Ivory - lvi ; I've Got Things To Do..Therefore I Can't Stay
Created: 07.17.23
Finished: 07.17.23
Edited: 09.21-23.23
Published: 09.23.23
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Trigger Warning: dissociative fugue, breakdown and yelling, vague drowning and s/lf harm, heavy mentions of death and revival, theres not muchh but get tissues (if needed)
Word Count: 7010
A/N: Hi. I didn't think I did my prelims well, but meh..I don't think I tried too hard, I'll better work harder next time^^ I've noticed I'm more eager to work on other things like writing when I'm stressed, now that there's nothing to do, I'm lazy to write again hhaha
I remember that I cried three times in making the draft of this chapter. It was made and finished in a single day and left me with tears. It's one of my favourites chapter to make since not only my attention span wasn't going around in writing this, but also because it was straight out of the plans I'm making, yet still made me enjoy doing it. For some reason, other than doing heavy lore-angsty chapters, I'm also fond in making crack up parts, that's straight up nonsense yet relevant. So I hope you enjoy this, and not cry, as much as I did. This chapter was a pain to be edited and I cried another two to finish this up. Oh yeah this is just a continuation of the previous chapter, so no more confusion.
There's ought to be art, but I don't have my phone right now to retrieve it so oops. Enjoy. oOo/
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Tubbo scoffs, eyeing straight down at the reflection Tommy has. He can't even see it clearly, its appearance and energy too overwhelming to bear.
Despite Tommy keeping a composed look in front of his friend, his insides scream..his insides hurt,
"Care to tell me where Tommy is? Out of all bodies, which one is him? Even if I did find him, would I get him back? Would I get my fucking friend back?"
He clenches his fists, even if it aches, "Cause if everything's futile..I don't think..I can keep on...let alone even seeing you..whoever you are."
Tommy stares at him blankly, something Tubbo could easily brush off.
but only this time..something is beaming against those dead eyes..
he looks as if..Tommy is hurt by his words.
Tommy? Hurt?
"Ivory huh..That cute nickname that ghost gave me?..It suited me after what I've been going through..who I am."
Tubbo raises a brow, confused by his answer, "I thought Ivory is a-"
"Different person? Well, I guess it is..or not. I don't know..things are complicated now to just be easily understood."
He walks a few steps away, the soles of his feet bearing no noise, "I don't think anyone's with me here Tubbo..It does feel like I'm a different person..like someone taking over who I'm used to be...But-"
He looks at him, "With how much it hurts me to see you like this...to see you treating me like I'm not Tommy..I guess I'm still here.."
He smiles a little, something Tubbo could hardly recognise.
Tommy's smiles were usually enormous, enough to fill up people's frowns to beams..or a grimace, either will do. If ever, the right term for it is that, his smiles are contagious.
This didn't feel contagious..it felt forced - mechanical.
Yet beneath those ivory curls..widened eyes and soulless face..he's still here.
Talking..right in front of him.
When Tubbo couldn't say anything, Tommy sighs,
"People change, Tubbo. It's natural to us. Its not by the power of that silly shitty revival book that fucked me up like this. People can change..whether by people or circumstances. Tubbos and Tommys have lived and died before us just so we can see another day..it needn't be a corpse..it needn't be a sign..."
Tubbo frowns and looks away, unable to accept it.
If that's how easy it is, then Tommy has died a long time ago. Before the series of revivals, before the prison, before the Confrontation, Doomsday, Exile..hell even his exile. If that's the case, he himself must have died a long time ago too..when he lost Ranboo..when he thought he'd lose Michael too..when Ivory existed.
...Has Tommy missed him when he had changed?
When the bubbly, peacemaking Tubbo has become so blue, distrustful and aggressive?
When his youthful look was plastered with scars from war, his heart plastered with holes of those that destroyed him..hurt him..left him?
When..he became like this?
Has Tommy missed who he was before, the same way he missed his?
