[one week later]
[ALEX]
Me: are you sure you're not mad?
Me: I really don't want you to pretend you're not mad
Me: if you are just tell me
Scarlett Markley: I'm not mad Alexis, I promise
Scarlett Markley: church isn't for everyone
Scarlett Markley: I know it's quite intimidating to be stuck in a small area with my parents hahaha
Me: no, it wasn't your parents
Me: I mean not completely
Me: I was just so nervous and stuff
Scarlett Markley: I promise I'm not mad babe
Me: thank you
Me: I have summthing to tell you
Scarlett Markley: yeah?
Me: you look familiar.. didn't we take a class together? I could've sworn we had chemistry
Scarlett Markley: we had chemistry last year
Scarlett Markley: why weren't you flirting then?
Me: waY TO RUIN A CUTE MOMENT
Scarlett Markley: oh sorry :((
Scarlett Markley: well that's so romantic
Me: but I'm serious
Me: I have a real question
Scarlett Markley: okay
Me: will you be my girlfriend?
Scarlett Markley: oh
Me: WAIT
Me: BEFORE YOU SAY NO
Me: THERE'S SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW
Me: Rejection can lead to emotional stress for both parties involved and emotional stress and lead to physical complications such as headaches, ulcers, cancers and even death. So for my health and yours, JUST SAY YES
Scarlett Markley: quite the argument you made
Scarlett Markley: did you just get that off google?
Me: maybe
Scarlett Markley: I knew it
Scarlett Markley: but what makes you the best candidate for the choice?
Me: I'm prepared to answer that question!
Me: well as your boyfriend I am prepared to take you on a date
Me: and kiss you at random times
Me: and cheer you up when you're sad
Me: and text you at ungodly hours when I'm missing you
Me: and buying you chocolate when you're on your period
Me: and love you everyday
Me: so will you please be my girlfriend?
Scarlett Markley: you made quite the speech, Alexis
Scarlett Merkley: of course I'll be your girlfriend :))
Me: YESSSSS
Me: I'M NOT FOREVER ALONE ANYMORE
Girlfriend: not anymore
Me: I'm so excited
Me: so fifth date?
Girlfriend: slow down hot stuff
Me: sorry sorry
Me: I'm just so excited
Girlfriend: tomorrow?
Me: great
Girlfriend: now focus
Me: fine
Me: fifth is so boring
Girlfriend: too bad "boyfriend"
Me: I know girlfriend
**
[SKY]
Me: fifth is so boring
Dan: we're in fifth already???
Me: where are you anyways?
Dan: I fell asleep in the library
Dan: I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD JUST LIKE WAIT AND GO TO SIXTH RISKING DETENTION FOR SKIPPING OR LIKE JUST GO BACK TO SLEEP
Me: why are you talking in caps?
Dan: IDFK I'M SO cONFUSED
Me: just skip
Dan: tru
Dan: aye I need a ride home
Me: WHY?
Dan: I got a ride with Hayley bc my car is in the shop
Dan: and now Hayley has to go somewhere right after school
Dan: pls I'll offer you food
Me: :))) ok bby
Dan: 4 u anyday
Dan: I'm gonna dump Hayley 4 u rn
Me: rlly?
Dan: YEH
Me: you like me?
Dan: LOLOLOLOL No
Me: truth or dare?
Dan: this is so fucking random
Dan: truth
Me: do you like me?
Dan: dare
Me: I dare you to answer the question
Dan: you're a huge bich
Dan: I hate you so much
Dan: our friendship is over
Dan: no
Dan: our friendship isn't over
Me: I thought the no was the answer
Dan: no wasn't the answer
Dan: yes
Dan: I mean I did at one point
Me: you did ;))))
Dan: yeah a few times
Dan: I took your lips virginity after all
Dan: and then I had a crush on you briefly in middle school
Dan: and then this past year
Me: what RLLY?
Me: THIS PAST YEAR?
Dan: yeah like beginning of the school year
Dan: and then like in November Hayley and I got like super close idk really
Dan: we just started hanging out more
Dan: and I guess I like her more
Dan: then Alex asked for your number and you started talking to him and idk
Me: this conversation was so awkward
Me: I had a huge crush on you last year
Me: when you finally hit puberty oops
Dan: thanks hoe
Dan: I am fabulous since fetus
Me: have you seen your pre-puberty pictures?
Me: I'm fairly sure even your mom hated you
Dan: my mummy luves me you bich
Me: pfft
Me: Whatever
Dan: you're just mad cus someone else got me
Me: you're just mad bc Alex Follese wanted me
Dan: I am though
Dan: I mean I'm a total catch
Dan: too bad he's a total asshole
Me: did he ever apologize to you
Dan: no
Dan: pisses me off
Me: should I asked him too
Dan: not your job and no
Me: FINE I WON'T
Dan: FINE
Me: FINE
Dan: good
Me: I h8 u
Dan: WAIT I DIDN'T MEAN THAT
Dan: BABY
Dan: I LOVE YOU
Dan: CAN I STILL GET A RIDE
Dan: PLEASE
Dan: SKYLAR PLS
**
[Three weeks later]
Finally spring break start in five days and I am so ready for a goddamn vacation leaving all of the stupid things behind. I round the corner and notice Scarlett and Alex standing by the classroom door. I stepped back around the corner quietly and put my back up against the wall. I can hear them mumbling something.
"So, I was thinking," Alex laughs. "Next week is spring break.. Maybe we could go on a camping trip?"
