Song recomendation for the chapter: How to stay with you. - Something to give each other. - Troy Sivan.
Disclaimer about threesome.
This scene has an extra layer of complication, since it is an intimate scene between more than two people. I understand that the idea of monogamy as the ultimate expression of love is something we have deeply rooted, and if the idea of imagining these characters with someone else is not to your liking, skip these chapters. My intention is not to offend Heartstopper fans like myself, but to create a diverse story where more than one affective expression has room. It isn't wrong to not enjoy this kind of interactions even in fiction... but is not okay to invalidate non-monogamous love.
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"So...anything else we should consider?"
Nick was still in the shower rinsing off while Charlie was already drying his hair and trying to brush his teeth at the same time...doing a poor job at both tasks.
"Igtg thingkg weg shoguldg talkgedg abogutg Matgiasg firgstg."
"Sure, that makes a lot of sense." Nick laughed as he opened the curtain. "Love, you better finish brushing your teeth first."
Charlie spit out the toothpaste, and when he looked back at his boyfriend coming out of the shower, the image of the water dripping down Nick's body was enough to make him blush. Enough to make him lose himself in the hair flowing down his belly button and getting lost under the towel.
"Eeee..." Charlie lost his words.
"My eyes are up here handsome." Nick smiled as he grabbed him by the towel he had around his waist and pulled him towards him to kiss him. "You look amazing too by the way."
"I was saying..." Charlie grabbed him by the neck and smiled at him. "Before I get distracted by your beauty...that I think we should talk about Matias first."
"What if he doesn't want to tell us what happened? Shall we tell him we already know?"
"I suppose. I assume he'll figure it out."
As Nick brushed his teeth Charlie continued to arrange his curls. Charlie noticed Nick watching him through the mirror and blushed. "Nervous Char?"
"A little...aren't you?"
"Quite a bit...but I always feel safe with you."
"That we have in common."
"That and our taste in men apparently."
"That too."
They both laughed for a second until Nick remembered what he had asked him before he got out of the shower. "But back on topic, outside of the Matias thing. Would you like for us to arrange anything else before Ben is here and... and we see what happens?"
"Outside of everything we've already talked about...I think I'd like to invite him to try to be as open with whatever he wants or needs as we will be."
"Yes... clearly he's not used to being so forthcoming."
"Clearly...and I'll be honest with you. If he doesn't make that effort, I...will find it very complicated...to trust him in that way."
"I agree, precious. Completely." Nick wrapped his arms around him and pressed his body to his back, pressing a kiss to his neck. Connecting with his gaze in the reflection of the mirror.
"Can you think of anything else?"
"I wonder if we should tell him about our results from the checkup we had." Nick said. Charlie hadn't thought of that. They had gone to a clinic together that morning and luckily they were both clean and came back negative for everything. "Do you think it's too intense?"
"It would give me peace to know...I think if we should tell him."
"So...I think that's it for now. I'll tell you if I have any questions."
"Same." Charlie leaned his head back on his shoulder and let Nick rock him a little. They both let themselves go in each other's eyes. There was excitement, doubt, and some fear. "Ready? We should get dressed, I don't think he'll be long."
"Weren't we going to meet him in towels?"
"Very funny."
Nick picked out a pair of gray boxer shorts that Charlie loved. A pair of light jeans and a red tank top. Charlie put on another pair of pink underwear he had stolen from Nick, beige corduroy pants and an olive green turtleneck sweater. They finished getting ready and went downstairs to set up the living room. Kate still had several boxes and furniture scattered around the house, but most of the stuff was already in its new place. Luckily the living room was still relatively intact, and they were able to put some blankets, a candle or two, at Charlie's insistence, and the selection of movies they had thought of.
"We're going to scare him." Nick tried to take away one of the candles he was trying to light.
"I LIKE ROMANCE...even if it's just for one night."
"We have another boyfriend now?"
"I think we have two actually... and we have to get them back, lest not forget."
"SHUT UP." Nick just let him set the candles while they laugh. Charlie was deeply proud and relieved that they had each other as he thought about what he had just said.
"You worry about the salmon chef."
"You're going to love it. Plus the baked vegetables go really well with it."
"Mmmmmm..." Charlie wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him close to his lips, but before kissing him, he continued. "I think it makes me more jealous when you cook for him."
"Oh yeah? Then wait till you see what... I'll do to both of you." Nick moved seductively closer, holding him by the waist.
"NICK" Charlie couldn't help but blush.
"I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE SALMON." They both teased and in between giggles they wrapped each other in a hungry, needy kiss, full of excitement and anticipation. They got so lost in each other that they almost didn't hear the doorbell...which froze them.