"I'm sorry I'm no longer the Tommy you want to save..the Tommy you want to protect, and to take care of. Your friend..sidekick..whatever you refer to me as. I'm sorry..that I have lost my quarrel with him that has felt like an eternity. I couldn't keep myself together...when nothing longer mattered..I have lost..so many, Toby..it hurts. It hurts."
He then sits down, like what he just admitted never happened at all, "I don't know what you want to do now but if you'll stay here..eventually you'll get back to your limbo. As horrible as it is."
Tubbo blinks, remembering the festival, that fake Schlatt hosting the show, the audience, the crowd - everything, "So that was my limbo?" He asks, as Tommy nods,
"What limbo is like depends on the person that inhabits it. It represents something..what you're afraid of, what you hate..something that makes hell hell."
Tubbo laughs, both in lament and by his explanation, "Well it is hell alright..now I get why Wil wants to stay alive after everything's that happened..I'd get why you were so terrified after what happened back in the prison.."
Tommy nods a little, appreciating that Tubbo is trying to understand such substantial information,
"But honestly, both are hellish don't you think? My limbo is shit..same as my situation up there..but- you're making it sound like I could come back..I'm dead aren't I? I used up all my lives..I can't go back."
Tommy blinks, "Dream revived you, Tubbo. And he has yet to have an explanation to reassure himself as to why you're still not conscious."
...
"I'm..revived? How- Why- Why did he-"
Tommy shrugs, "Anything is possible. He either has unfinished business with you, or..he has a bit of heart. Anyway, your choice changes everything: Stay here and bear your hell for eternity, or face hell from the living. Both are shit yeah..but..I guess you have to make a choice this time not for people for once..but for yourself."
For yourself this time?
But..whether to choose something or to choose nothing..
Nothing brought him good.
It always feels easier when people decide for him, it only gets dirty when it becomes their excuse to treat him like shit.
Since when has it ever felt easier?
Since Tubbo is having a hard time deciding, Tommy softens his look, "You know..maybe you can..stay here for a while.."
He raises his head, thoughts of the dilemma have temporarily ceased, "..What?"
Tommy looks away, considering things, "Like..stay here with me. There's nothing much here though. And..most of the time, I might not be able to be around with you. You'd bore the hell out of this shitty place."
Well he is right for once - his limbo is shit.
"That or..somewhere else..I can take you to the cornflower field and stay with Ghostbur..Sounds like a decent limbo to stay in right?"
A decent limbo to stay in?
Well, if he's getting this right, his limbo is basically that court situation- whatever with someone impersonating Schlatt and Ranboo.
He'd rather not go back there.
Tommy's limbo..too..ominous to get stuck in.
He has no idea how Tommy can live up to this place..how long has he stayed here..?
Alone?
If he gets to that cornflower field and be with Ghostbur..maybe..maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
Ghostbur..it's been forever since he has talked to him..let alone seen him..or even thought about him.
It felt like a long time yet the time he explained how the blue works to him will always come back to haunt him,
..He'd love to see him again, "You're fine with me not coming back?"
Tommy furrows his brows a little, letting off a small smile, "I just want to see you in peace for once Toby..It's still your choice to stay or go..whatever you feel most for your own sake."
His own sake..since when has he ever decided things just for himself?
Without the cost of someone hating him, losing people - losing himself,
After thinking, Tubbo smiles back, "I'll stay with you, Tommy.."
His voice sounds hesitant, but at the same time, firm at each word passes his lips.
He wants this, he truly wants to stay – but what if-
Michae-
The noise in his head has snapped off, rendering him thoughtless.
Tommy blinks before smiling a little,
"Staying here it is."
-
-
-
"I didn't expect that limbo is like...this..It's like..a whole different world down here.." Tubbo murmurs, looking around the grey train station.
Everything is still, quiet- that is until a train comes by and jolts him with surprise.
His skin pricks up and his ears and tail flare off from the sudden noise that shook his whole being, "Jesus! Is this-"
"Wil's limbo? Yes. Thirteen and a half years..he was right here. Couldn't leave and hop on a train unlike us."
