I pray for this heart to be unbroken... but without you all I'm going to be is... incomplete…
Harry's POV
I kept turning and tossing in the cold bed, my head never giving me the permission to fall in an eight hour slumber, for days now. Rebecca's cold stare and cruel words at the changing rooms are deeply sank into my brain. The room is dark and the light is dim. So fucking ugly and dead. That's how everything looks to me.
Suddenly my phone started vibrated and I groaned. I wasn't in a mood to talk to Dan or Niall and tell them why I didn't go to the club with them. There was no way I would tell them that after Rebecca's and I's small fight I didn't feel like going anywhere but to the hole of my misery. And this room makes me feel like I'm in a fucking cell and its walls are closing me even tighter, isolating me, making it harder to breathe.
With my eyes closed and frustration flooding through me, my hand reached to grab my phone. I answered the call and brought the phone to my ear.
“Hello?”
Silence for a few seconds, making me furrow my brows. Wait, there's no noise coming from behind and no voices laughing and cheering. Who the hell is—
“Why can't I fucking get you out of my head? Why do you like to play with me?!”
My eyes snapped open and my heart was sent on the edge. Rebecca? I was shocked, I definitely didn't expect her to call me. I wanted this to happen two days ago when I broke the wall in the shower, but now..I thought she wouldn't want ro hear my voice, especially after the fight.
“I..Rebecca? What...” I was at a lost of words. Is this seriously happening? I pulled the phone away from my ear to make sure I'm not imagining things. I saw her name on the screen and then I realised it was true. Holy fuck. Rebecca is calling me.
“You just have to be part of everything I do? Why do you just have to make me think of you without my will?” she hissed, making me cringe for a moment. What is she talking about? Is she seriously thinking that way?
I quickly recovered from the shock and spoke. “I'm not doing anything. You want to think of me. You just don't want to accept it.” I stated.
“No. I'm fucking over you but you don't want to get out of my head.” This is kind of true, but even if I wanted to enter her mind, I can't, because Louis probably did something to her that day and then he came to threaten me. That means that I'm not messing with her head, but that she wants to think of me. It's quite funny how she throws the blame to me, isn't it?
“You're obviously not over me, Rebecca. Just like I'm not over you.” I fought the urge to chuckle.
“You think it's funny? You think someone hurting because of you is a joke? Are you seriously that much of a jerk?” She was definitely angry, and her growl was threatening, but not scary enough to make me give in. I finally have my chance to talk to her and tell her what I wanted, so I'm not going to lose it.
“I never thought of you as a joke. Everything I said was true.” I admitted. As much as it sounds as a lie, it's the fucking true.
She laughed sarcastically. It wasn't that laugh that would make my heart plummer with warmth. No, it actually made me shiver. “Yeah right, stop saying such things because I will never, ever believe you again.” she shot, making my stomach tighten.
“You don't have to believe me. I'm not the one who controls your feelings, Rebecca.”
“Oh really? Then who?”
“Your heart.”
Silence from the other line, making my insides twist. I hoped that would make her feel something again. I hoped that would bring some memories back to her mind, memories that will remind her her love for me.
“You know what's funny, Harry?” she started, making me feel kind of disapointed.
“What?” I tried to hide my disapointment.
“That you believe that I still have a heart even though she doesn't exist.”
Her words hurt me so much, that I wished I had the courage to tell her that I regret everything I did. But I knew, I knew she loves me, it's the only thing I'm sure of in this world.
“That's what the pain makes you think. I know your heart still holds love, Rebecca. You still love me. You are lying to everyone and to yourself.” it's true. She keeps lying to herself, trying to make her believe that she doesn't love me.
“You're the one that's lying to himself, Harry! Wake the fuck up! I don't want to have to do anything with you anymore! I don't love you! I'm fucking done with you. Get it inside your head!” she yelled in my ear, making me flinch again. Her anger was amusing, but her words were hilarious. Does she really expect me to believe that?
