and offered his hand to her in marriage to support her. It may sound absurd but our employer only married her because he knew at that time she didn't have education and nobody would step up to marry her or support her. He would have continued to support her but then people love to talk and spread rumors. Then, he married her and gave her this place in his house as his second wife. Her first son is 21 and second son is now 16 and they both left the country to earn and study. Maybe they don't like to be here. She's always alone. She has always been alone. But all my life I have never met anyone so brave like her. The way she laughs and treats us all, nobody can guess if she has cried a lot. She manages to smile. Every time I have a problem, I go and sit next to her and talk. She manages to make me smile. She's my sister, my inspiration. People earn money, fame but very few earn love, respect for who they are. I do not sympathise her but I empathise her for putting up with everything no matter what.”
All my jealousy vanished just like that and I felt bad for thinking less of the woman. I kind of felt bad for her and even if I didn't meet her, I wanted to. I wanted to see and give her my respects. Not only because she accommodated Lauren but also because I felt less of her. As Lauren looked around the bunch of people, she smiled while seeing their reactions and shortly spoke up again.
“I have been to places but I never traveled like that before. I was up all night and I didn't feel like sleeping at all. We almost reached our destination but nothing could steal away her face from me. She now resides in my mind, like a beautiful canvas I painted myself. I don't know why she crossed my path or if I'll ever meet her. But now I know that if sadness ever pours inside my heart, I'll manage to smile thinking of her face, her beauty, her heart and her voice. Maybe, I'll call her a legend and tell everyone I sit and talk with about her. After all the things that happen with you, a random story, a random face stays with you for life. That woman who referred herself as a “widow” to me will stay in my life forever and that is how I painted The Mother's duty because not only she was a mother to her children, she was a mother to me as well.”
And with that the whole auditorium stood up and clapped for the girl I loved as she received her award. The smile on her face wouldn't go away and I was so lucky to have her. God, I was so fucking lucky to have her in my life. I needed her to stay forever because I didn't know how would I be able to survive if she leaves me again. As the media took her pictures and asked her questions, she ignored all of them, unlike she answered everyone at the Martiza Petrova five years ago.
Lauren made her way towards me again, her smile never fading as she quickly embraced me in a hug and kissed my lips softly and lingered her lips on mine for a couple of seconds. I was in a pure bliss. Even after so many years, I couldn't get enough of her kisses. As soon as we pulled away and she sat down next to me and a woman instantly approched her and eyed her from the top to the bottom and my jealousy instantly got the best of me. Everyone liked Lauren, but I didn't like people looking at her when she was with me.
I blocked all their conversation out. I didn't want to listen to them because even if that woman was just a fan of Lauren's art, she was gorgeous and I wouldn't be surprised if Lauren fell for her. Specially when I knew how much she appreciated blondes. Lauren looked genuinely happy while taking to the blonde girl. Were the two of them friends? Why Lauren didn't behave that way in front of me? And then I remembered that she accepted me without even an argument. I knew she would blow one day or another just like I would. We both had so much to say to each other but we were holding everything back just for the sake of being with each other. We wouldn't be able to move further without clearing up the past.
Lauren sat back down as soon as the blonde walked away. A smile was still on her face and I couldn't help but ignore Lauren. I mean, the two of us practically told each other that we were in love and yet Lauren was flirting with other women? I wanted to shout at the top of my lungs and ask Lauren what the fuck does she actually want but I couldn't. I just got her and doing this would only push her away.
“That was just Tessa. She is my agent and she was telling me that an art gallery wanted me to make them a picture.”
I didn't know how but she saw right through me. The smirk on her face was evident. I put up a smile as soon as I could because I couldn't let her know that I was indeed jealous of the blonde headed girl. I was being ridiculous though, first the woman in Alaska and now Lauren's agent? I was being overly concerned girlfriend when the two of us weren't even together. Just kidding, we were.
“I am so happy for you Lauren. I remember how mad you used to get when you didn't use to get deals back then. Look at you!” I grinned and leaned in to kiss her lip.
“So you're not jealous?” she asked with a smirk.
“I-I th–Ok fine, I guess I was a little jealous.”
Upon hearing this, Lauren laughed out loud and got the attention of so many people around but they just admired the two of us. No one judges how you laugh when you are a millionaire painter who is so fucking hot. Lauren apologized to people before poking my rib playfully. I almost jolted up but I didn't know how I kept my cool. I didn't want people to think of us as an immature stupid couple. We were in a formal gathering.
“I know you were jealous but you don't have to be. I am all yours. From head to toe,” Lauren slightly poked the tip of my nose with her finger, “Yours!”
“Mine, only mine.”