Tubbo then wonders due to that answer, "How can we leave though?.."
Tommy shrugs, "I guess I just..can."
Again with that vague answer, still, he knows well he can't question further.
Maybe in time Tommy will explain everything to him with a bit more sense.
He can only hope.
Because as much as a stranger he feels around him, a part of him believes that this is still Tommy.
He supposes his positive self still lingers..despite all the bad things happening around him.
Another train comes by and instead of speeding up as usual, it stops.
Smoke gushes around as Tubbo coughs on the amount of dust he inhaled by both his nose and mouth.
Unfazed, Tommy steps forward and waits for the door to open.
With a noise, the door slides, letting anyone in,
"Let's go, Tubbo..before it goes off on its own." He murmurs, giving Tubbo a hand.
Tubbo, after trying to stay alive, has yet to notice Tommy's hand reaching out to him.
Slowly, he takes it and cringes at the cold feeling of his touch.
He's cold..deathly cold.
Tommy pulls Tubbo inside the train and puts him on a random seat before he gets to sit as well.
Tubbo anxiously pats his lap before realising something, "Wait, does it drive on its own- or does it have a conductor?.." He murmurs before checking out the front before his blood grows cold as sweat falls down on his temple,
"Alll aboard to DreamX(D)PRESSS..the D is there somewhere..just..silent."
A figure in all green stares at the both of them.
It didn't matter what he was wearing, the familiar mask just gave it away-
Tubbo screams and falls down on the floor as Tommy only looks down at him with a slight shocked expression, "Wh- What the fuck?! Dream- It's fuckin-!"
"It's not Dream, Tubbo..it's okay.." Tommy murmurs softly, reassuring him despite his flat voice, "He has yet to earn this kind of omniscience to be able to be here and in the living at the same time."
The conductor cackles at Tommy's words, "Soon, my boy- If he follows your same fate-" And laughs again, his voice almost like a nail on a chalkboard.
Tubbo sits up confused and in a panic, "I am a bit of lost here, I'm just- fucking lost..So this is not Dream..even if he fucking has the same face as him..Who..Who is he..?"
Tommy blinks once, "He's a god you do not recognize? I hope Foolish's build about him was accurate enough. Guess not."
And suddenly it hits.
That figure Foolish created in his Summer House – deity full of green, and that mask with an X and a D,
"Dream..DreamXD?.." He murmurs as the god booms in a laughing,
"My my such idiocy you have brought before me, Tommy! Where do you get these animals?~"
Tommy clenches his fists, but Tubbo notices that..he can't seem to get mad, any reaction really.
Usually, the Tommy he knows would freak out if anyone insults him - especially his friend, "Be patient with him, XD..he's been through a lot. I'm sure you have witnessed what has happened to him enough that I don't need to explain."
The god leaves his seat and honestly, it must not really matter if he controls this odd train or not.
He walks towards Tubbo as the goat backs off in fear, trying to stay small.
Although having a humanlike form at the moment, his head is deemed impossible to be natural, and those halos around him can never be substituted to anything else.
And those eyes..where is he even supposed to meet a stare?
"The smell of fresh death has always been fragrant..Killed by your own love..how dramatic your story has ended, little goat."
Tubbo pants at his presence, terrified..but the second Tommy holds onto Tubbo's hand, despite the frost he gives him..he feels like he's not alone,
"I'd prefer you to watch where we are heading, and refrain from scaring my friend if you'd be so kind."
XD hums and looks down at Tommy. Despite having no face but hundreds of eyes gawking, one can tell that he's pleased by his words – fascinated,
"Before, you are frightened upon my presence, child. Now you don't seem to fear me. You are lucky that the ones that protect you are by the hands of death herself. If it had not, you would have been a lovely soul to play with other than that totem toy."
Tommy keeps his composure, visibly unintimidated by his presence.
Tubbo can only stay silent as he watches them talk – or argue – whatever they're doing,
"Deem yourself lucky that you remain unpunished for what you did to me. The gods weren't proud of you meddling a life like that, were they XD? I'm sure they'd be far more unforgivable if they knew about him..it would be tragic if they pushed you both to fall apart."
