Song recomendation for the chapter: Deep end. - Holly Humberstone.
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The four were petrified for a second as the guilt on Charlie and Matias' faces melted, and they both held on to each other to keep the other one from falling. Ben and Nick turned to look at each other in confusion, as they both held the doors to both spaces leading into the hallway.
Ben ran away from their gaze, and Nick could feel the guilt and surprise overflowing him.
He wasn't exactly sure how... but in his heart he knew everything already... though consciously not yet.
"Char... are you okay?" Nick was the first to speak, nervously, approaching Charlie who turned to look at him with a slightly blank stare. When Mat heard Nick's voice he immediately let go of Charlie and took a step away from being between them, more nervous than he wanted to show.
"Ben can we...go outside for a second?" Mat clung his gaze to Ben, who perplexedly rotated his gaze between the three of them.
"Sure." Ben reached over to Matias and took his hand, looking at Charlie... but when Nick sought his gaze he didn't meet it again.
They both walked out into the party leaving Nick and Charlie alone at an awkward distance.
"Nick I..." Charlie had tears in his eyes and his arms crossed, and Nick noticed how he held his arm in pain, picking at the fabric above his scars, as he did when... things hurt too much.
Guilt. Charlie was overflowing with guilt and anger. Nick understood what had happened...but he couldn't let himself make assumptions.
"Can I...hold you?" Nick felt a lump in his throat, knowing that this was generated by his own guilt and whatever was emanating from Charlie. Charlie said nothing and just threw himself into his arms, clinging to his neck. Nick wrapped his arms around him and pressed him to his body. Leaning his head against his curls and rocking him a little to soothe him. As was usual with their hugs, he carried him a little and put him on his shoes. They stayed like that for a few seconds, not knowing what to say.
Lying would be easy, Nick thought. But it was all too clear... too parallel. They both knew what was going on in the opposite room. No matter how much it hurt, they both knew they had to face this with maturity and honesty if they wanted to keep the other...and keep whatever they were feeling for Matias and Ben.
"Nick I'm...I'm so...sorry...so sorry." Charlie cried, and his voice sounded cracked.
"Did Ben did something to you?"
"No.. no no no."
"Okay..." Nick understood even more. "I... I'm so sorry too beautiful... me too." Nick closed his eyes and tried to swallow the anger he felt, diluted by guilt.
"Can we... talk more calmly after the party?"
"I think we could... leave when we need to." Nick soothed him with a kiss on the forehead.
"I think that would be rude to Elle." Charlie stilled his tears and pulled back a little to look at Nick's face. They both looked serious and angry...sad and with lots and lots of guilt...but affection was the bottom of it all, thankfully. Charlie gave him a kiss on the cheek and Nick tried to smile at him sincerely, but didn't quite succeed.
"Well... we can party with her some more and..." Nick was interrupted by Ben and Matias coming back into the house, clearly angry and serious but needing to cross over the hallway.
"Guys we...we're leaving." Ben was the one who could speak. Neither of them could see them. Nick tried to catch both of their gazes but got nowhere. "I think... we can talk later, more calmly."
"Yeah umm... good idea." Nick managed to formulate.
Matias and Charlie tried to speak but neither succeeded, they just nodded and tried to smile. When they were both out of the hallway Charlie fondly held Nick's hand and continued.
"You're right... I think it's time for us to go and talk, it's late anyway... Can we stay at your place?"
"Sure...but first, I think we should steal us some pizza."
Charlie smiled, clinging to his side. "Thinking about pizza now?"
"Sure..." Nick grinned. "It's always time for pizza. Come on...let's say goodbye to the girls and go get pizza."
Nick slipped one of his arms around Charlie's shoulders and guided them out into the garden.
Actually most of their friends were too drunk and entertained to protest them leaving, and if you asked Nick, Elle and Tao seemed to wish the party would end and they could...be alone. As did Tara, Darcy and Isaac, who were already looking a little tired. Elle and Tao kept their hands on each other, curled up in a chair whispering things in each other's ears. Sahar and Impogen were dancing nonstop, but Nick knew they had plans to leave for dinner soon. Nick managed to grab several pieces of pizza to return home, and on the way back, as they walked through the night streets close together in the cold, he saw Charlie take a couple of bites of a slice, but stopped himself from finishing it.