"Ready?"
"I think so." Nick said, and together they headed for the door.
When they opened it Ben was about to knock again, so his hand hovered in the air. He looked just as nervous, and was anxiously holding a small cloth bag and a black backpack on his back. Freshly showered, like them, he wore an orange T-shirt that brought out his green eyes and dark gray cargo pants. The three of them grinned like fools when they saw each other, and for a second no one said anything... until Charlie woke up from his trance and grabbed Nick's arm, which made him react.
"Ben¡... hi, come in." Nick went over to give him a hug and Ben hugged him back, walking past him into the house. Once they hugged Charlie did the same.
"Hey guys, nice to see you...sorry I'm late."
"Hi Ben!...you're just in time actually."
Ben dropped his leather jacket where Nick pointed to it and they walked together into the living room. When he saw the candles and the three glasses both Charlie and Nick blushed with embarrassment. Especially Charlie, who wanted to go back in time and stop himself. Luckily, and in surprise, Ben just smiled broadly, and turned to them.
"Too much? Sorry about the candles." Charlie let out.
"Don't apologize. Actually...I'm glad I didn't misinterpret the tone off the date...I...I brought you these." Ben pulled, really shy, two small sunflowers out of his bag, which he gave to each of them. "I know it's a little silly. I was about to not give them to you out shame but...the candles convinced me." Ben's smile calmed both their nerves.
Nick and Charlie accepted the flowers stunned and blushing, and while holding each other's hand they thanked Ben.
"Ben... thanks." Charlie smiled.
"What a nice touch." Nick replied.
"You're welcome...ah well, I also brought three bottles of this." Ben pulled a bottle of wine out of the bag. "Which I advise we open now before the shame kills all three of us."
"Very good idea." Nick took the bottle and carried it into the kitchen, and Charlie took the three glasses from the living room table and motioned for Ben to follow them. "I didn't ask you if you like salmon."
"I love it." Ben replied walking into the kitchen, nervously shoving his hands into his pockets. "What can I help you with Nick?"
"Help? Wow, it's been a long time since anyone said that to me in the kitchen." Nick joked, turning to look at Charlie. Charlie just gave him a little shove.
"Believe me the show of watching him cook is a lot more entertaining than helping Ben."
Charlie hopped over to the kitchen island and sat down at it, while Nick turned on the oven. Ben stood awkwardly between the two of them, not knowing what to do. "Tough call."
After a few moments they all laughed at the irony. "You can do both too." blurted Charlie, more seductively than he had intended, which surprised and blushed them both.
"That's...the plan." Ben smiled, and determinedly accepted a cutting board from Nick. "I'll help you any way I can."
"More show for me then." Charlie joked, and they both laughed. "I'll pour the wine then."
Ben wasn't as good a cook as Nick, but something could be accomplished if he tried hard enough. Following Nick's directions he helped where he could, while the three of them drank a glass of wine and chatted about their week. Charlie thought about how to bring up the subject of Matias on several occasions, but just couldn't figure out how. Eventually everything was in the oven and they would just have to wait, and Ben jumped onto the island next to Charlie and they both sat across from Nick, who leaned against the opposite side.
"How about the band Charlie?" Ben's question gave Charlie the necessary cue to be able to introduce the subject, so after searching Nick's gaze he continued.
"It's going really well...rehearsals are going better and better. I'm singing more and more, we're writing quite a bit. All ready for the next concert. This is going to be a big one and we need it to go well if we want to get any contracts."
"They will come, you'll see. Sahar told me she got you guys Leena's representation, right? She's very good, I met her at an event a while back. She'll get you quite a few things."
"You know her then? That's good news isn't it?" Nick didn't really know what it implied but assumed Ben would be well aware of such matters. "Wouldn't you like to produce something for them yourself?"
"I'd love to... but the way things are now... I don't feel entirely comfortable. I hope you understand Charlie." Ben's mood changed radically.
"I understand. Don't worry Ben."
"Sorry for suggesting it, I didn't think of it." Nick looked ashamed, but with a nod of his head he nodded to Charlie.
"No worries. It's not like I want to pretend Matias doesn't exist or anything." Ben tried to relax them.
"Actually umm..." Charlie cleared his throat and continued. "With the intention of not pretending he doesn't exist... I'd like to talk to you for a second about that, if you don't mind."
"I figured we'd have to at some point, don't worry." Ben nodded, as he re-settled himself next to him, so Charlie felt calm enough to continue.
"In the interest of not hurting anyone, when he told me what happened between you two...I made the decision to...tell him about our date today." Charlie noticed how Ben tensed and sighed.
