Song recommendation for the chapter: Clearest Blue - Chvrches
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Nick didn't let another second pass when the gym alarm went off and it was time to leave. He thanked everyone for their work and as he waited for the slow kids from the afternoon exercise workshop to come out, he locked up behind him and ran to his car. He only had an hour to get ready to run to the concert, and his blood seemed to be at 100 beats per second.
He didn't know how he managed to drive straight home without crashing.
"Nick! How was class? The concert is today, isn't it?" His mother tried to make small talk to calm him down but he was clearly in a hurry.
"Everything went well mom! I have to run, but I'll tell you all about it later." He had left the clothes Tara had picked out for him on his bed. They looked strange, but it was a concert, and he didn't want to pass up the chance to impress Charlie.
Would it look like I was pretending? I didn't want to pretend to be anyone else. Without much thought he jumped into the shower and showered as fast as he could. He did what he could with his hair, regretted not knowing how to fix it better, and went back downstairs. If he was being honest he wasn't sure where he would be spending the night, so he wisely left his gym bag in his trunk.
"That was the fastest shower I've ever seen." Sara said Nick frantically searched for his keys.
"Charlie starts playing in 30 minutes... do you know where my keys are?"
"Here honey." Sara found them where he always left them, where they should be. "I know you're nervous, but if you get hurt driving you'll deal with me."
"I won't mother."
"And if you drink you don't drive Nicky."
"I know."
"Give them all a kiss for me."
"Of course I will." Nick had to go now.
"Oh and be yourself my sweetie. I know as time goes on you feel you have to show your changes, but remember who he fell in love with in the first place." Nick hadn't talked about how he felt about Charlie at any point, nor about how confused he was.
"Ah but I... I don't know... Charlie and I don't..."
"I wasn't born yesterday honey. I know you. You don't have to explain anything to me now, but remember that both Charlie, Imogen and you deserve to be happy with the one who loves you. It's just not okay to hurt others to achieve that."
Nick didn't know what to say, but nodded and kissed her goodbye.
When he parked next to the center he watched as people came in and out, it was still a while before the concert started so he stayed inside his car to breathe for a second. He didn't know where or how he would meet him. He didn't know what exactly he was going to tell him or what his verdict was on how he felt.
Everyone kept repeating and repeating that "you had to be honest". Even he had made the promise, but he still didn't know what he wanted without a doubt. His breathing began to quicken and out of nowhere he received a message from Tara.
"Where are you?"
"Already outside, sorry. I haven't come in because of my nerves."
"I'm coming to get you."
It didn't take Tara long to appear and get into his car in the passenger seat. She gave him a tight hug and then just looked at him lovingly, she looked stunning in her lavender dress.
"You look super sexy in the outfit I picked out for you, who knew i could dress men too."
"Thanks for that, you always look amazing."
"You're going to send him to the moon when he sees you, I hope not so much that he forgets the song because we have a lot of people to impress."
"I feel like I'm going to throw up... I don't know what I'm going to say to him yet."
"Just watch him play, the resolution will come."
"I'm not going to get an answer from the heavens."
"We don't know. Just wait. He looks super super handsome, and he dressed himself, I swear." They both laughed. "Want me to clear your head with some other gossip?"
"Sure."
"I was part of an awkward conversation between Tao and Elle...I don't know what's wrong with them, they went into shock. They both love each other so much and they're barely talking about the weather. Very awkward. I left them alone in hopes that they would loosen up more,"
"Oh no, what if i have nothing to talk to him and i end up doing the same thing."
"Okay that didn't have the effect I was hoping for. You've never had that problem with him, don't worry."
"I've never felt this... insecure."
"Then let's hurry up. Let's go in."
"No no, let me just compose myself for a second..."
"Nick..."
"What?"
"He starts playing in 5 minutes."
That snapped him out of it. They rushed out of the car and into the center. Seeing so many people walking around the library, the cafeteria and even the exhibit hall reassured Nick, and made him think of the success he hoped this kind of event would bring her friends. The center looked special, more brightly lit, decorated and clean than usual, with plenty to see and do.
