(Published July 1st, 2015. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASON GRACE! THIS CHAPTER'S FOR YOU! OH, AND HAPPY 10TH BIRTHDAY TO THE LIGHTNING THIEF!)
Jason: Oh really? THANK YOU!
GoodeReads.com, Blessed Noses, and Merman's Brownies
~~~
~Frank changes into an animal every five seconds. Please refer to pages 371-372 in Son of Neptune:
"'You can be anything'... 'Within reason,' Grandmother said. 'Living things. It helps if you know the creature well. It also helps if you are in a life-and-death situation, such as combat.'" (Riordan 371-372)
Because Frank totally knows a pegasus-unicorn-pony-mermaid-fish or some exotic thing like that at heart. And watching Piper and Jason kiss is definitely a life-and-death situation.
Kissing can be very deadly you know, especially watching one.
It burns people's eyes.
~I guess everyone's drachma was stolen because nobody uses Iris Messages anymore.
It's like the MySpace of the demigod world.
~Jason is either spending all of his time knocked out or making out with a brick.
~Speaking of Jason Grace (Happy birthday by the way), there are soooo many Jason Grace gets knocked out/killed/embarrassed hate fics out there.
~Annabeth is this totally jealous and evil person who is really stuck up and preppy. Like, if you look, not even wink, just give Percy a glance and you'll be thrown to the wolves by Annabeth.
~Rachel is also seen as this totally evil chick who is secretly plotting to decapitate Annabeth. Why does everyone hate her so much? So what she liked Percy. So did Reyna and Calypso and NICO. HA. So why does everyone still like Nico, huh? Why does everyone hate Rachel? And why is Perachel the Evil Ship. Just because it breaks up Percabeth? What about Percico and Perzoe and Jercy/Person? WHY AREN'T THOSE EVIL SHIPS?
~Goode Reads: An excuse to put pirated PJO/HoO books on Wattpad without being taken down due to the loophole of copyright laws.
Now for some moments from @Crazy_but_me:
~Annabeth is either too stupid or too smart.
*On le quest*
Percy: OH NO, A MONSTER! ANNABETH, WHAT DO WE DO?
Annabeth: lolz idk
Grover: Um, maybe we can throw a tin can at it?
Annabeth: Oh! I know! We can throw a tin can at it!
Percy: That's a great idea Annabeth!
Grover: -_-
Or she starts reciting the whole encyclopedia.
~*Percy summons water*
Percy: WOOHOO I GOT THIS!
*5 hours later*
Jason: HOW YA DOIN' PERCE?
Percy: NEVER FELT BETTER!
Um, no. He should be passed out be now. Percy can summon water but it drains his energy. Unless, he is controlling a body of water.
~Annabeth lost both her dagger AND Daedalus computer in Tartarus. Yet, everyone forgets about her New York Yankees hat.
~ "Jason flipped his coin and made it turn into a--"
NOPE. NOPE. JASON LOST HIS COIN, IT WAS DESTROYED IN THE LOST HERO. SORRY!
#SorryNotSorry
~ Leo, Annabell, and Arabell walked into da cave. Annabell was fantasizing about Leo's brown orbz when Leo said something. "I sense some mechanical thing in this wall," he said.
Annabell gasped, "WHAT? NO! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD DO THAT!"
"Neither did the author," Leo muttered as he controlled the mechanics in the wall. "Why am I stuck on a quest with you two idiots anyway?" The wall began to move before Annabell and Arabell could react., and the three of them journeyed on their way.
Don't forget that all children of Hephaestus, including Leo, can sense and control mechanics.
~
~Reyna: So Imma bless my army to fight all powerful and stuffs.
OC: WHAT? YOU CAN'T DO THAT, THAT'S MY THING!
Reyna has powers too, yet, there's another thing forgotten.
~Percy, Leo, and Jason act like five year olds. Meanwhile, Nico acts like an 18 year old and Frank is in the corner eating some of the merman's brownies.
~Jason went up to Piper, holding a single rose. "Would you like to go on a date tonight," he asked.
"That would be awesome," Piper exclaimed. "Where to?"
Jason winked, "You'll see."
*Later in the forests of Camp Half-Blood*
"THIS WAS A BAD IDEA, SPARKY!!!!!!!!" Piper ran away from a monster
Jason shrugged, "Oops, sorry, I forgot about that tiny detail. My bad."
The woods isn't a place to have a date at. IT HAS A BUNCH OF MONSTERS INSIDE!!
~If it's after BoO, no one adds a chapter of when Leo returns with Calypso.
Nah, he probably just came back and everyone was like "Hey, Leo!" then they just go back what they were doing.
*Leo crashes into the camp with Festus and Calypso*
Leo: I'M BACK MOFOS!
Drew: Oh gods, not him again.
And then more Goode stuff:
~ "Jason came up to Piper. He knelt down and opened a box to her."
Why are all the couples giving each other promise rings?
Like, I once read that happening in The Heartbreak Messenger, and it ended badly. Let's just say it included a breakup, hanger, and sewage water.