Nick noticed that Ben didn't respond and continued "I understand it must feel weird but...we don't like to keep secrets in general. Also, both Charlie and I care to hear from you about what happened." Nick assured him.
Ben continued his silence for a second and analyzed the situation. Ben used to do that...not say anything while he was thinking. There weren't many genuine moments in their past relationship at school. But still, Charlie supposed that those many moments of silence they shared, when he filled them with his own insecurities, surely Ben was just trying to process it all.
Eventually Ben's silence made Charlie so anxious that he had to keep talking "Sorry if I made an indiscretion in telling him, but eventually he would find out and it would hurt him more." Charlie feared ruining everything. "I hope...you understand."
"I think it's a very noble act on your part." Ben smiled at them. "I know he's your friend and I didn't expect more. I just... wondered if he would have done the same for us."
Charlie didn't know how to answer that...he wasn't sure if he would have or not, so he nodded, as Ben began to explained what happened after Elle's birthday.
Charlie had already told Nick about everything, fortunately, since finding out from Ben alone would have made him even angrier. Charlie analyzed their expressions anyway as Ben told everything. Nick oscillated between frowning and rolling his eyes... which made Charlie feel strangely defensive of Matias.
He knew his actions had been indefensible, but when Ben finished his account, they both noticed that he had left out the fact that he hadn't said "I like you" back to Matias. As if he had read their thoughts they both looked at each other, not knowing if Ben knew that it had hurt Matias.
"After the note he just texted me yesterday asking to see me, I guess he wants to explain what happened...the truth is I didn't know what to feel or how to act, so I didn't respond." Ben sighed, as they all helped themselves to a plate and moved into the living room, where they had already arranged the table in front of the couch for dinner on the floor. "I'm not proud of it but...I'm still too angry to see him."
"Thanks for telling us." Nick started, he wanted to be objective and understand that Matias would have his reasons, but he wasn't quite getting there. "You have every right to be angry and hurt."
"What he did was cowardly, sad and humiliating, especially with everything that had happened the night before and everything you talked about and felt." But... thought Charlie, but he didn't say it.
"I've... never felt that way about anyone before. Never." Ben looked down as they all started dinner. "Years of closing myself off to people, to all these things... thinking I didn't deserve them...I finally open up and this happens to me."
"I understand that taking risks and failing is discouraging, but we deserve to keep trying." Charlie tried to cheer him up, as he poured everyone some more wine. "You don't have to talk to him if you don't want to...but something tells me you might like what he has to say."
Ben smiled wryly. "I doubt that very much, he made it clear to me that all he wanted was sex" Charlie knew that wasn't the case, but he understood why Ben thought so. Charlie tensed and took a long drink from his glass, which made Ben notice his expression. "I feel like there's a but you're holding back Charlie."
"Ben..." Nick interrupted, not wanting Charlie to feel forced to betray his friend's trust. He knew Matias felt more of what he let Ben think he felt. "You all know I'm not Mat's biggest fan. But he told us how much he care about you, and you can tell how sorry he is. It's not our place to put words in his mouth, but it is to advise you that if you find it in you to give him another chance...at least listen to him."
Ben thought for a second, and Charlie took advantage of his silence. "That was the but I was holding back. I don't want to be indiscreet but I know Mat is sorry and wants to talk. I think you should give him one more chance to express to you how he feels, and decide from there."
"The most ironic thing of all was that he warned me, he told me plainly "I tend to disappear and want to run away when I feel too much.""
"See? there's a part of you that does believe how he feels about you."
Ben smiled, and let out a wry little laugh as he blushed. "That's why I like you both...you see the best in people."
Charlie and Nick both blushed, but Nick already knew that tactic "There will be time to flirt with us when you don't use that to evade talking about your feelings." Charlie, hearing Nick and realizing it, rolled his eyes.
"That's going to stop working Ben." Charlie couldn't help but feel that flirting was empty.
"I'm sorry...it's not that I don't believe you guys, you just also have to accept that although smart you tend to be a little naive." Ben revealed, and though it hurt Charlie and Nick, the both knew it was true. "Not everyone is like you. Matias isn't like you guys... neither am i..."
"Even if you're right then you'll never know what Mat has to say? If nothing else do it out of curiosity." Charlie added.
"I didn't say that either..." Ben sipped his wine and thought for a second. "I'll listen to him, when i am ready I'll look him up or agree to see him. I just... I don't know if I can or want to forgive him now."
"May I ask what you're waiting for?" asked Nick. "I understand that you don't know what you're going to do with what he tells you...but, not knowing? The longer it goes on, the harder it's going to be."
Ben looked naively at the two of them as he sipped from his glass.