"I'm so proud of you."
"You have no idea what a journey it's been."
"I'm glad I'm here now to live it. I won't leave again, I swear."
"Nick, go to the ends of the earth if it makes you happy, just don't leave us again." They both hugged as they waved to people.
Tara had to run to organize. Nick ran into his old Rugby friends, which gave him a strange mix of liking and disliking. So many friends from the past to re-find and re-meet. Through a window overlooking the courtyard he could see Elle without Tao, clearly looking for him, and seeing here in the distance alone with a girl he didn't recognize, he decided to go out and see if she was okay.
"And Tao? I thought it was his big date... you look stunning"
"Me too... he went for drinks. I don't know...I'm so nervous, but he's acting...so weird. Like someone else, like he's trying to impress me. Remember that time...
"That he cut his hair and came with flowers to ask you out on a date, how could I forget. Is he like that again?"
"Exactly, he forgot that it didn't work out the last time and... I don't know. Maybe we got ahead of ourselves and we are no longer...i don't know... made for each other."
"I'm in knots just like you, so I'm not the best one to give advice, but I do know that patience has to be had if you want this to work. Tell him all this, he'll understand."
"I don't want to offend him."
"He won't be."
"Golden retriever." Tao came in with a beer for Elle and another for himself. He had followed his trend of only wearing black too well. With a turtleneck and big open pants. "You look great by the way. I would have brought you one but I didn't know you were here."
"Don't worry lanky, you look good to, I'm actually looking for Charlie but I don't know if I want to find him already... how is he?"
"Nervous" they both said in unison, and laughed as they nervously took a swig of his beers. Nick smiled as he watched them blush.
"I'll leave you two to continue enjoying your date. Tao, stop acting weird." Elle just burst out laughing, and Tao just looked perplexed.
"Just for that, Charlie's behind you."
Nick froze, and instead of turning around, he turned around and ran to the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and let go for a second. The thought of Charlie behind him watching him and him running away from him haunted him. Had it been Tao's joke? He hadn't even seen him pass through the crowd.
"Nick? Sorry, he didn't see you either." It was Tao, on the other side of the door. Nick opened it.
"Excuse me for making that joke." Nick looked for Tao forgiveness, but he just smile.
"It actually help" Elle said flirtatiously to Tao, and he blushed. "But you need to get out now, they're about to...
"We thank you all for coming to the opening of our new forum!" the crowd made noise as Darcy's voice traveled through the center.
Together they exited the restroom, and Nick just stopped to turn around, letting Elle and Tao go ahead. His legs began to give out, how was he going to be able to do this if he still didn't know how he felt?
He was going to break Charlie's heart, Imogen's, his own. Everyones.
"We will have dates for many events, so if you want to play or present whatever you like do not hesitate to contact us. For the moment, welcome the forum with... MCK!"
The noise of the crowd told him that the concert was about to start, and he thought about the alternative of running. Take a train, leave his job, go back to London and the life he had worked so hard to build there. It was a terrible idea, but a familiar one, one he was used too.
But he knew there was no life to go back to. It would forever pale in comparison.
Look, Charlie, everything you took from me. He walked out into the courtyard and let himself be consumed by the crowd.
He watched without seeing, looking for Tara, Tao and Elle who was somewhere in the middle of everyone. People moved in expectation as the seconds became liquid and eternal. It looked like a desert, being swallowed by the embracing sea that was pushing him. His hands were sweating and he only could see the ground for fear of falling.
But a roar made it impossible for him not to look.
Charlie was right in front of him, playing the drums with fury and passion.
Everything seemed to fade around him. The orange lights reflected in his beautiful shiny black hair, which between curls masked a genuine, electrifying and priceless smile. His hair bounced with excitement with each stroke. In one motion he removed his denim jacket, exposing his arms and torso as he played. His muscles moved delicately and quickly, leaving behind an intoxicating rhythm. Nick couldn't help but tense up and open his mouth in amazement.
