If what we had was real, how could you be fine?...Cause I'm not fine at all..
Rebecca's POV
I slept in Louis's arms all night.
As comforting as it was, it didn't feel the same way as it felt when I layed with Harry.
Louis tries really hard to help me. He says that I can find my light again, but it doesn't have to be my love for Harry. He says my heart has a big hole, a hole that can't be healed.
Not even being an angel can help my status. Not even Harry's blood would help. I'll have to face the pain, no matter what. But the thing is; there's no pain.
Maybe my love for Harry never existed. Maybe I was too attached and addicted to him that I thought that I loved him. Maybe my strong feelings weren't love.
Bullshit.
I loved Harry, with all my being. But I don't anymore. I don't feel like I do. I thought I was his, always and forever, but I'm not. I can't be his if I don't love him. I can't be his if he keeps betraying me behind my back.
Foosteps came up the stairs and my bedroom's door opened, revealing Louis stepping inside and my other friend following from behind. Louis gave me a small smile as he stood in front of the bed that I couldn't quite give back. I shifted in my bed and leaned against the headboard, looking back and forth between the two of them.
"Hey cutie," Zayn greeted, giving me a smile.
"Hi." I said quietly. My voice was deeper thanks to the sobs last night. I was sobbing, but no tears were shed and I have no idea how that happened.
"Are you okay?" he asked, walking closer to me.
"Yes." I sighed.
"Louis told me what happened. You found out on your own or did he tell you?" he asked, causing my heart to clench.
"I found out." I replied flatly.
He gave me a small sad smile. "And you broke up..for good?"
"That's what I said."
"You should have done it much earlier." he muttered.
"Zayn." Louis warned.
I looked down at my hands. He's right. Zayn is right. I wasted so much time running behind Harry. I shouldn't have done that to myself.
"What? It's the truth." Zayn deffended.
"He's right." I murmured and they both looked at me.
"Alright, but you don't have to make her feel any worse than she already is." Louis said.
"He hurt you again, didn't he?" Zayn said and I looked up at him before nodding. He sighed and looked away, directing his glare elsewhere, hands fisting by his sides.
"I'm going to fucking kill him." Zayn growled. "But Rebecca, to be honest, you were playing with fire too." he looked at me. His words made my stomach tighten. "I've told you so many times not to be with him anymore. To leave him before you get hurt but you didn't listen. You saw that he's been acting weirdly but you kept staying next to him. You supported him over us and now you're here, heartbroken because of him and needing our help." his words made tears form into my eyes, making them sting.
"Zayn mate I think you should stop now." Louis cut in.
Zayn's caramel eyes never left mine. "Why did you do this to yourself, Becca? Why did you have to stay with him? Why did you have to break your heart for him? Now your light is gone inside of you! Now God knows if you still have the gift."
Tears rolled down my cheeks, tears that I tried to hold back, tears that have the name Harry written across them. I held my mouth shut, struggling to keep inside the sobs. My heart burned inside my chest, or the last pieces of her that were left.
"You were so stubborn, you never listened to any of us. Now you got yourself in this position and it doesn't only hurt you but us also. You knew he was dangerous. You knew he did nothing but hurt you all the damn time yet you stayed with him." Zayn words cut like knifes as he spoke.
"I'm sorry!" I burst, making them both give me a bewildered, sad look. More tears streamed down my stained cheeks. "I'm sorry that I fell in love with him and that for once I wanted to be dedicated only to him! I'm sorry that I followed my heart and got myself like this! I'm sorry I'm not strong enough to do everything you say and go through every problem! I'm sorry for not being who you want me to be!" my voice came out strong and it only hurt my throat even more, but I had to say those things.
"You don't have to be sorry for anything, love." Louis cooed softly.
"How could you fall in love with the man that always got you hurt?" Zayn asked, giving me a strange look.
"I did, okay? And now I'm like this. You can't change what happened, neither can I. You can't make me forget about him just like that because I fucking fell in love with him." I sighed heavily at the end.
"You should have listened to me that day." Zayn insisted.
"I'm sorry, okay?" I said and layed on my side. I'm sorry for everything I caused or Harry caused. I'm sorry that I got so many people in danger because I wanted to be with Harry. I'm sorry that I was blinded and I couldn't see what a liar the man I loved was.
Zayn sighed and walked over the bed before taking a seat next to me. He brought his arm around me and hugged me tightly. "I'm sorry for talking to you like that. I'm just here if you need anything, okay?" he said gently, his face very close to mine.
"Yeah." I murmured.
He kissed my cheek before getting off the bed. "I'll be downstairs if you need me." Louis informed before they both left the room.
I sighed and wiped under my eyes. I was supposed not to cry. I didn't want to cry any more. I pushed the covers to the side and got off the bed before walking towards the door. I opened it quietly and went to sit on the stairs. I wrapped my arms around my legs as I eavesdropped at Louis and Zayn talking about me.
"She's shattered..Last night she wanted to cry, but she kept it all in..she was sobbibg all night..." Louis muttered, sounding sad.