"Are you serious?" When they both nodded Ben smiled again and pointed at the three of them "For this. You guys. This is why I need a little more time to face Mat. I don't know if my heart or head can cope with everything I feel for Mat if I don't first...feel this." Ben's gaze bore into both of them. The scene repeated itself and Nick and Charlie looked flushed. "You guys look so cute like that...and I swear I'm not flirting to evade how I feel. I want to face it, I don't know about forgiving him but at least hearing him, but... it'll sound weird to you guys but..." Ben smiled and chagrined. "Nothing..."
"Now you have to tell us." Nick pressed.
"I don't know if i can...." Ben smiled.
"BEN" Charlie scolded him. "That's not how it's done. You have to tell us."
"We'll...we'll tell you whatever you want back." Nick watched Charlie as he said that, and Charlie blushed and nodded.
"Really?"
"Really." Nick smiled, with that serious, captivating smile that Charlie knew well, and he noticed the reaction this one had on Ben.
"Okay... I'm not usually like that. I'm not usually a polygamist... or feel that much for three people. What I do know is that... your relationship... inspires me." Ben played a little with his food with his fork and lowered his gaze. "And that makes me like you both...like you together, like you...with me." Charlie's heart stopped, and he reached under the table for Nick's hand, who held it tightly, just as eagerly. "I sound like a crazy person, excuse me. I'm not asking you to consider going out with me too...well, at least, not yet. I mean I know this is a date but... I mean..." Ben blushed and fell over. They both knew they hadn't been thinking about going out in a romantic way with him...nor was it something they really wanted. Ben covered his face with his hands. "Am I ruining everything?"
"No, no no no." Charlie and Nick spoke at the same time, but it was still just Nick. "You're not ruining anything. We just want the three of us to be honest. You don't want to listen to Mat because of how you feel about us?"
"After Elle's birthday a part of me felt I had to give up on you guys for him and me to work...and back in my house I actually did... and then he left and... and and I regretted it. Now it's clear to me that I don't have to. I want this... to happen, whatever this is. Then I'll see what to do with him... and how I feel."
"I understand... I guess part of you knows that if Matias is seriously committed to you... you'd both want each other to be monogamous at least at first." Ben nodded, as he sipped at his wine. "I completely understand. It... cost me to open up to the idea of... sharing Nick, if I'm being honest." Nick smiled and sighed, lowering his gaze, as he brought Charlie's hand up to clasp it on top of the table.
"Really love?"
"Sure." Charlie turned to look at Ben. "You'll understand that I managed to get myself such a man, lose him and then get him back... I don't know, I've been pushing my luck a lot."
"I understand you perfectly." Ben winked at Nick. "You feel the same way about Char?" Ben's eyes widened in surprise. "Sorry. Charlie, I know Char is yours Nick."
Nick narrowed his eyes and looked at them both. "Today you might be allowed to call him Char." Neither said it, but both Charlie's and Ben's skin prickled at the boy's words. "Are you kidding? Of course I felt the same way...understanding that Charlie loving someone else doesn't detract from what he loves me is...complicated. Very complicated, especially after losing him."
"So... I can ask you anything?" Ben relaxed a little and stretched backwards, propping his arms behind his back and draping his legs underneath the table, pulling them closer to them. Charlie was sitting cross-legged under the table and Nick had his legs extended out to the side. They both noticed that approach... and were excited for the beginning of something they wouldn't quite know how to control. They both relaxed and nodded, as Nick mimicked Ben, supporting himself with his arms. Charlie moved closer to Nick to rest his head on his shoulder and at the same time be closer to Ben's bare ankles. "Why me? I don't want to judge your judgment but... I feel like I'm a complicated person to have chosen to... experience."
"Well...actually I feel like you chose us." Nick assured, sipping more of his wine.
"I second that. I guess we hadn't really thought about it until you hit on us."
"So you think I hit on you first?" Ben smiled wryly as he took the last bite of his dinner. Charlie had been cautious to serve himself sparingly to control his anxiety... but at the same time being able to finish it. Nick had made sure that he ate in the middle of the day.
"Excuse me? No doubt about it." Nick winked at him, as he still finished his dinner and gathered up the empty plates.
"You don't remember your first messages?" Charlie confronted him.
"You were the ones who sent that first hot picture."
"That was completely innocent, I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh yes. Innocent." Ben pulled out his cell phone and quickly found the photo. "Charlie showing off his beautiful eyes and curls and Nick his smile and arms..." Ben reached over to show them the picture. "When you sent me this... I lost it."
"We only did it because you spent a day flirting with Nick at the apartment... and texting me."