“You know what's funny, Rebecca?” I laughed, even though I tried not to.
“What?” she sounded even more angry than before.
“That you think that by denying your love to me I will stop trying for us.”
There was a silence for a few seconds before I heard her sigh. I was sure that those words made her feel something. Something. I needed to make her feel. I knew I was the only one capable of doing that.
“I hate you for making me feel like shit all the time, do you know that?” hearing her admitting that made me chuckle.
“Yeah, I'm sure everyone else thinks the same.”
Silence for a few more seconds, every second felt like torture to me. I needed her to tell me she feels something besides showing me her anger and telling me she hates me. Or telling me what the others would want her to say.
“That's what changed everything right?” I asked, feeling my eyelids heavier.
“What?”
“Everyone else's words. They kept pushing you and pushing you to leave me. And now they succeeded.”
“It doesn't have to do with them. It has to do with what you did to me.”
Is he being serious? She doesn't even know the whole truth and she makes decision such painful as this?
I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Ah for fuck's sake how many times am I going to tell you that I never cheated on you? Let me fucking explain Rebecca, please!” I said exasperatedly, wanting to make her just listen. I'm not asking much.
“I don't need your explanations or your lies.” she was being so cold, it crashed me down.
No, I have to be strong. Keep on trying.
“But it will change everything. You will realise that I was telling you the truth.”
“No. It won't. And you know why? Because it's not just the fact that you cheated on me. It's the fact that you keep lying, that you keep ignoring me. I can't trust you again after that, Harry. I'm sorry.” I could feel and hear her crying. Shit, hearing her being like that hurts twice than before.
“You're my fucking everything. I told you I didn't deserve you. I told you I'm a fuck up and I don't know how to be worth of your love. Remember what you said to me? That you will always be there for me, that you will love me no matter what. I miss that Rebecca. I miss you, the old you, the passionate one, the one that never stopped trying no matter what.” I sighed, stupid, frustrating tears forming in my eyes. “It's probably my fault that you are who you are now. I'm sorry..” I wish I could apologise thousand times to this beautiful, but broken girl.
“I don't need your apologies.” her voice was shakey. “They don't matter anymore. What's done is done. We can't just delete our past. And I definitely can't just forget everything that I've been through.” she sobbed. Oh fuck, I made her cry again. She's so fucking right.
I fucking ruined everything in her life. I came to destroy everything and then ask for forgiveness. I can't be that selfish. I can't try to make it up to her when there's nothing that can ease the pain. There's nothing I can to do bring her back to me. There's no point on fighting for something that will only make me happy and not her. It's not fair, especially for her.
“I'm sorry, Rebecca. You're right.” I gasped. Fuck, this room feels like there's no oxygen in it. Tears escaped my eyes, burning the corners of my eyes. “You didn't deserve to go through all that because of me. I...I fucked up your life and broke your heart...I guess I was just hoping that because you were so kind and so strong, you would help me come out of the darkness. I'm sorry, Rebecca.” My heart felt like she was being ripped apart but I knew I had to make this decision.
For her.
“I...”
“Don't worry, Rebecca. I won't bother you again.” I said. “It's time for you to be happy. You deserve it. But just remember, that I love you, with all my heart and soul, because I thought I didn't have any of them, but you brought them back to my body. I mean it, Rebecca. I fucking love you, okay? And–and I want you to find a way to happiness. I..I wish you all the best in the world. I know you're a strong girl.” I tried to chuckle as I felt proud for my girl. “I love you. Take care.” End then I hung up.
I wiped away the tears and gasped for air. This is what she wanted. This is what I gave her. This is only for her. Me? Screw me. I gave her her life back, and I don't want anything else, as much as it hurt.
Rebecca's POV
Three Days Later.
“But you have to eat.” Louis insisted, holding the tray in his hands and staring down at me.
“I don't want to.” I muttered, staring down at my phone.
“Rebecca, you have to eat for three days.” Zayn sighed from next to him.