———
We were finally back in Miami. The last two days in Boston were really tiring. I had my last meeting with my magazine company and they actually asked me to give them some time to answer me. I was about to start my very own magazine. I was going to be a real journalist where I would visit countries and cities and I'll write about them. I was so excited but nervous at the same time. I didn't tell Lauren though. Not because I wanted to keep this a secret but because I wanted to surprise her when I'll get the magazine.
In these two days she also spent the last moments with her kids in the hospital. They all were crying and it was such a heartbreaking sight. The children who wouldn't be able to make it cried the most and Lauren made sure to hug each and every one of them. She even distributed gifts. When she met Finn for the last time, she completely lost it and the two of them cried even though Lauren told him she would come back to visit him. It was a heartbreaking sight but I was lucky that she was coming back home with me.
We also talked to Austin on phone. Turned out that Lauren and Austin were indeed best friends and it was so weird to see them together that way. I loved their friendship. I also loved Austin and Becky together, they were perfect and I just couldn't help but remember how badly I treated Austin in the past, from what I've heard, Becky was the one for him. The father of my kid promised me to visit Allison as soon as he could and when we were about to say goodbye, he whispered a small ‘don’t let her go again’ in my ear which literally made me shiver.
That was all two days ago, this was the present and we were in Miami. As the two of us put our luggage at the trunk of the cab, I grabbed Lauren's hand and we moved inside the car before telling the driver her address. She was so nervous. She was sweating and I felt really bad for her. I knew she wouldn't get fair welcome back but a part of me knew she didn't deserve it either. I quickly texted all my friends and told them to meet me at ‘Jauregui home’ because of an emergency. Taylor who was taking a class instantly left while Megan and my rest of two best friends took an off day from work as well.
I was so relieved to know that Diego and Allison were in school. I couldn't let them see Lauren just yet. Specially not when everyone would lash out on her. I still didn't tell Lauren how much Allison hated her. I just couldn't bring myself to tell Lauren that. She would be heartbroken. As the cab driver stopped the car right outside the big gates of Lauren's house, the two of us paid the driver and got our luggage before moving inside. I could see all the cars on the porch and the grip of Lauren's hand on mine tightened. Fuck.
“Lauren, everything would be alright. They would be a little mad but they'll be okay. Believe me. They missed you, you have no idea. Don't be afraid.”
She put up a brave smile, “I am not afraid.”
She was terrified.
“Okay, if you say so. Let's go inside then.” I said as she took a deep breath and nodded.
The two of us got inside her house since the keys were right under the doormat, so typical. Putting our bags at the corner, we walked further inside slowly and I heard Megan and Dinah laughing inside over something. I had no idea what. And then the two of us stepped our feet inside the living room and all the pair of eyes turned to look at us and I sweared to God, I myself got terrified at the sight of all of them looking at Lauren.
“Hi,”
Lauren calmly said as she nervously waved her hand and put her hands inside her jeans pockets. Taylor, Normani, Megan and Dinah looked stunned. They looked like they saw an alien or something. My heartbeat started rising in my chest as I looked at them back and forth.
“Guys, she said Hi.” I backed Lauren up before the four of them moved forward and I gripped Lauren's hand tight.
Megan was the first one to break the silence amongst them all, “I know. We heard she said Hi. What is she doing here anyway? Last time I checked she disappeared like a coward that she is.”
I heard Lauren gulp. In that pin-drop silence that little gulp sounded like a fucking atomic blast.
“I am standing here, alright. I am not invisible.” Lauren said annoyingly and Megan darted her eyes towards her.
“Oh are you now?” Megan asked.
“You’re being rude now. I just—”
And when I was least expecting it, Megan slapped Lauren right across the face. My eyes widened but the rest of my friends looked pretty pleased with what Megan did.
“What the fuck, Megan?” I practically snapped.
“Look, Mila, I love you and all but stay out of this. It's a family business.”
And she was right. I nodded my head twice before looking at Dinah and Normani, pleading them with my eyes to forgive the girl. “Welcome back, Lauren. I missed you and everything and I am glad that you're here but I can't count on you anymore.”
A sob escaped Lauren's mouth. “Don’t say that Megan. I am sorry. I didn't mean to leave. I just...I was heartbroken and it seemed like a nice idea to leave.”
“It is a fucking great idea to go on a vacation for a week or a month but five years, Lauren? Did you know how lost Megan and I were without you?” Taylor said as she moved towards her older sister, “We needed you Lauren, and you left.”
Megan pushed Lauren away, “You fucking left your family just because a girl broke your heart. You're no better than mom and dad. You're worse than them, at least they didn't promise to stick with us.”
By now the three sisters were crying and it was all my fault. If only I had accepted Lauren five years ago, nothing like this would have happened. I felt so guilty. If only time could just turn back, I would fix so many mistakes I made.