"LIE" Ben looked at them perplexed.
Nick rolled his eyes and pulled out his cell phone. "Besides, then you sent us this picture...freshly showered Ben."
"With those eyes" Charlie joked.
"And with those arms." Nick mimicked his voice to tease him...but it was true, Ben's arms were a sight to behold too. Ben blushed and nudged Nick's foot affectionately, which made them both smile and, without realizing it, Charlie reached down to touch Ben's bare ankle, which sent a jolt of electricity through them both. For a few brief seconds the two were lost in the sensation, and when Nick looked down to see why they were both lost in each other's gaze, Charlie instinctively removed his hand and brought it to his hair to comb it behind his ear, and Ben looked down at both of them.
"You're right...I think I hit on you first." Ben agreed.
"We put in quite a bit of work." Charlie added, leaning back on Nick again.
"How about..." Nick, flushed and a little heated by the exchange he had witnessed, understood that all three were eager for more, so he intended to pursue the growing atmosphere. "We play something."
"What... do you have in mind?" Ben cleared his throat, and looked deeply at Nick, and Nick felt Charlie tense beside him.
"Well... we can... go around proposing... things to do. Say what we'd like to do." Nick reached down and hesitantly thought about touching Ben's other ankle. "May I?" Ben nodded slowly, as Nick put his hand around Ben's other ankle. The space between his socks and pants, and he pinked Charlie's hand a little in the process. They felt Ben's skin tighten in anticipation, and they both smiled.
"Is that what you want to do?" asked Ben, smiling.
"For now." Nick said, using that voice they both loved.
"My turn." Charlie said, and Nick tensed, knowing how good Charlie was at these things. "I'd like Ben to... tell us why he started liking us and what led him to flirt with us."
"Oh am..." Ben blushed. "Well, as you know I always had a silly obsession with both of you, but now that we've met again... I feel that what completely captivated me was the immense gentleness with which you wrapped me. I could not... I could not have forgiven myself, but you did. You showed me love and respect when you didn't have to. That...made me think of you guys again often." Ben sighed, they both knew it wasn't easy for him to say things. "So...now can I ask or propose something myself?" when they both nodded with a smile Ben relaxed a little. "Can we move the table out of the way so we can be a little... closer?"
Nick and Charlie nervously nodded as they pushed the table away from the couch to generate a larger space on the carpet and against the couch. Once the table was out of their way the three of them were able to move closer together, interleaving their legs in the center of the circle, Nick, then Ben, then Charlie. Holding their hands close enough to each other. Charlie felt his heart race as Ben's legs separated Nick's body from his, and for the first time that night he felt a pang of jealousy inside him, but immediately Nick's hand reached for him, and he felt his anxiety subside.
"Better?" Nick asked wryly, and Ben just smiled and agreed. "My turn... Did you start imagining this situation when we sent each other those pictures?"
"Yes... from before it started to feel like a fantasy, but with the pictures and your reactions I knew it could be... a possibility. You're both so... so sexy." Ben smiled. "And so sweet, it was hard to resist."
"We thought the same thing." Nick hesitated blushing.
Charlie smiled, and blushed, feeling relaxed enough to continue the game. "Then can I be completely honest with you?"
"Sure..." Ben opened his eyes wide, hopefully.
"And if I am, can you be honest too and tell us what you think and feel?" Charlie wanted to make sure.
"I'll... I'll try. It's hard for me to open up but... yes, I will." Ben assured.
Charlie sought Nick's gaze, and the brightness and warmth of it made him feel safe as his hand squeezed his. "Do you really want this to happen...now?" Nick didn't know if Charlie noticed how his tone changed, and how his voice morphed into something throaty and sensual, but he did know that Ben noticed.
"Of course." Ben let himself go.
"So... we would like to share certain things, as part of the game but... also to establish boundaries that we have within our relationship. I need you to... do the same for yourself."
"I... sure, of course. Let me know." Ben nodded, moving millimeters closer, watching them both expectantly. "Can I, while I listen to you... hold your hands?" Both their hearts and stomachs melted at the delicacy in which Ben asked that, and together they brought their interlocked hands closer to him, and the three of them laced their fingers together in the center.
"Emmm... I think the first thing would be..." Nick tensed and thought about how to continue, as he took another sip of his wine. "Char and I think it's important that we can talk about everything during this. I know there's a stigma that talking is unsexy and taboo but... we're not like that, we love it and... it turns us on more actually..." Charlie was touched by how flushed Nick got as he spoke, and Ben did the same. "That we talk and tell each other everything. If we want something. If..." Nick gently ran his fingers over both of their hands, and it had the exact effect he would want, bristling both their skin. "If we like something. If we want something to stop. We want to feel comfortable enough to say it and for you to do it."