"He literally fucked it up this time..there's no going back now if she gave up on him. She was the only one who would support him till death and now she's done. That says a lot about what a jerk he is." Zayn said, sounding more frustrated than before.
"What are we going to do now? The light inside of her is gone. She can't feel much. Her love for him is gone for good." Louis said desperatedly.
"She was the strongest of all of us..She survived so much.."
"What am I going to do now, Zayn? I can't go to Harry...I can't leave her here. She needs my help." Louis sighed.
"You go, we will stay here. She has me, Niall, Hannah, Grace, Ashton, Calum and Emily. She'll get through this. I still believe in her." Zayn assured.
I'm not strong anymore.
"I believe in her too. She never gave up on trying. She will come out of the darkness again." Louis sounded proud.
"She's just...she needs time.."
"She will find the light inside of her again, Zayn. You'll see."
"How are you so sure? She doesn't give the message that she's going to try."
"She's just a broken angel that has her wings wounded. She will soon heal the pain of her heart and she will fly again."
...
I stared at my phone to see that I have 36 missed calls and 22 texts from Harry.
I kept rocking back and forth as I sat down on the floor, my hands wrapped around my legs, my back against the side of the bed as my phone lied only two meters away from me.
The room dark and empty. Just me and the phone. Just me and Harry's countless, pointless, apologies and begs for another chance. Just me and Harry's regrets and lies.
I feel like my whole life was a lie.
I feel like everything I did, was for nothing.
Memories were flashing behind my eyes, memories that used to make me smile, feel happy. Memories of me and Harry in bed, teasing and laughing. Memories of me and Harry shopping, him whining at me being late and me giggling with him trying different stuff. Memories of me and Harry at the pool, me in his arms as he kissed me, his hot, wet skin against mine. Memories of me and Harry in Paris, ice skating, shopping, him teasing me with a scary doll at that gift shop, then having dinner with the Eiffel Tower right across from us...
So many memories. So many moments I will forever keep in my broken heart, because they once used to make me happy. They used me feel compelete. They used to make me feel alive. Now they are just memories of the past.
"Rebecca I need to talk to you." his voice suddenly hit my ears, making my eyes to widen and my chest to tighten.
I shook my head. No. No. No. "No, get out of my head." I whispered, tightening the grip around my legs.
"Please Rebecca, you never let me explain..You can't just walk away without knowing the truth." his raspy voice that used to give me goose bumps now only made me shiver.
"Stop. Leave me alone." my voice was weak.
"Rebecca I'm begging you. You can't just give up on us. I'm not okay with it. I'm not okay without you. I fucking need you. Please just let me explain." his words hurt and I just wanted him to stop.
"Fuck! Just stop!" I suddenly screamed, covering my ears with my hands.
"I won't stop trying, Rebecca. Ever."
"Just leave me alone!" I screamed again, tears forming into my eyes.
My door burst open and Zayn and Louis ran inside, their face covered in worry. "Rebecca are you okay?" Louis asked as he quickly kneeled down next to me.
"We weren't fighting for nothing all this time."
"What's going on?" Zayn asked as he kneeled down from the other side and placed his hand on my shoulder.
"He's in my head, please, please make him stop," I begged, my voice shakey.
Louis's eyes widened in shock and I saw anger flash behind them momentarily before it was replaced by worry. He placed his hand on my forehead and suddenly, the buzz that I could hear and Harry's murmurs were gone. A heavy sigh came past my lips and my body fell back against the bed.
"Jesus.." Zayn breathed.
"He's trying to make her listen to him. He wants another chance and he won't stop trying." Louis answered.
"Can we just go and kill that bastard already?" Zayn said through clenched teeth.
"I'm going to find him, you take care of her." Louis instructed. He left one faint kiss on my forehead before standing up and leaving the room.
Zayn and I locked eyes before he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to him. "Don't worry, Becca, everything's going to be okay," he cooed as I held onto his tee and closed my eyes shut.
I wished Harry could just leave me alone..
...
Harry's POV
I threw the vase against the wall, making it smash into pieces. I'm out of control. I don't know what to feel. Everything's so fucked up. More than ever. She knows now and she's not coming back to me.
Why would she? You betrayed her. She's not going to run after you again after what you did.
But she doesn't know the whole truth. And she didn't give me a chance to explain. You don't deserve any other chance. You lost her. She's gone. I hid my face in my hands and then tugged at my hair, desperate. I can't talk to her now. It's like a spell is over her and I can't make her listen to me.
I have to go find her. I have to explain to her. She can't think of me like that. She knows me better than anyone. That pain in my heart is caused by her and only she can take it away. She literally destroyed me. I haven't slept all night. The bed smells like her and I feel as if she's here but every time I reach to touch he she's gone.
I still have her cold hazel eyes in my head. I can't believe she just gave up. I can't believe she didn't fight for us. She would have stayed, she would have listened to me, that's what I thought.
I grabbed another vase and slammed it against the wall, leaving an angry scream. I wish this pain that has poisoned my heart could diminish. I wish every inch of me didn't burn like the fire every time I think of her. I wish my body didn't feel weak every time I try to talk to her by getting into her mind.