What? They're going camping by themselves? Maybe he added something after "we" that I didn't hear. Maybe her parents are going? Maybe it's a religious thing? Then why would Alex say we?
"Sure, boyfriend. It sounds like fun."
Sure, boyfriend? Boyfriend? She called him boyfriend! Are you fucking kidding me? Boyfriend. Really? She can't call him Alex? I'm pretty sure he didn't legally change his name to boyfriend, you bitch.
"Hi Alex. Hi female classmate who's dating the guy I liked," I smile.
"What?" Scarlett furrows her eyebrows.
"Oh, I'm sorry," I dramatically gasp.
"I just thought you like calling people by some stupid label instead of their name."
"Sky, stop," Alex mutters.
"Oops? Should I call you "stupid guy who rejected me instead of "Alex"?
Neither Alex nor Scarlett say anything, so I take that as my cue to go into the classroom. I don't think they enjoyed my nicknames.
I can't believe those two are going camping by themselves. I mean I get that they're technically adults, but still.. They're going to be out, their doing the do and making Scarlett Follese babies. Ew, I'm going to vomit when think of it. Skylar Follese should be perfect, though.
The point is, Alex's making huge mistake. Camping? We live in Philly, where the fuck are you going to go camping at? Alex wouldn't even know the first thing to do if he went camping.
But I'm sure Scarlett will. She'll compliment Alex and tell him he's doing a swell job even though he's messing up everything. Eventually Scarlett will be stuck doing everything because she can't stand the sight of him failing at setting up a tent.
Scarlett will giggle at Alex. Alex get turn on because God's laughter is coming out of her. Being Alex, Satan will probably tell Alex to put his hand near her. Next thing you know those two are going at it on the cold hard ground and then bam! babies.
I can't have this happen. For the sake of my sanity, I can't. There is no way that those two are going camping by themselves. I will not allow it. I can't even deal with those two doing anything inappropriate, period.
Alex and Scarlett walk inside holding hands. I can feel myself gagging on the loser air in the classroom.
"Alex, I have a question."
Alex rolls his eyes. "What is it, Sky?"
"Are you the kind of guy who's going to get someone pregnant in the wood?"
Alex chokes a bit, before shaking his head.
"What the hell,Sky? I'm not doing that."
"Liar," I mutter under my breath. You totally know you'd do it. Scarlett impression was on point, though So, worth it.
Me: I'm freaking out bruh
Dan: should I bring you Dylan O' Brien pictures?
Me: no
Me: yes
Me: but not that
Dan: what is it?
Me: Scarlett and Alex are going camping by themselves
Dan: and I should care why?
Me: BECAUSE
Me: frickle Frackle Dan
Me: DO WE REALLY NEED TO HAVE MINI THEM IN THIS WORLD
Me: DAN PLS HELP ME
Me: ALEX AND I WERE SUPPOSE TO MAKE THREE BABIES
Me: NOW SCARLETT IS TRYING TO STEAL THE BABY MAKING PRODUCTS THAT BELONGS TO MY EGGS
Me: my EGGS ARE STRESSING DAN
Me: THAT MEANS MY BABIES ARE GONNA BE STRESSED
Me: WHICH MEANS THEY'RE GONNA GROW UP STRESSED OUT AND ANXIOUS ALL THE TIME
Me: WHICH MEANS GREY HAIR BEFORE THEY'RE FORTY
Me: THEY'LL BE TOO AFRAID TO ASK THE GIRL TO PROM
Me: THEY'LL BE ALONE
Me: THEY'LL DROP OUT OF COLLEGE
Me: THEY'LL BE BITTER AND ALONE LIKE ME
Me: I'LL NEVER GET GRANDKIDS
Me: I'LL END UP IN AN OLD FOLKS HOME
Me: MY KIDS ARE GOING TO PUT ME IN A FUNERAL HOME
Me: DAMN I KNOW THEY'RE STRESSED OUT BUT GEEZ
Me: AND A BUNCH OF OTHER BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN TO THEM
Me: THEY'LL DIE YOUNG
Me: MY BABIES DON'T DESERVE THIS DAN
Me: DAN HELP ME
Dan: what the fuck did I just read?
Dan: you're having a psychotic breakdown
Dan: like what the hell?
Dan: she's not going to have babies
Dan: I'm sure Alex is smart enough to use protection
Me: D A N that doesn't help
Dan: I'm sorry kid that's the truth tho
Dan: can I borrow money for lunch?
Me: goodbye
Me: you are a disappointment as a person
Me: our friendship is over
Dan: Sky
Me: WHAT
Dan: it's fifth period
Me: SO?
Dan: lunch ended like 40 minutes ago
Me: OHH YEAH
Me: I remember bc I had the chicken burger
Dan: and I had Hayley
Me: I think I vomited in my mouth
Me: go away
Me: Hayley is a friend, Dan, not food
Dan: sure it is
Me: goodbye
Me: I'm not talking to you for the rest of the day
Dan: SKY COME BACK
Dan: WHO'S GONNA ENTERTAIN ME
Dan: I'M STUCK AT THE LIBRARY
Dan: IT'S SO BORING IN HERE
Dan: THE OLD LADY IS GIVING ME WINKY FACE
Dan: Help me Sky pls
Dan: fine I'll just sleep
Dan: THANKS SKY
Dan: LOVE YOU TOO FUCKTARD
Dan: AND I'LL SEE YOU ALL IN DETENTION MOFOS