Song: India Arie -Get it Together This song goes so well. It's a great song for healing and forgiving.
Dedication: Once again, I would like to send a shout-out to Amxxxf for this beautiful banner of Ivy. Thanks so much!! Disclaimer: Ivy's physical looks are akin to African heritage.
The first thing I saw when my eyes opened was the blaring brightness of natural light shining down into my face. The silent darkness that had cocooned me not too long ago did not prepare me for the sudden glaring light.
Entire body numbingly motionless, slowly it woke up from its dormant slumber. Blinking slowly, the blurry focus of my environment cleared. In front of me sat merely a wall made out of vine and an opening that I assumed was a window of such.
As the seconds ticked body, the numbing sensation faded into a tingling awakening. Like each and every one of my cells were awakening stronger and more vital than ever, my body felt like it had never felt before. Awakened, aware, ready. Normally when I woke up from these things my body ache or felt fatigued and sore; however, I actually felt great, like in my absence my body had taken the time to just amp up and grow stronger.
I began to moved my arm only to slow my movement as my arm felt like it was slowly push itself through some type of wet mud or gel of some type. I began to turn my attention in the direction of my arm but realized also that as I turned my head, the same sensation fell over me.
It quickly came to my attention that wherever I was, I was suspended in some type of preservative shell that felt like a big ball of jelly.
Once more, I tried to move my arm slightly relief falling over me as I came to the conclusion that I was still able to breath properly in this encasement. Like I was wading in water, I attempted to move my limbs but no matter what I did the casement continued to hold me captive only allowing very slow movement of my limbs.
Feeling agitation seep into me at the fact that I wake up from near death only to be trapped in some type of weird Jell-O, I decided to stop acting stupid and use what the goddess and my mama had gave me. My powers.
Heat blared from the tips of my fingers, a herbal smell began to fill my senses as I slowly began to heat up the encasement in hopes that I would be freed. Minutes seemed to go by until abruptly my hands shot out of the preservative and warm Yetheria air swallowed my palms. Taking a deep breath and trying to work with my limited range of motion, I began to rip at the clear jelly like confinement watching it fall to the group and then disintegrate into rose colored grass.
I probably broke a sweat digging myself out, when finally, the jelly encasement grew too weak and I found myself stumbling out of it and onto the ground. With a small thud, I hit the ground knees and hands first and groaned lowly at the pulse of pain from my knees. With an annoyed sigh, I pushed myself off the ground and lightly dusted myself off. As I pushed myself up, I felt something I haven't felt in quite some time which was reinvigorated and unstoppable.
In curiosity, I eyed my attire and the place I was in. It looked to be a small hut made out of the pale green vines of trees. There were no doors or windows, but instead just open holes to allow people in and to let the natural Yetherian light into the small cramped area.
Close to the doors were a section of disorderly chairs, where Ivy sat who was hunched over with her hands in her face and shoulders shaking. It was like seeing her made this experience oh so surreal. I was back, in Yetheria, in my actual body. I wasn't in a state of limbo balancing between the afterlife and my current life but here.
In a wary awe, I stuck my arms out and examined them to just to make sure I was actually here and alive. Yup, my skin was still olive and nails still chipped. My hand came up feeling the smoothness of my back which was due to the large cutout of the dress. Eyebrows furrowing, my hand traveled over the expansion of my back again, but all I felt was the smoothness of my skin.
I didn't feel feathers or the raising of my skin due to wings, I felt nothing. Disappointment rolled through me as I realized my wings weren't attached to my back. What the hell had my mother did when she put them away and would I ever have them back?
Despair still biting at me, my attention turned back to Ivy, yet my feet stood rooted, slight dread filling me at the thought of our first interaction.
What the hell was I supposed to do? What was I supposed to say to her?
Hey, hey never fear Avril is here?
Hello, I just kind of died but I'm here now so everything is okay.
I had no clue how to approach this situation without things looking insane. Was there a way to even approach this situation?
But then again, when was everything perfectly normal with me.
Still lost in my thoughts, Ivy made the next move as she slowly lifted her head as if she could feel my eyes on her and locked eyes with me. I didn't have time to take inventory on how she looked worst for wear as her silver eyes which were usually so full of life and awe seemed dull and blank as they widened in shock at my appearance.
Letting out a yelp, she jumped in her chair grabbing her heart and staring at me wide-eyed. "Av-Avril?" She whispered in a mixture of shock and fear looking like she had just saw ghost.
"What?" Alem questioned, his back to me.