He grins at his words..a grin Tubbo does not recognize, "Make him forget about you..hate you..how would you feel?"
XD growls as he retreats back to the driving seat as he begrudgingly controls the train.
His rage is clearly vibrating across the whole place, Tubbo can almost feel sick, "What..the fuck was that?"
Tommy smiles a little, in a sheepish manner, "Sorry about that."
Tubbo was about to ask about what he had heard about their conversation, but instead, he kept shut.
He'd not be able to begin to understand anyway,
"Take us to the cornflower valley, XD."
The god hums in thought, "Visiting an old friend, Tommy? He has been waiting for your return for quite some time now."
Tommy's lips move, Tubbo notices that it looks like he's biting his lower lip,
"I guess you can say that..I'm dropping off Tubbo there with him..The ghost needs a friend whenever I'm absent.."
Humming once more, XD pulls the strings as the puff of air comes out of the train along with a loud noise, "Cornflower valley we go-"
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–
—
Tubbo looks outside and can see sceneries...all at once.
His mind tries to put some sense into it, but most of it doesn't at all.
It's like they're in the middle of a field and in an ocean at the same time.
Each scenery changes per second - might even less than that to the point it might be best to stay away from the windowshields.
Instead, he looks up at Tommy..feeling awkward to talk to him.
For the past months, he has always been talking for Tommy's sake because he seems unable to begin one.
Now..even when he can..it seems that he's still not willing to talk.
Tubbo sighs and looks down, checking out his worn shoes. Then when he feels like there's no need to be on a thick cloth to keep him warm, he slowly removes his Snowchester coat, as the cape drops down with it,
"I have no idea what to say to begin a conversation..I too..feel a little awkward, talking to you..Sorry.."
Tommy..since when have you ever felt awkward?
Tubbo widens his eyes as he looks back at him, and he can see Tommy averting his gaze with a soft pink blush on his cheeks.
He's flustered.
"I have been waiting for several years to meet this kind of fate..and although I have practised in the past..I must have forgotten it all now..how..much I wanted to tell you everything..It's all..blank now." He sighs, "There's..nothing in me now."
Tubbo remains quiet, holding onto his coat,
"I hope I act enough like Tommy for you Tubbo..It's just..hard to be like that brat anymore..There's no such need to be..like him anymore..nor be anyone else for everyone's sake. Things are just different now. Things..have changed."
Remembering Ghostboo made Tubbo's heart harden.
No, he doesn't want anyone to pretend..to change for his sake – not again,
"Just..be who you are, Tommy. I don't want you..to push yourself like that."
The other looks up at him,
"I don't think..anyone should do that. To lose yourself at the expense of someone's happiness. You're right..it's hard..very hard." He slowly loosens the tension his fists are making,
"Just be you, Toms.I'm happy enough that I can see you..and hear you talk."
That..that made Tommy smile,
"But please don't read my mind, cuz that's fucking freaky-"
That made Tommy look like he was choking as he let out a wheeze and a cough at the same time.
Despite being shocked that he's still able to do that, Tubbo can't help but laugh with him, genuinely finding it funny to hear that familiar wheeze.
It's the same old wheeze..it doesn't even sound like it's forced in order to make Tubbo feel better..its like..he really laughed at what he said,
"Please refrain all this sappy shit it makes me throw up- And I don't even have a mouth-"
Wiping his eyes, Tommy rolls his eyes at what the god has said, "Well then you better craft one so the one you're courting with have something to use from you-"
XD fumes up, his halo glowing brighter.
Tubbo blinks in confusion, "He's courting someo-??"
"Keep your mouth shut boy or I'm melting it like goat butter."
Tommy continues to laugh, almost vomiting out his insides with that tone, "Do you- baha- want me to tell- that fuckk- he's inlove with a-"
"It doesn't perish you so I doubt it matters if I throw you overboard, Tommy. So stay on my good side."