"Sure... sure." Ben cleared his throat and straightened up a little. "I'll try. Be... vulnerable."
"Exactly." Charlie smiled. "Emmm... we don't want either of us to feel... left out. Nick and I are... very involving with each other. But of course being the... new thing..." Charlie once again flicked his curl behind his ear that clearly didn't want to stay in place. "...You'll get our attention. So...if I feel left out I'll try to say so, and Nick the same. If you feel that way, we'd like you to express it too." Charlie pulled his leg a little closer to Ben, so they could both feel the contact between their thighs. "To... remedy that."
"That's... going to take a little more work." Ben reached up a little and rubbed their intertwined hands together with his thumb. "I respect and admire your relationship very much, I'd hate to be part of a problem or make you feel bad for each other...I don't feel like I can emmmmm...demand your attention." Ben looked down and pressed his legs against them. In that position Nick and Charlie were at his sides, and their torsos were level with his knees.
"I think there's a very big difference between demanding and asking." Charlie reassured him. "It just needs to be communicated."
"And seek it..." Nick glared at him and they both melted a little inside. "Besides, you already have our attention. Your turn Ben, would you like to express something to us, ask us for something or set any limits?"
"About consent... I think we're on the same page by the looks of it. I like to ask everything before I do it..." Ben splayed his fingers between his hands and brought them closer to his forearms. "May I?" Charlie and Nick nodded and gently ran their fingers between his arms, ruffling their skin. "...And I like to be asked before you do...anything to me." Ben looked chagrined to ask that, and Charlie and Nick soothed him with a smile. "Isn't that weird?"
"Why would it be weird, I advised you myself, I'm glad you do it." Nick added, and with that he brought his hand up to his face. "Can I touch your hair?..." Ben nodded and Nick tucked a strand of his hair behind his ear. "We both really like that." Ben smiled, and blushed, and with his hand he reached for Charlie's face.
"Can I do the same to you?" Charlie just smiled and nodded, and let Ben tuck the same curl behind his ear, watching as Nick cleared his throat and blushed at the sight of them.
"Before we go on that note...one other thing we'd like to clarify is that Charlie and I recently took tests and we're both clear of everything." Nick tried to say it like it was the most normal thing in the world, but unfortunately all three of them knew that the world still didn't treat sexual health with the space it deserved.
"Being responsible and sharing it is..." Ben smiled. "Even sexier. I'm negative, about everything. Still..." Ben looked down.
"We have condoms." Charlie reassured him.
"I'm glad." Ben smiled, laughing. "I brought some too. Plus the sunflowers and lots of wine... More wine by the way?" Nick took advantage of the pause to take the plates back to the kitchen. Once all three of their glasses were full again, and they took big gulps, they returned to the position they were in. Intentionally bringing their torso's a little closer together. "I think it's your turn Char." Nick tensed at hearing his nickname from Ben's mouth, and for the first time that night a pang of jealousy arose in him, but he did his best to remedy it within himself.
Charlie, knowing his boyfriend, didn't let the moment pass, holding his hand tightly. "The next point Ben is that... even though both Nick and I are cheesy, and romantic, and we like tenderness and affection and all that stuff... for the time being we'll continue to exist as a monogamous couple."
"Oh" They could both sense a slight disappointment in Ben, and Nick couldn't help but feel better. "But...?"
"That doesn't mean this won't happen or anything. We want this to happen... but we don't know how we'll feel afterwards, and we don't want to commit to you forming this as more of a regular thing if we realize we'd rather stay monogamous... you know?"
"For the moment we want to experience this together, with you. But separately we are still monogamous. If this changes in the future you'll be the first to know." Charlie nodded at Nick's intervention, and Ben seemed to calm down a little.
"For a moment there I thought you had regretted all this." Ben sighed. "I understand perfectly. I think I'd feel the same way if I were in your position." Ben reassured them. "I'm glad you're still not afraid to be cheesy and affectionate with me."
"That's not going to stop, don't worry." added Charlie.
"And with that in mind..." Ben moved his head towards Nick, and looking at Charlie and seeking his approval, seeing Charlie blush and nod, Ben leaned his head back on Nick's shoulder, and with one of his hands stroked Charlie's arms. "Can I start doing this kind of things now?"
"Sure...sure" Nick stammered, and began to stroke Charlie's hand affectionately, pulling himself up a little so that Ben was more comfortable. Charlie froze looking at the image, moving a little closer.