My eyes focused on him now realizing the small fairy was in the room. He turned around quickly and just like Ivy he yelped, jumping backwards as if he had just seen a ghost. Alem glanced around like I was just a figment of his imagination and he needed clarification from someone but only ended up looking at Ivy, then me, Ivy, and then me again in a continuous manner.
Going along with him, I looked around too but besides Ivy, there was wasn't anyone here.
Probably out with Teelah, I thought bitterly feeling a small chip to my heart at the realization. Even when I was dead, or almost dead, I don't know it was still a little bit confusing to me, even when I could have officially died they were still out with Teelah. They would always choose her.
A part of me wanted to wilt at the idea, but I pushed the feeling away. I was stronger than that.
"Oh warrior goddess." Alem's voice ringing through the tense silence, which had sounded unlike anything I had ever heard from him before, had my reverie cracking and my head whipping in his direction.
Wide, confused orange stared into pensive greenish hazel before orange eyes rolled into the back of Alem's head and he dropped.
The lipstick tube sized fairy began to fall from the air as unconsciousness paralyzed his body, but lunging forward Ivy managed to catch him in the palm of her hands before he hit the ground.
Worry shadowed her eyes before she gently placed him on a table and turned back to me with caution darkening her features as she eyed me suspiciously, body tensed like the fight or flight response was in play.
"Stop staring at me like I'm some criminal." I grouched, slowly taking a step forward feeling the cold soil brush against the soles of my feet. "How long has it been?" I questioned.
"Thr-three days." Ivy mumbled timidly still with that same apprehensive look on her face that was beginning to wear on my nerves. I understood her shock and fright, frankly I would be pretty spooked to if someone just magically came back to life even though I thought they had passed, yet she wasn't making this any easy for me.
My eyes widened at the news realizing that I had only spoken to my mom for a couple of hours, yet somehow time had still managed to pass me by on this planet.
"Excuse me for stating this, but you're here...but you shouldn't be here because we all saw you-" She paused as if the word she wanted to say was too toxic for her to even utter.
"Die." I filled in the awkward, uncomfortable silence. "I should be dead." I stated bluntly watching her furrow her eyebrows and pick at the white dress that swallowed her entire figure which was a huge change from the usual black she wore.
"Indeed I should, but I'm not." I added in a sing-song voice.
Ivy looked even more disorientated and flustered. "I don't understand, we all saw you. Your light and-"
I wanted to tell her what happened and how my mother had actually saved me, but something was telling me to not reveal all my secrets yet. "It's a miracle okay." I spoke softly, biting my lip and trying to figure out how to explain this without giving away too much. "That's all you need to know." My plan at explaining more to her failed, and I used what I could think of at the moment which wasn't much.
Metallic eyes stared back at me like she could see right through my words, my soul, and me. Questioning was clear on her face, but at the last second it fizzled and was replaced by acceptance. "There's something you're not telling me, but I won't ask if you do not want to tell." Still though, she looked lost and like she didn't know how to approach this situation.
I nodded thankful that she was going to put her assumptions to rest, at least for now. The more Ivy stared me down, the more her wariness evaporated. "I still can't believe it." She mumbled, looking at me like I was some extraordinary, godly beaming as she slowly approached me.
Outside I gave her a simple smile, but past my external façade my stomach unpleasantly clenched. I was beginning to get tired of those looks. Nothing good ever came out of those awed looks when they were shot my way. Instead they put too much pressure on me as I tried to subconsciously live up to their idolizing. But that had got me nowhere. In fact, it practically killed me.
"Where is everyone else?" I mumbled feeling hurt settle over me because once again besides Ivy, I found myself completely alone in a foreign world.
"Some friends and some kindred spirit you have." My conscience sighed tiredly like it wasn't even surprised at disappointments anymore.
Sadly, I couldn't agree more.
Not hearing Ivy's reply, I turned slowly to her feeling uncomfortable waves exuding from her. "What is it?" I questioned noticing that Ivy looked like she did not want to answer my question.
"Where are they?" I asked once more, a bitter taste descending onto my tongue as I waited for her reply with baited breath. I could already feel the apprehension crawling over me, as if my own body was trying to create a buffer between her words and my feelings.
"They are with Teelah." She sighed.
The buffer disintegrated and hurt hit me like an arrow to the heart. "Hmm, so not even me dying is good enough for them." I hissed, the bitterness and seething filling the undertone of my voice, as I marched outside the hut.
The sun's bright rays shimmered on my face and I squinted, eyes adjusting to the harsh beams.
"Wait Avril, there's more!" Ivy's voice shouted from behind me, but all I could focus on were the few warriors and fairies that were looking at me in a mix of terror and alarm.