Tubbo chuckles, he can't believe this..all of this. If he's just dreaming, then there's an excuse that he'd laugh at all of this nonsense.
If he tells Michael that he reached the end of his life, yet talking to his good old friend, with a..god? with a god or sorts bantering, his son wouldn't have believed.
It took a while for Tommy to stop laughing, and his laughter..really made the atmosphere of the train a lot brighter,
His laughs..are truly contagious,
"Your human is showing Tommy..it seems you still have yourself there together."
..His heart beats,
"You really think so, XD?" Tommy murmurs blankly, but there's a sense of hope, "I can still get better?"
XD cackles, amused, "Never for everyone..but for your companion here..Its more than enough."
Tommy blinks at those words before smiling.
Tubbo smiles at him too, holding his friend's hand tight.
He'd be crazy to think that for once, his friend's hand felt..warmer now.
"We have arrived.." DreamXD slows down the train as Tubbo checks out the window and gasps at the sight.
Indeed, it's a whole valley of nothing but cornflowers..whole acres of them.
He isn't sure if that is scientifically impossible in real life, but you know what? Doesn't fucking matter.
Tommy seems to be smiling brighter seeing his friend already loving the place.
He'll be safe here, at least he won't be alone since Ghostbur is-
"The ghost is missing."
Tommy freezes, "What?"
DreamXD peers closer, checking out the view,
"Ghosts cannot usually leave a limbo without assistance and he is gone."
Narrowing his eyes, Tommy runs forth the door as it opens in timing as he bolts towards the field,
"Tom- ack- fuck- Tommy wait!-" Tubbo yells – almost got crushed by the door halfway for trying to imitate Tommy's stunt and follows him.
DreamXD stays behind, interested in what's going on.
"Ghostbur..He's.." Tommy pants, looking around at the sea of flowers, trying to find him, "It doesn't make any..it doesn't make any sense! He doesn't disappear- He can't just fade!"
Tubbo can sense anger and frustration coming out of Tommy, and as much as a part of him thinks it might be best to calm him down..the other part..wants him to feel this way.
He wants Tommy to be mad.
To be sad..to be happy.
To react..to feel.
Better than nothing,
"Do ghosts just..disappear?" Tubbo asks in a squeak, afraid Tommy might shout at him in the process.
Tommy instead looks at the ground and notices those familiar flowercrowns – some completed and some..left unfinished.
It seems that in time, Ghostbur's skills have improved..impressed at seeing intricate knots and designs that made the flowercrowns so outstanding.
But no one to show off to..or for someone to wear.
"What happened here.." He murmurs, plopping down, "He didn't..rest in peace..did he?..It's not..possible..for a ghost..to do that.."
If Ghostbur died, and Wilbur didn't come back here..then that means..both of them departed?
..Without saying goodbye?
No- no that cannot be-
Tubbo, feeling like someone watching them looks around and almost trips at the sight of Dream XD with his almost true form floating down before them,
"How could this happen, XD?..Is this even..possible for ghosts to just..disappear like that?"
Humming in thought, cornflowers are picked off by his command as he makes various forms out of those, "I can imagine three scenarios, Tommy. And all of them..I am unsure to bring him back."
Tommy's look hardens as he is eager to listen to the god's words, Tubbo can only try to catch up,
"One would be is that he was taken by a superior being besides me and did whatever to him. Killed him, used him, possibilities vary – Once a god has him, its almost impossible to retrieve him, unless left abandoned...just like what I did to him."
The set of cornflowers wilts and dies off to fly off by a breeze of gale, Tommy remains unbothered,
"The second..his host died, and by what I mean die I mean..ceased to exist. And by his host, I mean-"
"Wilbur." Tubbo murmurs, feeling tensed by the god's words,
Tommy nods, "My brother."
XD grins or at least..looks like he grinned, "Exactly. No need more words to expound. Host dies, so are the parts of you...ghosts alike."
