tw: sensitive topics, controversial statements, mentions of abuse, ass/ult, etc. SUPPORT VICTIMS<3 (you may skip down there..below the line.)
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I said I'd come by soon.
So I'm sorry to those that have waited.
I will admit I really don't want to come back here.
I don't really know what to do anymore.
In light of..everything.
I don't know if you guys are curious on who am I siding..who am I truly supporting.
And most importantly, is that if I'm going to keep writing this book. Or not.
Is that what you guys like..waiting right?
I don't really know what to feel.
When I heard about the news, about what he did, and the confirmation.
It felt really unreal.
I wanted to get rid of everything that reminds me of what happened, and it includes this. I don't want to process, I want to live.
And it hurts, that I'm actually affected by this, and I've been pretending for so long that it doesn't. Why am I affected when its just a bunch of people online, its not my story, its not about me.
It's not drama.
Its abuse
Its real, and it sucks.
It's not being parasocial.
An artist - particularly a fanfic writer, who dwells on existing characters will understand how one can be so immersed in dealing a character with accuracy and authenticity.
Its not that easy to just 'support the art, not the creator'.
It's not that easy to just fall into detachment.
When I have hyperfixated, psychoanalyzed, and fully immersed with his character for years.
All for that, all for that fantasy..to be but a potential reality, sickens me. I have written about him being an asshole, and how he doesn't mind consent nor boundaries.
The fact that I have written that what he could be doing, not just in character, but in real life, sickens me.
He has hurt someone.
He has hurt so many people.
When I heard about what happened, like, before confirmation, I held out hope. In the back of my mind its like..its most likely him, but you know, no one really expected for it to be him him. But of course, I waited to give him a chance to speak - and he did. And gods how the end result to disappoint me.
People idolized him, placing an image over who he truly is. Like his tales, he's really good with playing a character, a character that I am still attached to..and it's annoying.
I don't support what he has done.
Obviously.
I might no longer support William, and whatever that he might do in the future.
But I'm sorry if I'm still going to come back to the character that I still fall for.
The Wilbur Soot that I admire.
The image that he made us see, and believe..and trust.
One of the few that can make my back straight.
The one that motivates to continue improving my talents and fulfilling my dreams
To be not just a writer, but an artist, a poet, and a musician.
Gives comfort of my differences and my struggles.
His music that helps my baby brother fall to sleep.
And it crushes me that, whenever I try to suggest different music to play to help him sleep. He'll always say, "Wilbur Soot."
...
This sucks, I can't even form proper words.
It's been months..or a month? I'm not supposed to be fully affected by this.
I have so much to say, so much that I have been keeping to myself, with no one to tell to. Because it's not really just about him, or even like George or Punz or whatever they all did and what they have done that hurt other people.
And sure 'support victims' but honestly, I do believe that both sides should still be heard. Misunderstandings and misinterpretation of the story, especially being brought upon on one of the most toxic social media platform ever, is like..almost suicide.
It's really funny, if Wil, or George, or Punz, didn't have a huge position, I doubt people would give too much shit about what they've done. The damage hits harder, the more you are famous..the more you are known. And those that have suffered in silence, those who can hurt people without getting the same treatment or punishment as they are, it sucks. I hate that fame and being known plays a role here, and how much it should weigh just because thousands of people know this person.
While millions of victims.
Will unfortunately still have to remain silent.
Including I.
Because I know that if we say anything about it.
Most likely people will not give a single shit about it because it's not a 'Wilbur Soot' or a 'GeorgeNotFound'
It's less validated.
It's less important.
Support victims.
Its supporting victims that are able to be seen, and hating abusers or assholes who have high positions on the internet.
At least this is what I see.
I don't even know what I'm saying, and I'm sorry if its messy. I really have no organised thoughts about this.
You guys can definitely not support him, or any of those people. Or support still.
I really don't mind.
And I'm not saying I am letting toxic behaviour, no fuck that shit.
But I personally believe on what c!Tommy has said: It's never about giving people chances, it's about never giving up on the person that you care about.
I have been around so many abusive people in my life.
And I'm still with them because I care.
But always with a safer distance.
Because I stay..if I believe there is a chance for them to change.
We're all flawed beings.
And especially in relationships, both sides can be in the wrong.
I believe...always leaving an optimism, a hope that someday..they won't be able to harm anyone
That they'll change for the better. And they should.
And that is what I am supporting.
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To wrap up in everything is that:
First, I don't support their actions, but I support their journey to change for the better. Support victims, all the way, but, this does not mean that you should completely only listen to their side, and nothing else. Their pain, their stories should be validated, but it's not an excuse for the rest of the perspectives to fall on deaf ears.
Still, despite that, it might be very difficult for me to keep up with being around in this community, since cognitive dissonance is a bitch.
Second, please respect that it might not be easy for me or other people to easily let go of people. I may not support William, but I still admire the image that he gave the world. Please respect the people that are friends with them and are unable to just immediately cut ties with them, or whatever Twitter wants them to do. It's really not that easy to let go of someone cuz they care. They want to give them chances, or they really don't want to give up on them. And that's respect, I respect that. And I don't really mind if you don't respect that, it might be just too easy to leave people you once cared about behind, huh-
Third is..I want your decision. The next chapter is very..it's hilarious that there's always a timing on my writing here and what's happening in the world - that a lot of times makes me want to give up on this. When it was announced that Technoblade passed away, the next chapter of that was basically heavy c!Techno focused. When Dream's allegations returned and worsened, I was writing a very..sensitive chapter of one of c!Dream's ways to hurt c!Tommy..I guess you might have an idea on what it is..considering their age gap..and c!Tommy's inability to escape that easy from his grasps. And now..this. If you guys let me continue the book still, you will understand why its really funny and the timing is like really perfect. But genuinely, as much as I want to finish the book, I really want to stop writing in relation to the DSMP or the content creators within it..ever since like..before..when it was hard to process about Techno's death. I still put up with it, because I do, I do genuinely enjoy, and I know that you guys love it too. But with everything going on, with everything real going on, it's really hard to continue. BUT I can still do it, I can still finish it. IF its worth the trouble, if you guys still want to see..and could stomach hearing Wil's name, and his..questioning behaviour. I will do it.
Also I really want to know how you guys are feeling, I know maybe some of you are not really affected cuz its like..yea;w; but maybe, just maybe, if you are affected..please feel free to tell it here. I'm glad that this place, whatever its left, has made a very small yet meaningful community to me. And I'm glad that you guys are here. You all haven't really left in my mind, maybe just at the back of it..and I feel really bad that I have wasted each day trying to avoid an announcement..still wishing that its all a dream, and everything could go back to the way it was.
Anygay, I will come back, I'll edit the next chapter..and will actually finish everything. Before May. I want to do it before May. But yes. For now, I shall begone..I swear to gods I keep on leaavingXDD But thank you guys genuinely. Thanks.