Their scrutiny was daunting I admit, like little laser beams frying my skin as their eyes followed my every move in disbelief. Slowly, a wave of noise began to build up as more and more eyes turned to me. Wariness, alarm, shock were only some of the emotions that I both saw and felt as I gazed at the crowd I had attracted. Stumbling back, my ears picked up at some of the words being flung into the crowd.
"She's alive?" One warrior muttered horrified.
"She was dead!" One blue hair fairy muttered to her pink hair companion. "I just visited her an hour ago."
"She's a spirit, a bad omen."
"Is she a figment of our imagination, have I really lost it this time?"
The hairs on my neck ascended upwards as their whispering and their eyes continued to pick me apart. Agitation seeped into me as hurt and my own discomfort mixed into one. Suddenly, I felt like some animal pinned against a corner. The agitation grew deeper as chuckles built around me.
A hand suddenly grabbed my arm ripping me from my thoughts and once again I was facing Ivy.
"You didn't let me finish." Her eyes narrowed at me and for the first time ever I saw an angry Ivy, and it was directed at me.
The pure absurdity of it made me pause, before I narrowed my eyes back at her. "What is there to say? They've chosen their side."
Under my unwavering stare, she flinched slightly but still kept eye contact. Her features softened though, and she stood up a little bit straighter. "It's deeper than that Avril." She whispered stomping one her feet in emphasis. "You died or whatever happened to you allowed me to see what was truly going on in your group. They've all been a wreck."
I snorted. "Well yeah that sort of happens when someone dies and you know you haven't treated them right. It's less of sorrow, and more of guilt."
Ivy looked at a loss for words realizing the truth in them, before she sighed staring at me sadly. "You're right. They're both mourning and guilt-filled, but-"
Abruptly, her words blurred into the background as awareness swallowed me.
Through the whisperers, stares, and Ivy's voice I could feel it. Through the confusion and chaos, I could feel my clarity. I could feel him.
It became all too clear that a dull ache of emptiness that suddenly because noticeable was slowly being filled. Loneliness that decided to suddenly make itself known turned into longing. The gray void of desolation was being washed away and everything around me seemed like even for a second, it would be a little bit better than before.
My body was practically buzzing feeling like little sparks were slowly kissing my skin all over, with each kiss the ache of Ivy's words were swallowed up and washed away by the bond. Soothing electricity melted into my veins and carried their sparking touch to every crevice of my body.
I didn't even have to look to know where he was. I could feel him.
I could feel everything, like in my absence how the bond had grown stronger and as I stood it twisted and hissed at us even more to get closer.
My fist balled, slowly rejecting the feelings the bond was forcing on me because I didn't want to feel the longing, I didn't want to feel like Ike was my only lifeline, like he was the air I breathed. I didn't want to be dependent on him like that.
Because who knew when he would take that lifeline and suddenly cut it short, who knew when he would take that air and allow me to asphyxiate, who knew when he would go away.... who knew?
Forcing the feelings away was like trying to find water in the Sahara. I really couldn't. The more I pulled away, the more the feelings pushed back. An internal struggled began in me. Like nails slowly raking up my body, the bond pushed even more refusing to be rejected as I tried to ignore it.
Just when it became all too much, Ike spoke.
"Avril."
One simple word.
One simple word was all it took for the bond to gain leverage and completely overpower my will. His voice caressed me, soothed me, pacified my feelings and my fight left me. A strangled breath forced its way out my throat and my shoulders fell in defeat.
For a few moments all was quiet. The whispers and Ivy's voice diluted into nothing and all I could hear was the painful realization of my will and the bond fighting back and forth for control. The bond wanted a happy ending for Ike and I, and I wanted a happy ending for myself.
Was I selfish? Maybe, but I didn't care. I didn't want to put my heart out on the line only for it to get thrown back at me, bruised and bloodied, anymore.
Steeling my back and raising my head up in stubbornness, I slowly turned to him.
There he stood along with my friends.
Even from the distance, I could pinpoint exactly where he was. He stood like a dream, an intoxicating dream that I wanted to have over and over again, but as soon as I would get comfortable and placid, my wildest dream would disintegrate and morph into something toxic, something dark.
Mouthing dry, yet blinking back tears, I hated to say it, but I had missed them.
A part of me hissed in dismay at my internal thoughts. After all the hurt they had caused you, how could you care for them? How could you miss them?
Weak.
I felt like it was, but I couldn't just brush my feelings away for them even if they had hurt me. I was guarded and distrustful, but I had missed them in my absence.