Another set of cornflowers wilt but instead of flying off, it disappeared on a whim - like they never existed at all,
"The third one..at least to my theory..The host he had rejuvenated as a whole. All forms intertwined..dead or alive, are set into one formulated being – whether back to human..or..a new entity..a new form..a GOD..like.." He stares at Tommy in particular,
"You."
The cornflowers gather together and formulate into something Tubbo couldn't see, it's a fade of blue and colours that he couldn't understand..but all he knows is that those cornflowers became one.
Yet a form his mind cannot comprehend,
"I see." Tommy murmurs, understanding everything, in contrast to Tubbo unable to get a single point, "So..whatever the outcome..Ghostbur's..no longer here."
He sounds sad when he says that, at the same time, Tubbo doesn't know what to say to comfort him,
"I haven't even said goodbye to him."
DreamXD tilts his head, "You make it sound like he has already departed. If you forget options laid, he could still be-"
"I don't think he's here anymore, XD..I feel so."
The god didn't say no more, only stared at him for a good while before floating back to the train.
Tubbo..not knowing what to say, stands beside Tommy and tries to analyse his face.
Well..other than most of them are practically unreadable, a part of him can still tell he's a little bit upset
"You think he's gone, Tommy? Ghostbur?.."
Tommy sighs, frustrated - but not at his friend, but the situation, "I don't know.."
Tubbo nods at that, "But you think he's no longer here in limbo?"
The other nods once.
And so, he continues, "Where is he?.."
Tommy's fists visibly clench, "I don't..know.."
Looking up and back at the train, he begins to walk towards it, "It might not be suitable for you to stay here then..all alone..This place is safer than anywhere else, but nothing will bring good if you remain to be lonely."
He's right. Being alone will surely drive him mad at some point.
"Are you still persistent in staying here?"
He stops at that, taking into Tommy's question.
Does he still want to die?
Is he still unwilling to live?
Nothing awaits him up there right?
No one wants him to come back.
No one needs him to come back.
He doesn't need to - hell, even want to,
"As long as that is fine by you..please let me."
Tommy's lips shake before his head nods, and lets him in the train, "DreamXD..to the ocean. Take us there."
The god tilts his head, yet starts up the engine, nonetheless, "Which ocean, my boy?"
He grits his teeth, "Ranboo's."
oOo
"Why..why are we going to Ranboo's limbo?.." Tubbo murmurs, feeling anxious for some reason of going there.
Oh its not for some reason, its about meeting the fucking ghost again.
Tommy's eyes remain determined though, as he is eager to get there as soon as he can, ''Going to check if this phenomena happens to Wil's case only. If that is so, then you'll get to meet Ghostboo in the ocean, Tubbo."
The goat frowns but nods anyway.
So if this thing happens to other ghosts, then something is happening out of Tommy and even DreamXD's knowledge..Ghostboo wouldn't be there.
If not and Ghostboo's there..then there goes his mental stability crashing for the better or for worse,
Tommy looks up at Dream XD, "Are you sure you are not involved with this?"
The god cackles, the train continues at a constant speed, "I adore the ghost like a dog, Tommy. Why would I harm him? He is useless to me. Whatever is going on it is out of my control..it must be because of the mishaps from the above. The Revival Book has eaten enough lives to do something as destructive as this.."
He then sneers at a sudden idea, "Or...the Book of Death."
Tubbo's ears perk up at the mention of that, "The Book of Death? That exists too?"
Tommy looks away, as DreamXD smirks more, "Oh little bee bitch..the Book of Death works the opposite way against the Book of Revival. But- both quenches the same thing."
Tubbo huffs in fear, terrified at the god's booming tone,
"Lives. So many lives. I suppose you can imagine those two books as Yin and Yang...one is nothing without the other, one cannot be without another. Imagine such destruction if one has both of them together. Might as well be called god."
Tommy shifts uncomfortably, "Might be best if Dream wouldn't be able to retrieve the Death Book from the current user..don't want him to be any more stupid than what he is doing now.."
Tubbo softens his look, confused by Tommy for taking it in like that.