When they arrived and both changed out of their outfits into a warmer pair of pajamas, they sat cross-legged on the bed, with the bedside lamp on. Nick had lent him a sand-colored hoodie and purple pants, and he himself wore another gray hoodie and red shorts, Charlie was starting to shiver with cold, even though it wasn't that bad... and Nick, touched, wrapped him in an extra knitted blanket.
Charlie looked adorable wrapped in his blanket, taking little gulps of his peppermint tea. Hiding his blue eyes in the steam. Staying mad at him was too complicated when he looked like this. They spent some time in silence, letting each other breathe and caressing each other from time to time... but they couldn't avoid the subject forever.
Lying to each other would be easy... but impossible.
"You're staring a lot." Charlie blushed, as he took another swig of his tea. "Are you cold? We can share the blanket."
"It's just that you look so cuddly...it's not that cold Char." Nick held one of his feet affectionately, tugging it a little to annoy him.
"Another one of the nice effects of my eating disorder." Charlie said rolling his eyes, taking another swig of his tea. It was true that it generated even more chill....
Nick tensed, sitting up a little, since he had already introduced the subject he had to continue. "Char i don't...I don't want to sound out of...place but...." Nick moved the remaining slices of pizza over to their plates. He had devoured his...Charlie hadn't eaten a single one. "I think...it might be a good idea for you to finish the slice you started." Nick didn't know if he was handling it right, but he couldn't just let it go. "I can reheat it for you if you want, or if you don't feel like pizza I can make you something else. I..."
"Nick." Charlie put his tea down and stretched to put it on the nightstand, while holding Nick's foot as he did in affection. "I guess you're just saying that because... Matias told you."
Nick just nodded, unsure how to proceed.
Charlie sighed, and turned to look at the unfinished slice of pizza. He picked it up and took another bite.
"Sorry Char...I don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you...I don't know if me doing this is the right thing."
"Don't worry Nicky. Like I said... I have bad days, and good days. Today I was really anxious about the whole surprise and party and Ben and Matias and you and... things got out of control. I promise to be more careful."
"You don't have to promise anything." Nick reached up from his foot to rub his ankle, a little under the pants he'd lent him. "Remember, you don't have to be all right all the time... i just...I wish you wouldn't hide those parts of you from me."
"I don't...I just...you weren't there and Mat was and...believe me it wasn't that i wanted to hide it from you..."
"Char, seriously it's okay. You don't have to justify yourself to me. I just... I feel really guilty for not noticing during the day."
"That's exactly why...I didn't wanted to tell you." Charlie sighed. Nick nodded slightly. "I knew you were going to blame yourself for not noticing"
"So you were trying to hide it frome me. Again, i just want to understand." Nick said, frowning. Charlie just nodded, guilty. "I figured as much. Mat told me but...I think he was right to tell me Charlie...I understand not wanting to worry or put a burden on me that you say isn't mine, but nothing that comes from you I consider a burden love. I can't decide not to worry about you precious... Charlie I am here, with you, because I want everything from you. Not just the perfect pretty things. All of it. I don't want history to..." Nick slumped, looking out the window.
"To repeat it self." Charlie surmised, reliving the night they'd broke up.
Memories of the weeks before their big fight came rushing back to both of their minds. Charlie had just gotten out of his hospitalization...he had been in the hospital for a week, not really having much of a decision about whether he wanted to be there or not. The were again at the door of Charlie's house 5 years ago, moments before they never saw each other again.
"You didn't know what I was going through and yet you told them, you alerted them and they got scared and that's why I ended up there."
"And you blame me for that love?" Both of their screams were drowned out by the rain outside. "I had to make the decision to save your life, tell your parents, get you committed, or lose you forever."
"A DECISION THAT WASN'T YOURS TO MAKE."
"How can you say that to me? Char over and over again I would decide to save you even if it meant you would be mad at me. You needed help."
"It was just a dark couple of days."
"Not eating and constantly passing out, getting hurt again like before, those aren't dark days Charlie, those are attempts to hurt yourself...I'm sorry I broke your trust Char, but you needed help."
"What about my independence, my freedom? You didn't know if I really needed that or you just made things worse."
"Char I..."
"Nick stop it...go away. I can't take this for one more second, and neither can you."