Quickly, my eyes took Ike in. He stood at a distance that made it hard to map out his features, but his presence still managed to intoxicate me and attract me. Just in the way the black hand-sewn pants molded to his body, the way the too tight shirt that the women loved to make for him gripped his chiseled physique and just in the way I knew that the comforting smell of oranges and a crackling fire would pacify my senses if I got close enough to him, made me miss Ike a little bit more than the others.
Festering fury filled me at this thought. It seemed like no matter what happened I would still forgive him, but truthfully I didn't want to.
In my lack of mobility, Ike made a move as if he was going to approach me, but I didn't want him near me. Not yet.
That wish was ultimately taken away from me when he began to jog towards me with my friends in tow.
Hmm shouldn't they be with Teelah?
That pungent, sharp feeling of betrayal hit me once again and before I knew what I was doing I had raised my hands. A wind current raced across the floor pushing the pink grass backwards as it charged towards Ike and my friends.
It was only after it had collided with them sending them all slamming onto their backs did my mind finally catch up with my actions. Eyes wide, I watched as they all groaned lowly at the impact while surprised warriors and the few appalled fairies stared at me.
Guilt bombarded me just like how my wind had slammed into them. I never meant to use my powers against them.
My hand suddenly found Ivy's and I was grabbing her hand and yanking her from the crime of the scene before they could get up.
"Avril wait!" Ivy called a couple minutes later as I charged through the forest already knowing the path since I had gone here almost every single day. With my hand wrapped around her tiny wrist in a vice grip, Ivy struggled to keep up despite the fact that she had wings to help her. It must be nice to have wings.
The trees parted and I found myself on the cliff side overlooking the vast pink plains and my hand letting go of Ivy. My legs continued to carry me closer and closer to the edge until finally they gave out only inches from the tip.
Collapsing onto my knees with a small cry, rocks from the edge broke free from their loose foundation and plummeted to the abyss miles under us. Breathing deeply, I stared ahead.
"Why did you run from them?" Ivy asked calmly from behind me after a small pregnant pause. I could hear her footsteps slowly approaching until they stopped right beside me.
Blue light danced across the side of my face as she tentatively sat down beside me and began to rub my back in soothing circles. With each mollifying touch, my shoulders loosened and finally it felt like there wasn't some object lodge in my throat and my tongue didn't feel so heavy in my mouth. "I had used my magic against them." Slowly I shook my head and glanced at Ivy who waited silently for me to continue with those curious insightful eyes watching my every move.
"It's frowned upon to use your magic like that against your kindred spirit." With a somber voice, I replied thinking about the trouble I would have got in with Zotar if that happened on Terra and only imagining the shameful and disgusted looks I would have gotten from my people if I did that somewhere public. "I was so mad though, but I didn't mean to do it."
I needed her to understood that. I didn't mean to.
Silence descended upon us again, before Ivy spoke. Her words were careful, soft. "It seems like once again you are holding yourself up to an unreachable goal." Her eyes stared into mine. "You're not perfect Av and they all realize that. They honestly probably deserve more than a simple whiplash anyways....but why did you really run?"
So I was that transparent eh?
I broke from her knowing look and turned back to the rolling hills of pink. For some reason I felt like she knew the answer, but she just wanted me to say it out loud. "I didn't want to be by them. I don't want to talk to them. I don't even want to look at them." I mumbled lowly. "I hate them."
Memories drifted back to the days before my catastrophe and how they had all treated me like some demented, unwanted outsider. My chest burned reminiscing the pain and betrayal.
"You don't mean that." Ivy whispered softly, the heavy weight of her stare falling away from the side of my face as she turned to the landscape in front of us.
"Yes I do." I hissed turning towards her
"You don't." She replied back just as quickly. "You're just hurt and it's understandable."
"No, I hate them. I won't ever talk to them again!" I spat upset with her and myself. Upset with her for seeing the truth cloaked by my lies and upset with myself that I couldn't make my broken lies a reality.
The calmness that had danced across Ivy's features dropped and she turned to me sharply. "What do you mean you won't talk to them?"
"Exactly what I said. I'm done. I'm done with all of them." My words were just as sharp as hers not realizing why she was coming at me in the way she was. "And what's your problem? Why are you attacking me!" Volume raised, I didn't hold back. I was at a point in which I didn't care about anyone feelings right now.
I had died, and no one was there for me. I had woken up and still no one was there for me. All they cared about was Teelah, and I was sick and tired of being treated like the outsider, the expendable piece of trash.
"You don't understand Avril. They do care about you, they just made mistakes-"
"That nearly killed me."
Her words died and she just stared at me at a loss for words. Sighing sadly, she nodded. "You're right they do have groveling to do, but for them to do that you can't run from your problems."