“I’m sorry. I’d never leave you guys again. You don't know how many times I wanted to come back but I couldn't. Please, forgive me.”
“We forgive you.”
Normani said in behalf of Dinah and her. I took a sigh of relief because the last thing I wanted was them to lash out on Lauren too. I didn't know if she could have handled it or not. Dinah and Normani walked forward and hugged the green eyed girl. I could see the hesitancy in their embrace but I knew they would come around. Normani was Lauren's best friend after all. When Normani pulled away, she pecked Lauren's cheek softly and stood right next to me along with Dinah.
“Welcome back, Planet green eyes. I can't believe I'm saying this but we were all lost without you. Your presence was a blessing.” Dinah crashed Lauren in a hug and they both cried softly. I smiled at Dinah and she simply nodded her head with a smile.
“I won't leave again. I swear. Believe me. Please.”
When no one spoke up, I did, “I believe you. I always believe whatever you say. And I always will.”
Megan scoffed with a laugh and walked towards the couches, “Yeah right. Camila Cabello believes the girl who rejected her many times. The girl who literally left her fifteen years ago. The girl who left her own fucking sisters. But what? Camila believes her. She always will.”
“What do you want me to do, huh? I am a human, I made mistakes. Everyone does.” Lauren literally yelled and moved towards Megan.
“And they learn from them. It's your pattern now, Lauren. You repeat the things. You run away from your problems without trying to figure out the solution. You're a fucking coward.”
I wanted to agree with Megan because she was right but I knew if I'd do, Lauren would lose her shit more than ever. Dinah and Normani tried to calm the two sisters down but both of the older Jauregui's were having none of their bullshit. They continued arguing and soon Dinah and Normani gave up and left after they asked me to text when everything is cooled down.
“I didn't have any choice, Megan. I was broken hearted. I needed relief.”
Megan laughed, “See, that's when I know that you're a coward. You call yourself brave and so strong, right? A girl broke your heart because of your own doing and you just disappeared? I actually pity you, Lauren.”
This maddened Lauren even more, “You don't know what a broken heart feels like. All you do is fuck around. Settle for a guy and let him break you apart and then I'll ask you.”
I exchanged glances with Taylor because both of us knew that it was getting out of hand. But neither of us had the courage to play with the fuming fire.
“Why would I need a guy to break my heart when my own fucking younger sister did it for him?” Megan spat as she looked at Lauren with anger. The girl I loved didn't dare to speak a single thing. And before we knew it, Megan spoke up again.
“Why would a guy break my heart when my parents did it for him? I left everything for you Lauren. When you came out as gay, mom and dad threw you out. I stood up for you. I did everything I could to make them accept you and in the end they threw me out too. I did it for you. Not Chris, nor Taylor but you. And in the end you're the one leaving me? I can take everyone leaving me. I swear, if my best friends leaves me, I'm good or if my boyfriend or husband leaves me, I'll move on. But when my sister left me....I couldn't take it.” Megan cried.
“You, Diego and Taylor are all I've got. So spare me if I don't forgive you or trust you very easily again. I need time.”
And with that Megan walked out of the house and the three of us stood there on the same place we did ten minutes ago. Lauren was still fuming. I could hear her heavy breathing very clearly. And when I was about to say something, she looked at me angrily before moving upstairs to her room. Taylor and I looked at each other because seriously, what just happened right now?
“Forgive her, T. She has been a mess.” I pleaded the younger girl who nodded her head.
“I forgave her. Now go and see if she is alright.”
Nodding my head, I walked upstairs with my heart pounding in my chest. I knew Lauren wouldn't hurt me but I knew she might ignore me or worse, she'll leave again and this time she won't come back. As I entered her room, I saw her pacing back and forth in front of the bed. Suddenly all the memories of our nights together appeared in my head but I pushed them back when she glared at me.
“I was beaten up by my parents once, I was okay. I was hated by everyone, I was fine. My heart got broken and I was okay with that too but when my sister lost her faith in me, I lost faith in myself. And it's all your fucking fault.”
My heart instantly sank but I quickly became angry too. I knew that you couldn't tame an angry person with an anger but she was accusing me now of something which she initially began. I knew this conversation was coming though, I knew it since the night of the award show. But I didn't say anything to her. Literally.
“What hurts the most is pouring your soul out to a person who just sits there blankly with not a care in the world about what you're actually saying. I poured my heart out to you Camila that day and you didn't even show me an expression. Are you fucking heartless?” she spat. I knew she was right because I indeed acted like a rock when she came at my apartment right after her cancelled wedding.
