What are we fighting for?..
Rebecca's POV
"I'll be fine guys, seriously, you don't have to stay here and babysit me." I groaned, holding the door open.
"I can stay with you and we can watch a movie or something." Emily suggested, moving her hands.
I shook my head. "No, you girls go have fun, you don't have to stay here with me." I assured.
Hannah and Emily locked unsure looks and I sighed. "Go." I shooed, moving my hand.
They both nodded. "Alright, but if you need anything just call us, okay?" Hannah said, pointing at me.
"Yes. Have fun and don't drink too much." I teased and they both chuckled.
"Can't promise you that, dear." Emily winked.
Hannah pushed her. "Let's go, bye Becca!" she blew me a kiss before the giggling girls walked down the hallway.
"Bye." I called after them and closed the door.
I sighed heavily and walked over to my bed before taking a seat. After Harry's and I's intense small fight, I don't feel like going to the club, or doing anything else. His eyes..they woke up the pain inside of me and his words..they made my heart tug.
Why does he still have that affect on me? Why does he still have to make me feel this way when I don't want to do this anymore?
You know why but you don't want to admit it.
I shook my head to get rid of the thought. That stupid voice in my head has judged me more than thousand times already, I don't want to experience it again. I closed my eyes shut and grabbed a pillow before hiding my face in it. Harry's voice won't leave my head alone for just a damn second. It's like a tape that keeps playing on rewind.
"Stop lying to me and to yourself! You know you still love me and you know deep down that I wouldn't ever hurt you in such a terrible way!"
No, that's not true. I don't feel the same way as I did. I don't know him at all. He's a complete liar and a very good actor. He was acting all this time and I believed him. That hurts my ego and my confidence. I feel so stupid, because every lie he said I believed it was true.
"Just let yourself feel it. Let your heart speak instead of your mind."
He doesn't even know how empty I feel inside, how can he say that? How can he just through the 'heart' thing in my face whilst he knows damn well that he broke her into pieces and now she doesn't exist? Anger flooded through me and I pulled back the pillow, my eyes glaring ahead.
I stood up and grabbed the telephone that was on the nightstand before ordering a bottle of wine. I should just drown my misery with wine. I waited for a few minutes, pacing back and forth, my hands fidgeting with my tee. I needed to drink. The thought that Harry was probably going to the club with the team tonight haunted my mind. He's going to be there and get drunk and God knows what he'll do.
Minutes later, I had knocks on the door. The young man brought my wine and a glass and I thanked him before I closed the door and placed the cold bottle on the bed. I needed to drink all of it but for a moment I wasn't sure if only one bottle will be enough. You're not that much of a drunker either way, Rebecca. I sighed and kept pacing back and forth, Harry's words always following after me.
This shouldn't be happening all over again. I shouldn't be hurt because of what he said. I shouldn't be worried about him going to the club. I shouldn't be thinking of him all the damn time.
I opened the bottle of wine and poured my glass before taking large swings. It was sweet and amazing on my tongue and it brought warmth to my throat and chest, but I still had shivers every time Harry's pained look flashed before my eyes.
I poured more wine into my glass and quickly gulped it down. I felt kind of sleepy and dizzy, but that didn't stop me from drinking more and more. I grabbed my phone to read all the unread texts he had texted me days ago.
Harry: Rebecca please answer my calls, I have to talk to you, you don't know the truth yet.
Harry: Don't do this, please answer me.
Harry: You left Chicago? Without giving me a chance to explain? Rebecca why are you doing this? You know damn well that I would never do that to you.
Harry: I'm worried about you, please just text me back that you're safe.
Harry: Answer me!
Harry: I can't believe you've done that. Please answer? I can't stop thinking about you.
Harry: I fucking love you! Why are you doing this to me?
That's it. I can't read any more. I lock my screen and place my phone next to me. I can't do it when he says he loves me. My heart is shaking every time he says those words. It's ironic really, how all these months I wished he would love me back and now I don't give a damn about it.
Lies.
I drank more wine until tears blurred my eyes and my head was dizzy. I let a sarcastic laugh, because here I am again, being a mess because of him. He's probably at the club now, drinking and flirting with another girl, or even hooking up with her because he just compelled her to do it.
Lea...Lea...How the fuck is she? Is the girl I saw in that nightmare? It could be, right? Otherwise why would I see her? The demon wanted to hurt me. I should've taken that as a warning and walked away from Harry the next morning.
"Just remember that I love you when you go to sleep in another man's arms again, okay?"
Anger coursed me that very moment when those words replayed in my head. I wanted to yell at him. I wanted to fucking scream at him that I'm so mad at him and that I hate him for destroying me like that.
So without hesitation, I grabbed my phone and dialed his number. There's no way he's going to answer. He's at the club, remember? I waited impatiently, with the alcohol running sweetly in my veins and giving me courage. I'm going to fucking yell at him for making me feel like shit again-
"Hello?"
My heart came up to my throat at his raspy voice coming from the other line. I listened closely and the only thing I could hear, was his uneaven breaths. Not defeaning noise. No drunk laughs and loud music. Just him. He's not at the club. Something inside of me was brought to life.
"Why can't I fucking get you out of my head? Why do you like to play with me?!" I said angrily, holding tightly the glass in my hand.
"I..Rebecca? What..." he seemed completely shocked by my voice.
"You just have to be part of everything I do? Why do you just have to make me think of you without my will?" I hissed.