Crossing my arms, I stared out into the horizon. "I don't run from my problems."
"Avril." Ivy sighed. "I care about you, but you do. Please explain to me what you just did a couple moments ago."
I didn't reply.
"You're hurt and I understand, but running away will never solve anything. You can't solve a problem if you run away from it. You may be hurt, and you may hate them, but you nor them cannot save Terra if you do not all work together."
Her words hit home making my hurt feel trivial as the bigger picture was slapped in my face. My eyes burned still feeling that bitter, pungent taste of betrayal.
"But they picked her." I choked out what had really hurt me about the entire situation. I had been loyal, faithful, and would have did anything for all of them. But somehow, I had managed to get it all thrown in my face. "I was never good enough for any of them." My arms wrapped around myself tighter feeling what Gene use to taunt me about thunder in my head. "Never good enough."
Eyes burning, I blinked furiously trying to repeat the mantra I had made with my mother.
I am queen, hear me roar. I am strong, I am not weak. I am queen, hear me roar. I am strong, I am not weak.
I am queen, but they chose her instead of me.
Ivy's slim arms came around me as I finally admitted that to someone, out loud, out in the open for anyone to pick and dissect. Through this entire situation I had kept the true, gut wrenching, soul searing agony to myself but now I was letting it out. It felt nice, and I know I had promised my mom that I would be strong. But it's easier said than done. I wanted to be strong and resilient, but this hurt had its claws too deeply embedded into me.
So for the time being, I cried.
I told myself I wouldn't because honestly I had got so tired of crying. However, between me basically dying, Terra, and having to deal with my friends and Ike, I was just in over my head. I needed a release and this had been a long time coming.
Quietly, Ivy allowed me to cry on her shoulder with her arms wrapped around me.
"I'm so tired of fighting." I croaked out, licking my tear stained lips. "I'm so tired of fighting for Ike. I'm always doing the fighting rather it's with Teelah, Belladonna, or others girls. For fucks sake, he's not a god! The kid farts in his sleep!" I exclaimed, swiping my face with my arm while Ivy let out a gasp of surprise. "When will he fight for me because it seems like every time I fight for him, it's thrown in my face."
My eyes closed, the last of my tears sliding down my cheeks as I began to slowly force myself to gain control of my emotions once again.
"How will you know if you don't at least talk to him?" Ivy replied delicately, her fingers running through my hair trying to provide me with the comfort that I had unknowingly been yearning for.
"But I don't want to forgive him or them. They don't deserve my forgiveness." I blurted another worry out.
Here I was, literally and figuratively on the edge of a cliff contemplating whether to forgive or not. When did forgiving become so hard?
No, forgiving was the easier part. You simply subtract the people from your life who hurt you and move on with your life. But if I personally forgave them, I gave them another chance to hurt me when I was vulnerable. I loved them like my very own sisters and brothers. I loved Ike more than I could ever explain, but I couldn't forget this and that made forgiving them the hardest thing to do.
Ivy's fingers paused and then shortly resumed their calming caressing onto my hair. "Forgiveness is never for the opposing team Avril, it's always for you. You don't have to forgive, but you know not forgiving will weigh on your soul. Forgiveness sets you free whether you know it or not. You don't have to forgive any of them, maybe they don't deserve it. But they were not exactly in the right mind due to Teelah's conniving and the only reason why they were not present when you woke was because Ike had realized how deep her treachery had went. He had been by your side since that day, he had held you in his arms and literally cried his soul out. They all did. You deserve it to yourself to hear their side of the story and come to the conclusion on whether to forgive or not. You deserve it to yourself."
Softly I sighed feeling like her words helped to put everything in perspective once again.
"What doesn't quite kill you Avril makes you stronger. You may not recognize it now, but give it time."
VOTE. COMMENT. THOUGHTS. FEEDBACK
1.
So it has come to my attention from a few of my lovely readers that the progression of the story is not to their liking. When it's constructive criticism and I see you're not trying to be an ass or a troll (which the people I have talked weren't), I do take into consideration of what I'm being told. Keeping in mind that everything I post to wattpad is a rough draft, I want to thank you all for kindly letting me know how you guys feel...Although this message is not an open invitation for everyone to come at me about what you do and don't like about my story (not trying to be rude about it, but it's kind of my story ya know and I'll write, what I write :), but like I understand and I'm open to feedback, but like chill... if that contradicting statement makes any sense XD). But uh thanks and I'll keep your suggestions in mind. Will be deleting this message for my readers in a few days.
2. For the time being expect weekly updates and hope you all like it. Thanks again for all of y'all support!