Both of their minds came back to the present, there was no point in reliving over and over again things from the past that they couldn't change.
Nick nodded, knowing what they were both thinking. "I'm not going to run away Charlie, I swear...as long as you let me find out, and do everything I can to be there for you. Like we both know you would do for me."
"You're right Nick...I don't plan on keeping this from you. I shouldn't have told him not to tell you."
"I don't blame you either for not running to tell me, don't worry, I just want you to know that...I don't know..." Nick held his hand nervously. "If I feel bad, I'd want you to take care of me, and I want to give you that too. I understand that I wasn't the most trustworthy in the past, and I revealed things thinking I would save you, but I don't plan on breaking your trust again... as long as I know you're going to let me in and be there for you."
"You do love, and believe me... over the years I have understood what you did as an act of love, not betrayal. You saved me." Charlie held his ankle as he had lovingly done to him. As he took another bite of his piza. "Really."
Nick smiled at him. "Damm you're really cold." Nick kicked for a second to stop Charlie from putting his hands down his pants any further, but still did it even to tease him. This led to them intertwining their legs and moving closer to each other. Slowly Charlie finished his piza, when he did, and they both felt calmer, silence reigned again. Neither wanted to talk about the rest of the things that had happened, but they had to....
"I don't want to move on to more serious matters." Charlie whispered back.
"I think this is much more important than a silly kiss Char." Nick held his cheek affectionately, as he watched him look surprised that he already knew.
"Am I that transparent?"
"I know you..." Nick watched his hands clasped guiltily. "And I know that... you know me."
Nick saw pain and surprise cross Charlie's face...clearly he hadn't thought it through so clearly.
"You didn't... realize that." Nick frowned, realizing his mistake.
Charlie pulled his hands away a little, puzzled, but brought them back together, surrendered to the idea that if he wanted empathy for his actions, he had to grant it. "I guess I was... too busy running away from my mess to notice yours."
"Do you want to start or shall I?" Nick didn't let go. Both feelings, guilt and anger, mingled and neutralized in both of them.
"I think I can start...otherwise the guilt is going to eat me alive." Charlie took a deep breath and continued. "When we stopped dancing...and you went into the house, Mat and I stood outside trying to figure out what was going on between everyone. I think he's just as scared as we are...and he wants to see where things go but he doesn't know what that would mean for him and Ben...and me and him. I think he knows that you and I have each other, solidly. If it all goes wrong you have me and I have you... and we can rely on that... but Ben and Mat are just getting to know each other and they don't have that certainty..."
"I understand that fear."
"Sure, me too...he told me he was afraid of losing Ben by telling him about me and us. Knowing that he doesn't really have me like... he'd like to have me. He...asked to kiss me..." Charlie felt Nick's body tense with jealousy. The idea of sharing each other sexually was something...but emotionally it was something else. Charlie intertwined his fingers with his and with his other hand he touched his ankle to sooth him. "And in the impetus of being completely honest, I didn't kiss him...but I wanted to. I wanted you to be there of course, and I wanted you to want me to do it...but I know it's different with him than it is with Ben...I explained to him what we talked about...about not excluding ourselves and sharing ourselves with those who make us happy so we can be with more people...but I don't know if he loves that idea...at least not at that moment. He doesn't want to lose Ben and me at the same time. He told me he would try to reach out to you and see what he could find...and clearly he found something."
Charlie averted his gaze to the window, hurt. Nick felt a pang of guilt in his stomach, and mimicked the caresses he was making over his arms.
"After that he went looking for Ben to clear things up...but Ben came later...I guess he didn't find him and found you." Nick nodded. "Here's where the story gets twisted...Ben arrived after he talked to you."
"Exactly...if you want I can continue so we can build the night chronologically." Charlie nodded, repositioning himself and moving closer to him. Now their sides were closer. Nick was able to wrap his arms around his legs and lean on his knees. "I ran away when we were dancing because it was too much for me...sorry I left you in that circumstance alone...but when Elle called you I was left alone with them and I panicked."
"I'm sorry...I didn't think. I should have pulled you with me."
"Don't worry, neither of us thought about it. I was really enjoying it, when we were all present... but when you left I understood that I like all this... because you are part of it, and when you leave it stops being the same. Anyway, I went in and Ben followed me. There you were alone with Matias and all that happened. Ben was worried about me, he felt that he had... overstepped a limit with you and me. Guilt engulfed him and he thought that's why you had pulled away."