"I'm not doing anything. You want to think of me. You just don't want to accept it."
"No. I'm fucking over you but you don't want to get out of my head." I hissed, tightening my grip on the glass even more.
"You're obviously not over me, Rebecca. Just like I'm not over you." he sounded amused and it only pissed me off even more.
"You think it's funny? You think someone hurting because of you is a joke? Are you seriously that much of a jerk?" I growled.
"I never thought of you as a joke. Everything I said was true."
I let a sarcastic laugh. "Yeah right, stop saying such things because I will never, ever believe you again." I shot.
"You don't have to believe me. I'm not the one who controls your feelings, Rebecca."
"Oh really? Then who?"
"Your heart."
I parted my lips to speak but I closed it again. Something inside of me felt alive again. What the hell is going on with me? I took a long swing of my wine, gaining more confidence and courage before pouring some more wine.
"You know what's funny, Harry?" I started.
"What?"
"That you believe that I still have a heart even though she doesn't exist."
"That's what the pain makes you think. I know your heart still holds love, Rebecca. You still love me. You are lying to everyone and to yourself."
"You're the one that's lying to himself, Harry! Wake the fuck up! I don't want to have to do anything with you anymore! I don't love you! I'm fucking done with you. Get it inside your head!" I yelled. Why is it so hard for him to realise?
"You know what's funny, Rebecca?" he laughed, angering me even more.
"What?" I said angrily and brought the glass to my lips.
"That you think that by denying your love to me I will stop trying for us."
His words made tears form into my eyes. It hurt hearing him say that. I felt tired. Tired of being angry to him. Tired by being in denial and hurt.
I sighed heavily and layed back down. "I hate you for making me feel like shit all the time, do you know that?" I admitted.
He chuckled. "Yeah, I'm sure everyone else thinks the same."
Silence for a few seconds.
"That's what changed everything right?"
I furrowed my brows. "What?"
"Everyone else's words. They kept pushing you and pushing you to leave me. And now they succeeded."
"It doesn't have to do with them." I argued, shaking my head. "It has to do with what you did to me."
He sighed. "Ah for fuck's sake how many times am I going to tell you that I never cheated on you? Let me fucking explain Rebecca, please!" he said exasperatedly.
"I don't need your explanations or your lies."
"But it will change everything. You will realise that I was telling you the truth."
"No. It won't. And you know why? Because it's not just the fact that you cheated on me. It's the fact that you keep lying, that you keep ignoring me. I can't trust you again after that, Harry. I'm sorry." tears rolled down my cheeks.
"You're my fucking everything. I told you I didn't deserve you. I told you I'm a fuck up and I don't know how to be worth of your love. Remember what you said to me? That you will always be there for me, that you will love me no matter what. I miss that Rebecca. I miss you, the old you, the passionate one, the one that never stopped trying no matter what." he sighed. I stood there with my phone to my ear, my lower lip trembling. "It's probably my fault that you are who you are now. I'm sorry.."
"I don't need your apologies." I said, my voice shakey. "They don't matter anymore. What's done is done. We can't just delete our past. And I definitely can't just forget everything that I've been through." I sobbed. I didn't want him to hear me being so pained, but I couldn't help it.
"I'm sorry, Rebecca. You're right." he gasped and my heart cracked. Oh no. He's crying...he's fucking crying. "You didn't deserve to go through all that because of me. I...I fucked up your life and broke your heart...I guess I was just hoping that because you were so kind and so strong, you would help me come out of the darkness. I'm sorry, Rebecca." my tears connected to my lips as I heard how vulnerable he sounded.
"I..." No words came out. Only sobs.
"Don't worry, Rebecca. I won't bother you again." he said, shocking me. The air thickened in the room and a pang of pain hit my heart. "It's time for you to be happy. You deserve it. But just remember, that I love you, with all my heart and soul, because I thought I didn't have any of them, but you brought them back to my body. I mean it, Rebecca. I fucking love you, okay? And-and I want you to find a way to happiness. I..I wish you all the best in the world. I know you're a strong girl." he let a light chuckle that was mixed with a sob. "I love you. Take care." and after that, he ended the call.
A jolt of panic flooded through me. "H-Harry?" I stammered. "Harry?" it hurt now more than ever, because I felt that this time, he truly gave up on us.
I suddenly squeezed the glass too tight and make it break, the small pieces slicing my skin and making me flinch. I cried and stood up before making my way to the bathroom. With no more tears to waste, I turned on the water and cleaned the blood on my hand. I then saw I had no cuts or wounds and a small sigh of relief washed through me. Being an angel probably proctets you from everything.
Except the heartbreak.
He knows it's done.
He decided to put an end.
He wants me to be happy and move on just like I did.
What's the weirdest thing of love? That this is what I wanted. This is what I tried to succeed and now that I did, I don't feel better. If this is what I wanted, then why don't I feel happy? Why don't I feel okay? Why does it hurt?
You know why...but you just don't want to admit it.
There's no point now, since there's no going back. Harry doesn't want to try. He's done just like I felt I was. Or thought I was.
He was right.
I was lying to myself, because I wasn't ready to put an end to this.
But now, it's all over. For good.
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A/N: Next chapter will have Harry's POV from that emotional conversation so you'll have the chance to know both of their feelings whilst talking on the phone. Sorry it's small, I really wanted to update. The end is coming...be ready.
Thank you for reading. Lots of loveee :) x