The god only chuckles at those words,
"You liked what you're seeing here, XD? Dropping those books to mortals who are susceptible to greed and power..are you satisfied by what the books have caused?"
Tubbo realises that information all at once.
DreamXD droops slightly, "No longer satisfied that got me into trouble that's for sure." A pause, "Although..I don't regret what has happened to you, Tommy. Truly, you have become something I can almost share respect with."
Tommy narrows his eyes before stomping off and opening the door at once, letting a gush of wind inside that could hardly bother him.
Tubbo tries to stay on hold, trying to catch up to his friend at the same time, "Tommy!-" He yells before Tommy grabs hold of him before glaring at XD,
"I never wanted to be like you..all of you..I never wanted to be god..I never wanted to be something more than what I could be.."
XD stares at him with a solemn stare, "So what if I was a pest, an insufferable toy in your eyes? I played under your game, and fell under the loop like death and living meant nothing even when it did. I was nothing. I was nothing to you. But you know what? At least I was human. I was fucking human."
He jumps, dragging Tubbo with him, 'Something you can never ever be for anyone to make them happy.'
"Tommy fackkkkKKK!!!!" Tubbo shrieks as the two about to fall in open water.
Tommy remains upset from what he said to him, but the moment he sees his friend fearing for his life..he can't help but to chuckle.
He looks hilarious.
And then Tubbo noticed it, "What the fuck??!! Do you think its fucking funny?!!!"
Tommy laughs more, holding his hand, "It seems that you have forgotten Tubbo..We don't die...not here."
And like that, when Tubbo expected a large splash as the water engulfed him whole, his feet remained an inch away from the ocean..as well as Tommy.
The sea is grey..he expected it to be a bit lighter and bluish..but it's dead, almost like sewage water.
It must be the weather?
Tubbo looks around, it seems dark and gloomy enough so it makes sense the water looks like this,
"Come on..we're not that far.." Tommy once more, takes Tubbo's hand and the two continue to walk on water, following wherever Tommy is going.
The whole journey is quiet, and Tubbo couldn't begin to say anything, his mind is wracking up with thoughts.
Although Tommy might hear whatever Tubbo might be thinking, he's not calling out or saying anything about it.
There are things that the two are mentioning that he hasn't caught up just yet.
All those words, he isn't even sure if he can think so well of it.
Tommy being a god.
DreamXD meddling with the humans.
Ghostbur's disappearance.
The existence of the Death Book
They are the things he has yet to find out.
Or ever, should never even find out.
Does Phil know about this?
Does Techno?
...Did Ranboo know all this?
"Tommy..?" He asks softly, catching Tommy's attention.
The other only hums, still on his pace to walk,
"Have you become a god, bossman?.."
He stops, and that makes Tubbo stop too.
He looks like he doesn't want to talk about it, it must be a tetchy subject, and so Tubbo was willing to let it go but-
"I don't know, Tubbo. Honestly? I don't know anymore." He tightens his grip against Tubbo, "But whatever I am now, I am definitely not human..Not anymore.."
Tubbo frowns, "Yet you don't want to be.."
Tommy nods numbly, "I never asked for this..I never even thought or wanted to be something more..I just..wanted the pain to stop..I wanted it all to be over.." He clutches his chest, clenching his fist against his shirt,
"It hurts not to hurt. It hurts to know what's meant not to know. It hurts..to be like this.." He admits, smiling, "The fact that I might never be able to live or die at the same time is terrifying. And even if I seem..calm to you..I'm scared. I'm..terrified..I'm something new..and they..no one knows what to do with me..how to help me.."
His reflection..scattered and a mess full of tears and silent pleas..of begs..for help.
Always haunting him in contrast to his composed nature now.
His dull eyes water a little, "Even you can't understand me, can you? You look at me as if I'm a stranger..that I'm not..your friend..no matter how much I try to be..human. To be like Tommy."
...
"I'm alone."
Tubbo doesn't know what to say, and Tommy knows that.
And so, he gives up and continues to walk, tagging Tubbo along, conflicted.