It wasn't until he saw his eyes that he felt the water touch him. Like rain, like a wave. Deep blue eyes that seemed to undress him in one fell swoop. His sharp, beautiful face tensed at the sight of him, and immediately they both knew they saw only each other. They could have been alone and it would have made no difference. The fury of the song, driven by its guttural beat, sent him note by note further away from the crowd.
In a second Nick was back in his teenage love's room, Charlie holding his hands while he saw him teaching him how to play.
"There, you're pro now."
A smile that changed everything.
The song went on and on, and Nick's excitement to see him only increased. He felt he was underneath him, as if he was the drum set, and beat by beat he was taking an extra weight off his shoulders. His heart was every drum and cymbal. It was taking away his anger, the weight of his decision, his leaving. Everything. Everything was leaving through the water in his eyes and the sharpness of his music.
"Damn Charlie." Nick started laughing out of nervousness.
"What?" they were barely audible over the noise, but Tara could hear him.
"I like him." Nick said at last, and every fiber in his body seemed to untwist. Like he was thawing all at once. He said it loud, so that Tara, Elle and Tao would hear him. They just smiled and nodded with victory faces "Never stop doing it. God how much I like him. I can't believe how much I've missed him. He's... my favorite person. brilliant... radiating his own light."
"I'm glad you admit that." Tara hugged him as they danced to the music.
"I have to get him back." Whatever Charlie had taken from him, it was forever his, and he wanted it back.
The song ended, and amidst the applause Nick did his best to make sure he was the one clapping the loudest. Although he didn't really need any help getting Charlie's attention, because he could only see him. Nick took the opportunity to wink at him as he clapped. Charlie just smiled wider and blushed.
"He is amazing."
"We get it big guy." Darcy pushed him as he joined them for the rest of the concert. "Have we finally accepted our love?"
"He is the love of my life."
"How much have you had to drink?" Darcy just teased as he handed everyone a round of beers to continue enjoying the concert.
Everyone asked for more and more songs, but eventually it had to end. Nick didn't take his eyes off Charlie for a second, and as they got more applause and put down their instruments, he hesitated to approach the stage.
But his legs were not responding.
The crowd dispersed, and for an instant Charlie disappeared backstage and Nick lost him, so he decided to wait for him with theire friends. They were in the middle of a funny and strange Tao story when Nick felt a pair of hands cover his eyes from behind, uncomfortably, since they clearly didn't reach his height. The smell of Charlie's cologne wafted over him, and his heart stopped beating.
Immediately he turned around, and before he could rush to embrace him his legs turned to jelly and he couldn't do anything again. Nervously he could only look at him, and Charlie did the same.
"Hi"
"Hi" They both laughed uncomfortably.
"That was an amazing concert...you were amazing. You truly have become quite the rock star."
"Did you like it?" between excited and nervous Charlie just held his arms, and Nick died of tenderness inside. "I wouldn't say I'm any kind of star, but you do what you can. I'm really glad to see you... you're..." Charlie saw him from head to toe and laughed. "Dressed by Tara."
"Too much? I knew it was going to look weird...I..." Nick wanted to disappear.
"You look gorgeous."
"So do you." Nick got lost in the man inf front of him. "Charlie not wearing a sweater and the moon not falling out of the sky and splitting in two? Amazing."
"At least I can dress myself." Charlie took a step closer to him to nudge him a little. Which Nick was grateful for. He took another one, Charlie was magnetic. Laughing with him again was the best feeling.
"Do you want a beer? We can..."
"So this is the very famous Nicolas Nelson." A shaved, tattooed guy approached them both, interrupting. Nick smiled amicably, recognizing him as the band's singer and guitarist.
"The very same. Nice to meet you..."
"I'm Matias, a pleasure. Curly has told me a lot about you."
Nick couldn't say more.
Immediately Matias held Charlie by the waist and gave him a kiss on the cheek, resulting in a strange smile from the love of his life as he blushed.
Everything seemed to go into slow motion, and Nick could almost hear his own heart stop beating.