"That explains a lot."
"I explained that he hadn't done anything wrong,º and that he didn't have to keep blaming himself, but he started hyperventilating and... I held his face and hands..."
Charlie smiled and rolled his eyes, a little hurt and jealous. "And you were your eternal, adorable self as always..."
"Agh... is that a bad thing?" Nick covered his face with his hands.
"No love. It's beautiful. I understand why you...captivated him."
"We sat in the cafeteria so he could calm down... and I didn't let go of his hands."
Charlie tensed a little. He knew Ben was settling into Nick's heart in a... strange way.
"Do you like him... beyond the physical?"
"I won't lie to you...I don't think so, but...I'm not sure. We were both drunk and we revisited the subject of the possibility of the three of us being together. I explained that it was something we wanted but couldn't until things with Mat settled down and we talked more...he asked me to hold his face, like I had done before and..."
"He asked you to kiss him...but you didn't" Nick looked at him confused, and just nodded. "You told him that I had to be present and that... he had to kiss me too."
"I think my requests were misinterpreted... or rather overinterpreted." Nick watched the darkness of his room.
"Partly... I was the one who misunderstood."
"I didn't kiss him." Nick continued with his story. "He confessed to me that he liked us and... he went off in search of you, asked me to wait for him... but I didn't. It gave me a lot of anxiety to be taking steps with him without you there. I had to find you first, but I didn't... I found Mat."
"Why didn't you call me?"
"I don't know...I should have. I'm a fool. I was scared of everything."
"Part of me wishes you had waited for us."
"I know." Nick covered his face. "It would have been easier all around. I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too." Charlie knelt down in front of him and held his face. "You stopped that situation because you knew I was missing...and I wasn't that strong. I'm the worst. I'm really sorry."
"But what happened?" When Nick lowered his hands from his face again he was teary eyed. That was like a knife in Charlie's heart. "Why didn't you wait for me or call me yourself?"
"When Ben arrived I was already pretty upset...I was emotional, weird, drunk...I didn't understand why we were so far apart and all running around the house like we were kids. Ben was anxious and strange, now I understand why. He explained to me what you talked about, and also about his family, about his father... I understood that a big part of why it was easier for him to approach you first was because of the guilt he carries for what he did to me. I explained to him that he had to forgive himself, as you explained to him, and... we went in search of you."
"I should have stayed...I'm a fool." Nick covered his face with his hands again.
"You are not a fool. Don't blame yourself for my actions, I was the one who broke our agreements." Charlie pressed a kiss to his forehead. "I am the idiot here. I got jealous and possessive and felt you were taking steps without me and then you disappeared. I understand now that you went looking for me...but at the time I didn't understand and somewhere twisted in my mind I thought you wanted that to happen...but obviously you should have been there. I got angry and felt so many things and...he explained to me what happened between you, I asked him to recreate it...and when he asked me to kiss him I...I didn't stop. I did it."
A tear ran down Nick's face, but he kept looking at Charlie, who was now crying as well.
"It was one second...and when I felt his hand on my waist I realized what I was doing and ran out of there. I'm really sorry Nick...that kiss should have been with you there and both of us wanting it to happen...and I ruined everything. Now I'm sure Ben hates me, Matias hates me too...and I wouldn't blame you if you did too."
"Don't say that...I can't hate you. I can be angry... or feel bad. But I have no reason to hate you when I did the same to you."
"What happened with Mat?" Charlie was crying some more now, and he drew his legs back to his chest as Nick crossed his arms.
"Now I guess he felt rejected when you didn't kiss him yourself, and with instructions to get along better with me so the four of us could...somehow...work." Nick smiled and wiped away one of his tears, but they didn't stop falling. "We talked about a lot of things. He told me about your episode, we made up about when we met...I don't know, I think he took your instructions to heart. I understand you a little more now, I think that's one good thing I take away from this mess. I understand what you see in him. He's entertaining, he's confident, he makes you forget about your problems... he managed in one conversation to make me laugh, to make me trust him, to make me forgive him." Nick got a little lost in his memories of Matias, until the kiss came back to his mind. Charlie was touched about his change of perception about Matias, at least now he understood him on that...and understood how good it was for him. "I don't know Charlie, I know this dont justify what happened but... I understand you. He's captivating. I think what lowered my defenses the most and made me accept that he's attractive is...how much he loves you. How much he cares about you. How much he's willing to do for you...I share that with him. I told him that... I told him that if he wanted to get close to me that's the way to do it...by loving you, loving others and treating them with love and gentleness."