~ Random Guy: And then my sister said "Rosin eating zombies from outer space!"
Piper: XD *Laughs*
Jason: *Plots revenge*
Is it normal to get jealous just because a guy told your girl a joke AND she laughed? No. No, I don't think so
~ *Piper calls Jason*
Piper: Hey babe, we wearing purple today?
Jason: Yep! Oh, and we have to wear cupcake hats because it's my birthday!
*Comes to school wearing purple morphsuit and cupcake hats*
Everyone: WTH?
Why are Piper and Jason always matching clothes? That's just weird. It's cute when couples match, but it's creepy if it's all the time.
~ Couples breakup and then makeup five minutes later because they're bored.
Seems legit.
NOT.
And back to moi!
~The main OC is so oblivious to everything:
He leaned in and tried to kiss me. Hmm, I wonder what that means? Maybe he wants to be my friend!
"Are you trying to kiss me," I asked.
"No, I'm trying to get a piece of broccoli out of your teeth with my lips," he answered.
I sighed in relief, "Oh good, that's what I thought. No way a guy like you is going to kiss an ugly girl like me. I'm so ugly and horrid with my big beautiful blue orbs and midnight flowing black hair."
He facepalmed and left.
What did I do wrong?
~A lot of fanfictions start out like this:
Hi, my name is Annabell Beth Katherine Louise Marie Ella Elizabeth Jacqueline Chase. I'm sixteen years old and I'm a daughter of Athena even though I don't know that yet. I have long, sunshiney golden blonde hair like Rapunzel from Tangled. My orbs are a beautiful hex #33CCFF Captain Hook's Blood Is Actually Bleeding Blue Instead of Purple orbs are hinted with hex #99FFCC My Skin Color When I'm About To Puke Green specs. I have light peachy skin with rosy red cheeks. I'm 5'6 and weigh 85 pounds. Oh, and I love owls and olives and really really smart even though I fail all of my tests!
~The OC has no friends when they go to school and are bullied because they're "too ugly" or "too fat" even though when they describe themselves it's obvious they're a Victoria's Secret model.
~The OC before they find out they're a demigod:
"Omg I hate my life so much I'm so ugly and fat and everyone hates me and I just wanna die! I'M SO DEPRESSED AND SUICIDAL!"
The OC after they find out they're a de demigod:
"HEY EVERYONE I'M THE REAL MOFO, Y'ALL BOW DOWN TO ME 'CAUSE I RULE EVERYTHING AND I'M THE BRAVEST AND HAPPIEST PERSON YOU'VE EVER MET!"
Um, no. You don't just become undepressed in five seconds.
You're not Spongebob.
~Uncommon godly parents that have cabins at Camp Half-Blood:
-Demeter
-Ares
-Hephaestus
-Hermes
-Dionysus (Okay, I've seen fanfics about the others, but seriously, NEVER about Dionysus. He's got some pretty cool powers, you know!)
-Iris
-Hecate (TITANESS OF FLIPPIN' MAGIC, DEAD, SKY, AND SEA! HOW COULD YOU NOT WANNA BE HER CHILD?)
-Nike
-Nemesis
-Hebe
-Hypnos
-Tyche
Some of these gods have some really cool powers to be honest. So make some of your OCs children of them!
(And let's be honest: Poseidon, Zeus, Hades, and Athena need to learn to use protection).
~Demigods usually get other demigods from schools instead of satyrs.
I didn't know you guys could smell demigods from five miles away.
Are your noses blessed by Pan or something?
IS THERE SOMETHING I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, PERCY?
Percy: He-he *takes permanent vacation to Middle Earth*
Sally: Like father like son.
~The parents play such an insignificant role in the story.
OC: I'm so bullied and depressed!
Parents: Yeah, okay, would you like some oatmeal?
OC: Nobody understands me!
Parents: Sorry about that sweetheart, oh, can you come down and do the dishes?
OC: I'm gonna kill myself!
Parents: That's great! But before you do that, please feed the tiger, thanks!
~Nico apparently has multiple personality disorder because one second he's all moody and depressed and the next second he's all unicorns and sunshine.
~Nico pours out all of his soul to the OC that he's only known for three days while Hazel, his own sister, knows nothing of his sexuality.
Hazel is just irrelevant.
~The schools have no teachers. Seriously, when a monster attacks or there's a big fight, NO teachers are there to stop it.
They must be partying in that mysterious Teacher's Lounge of theirs.
~When the characters are done fighting a monsters they're either not hurt at all or lost a limb.
Have you not heard of a bruise or a sprained ankle?
(A/N) So I wanna thank Crazy_but_me (for sending me Moments) and Dancin4evah (for inspiration) for this chapter. THANKS GUYS! BYERSIEBYES!!!
BYERSIEBYES!!!
Stay Perky,
With Love, Pacific Green Sea Turtles, and Fluffy Pies,
~Chilea, daughter of Demeter and legacy of Apollo.❀ ☼