She literally killed me when she said she doesn't love me. She doesn't feel the same way. I don't believe her. I know she feels the same way as I do. It's just well hidden somewhere in her innocent soul.
I've never felt that kind of pain. It's like a poison, killing every inch of me. Her words keep reprating inside my head. I looked around the chaos that I caused in the room after she left. The broken pieces spread on the floor symbolise my heart and hers. The cuts are deep, too deep to heal with time. The pain stakingly takes over my entire body and soul.
"It's over Harry."
I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my jaw. More tears escaped my eyes. I've never cried for a girl. I've never felt this way before for a girl. It's only Rebecca. She's the only one.
"It's all over."
"No!" I roared and punched the wall next to me, breaking the spot. I wish I could break anything in this God-damned room. I wish I could turn back time to when I first started realising my feelings for her and delete the part of me doing that mistake. She doesn't know what really happened.
"You gave me more than one reasons to leave, Harry.."
"Stop, Harry. There's nothing you can do to keep me here. It's over. We're over."
"I don't really know you at all. You were a good player, and I lost the game."
"Rebecca.." I cried and leaned against the wall. I can't believe she lost every hint of trust in me. She doesn't love me...that's what she told me..How can I believe that after what happened between us? There's no way she can just stop loving me.
The door suddenly swung open and Louis walked in, shocking me. "Harry!" he yelled and walked over to me before taking a fistful of my tee and pushing me against the wall. He was glaring at me with his blue eyes and I felt weak in front of him.
"Louis?" I asked shocked, my eyes wide.
"What the hell did you do?! Huh?! You fucking cheated on her?!" He yelled in my face.
I shook my head furiously. "No! I fucking didn't!" I claimed and pushed him off of me.
"Why are you still lying?! Everyone knows now! You are such a fucking jerk! How could you do that to her?!" he judged, taking a few steps towards me.
"I said I fucking didn't! She didn't even let me explain the text!" I said exasperatedly, throwing my hands in the air.
"Save it, Harry! No one's going to believe you anymore." he snapped and I sighed heavily.
Silence for a few seconds, both of us breathing heavily. I wiped the tear that escaped my right eye with the back of my hand before speaking.
"How is she?" I asked, defeated.
He sighed and took a seat on the bed. "She's trying, man. She's trying to recover. She's better than I expected her to be, you know, crying the whole time. But she didn't cry that much. She's holding it. She wants to move on." his words scared me.
"How can she be so okay with this? How can she just..." I looked away and gasped, wanting to fill my lungs with enough oxygen. "She loves me, Louis. I know she does..but she doesn't try to fix things up.." I muttered.
Louis looked up at me with anger in his blue eyes. "What the hell are you talking about? Are you seriously that stupid?" he spat. "She doesn't love you anymore, Harry! I can see it. She's done with you." He hissed, making my heart flinch.
"She can't just stop like that, Louis." I said.
"Yes she can! After what you did? Do you seriously expected her to stay with you?! You're so fucking pathetic." he seethed and shook his head in disaproval.
"But I love her, Louis..." I whispered, my eyes watering again. Fuck. Why can't I stop crying?
He gave me a pained look before sighing again. "It doesn't matter anymore, Harry. She took her decision. She doesn't want this anymore. So you better stop messing with her head and try to talk to her, because it won't work. You're only making things difficult." his words hit me like a truck.
"No, no, no, Louis. You know I love her, you know I would do anything for her. I wouldn't cheat on her, I would never do that to her.." I sobbed. You sound like a fucking pussy. It's all worth if for Rebecca, so I don't care.
"Harry.." Louis sighed, shaking his head. "It's pointless.." he murmured.
My heart clenched painfully at this. How can it be fucking pointless? How can Rebecca not want us to be together again? How can she just throw everything away?
"Louis, you know me better than anyone. You know how much I love her and that without her I'm nothing. Look at me!" I raised my voice. "Look how the fuck I ended up like! I wouldn't hurt her like that, you know it." my voice cracked at the end.
Louis gave me another sad look before standing up and tapping my shoulder. "It's over, Harry. She said it. You can't do anything about it." he murmured.
"No, Louis, there must be something you can do to help me!" I begged.
"No. There isn't. Stop trying because you only get even hurt than before. And stop trying to come in contact with her, or I'm going to beat the shit out of you." he threatened before patting my shoulder once and walking towards the door. "Move on, Harry. That's what she wants you to do. That's what I want you to do. Take care, brother." he said before leaving the room.
And I'm all left alone again, crying because of my mistakes..I deserve this. I deserve everyone to hate me. I deserve Rebecca to hate me. With an unexisted heart, I sat down on the floor and leaned against the wall before losing myself in the memories of me and her..memories that I will never forget..
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A/N: Okay, maybe this will take much longer than I thought, so it might be 220 chapter lol I still don't know sorry
Thoughts?? Who's side are you with? Plz vote and comment! Thank you all for reading! Love you lotss xx