"Oh Nick...." Charlie covered his face with his hands. "I don't deserve such devotion."
"You deserve a thousand times more handsome...I'm no mártir either. It's true I had no plans to kiss him...but he was sitting so close to me that when I turned and he kissed me I didn't...I didn't pull away. I'm not going to lie to you... I... I enjoyed it." Charlie nodded sadly, and though Nick noticed it hurt, he knew he understood his reasons. "I lost myself in the kiss and reciprocated. A few seconds went by and I stopped him...I think I hurt him by stopping him...and that's why he ran off. That's when he ran into you in the hallway."
Charlie turned to look at the window and pressed his legs against his body, remaining silent for a few seconds as he cried. Nick knew they had both made a lot of mistakes...but he also knew they hadn't done anything harmful with the desire to hurt anyone.
"Char I'm really sorry I did this to us...I wasn't thinking clearly and I got caught up in the moment and all the drama of the night. I guess... we're just not ready to open up to more people like that, and that's okay. I'm sorry to see you like this." Nick was crying too, and he didn't know how to make Charlie feel better.
"Don't... don't apologize. Matias was the one who kissed you, and I don't blame you for wanting to reciprocate...I'm the one who ruined everything. I kissed Ben, I could have just spared him and I didn't..."
"You thought that's what I wanted... I basically asked you both to do it..."
"But I should have waited for you, sought you out. I crossed your boundaries and ignored our promises" Nick nodded, knowing what that meant. "Do you forgive me love? I don't want you to think I don't take our boundaries seriously... they're people I care about, but not like I love you... I only did it because I wanted it to be something for us... for us to do together... and I ruined everything."
"Of course I forgive you love...come on, I need to hold you close." Charlie smiled and wrapped Nick in a hug, wrapping his legs around him to sit forcibly in his lap and hiding in his chest. Nick squeezed him tightly and snuggled with him at the head of the bed, pressing his head into his curls. "You forgive me?"
"I have nothing to forgive, really Nick, I understand...they're both, cute, persuasive boys and I don't blame us for wanting to kiss them."
Nick smiled and laughed a little at that comment.
"Seriously...I don't mind you kissing other...cute boys Char." Nick joked, wiping the last tear from his face. "I just...want to be there with you to do it too...okay?"
"You want us to continue this craziness?" Charlie smiled. "I really take seriously what we asked of each other...we did asked for exclusivity and a time to think and I know we both...failed at that, but that didn't mean it's not what we want."
"We also can't ignore how we feel...I think we need to be honest with each other about our rules and boundaries. Tell each other what makes us angry and what we don't want...and from there we can see what happens."
Charlie smiled, blushing. "So if you want us to go through with this craziness...even though I ruined everything the first day we were boyfriends." Charlie covered his face, regretful. "My surprise cost me so much bravery and in the same night I sent it all to shit."
"Precious you didn't ruin anything...and it's not the first day either, in my head you've been mine since I kissed you again...but yeah, with you and by your side I want us to go do all the crazy things in the world." Nick smiled. "We just have to be a little more firm and consistent with what we promise."
"You're right."
They both held each other quietly for a second, caressing each other. What had started out tearful and a comforting, cheesy embrace slowly morphed into a quest to possess the other, until Charlie moved his lips to Nick's neck seeking to kiss him.
"Well...the list of rules, angers and boundaries thing sounds good to me...but first..." Charlie settled back into his lap and held his face to whisper against his lips. "I want to be a little jealous and possessive and..." Nick smiled, as he held him by the ass gently and pulled him tighter to him. "...make you mine alone again."
"Char every millimeter of this sucker is yours." Nick smiled, and before kissing him he bit his lower lip a little.
When they kissed they both felt a hunger and desire that wasn't there before. Another kind of need they hadn't experienced...a little jealous and angry. Their tongues roamed their mouths with suspicion and possession, and their lips and teeth bit and sucked as if to claim other people's land. Nick brought one of his hands up to Charlie's hair, to play with his curls and pull them a little, while with the other he reached down between his buttocks to squeeze him a little tighter. Charlie ran his hands down his torso quickly, feeling Nick's body on top the fabric, only to pull to his neck again with desire, leaving a slight moan between their mouths.