"I don't want you to think I don't respect that boundary. I understand and I'm not going to do anything to transgress it...but..." Ben closed his eyes and settled back into Nick, as he exchanged forearm caresses with Charlie. He looked nervous, but determined. "I also want to be honest with you... Have you... heard of unicorns?"
"Unicorns?" Nick laughed. "The fantastic animals?"
Charlie blushed and rolled his eyes "It's a model for couple relationships of... of three?"
"Oh" Nick tensed and straightened up, and Ben removed his head from his shoulder immediately.
"No... it's not like I'm asking you to be one or anything. Just that... if at some point you guys want to spend more time with me, or you want this to happen again, we can... I don't know... see it happen. I just wanted to make it clear that I'm open to that." Ben retracted his hands nervously and looked down at both of them.
Nick and Charlie met each other's eyes and looked to each other for answers. But they knew they didn't have any.
They both then leaned their heads on Ben's shoulders, and he settled down to support them, shaking with anticipation.
"I don't think we have an answer for that yet Ben" Charlie whispered.
"But...we'll keep it in mind. If anything changes you'll be the first to know."
"Oh...okay" Ben seemed to relax a little. "I had to leave it on the table anyway, don't worry." Ben leaned over Charlie's head and took a deep breath. "I like...having you like this."
"Then that's the way we'll stay." Nick smiled, as they both moved a little closer to Ben's sides. "I want to share with you that I set some specific boundaries for Charlie too, and he set some for me, I hope that...doesn't sound too intense." Ben smiled, and from feeling Nick's voice almost on the back of his neck he shivered a little from the pleasure, and felt his skin bristle. "I'm a very expressive person. I'm very attention seeking, words, saying the...the...the names. So if you hear Charlie say my name or see me more it's because... he knows that I like that and that's important to me."
"I think...seeing Charlie say your name is exactly why I came for." Ben's voice changed, as did Nick's and Charlie's at the time, and both boys felt butterflies in their stomachs.
"Also uh... I wanted to talk to you about something specific of mine." Charlie blurted out, and turned his head to face them. Sensing the movement Nick did the same, and so they realized their faces were only inches apart. The wine, their breaths, and the warm air of the three's bodies hung in the air, and for a moment things settled.
They seemed to no longer be wild and strange and to take a dignified and desired place.
"I em..." Charlie began. "I'm not comfortable with my body. Hardly ever. I have a... severe dysmorphia problem and I've suffered from an eating disorder since high school. Outside of a host of other problems, I feel it's important to say it because...you'll see me nervous, or wanting to hide or not have my body seen." Charlie felt tears pool in his eyes, and for a moment he remembered that Ben's disownment and violence so many years before had been, in part, what had worsened his condition. Nick tensed at the sight of Charlie, and as he found his hand studying Ben's response, ready to pull them out of the situation if Ben didn't respond well. He just watched him as usual. "I need... I need you not to ignore that. That you understand that and make it clear to me that... that I'm safe with you."
Ben let his eyes glaze over and smiled, raising his hand and bringing it up to Charlie's face. "Can I touch your face?" Charlie nodded and let himself rest in Ben's hand. "I know my words won't take away so many years of emotions, but I will endeavor to make it clear to you how beautiful, handsome and sexy I think you are. I'm sorry if...our relationship at school made this all worse. I'm sorry that I was part of the problem. The truth is that just the fact that you noticed me was... truly inexplicable. That you both want to be like this with me now is a true miracle. I plan now to be... part of the solution, I swear Charlie."
Nick smiled reassuringly, as he watched Charlie take a deep breath. "See Char? I'm not the only one who notices that you're gorgeous."
"Of course not." Everyone thought of Mat as Ben said that, but no one said it. "You're not alone Char, I understand the feeling... on the note of insecurities, I'd like to share something with you. I have a hard time speaking... I have a hard time expressing myself, especially in times of great pleasure, I don't know... I get mute, I can't react in time. I panic to say something wrong or not to be able to express well everything I am feeling. So... I decide to keep quiet." Ben lost himself in his memories for a second, and Charlie and Nick thought, not knowing if the other was coming to the same conclusion, if that had been what had happened to him with Mat when he told him he really liked him and Ben didn't respond. They both took another sip of their wine, and approached Ben again, who had already finished his glass. "I'm going to try to be forthcoming, but if I fail, I think you can trust my...body language" Ben stroked a lock of Nick's hair, and continue smiling. "...have trust in my expressions. " Charlie turned his face toward the warm light of the lamp, and his eyes sparkled, which made Ben shudder inwardly and lower his gaze to Charlies wine-reddened lips. "...in my breaths." Ben turned to Nick, and Nick noticed how the same light bounced off his green eyes, and Nick couldn't help but lower his gaze to his lips and bite his own slightly.