“And you also haven't left the house. You need to go out, breathe some fresh air.” Louis added.
“I don't want to.” I repeated robotically.
“Come on, Becca, do it for us.” Zayn urged.
“We don't like seeing you like that.” Louis said.
“Please, just eat the croissant,” Zayn asked gently.
“I don't want to.”
“She's been saying that sentensce for three days now.” Louis rolled his eyes and groaned.
“What happened? Did you and Harry talk?” Zayn asked, sounding worried.
“Actually..we did.” I mumbled, my chest tightening as some of his painful words hit my ears.
“What?” Zayn and Louis said the same time.
“What did he say that has gotten you like this?” Louis growled.
“I knew I should have killed him and not listened to you.” Zayn grumbled.
“Rebecca love, please talk to us.” Louis said gently as he placed the tray of food next to me on the bed.
I looked up at them, seeing their worried expressions. “He said what I wanted to hear.” I answered lowly.
“What?” Zayn asked, standing in the doorway.
“That he's not going to bother me anymore and that he wants me to be happy. He put an end to this.” My voice cracked at the end.
Louis and Zayn sighed out of relief and looked at each other. “Finally!” Zayn claimed.
“Thank God he realised!” Louis said.
My eyes started watering and I didn't even feel it. I stared up at them as they started saying how happy they were and I wondered: why can't I be as happy as them with Harry's decision?
They then turned to look at me and their smiles dissapeared almost immidiately. Worry covered their features again and they both took a seat next to me on the bed from both sides.
“What's wrong, love? Why are you crying?”
Oh I'm already crying? I had no idea.
“Talk to us babe.” Zayn said softly.
It's time to admit it, Rebecca. Stop hiding it anymore. There's no reason for you to hide your feelings.
I sniffled. “Guys..I'm going to be completely honest with you..okay? I'm going to say what I've been hiding all this time...” I said and they nodded.
“Okay..what is it?” Louis said slowly.
Say it.
Do it.
I took a deep breath and suddenly felt something that for three days I haven't: my heart beating.
Say it.
“I still love him. More than anything.”
They both gasped in shock and gave me bewildered looks. I quietly cried and wiped away the tears as Louis and Zayn stared at each other, blinking.
“C'mon, this can't be true!” Zayn said, facepalming himself.
“Jesus, Rebecca, are you being serious now?” Louis asked, staring at me with blue wide eyes.
I nodded.
Zayn groaned and stood up, pacing back and forth as Louis shook his head in disaproval.
“Why?” Zayn turned to look at me with a frustrated, strange look. “What does he have that makes you fall for him? How can you still love him?” He asked, confused.
“He's right, Rebecca, he cheated on you, isn't that enough evidence that he's nor worth it?” Louis said, giving me a worried look.
“I thought you were over him? I thought you stopped loving him?” Zayn said, narrowing his eyes.
“I did — or maybe I thought I did. I was just so..heartbroken..that I forced myself to believe that I was done with him because I deserve to be with someone better..But I don't want anyone else. I just want him.” I admitted.
Louis sighed. “Oh God...” he mumbled, covering his face with his hands.
Silence for a few seconds. Zayn was glaring at the floor and Louis had his face out of my sight since he was hiding it in his hands. I didn't even feel guilty for still loving Harry. I was mad at myself for still having feelings for him, and that was why I was being in denial. I didn't want to admit it, because I found it unfair, mostly for me. But I did admit it to myself after that call.
“Zayn, come outside with me please.” Louis said and stood up.
“No. Whatever you have to say say it here, not behind my back.” I snapped.
Louis and Zayn turned to look at me. “Fine.” Louis said. “What are we going to do now, Zayn? Now that she still loves him?” he looked at Zayn.
Zayn shook his head. “I have no idea, man.” he said truthfully.
“There's nothing you can do.” I said, making them look at me. “Harry thinks I don't want him in my life, and he's gone now.” As much as it hurt saying it, it was the truth.