"Why do I feel...that was...an angry...kiss?" Nick teased, as Charlie went to his neck to leave little nibbles.
"Because... it was..." Charlie smiled at him to reassure him that he was playing, but his words said otherwise. "We deserve punishment don't you think?"
"Mmmm..." Nick took a deep breath and blushed, feeling his erection grow as he slipped his hands under Charlie's shirt to touch his back. "This... feels... like a... prize..." Charlie laughed a little, and lunged for his neck again. "... but... beforeeeee... thissss... mmmmmmmmm... that... I'd like to... mmmmmmmmmm... finish the... conversation." Nick closed his eyes and let himself be carried away by Charlie's kisses, until Charlie detached himself from his neck.
"You're right... sorry. I had to... reclaim you a little." Charlie chagrined and blushing moved back a little away from him to sit as they were before.
"You're the sexiest." Nick smiled, taking a deep breath as they rearranged themselves. "We can go one on one, setting a limit and explaining something that bothered us and why we think that rule is important."
"Of course we can Professor." Charlie made a gesture as if he was taking notes in class, and Nick nudged him affectionately to annoy him. "Emmmmm... I think one of the things that bothered me the most is feeling like you were discussing things with Ben without me there. I understand that part of that was Ben, who felt more confident with you because he likes you more and..."
"I don't think he likes me more" Nick laughed a little.
"Don't interrupt me silly." Charlie tugged his nose tenderly. "...And that with me he felted all this guilt... but I'd rather the three of us talked about things that concern the three of us, and we can experiment from that..." Charlie swallowed the lump of jealousy he felt in his throat. "...unless you want a particular relationship with him."
"No no, I don't want anything particular with him at all." Nick was surprised that Charlie even thought about it. "I understand why you think that, and yes, maybe I don't just feel sexual desire towards him, but that doesn't mean I want to ask him out or much more...I completely understand and agree...yes I think I fell into what you say and I apologize. I think the three of us need to talk about it from now on." Nick hesitated whether to proceed, but he knew he had to ask for what he thought, he couldn't ignore what he felt.
"Your turn." Charlie looked at him expectantly, and his beautiful eyes melted him.
"Just my next point is a little more... harsh. About wanting a particular relationship with him... I think I'd feel more comfortable if... we started out just experimenting together... instead of everyone being able to do what they want separately. For now... and even though Matias hates me for this... I'd like us to stay monogamous unless it's something we do together."
Nick doubted if he was asking too much, but it was how he felt.
Charlie stole a soft, quiet kiss from him. "I agree...I mean we were supposed to be on that understanding already but clearly we weren't clear on it...sorry if I made you feel like you couldn't ask me that because of Matias...I completely understand."
"I know that... you are in love with him, maybe I don't know to what extent or how much but I know it's the truth... and I have to make peace with that... but I would like that, if you wanted to follow that feeling to, that you... include me... if it's not too much to ask."
"I think he's already made that decision for me." Charlie joked. "But it doesn't seem like too much to ask at all, I think we can talk it over with him and see what happens...apparently he might agree. Besides, including you in there sounds...very very exciting."
"Really?"
"Sure... Nick, they seem to want to stay together... Does that mean... we could be the four of us?"
Nick turned bright red and was overcome with laughter.
"I think... maybe... Is that something you'd like?"
"I can barely be naked with you..." Charlie laughed, blushing. "One step at a time."
"Anything else you'd like to ask?"
"If this all works out and we move forward with both of them...I'd like you to be honest with me if you...ever fall in love with either of them. I mean I'm not going to get mad or blame you... but I'd like to know."
"Of course you would love...I'll tell you if it happens." Nik arranged one of his curls that fell across his forehead. "I guess I'd also like it if we didn't feel like we owed them anything, or that we have to satisfy their desires just because we don't want to hurt them...I feel like it's something we can both fall into and..."
"We don't have to make everyone happy."
"Exactly."
"Matias told me the same thing."
"Are you mad at him for... kissing me?" Nick inquired.
