It hurt. It hurt so much. The pain of losing her was more than I could bare. After 4 days of crying I could produce no more tears. I was just drowning, slowly filling up inside.
My phone had finally stopped ringing, I had had enough of people telling me how sorry they were. It's not like it was their fault nor could their apologizes fix what happened.
Currently I was laying against my livingroom wall in my bathrobe, holding her favorite hoody against my chest. It still smelled like her. I was gazing at a painting she had given me weeks ago. She said it reminded her of me. In all honestly I thought it was hideous. But there was no way I was getting rid of it, not now.
"I got something for you Minhyukie." Y/n giggled as she entered my apartment.
"Really? What is it?" I asked excitedly, with a giant grin plastered on my face.
"Close your eyes." Y/n demanded and I obeyed.
I heard shuffling and a few thumps. "What you doing?"
"Don't talk either." She said, putting a finger to my lips. "OK, now you can look."
When I opened my eyes a large painting was propped up against my wall. It was full of grey and black lines, even a few red ones mixed in aswell.
"Oh, it's....," I started, struggling to find the words. "Interesting."
"You don't like it oppa?" She pouted.
"No I love it! It's really nice!" I said reassuring and gave her a tight squeeze.
"OK good. I was hoping you'd like it." She beamed and leaned into my shoulder.
"What's so special about this one?" I asked.
"I... it just reminded me of you."
"Oh. Well in that case I love it even more." I grinned, kissing her temple.
I never thought that would be the last time I'd ever see her again. Maybe if I wasn't so absorbed in my career I could've spent more time with her. Maybe I could have saved her.
"Minhyuk you said you had the day off today." Y/n complained on the phone.
"I know but I really need to practice for our showcase. It's really important." I argued.
"It's just a couple hours, I bet you could use a break anyway. You've been practicing all day."
"Y/n please understand, this is really important to me." I begged.
"I thought I was important to you." She whispered.
"You are, and I promise, after the showcase I'll take the day off. I love you~" I said, hoping to get her to cave.
"Fine, and, I love you too."
I know sitting here, wishing she were alive won't make her come back. But not being there for her was and still is my biggest regret. After all of this time I've learned one thing. Sometimes the hardest part isn't letting go, it's starting over.
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OK I'm so sorry this is the product of watching criminal minds, specifically the episode where Maeve (it that how you spell her name?) dies.
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