I didn't want him in my life at first, because it wasn't fair, having him playing with my feelings. I deserve beter so I drowned my love and locked it in the darkness. I thought that I would get over him, that I will move on this way, but I was wrong. And now I lost Harry, for good. It was a mistake, I know, but I think Harry deserved to be pained just like I did all this time.
“Why were you lying to us all this time, Rebecca?” Zayn asked, shaking his head gently.
“I'm sorry — I thought that I would convince myself that I don't love him by saying so. If everyone else believes it, then I would too, that's what I thought.” I admitted.
“God dammit, Rebecca,” Louis cursed, resting his hands on his hips. “We tried to make him believe that you don't love him and now that he does..what are we going to say?” he gave me a frustrated look.
“Not you, not me, not anyone. We won't say anything. Guys, he moved on, don't drag him back because of me.” I said firmly.
“Who gives a fuck about him?” Zayn said carelessly. I gave him a blank look and he rolled his eyes. “Okay, you care, but seriously, it's not him the point here, but you. We want you to be happy.”
“Hey! I want him to be happy, too.” Louis claimed, giving Zayn a look.
“Fine, but I only care about Rebecca.” Zayn said.
Louis turned to look at me. “Seriously Rebecca, how can you still be in love with him?” he asked.
“When you love someone, you don't care about his flaws, or mistakes.” I replied simply, shrugging. “I wish it hurts less, though.” I added.
“Alright, I'm literally shocked with how much you care about that guy.” Zayn admitted.
“I wish you could see things from my point of view.” I sighed, glancing at the tray of food.
“And what are you going to do now? Are you going to let him go?” Louis asked.
“I don't want to make him feel as if I'm playing with him, one day I'm telling him we're over and the next telling him that I love him. So..I'm just going to let everything go the way faith wants.” I answered.
“Are you sure, you love him? Isn't it just the feeling that you miss him? It's love?” Zayn asked, scrunching his brows.
I knew the answer to that question pretty well.
“Yes.”
“Oh my God...” Zayn muttered, staring at me in awe. “You are something..”
I chuckled. Louis smirked and crossed his arms over his chest. “I told you she is stronger than we thought.” He said, nudging Zayn's shoulder lightly.
“You know what's better for you, Rebecca. I just hope you don't end up hurt again.” Zayn said, shrugging lightly.
I nodded and cracked a smile. “Thank you guys for everything. I love you so much.” I said, opening my arms.
They smiled and walked towards me before wrapping their arms around me. I hugged them back, glad that I have such amazing friends. If it wasn't for them, I would be in a worse status.
“Now eat all the food I brought you.” Louis said as he pulled back.
I chuckled. “Fine.” I gave in, even though I didn't really want to eat.
Louis gasped and looked over at Zayn. “Can you feel it?” he asked and Zayn furrowed his brows.
“What?”
“The aura around her — the light is back!” Louis announced, making me smile.
“Really?” Zayn and I asked the same time.
“Yes. Oh thank God!” Louis sighed with a smile.
“I'm so happy for you, Rebecca.” Zayn smiled kindly at me, chocolate eyes shining.
“Thanks.” I smiled back. “I have an idea.”
“What?” Louis asked.
“I want to dye my hair. Not all of it. Just the ends. But I don't want to go alone. Who wants to come?”
“If it's a hair thing than you should definitely take Zayn with you.” Louis cackled.
“Sure, I'll come.” Zayn said simply.
“Good, thanks.”
“Now eat your food. All of it.” Louis ordered before him and Zayn left the room, leaving me alone in my room.
I sighed and glanced at the phone next to me. Should I call Harry and tell him? Does he really deserve another chance? My stomach grumbled and I knew that I should better make a decision after I eat so I don't have to think of too many things at the same time.
_______________________________________
A/N: Emotional chapter comes next time! It's definitely one of my faves!! Thoughts?? What do you think is going to happen?? Did you think she really had stopped loving Harry or not? What do you think about Harry's POV?
Thank you for reading! Lots of love xxx :)