"Yeah... a lot actually... I know it wasn't from the same horrible place from which he flirted with you when you first met him, but still... he knows what you mean to me and he didn't care that I wasn't there. I know I was asking him to get close to you... I'm not sure if he thought that's what I meant... but he understood that."
"Will you tell him all this?"
"Only me? We both will tell him all this. I think the four of us should go out, once all this settles down, and talk."
"The four of us?" Nick opened his eyes wide in worry at the anxious thought.
"I think we owe them some apologies as well. We started from our solidity as a couple to play with them when we knew they weren't quite together and didn't have the same thing going for them. They explicitly asked us not to ruin their date and...we did just that."
"I mean they did whatever they wanted...because they wanted to."
"Still... I think it's fair."
"You're too good."
"You got mad at Ben for... accepting my kiss?"
"I don't think I have the right to be mad...I literally told him to do it, and I feel like he was much more aware of our intentions with him than Matias was."
"Shit! I forgot to tell you." Charlie covered his face.
"Oh no... What?"
"I confessed to Ben about Matias and me."
"Before or after you talked to Matias?"
"The first time or the second time? Well... it was after all of them."
"Matias is going to kill you." Nick looked at him with concern.
"HEY!...he was the one who made out with my boyfriend...I mean I didn't tell him exactly, Ben assumed and I didn't disprove it. I didn't want to lie to him...I didn't tell him anything specific, I just told him he was right and to ask Matias more."
"Well then...I don't think it's so much your fault...I mean it was obvious."
"Why?" Charlie snapped at him. "Because we're gay and play in the same band?"
"Well... yeah, actually." Nick said smiling. Charlie smiled and pushed him. "Hey I don't make the rules."
"You're a fool." Charlie looked at Nick fondly and thought about him...in all his states. Nick being with more people by his side. Watching him kiss them and please them... "Nick I would also like that... if we end up doing more with any of them, we can communicate everything we feel and if one wants to stop or stop the situation... we can do that."
"Sure love, that's for sure." Nick rubbed his shoulder tenderly.
"And also..." Charlie blushed. "I know I'm dominant and I wouldn't be surprised if I end up... dominating that situation too... I mean depending on what they want of course... and you of course..." Charlie started to blush heavily and stopped, covering his face. "Oh I can't believe I'm going to ask you this."
"Char... you can ask me for anything... come on." Nick tugged him by the arm to get back on top of him, and when Charlie sat back down in a hanging position on top of him and spread the blanket over them both, they cuddled and he continued. "Now, tell me handsome." Nick slipped a few fingers under his shirt to stroke him.
"When you are dominant it's...special to me...and I wish at first...you weren't with them."
"That's just for you if you want." Nick reached up to kiss him on the forehead. "Can I ask for something like that?"
"Anything."
"I know we haven't done it yet since we got back, but even though we're both vers in general... I think for now I just want to be bottom with you. okay?"
"Sure... of course love. Whatever makes you feel most comfortable."
"Also uh..." Nick blushed. "For me it's important...ummm...the words and...the looks...and I don't know...would you mind seeing more of me or talking to me more...I don't know how to say it...even if we are with someone else I would like to hear...my name and still have your...attention, although obviously I understand that he would wants the same thing too from time to time" Nick chagrined and scratched the back of his neck. "I don't know if I'm making myself clear."
"You're the most adorable guy in the world." Charlie leaned in again to kiss him, as he pressed his hips against Nick's. "I'll try to see you a lot." A kiss on the forehead. "And talk to you a lot." A kiss on the cheek. "And give more orders to you." A kiss on the neck. "...And say your name more."
"Ay Char..." Nick sighed his name as he grabbed him tightly, turned him around and pinned him against the bed, wrapping them in the blankets and pressed his body against his. "I think it's time for me to get a little possessive and..." Nick moved his legs to spread Charlies legs and stand in the middle, holding his hip to lift him up a little so he could press his body it to him. "Territorial..." Charlie smiled, blushed, and let out a gasp of pleasure...he loved it when Nick got like this.
Nick watched him with hunger and desire. Charlie melted all over. "Does that sound good to you?" Nick whispered in his ear, leaving a trail of kisses down his neck.
"Sounds fantastic." Charlie pulled him in for a hungry kiss.
Lying to each other would have been so much easier, but conflict and truth only made them stronger.