But still I didn't say anything. I just kept on looking at her face while she angrily spoke whatever she wanted to say. I decided that I wouldn't talk back. I didn't want her to hate me. She stopped pacing around and glared at me with those piercing green eyes. I never wanted Lauren to look at me the way she did. I was so scared of her. She groaned and spoke again.
“You know why I left that day?” she asked me but when I didn't answer, it didn't matter to her because she spoke up no matter what.
“I left because the closer I got to people the more alone I felt and their faces would say more about me than I could of myself. Maybe that's why I felt so empty sometime. I left pieces of me in places that would fill me and in the end, I lost myself in everything I loved. And suddenly everything became clear to me, life and the people I used to love taught me a lesson and made me strong enough to walk behind the darkness I was once afraid of. The easiest part was pretending that I dont care but the hardest part was making my heart believe me.”
Her words were pounding in my mind but they were the kind of poison I was addicted to. I just loved listening to her talk even though I really didn't understand what Lauren was saying to me. I wished I could understand the meaning behind her simple words but I failed.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“What I mean is that I left because you didn't want me. Your beautiful face said it all that day, Camila. I couldn't just stay in the same city thinking about how badly I fucked up. You wanted space and I gave you some but then you blocked me off Facebook and Instagram. You literally changed your number and E-mail. How the fuck was I supposed to reach out to you? Any normal person would know that you were trying to get rid of me that way.” Lauren breathed softly.
I was about to speak but she practically shouted, “I am pretty sure you didn't even miss me.”
And then I used my favorite weapon of all times, tears. I cried out loud.
Sometimes it's not the tears that rolls down your cheeks, it's the memories, and right now I remembered how I blocked Lauren off of everything. But I was helpless myself. She consumed too much of me and I needed to get myself back from her. Just a little.
“Did I even miss you? Okay, if we're going down the memory lane let me tell you how I used to stay awake at three am's and used to open my Facebook application to unblock you. Let me tell you how I used to save your new profile pictures in my cellphone before blocking you again and how I used to cry every time I would look at them,” I looked at her angrily and without giving her a chance to speak, I spoke up.
“Let me tell you how I used to unblock your number from my WhatsApp just to see your cheesy song lyrics statuses and how I used to listen to those songs over and over again. I have over thousand songs in my phone then why the hell did I choose to listen to your old voicemails before going to sleep, huh? If I didn't miss you why did I do that?”
The two of us were crying by now but I was in no mood of stopping.
“When Facebook finally told me that I couldn't block you anymore, I set all my pictures to public. With faint hopes that you'd check my profile if you'd miss me because not all breakups leads to hatred, Lauren. But where were you when I unblocked you permanently? Why didn't you reach out to me then?”
She looked down at her feet and said, “Because there are some things that you can't forgive yourself for. I didn’t do it because of guilt.”
As the two of us cried, we didn't say anything else. I didn't even know what to say because I was done with going back and forth. I needed answers, either she wanted to be with me or she didn't. I was done with messing around like children.
“Just don't lie to me on this. Tell me I am all that you loved but the complexities of life made it less than what your heart wanted it to be. Tell me Lauren that you still want to be with me because I'm not playing this game anymore. I can't just be friends with you. If you want me around, have me as a girlfriend or whatever you need other than being a friend because I'm done being one. I'm here. Tell me what you want from me.”
As the conversation took a complete 180° turn, Lauren took a step forward and looked me dead in the eye. All our anger was faded away in a matter of seconds and now I couldn't see anything in her eyes other than pure love and affection.
“You're the sun, Camila. I'm your moon, without you I'm nothing. Without the light you out in my life, I'm nothing but a living and moving flesh. So yes, I want what you do. I can't be friends with you either.”
I didn't know what she meant. Maybe she was trying to tell me that she didn't want to be my friend anymore or maybe she was just asking me to be her girlfriend. I was confused but then I remembered her diary and whatever she wrote in it. I remembered one of the lines from her diary that she named after me which said “Camz, you make me nervous so I can't really understand what I'm saying.”
“Don’t be creeped out but I kind of read your journal named ‘Dear Camila’. You wrote a chapter of me in it.” I didn't want to say it out loud but I guess I couldn't really stop myself. Her faced turned into a smile as she walked closer to me and leaned in slowly. Thanks God she wasn't mad.
“You weren't just a chapter. You were the ink I wrote my diary with.”
I smiled at the older girl, “I don't understand what you're saying.”
Lauren giggled once as she leaned in to capture my lips in hers. There was one thing kissing her and the other thing was attaching our lips together without moving. I absolutely loved the latter. With the slight peck on the lip, Lauren pulled away and looked at me in the eye.
“Camila, after fifteen years of back and forth, would you finally like to be my last girlfriend ever?”
And I was finally happy, internally.
——