Charlie noticed this last interaction...saw the desire on both of their faces, and when Ben finished the sentence and neither of them could take their eyes off each other, he knew that if he didn't do something, they were going to explode.
"Don't stop seeing each other." Charlie whispered, and they both heeded his direction, not quite knowing what was in store for them. "I think it's something we had mentioned to each other Ben...I usually like to lead in these types of situations. I like to feel in control." With that Charlie stood up and sitting behind Ben he draped his legs over Nick's. That way his face was right between the two boys, who were still looking at each other with desire and becoming more and more flushed. Nick responded to Charlie's legs on top of him as expected, moving him a little closer to him and rubbing his thighs, while not taking his eyes off the green-eyed boy. Ben, turned his torso a little so as not to turn his back completely to Charlie, and leaned some of his weight on Charlie's shoulder. "What do you think of that Ben?"
"I...I'm...I'm fine with it." Ben swallowed hard as he locked his gaze on Nick's lips.
"I know Nick really enjoys it when I'm...dominant. don't you love?"
"Very much." Nick whispered, in a voice that sent tingles through both their bodies. "Trust me, it's very good." That was only said to Ben, who nodded, moving a little closer to Nick's lips.
"For that, and for personal reasons, I'm sorry to say Ben that being dominated by Nick...is just my thing, for now." Ben let out a slight nervous laugh, and Charlie doubted he had been too possessive, but when he noticed his boyfriend's erection below his knees, and Ben's gaze locked on his own lips, he knew he was doing it right.
"I guess it's only fair...as nice as it sounds to be dominated by...you, Nelson, I guess I'll just have to earn it" That was only said to Nick, as he was still pinned to Charlie's lips.
Nick just let out a deep breath before continuing. "Although dominating you both sounds good...whatever Char tells me is orders." Charlie nodded and smiled as he left a kiss on Nick's cheek, a slow one designed to be watched by Ben, who almost felt his own mouth between both lips. "By the same token...Charlie is the only one who can...be top with me...for now."
Ben tensed at how blunt Nick had gotten. While the idea of being top with Nick was somewhat appealing, for now he was too lost in the idea of being top with Charlie, and being bottom for Nick. So shivering and imagining all this, he decided to go with the growing atmosphere, and thought about what to respond while he didn't know which lips to concentrate on. "Although that sounds great... I had other things in mind for today..."
Images of what they thought the night would be like next invaded the imagination of the three boys as fast as a train. Images and sensations that matched deep desires they couldn't quite express.
"How about if, if you let me hold your neck and you tell us what you had in mind?" Charlie moved his hand closer to the back of his neck, and before touching him waited for Ben's response. The corner of his mouth twitched in a secret smile.
"Sure umm... you can touch me, and... what I had in mind..." Charlie grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled him a little closer to both of them, while Nick held Charlie by the waist and pulled him a little closer to Ben. The inches that separated the three lips seemed like miles. "...I can't help but think that...we could...."
"Say it." Charlie whispered, as he nuzzled his never and Nick licked his lips thinking about Ben's.
"I can't stop thinking about fucking you Charlie, and Nick fucking me." Ben skipped the sentence trying to swallow the sorrow he still had, and as he felt both boys' skin bristle with anticipation he felt reassured. Their desires were shared.
"That...has to happen" Nick whispered. "But first...can I hold your face?" Ben nodded, and Nick caressed his cheek, drawing him a little closer to him. "First I'd like that kiss I owe you... Char...?"
"Nick, I... I'd... like you to kiss him." Charlie felt a strange mixture of jealousy and desire he had never experienced before, and seeing Ben's anticipation for the act he held his boyfriend by the back of the neck and pulled them closer together.
"Please." Ben closed his eyes and smiled as Nick approached him.
The kiss was slow and passionate, charged with all the hunger that had formed between the two boys over the past few weeks. Charlie lived the circumstance as if he were not in his body, and floated around him like a ghost. He knew how much the two of them had wanted that moment. He never thought he would somehow enjoy watching Nick kiss and hold another boy's face with such desire. Jealousy swirled in his stomach and for a second there was almost a twinge of pain inside him...until he felt Ben's hand fearfully reach for his neck. Nick held his hips tightly and pulled Charlie to him as he finished kissing Ben and broke away to meet the gaze of the love of his life.
They weren't sure if things were any different than they thought they would be, but the thrill of doubt and anticipation drank up their every cell.
Hunger, doubt and affection invaded Nick's gaze as he sought validation in his boyfriend's eyes, and Charlie just let go and, propelled by Ben's hand on the back of his neck, kissed Nick back.