Is he just going to take in what Tommy said? Just like that?
Is he just going to give up? Lose him again? Forget about him again?
"No."
Tommy looks up,
"You're not alone, Tommy."
He looks at Tubbo,
"Even if I don't get you..or..don't know what you are..doesn't mean shit." Tubbo glares, almost tearing up, "Even if..you become something I can't see..I can't hear..I can't touch..Back there in the darkness..only a single voice of yours..I know...I knew it was you."
Tommy's mouth slightly agape at what he's hearing,
"Wherever you are, whatever you are..I'll always try to be by your side. I'll take care of you, I'll make you get better..Even if you can't say my name..even if you can't remember me..I'll always..be here.." Tubbo sniffles with no tears – well about to..(the author did cry tho fack),
"I'll never..give up on you."
...
"So don't fucking think you are ever alone..okay?"
Tommy hitches a breath, before looking away, "Sorry..sorry for thinking like that..You're right.."
Tubbo smiles, reaching close to pet Tommy's head, "You're going to be okay. That's what the pet means right?" Before grabbing Tommy again as he moves forward for him.
For him.
The boy feels like..he can breathe again...he can feel the cold..the pain..everything..but..it felt like it didn't matter.
For his friend is there..to try..to heal him..to help him..make him..happy.
He lives..as Tubbo smiles for him.
And that goat considers himself as a nobody..
How could he?..
I don't deserve you..do I?-
"Uhh Tommy? What's that block doing in the middle of nowhere?"
He raises his head up and widens his eyes and stops, "Toms? Bigman, you goo-?"
"Ghostboo's gone too." He whispers, running towards it as Tubbo follows after,
The two stop once they meet with that very block..so worn out and drenched with saltwater - struggling to stay together,
"This..This is Ranboo's limbo? Here at this block, in the middle of nowhere filled with nothing but water?"
Tommy looks down, inspecting the disintegrating block, "Yes."
Tubbo continues to look around the way Tommy does it, he might be looking for something..could be.
With that, he tries to help, squinting his eyes to see clear of the grey water..until it swirls around..revealing something, "What the- Tommy are you seeing what I'm seeing?!"
Tommy looks down at where he's looking and can see a few people fighting each other.
He can see familiar faces, in particular of Techno and Phil..fighting Dream, "What's going on.." he whispers, analysing the pool, "Techno and Phil got out? I don't know how Eret is involved but this..is interesting.."
Tubbo frowns at his words, before noticing another one swirling and then another.
It seems one Purpled running, shifting to Niki in bars trying to get out.
The other one..there are two people against the dark..doing- well he should better not mention it-
Another one then forms, and made his mouth agape, "What the fuck?? Why is Aimsey not with Michael?!"
Michael. His own fucking son. Holy shit how could he forget???
Tommy peers at the sight, his heart dropping a little seeing Eryn.
Anyway, "Is Michael supposed to be with Aimsey right now?-"
"Well yeah cuz one of his parents is fucking dead, the other- completely unavailable!" Tubbo freaks out, eyeing the water somewhere, "Please..tell me where Michael is.."
As if it can be heard, a new whirpool whirls and can gods hes so ready to jump right in for he can see his own son all geared up, holding a baldman's hand..and someone else..towards the fucking prison,
"Holy shit." Tommy comments, "Your son's going to hell.."
There Tubbo begins to panic - pacing and mumbling things that Tommy cannot understand.
He finds that scene familiar, all too familiar, "You have to go back if that's what you want."
Tubbo stops, and looks at his friend.
Tommy looks at him sadly, "Michael needs you, he's going to die if he stays there..and I..I don't want to see that kid here."
Tubbo frowns, and looks down, "I don't..want to keep living anymore Tommy..it hurts so much..to be human."
Tommy nods at that, understanding his dilemma,
"But..I can't let him die for a war that he has no business with..die because of his incompetent parents..I have to breathe if it's the last thing I do." Tubbo clenches his fists as he eyes his reflection.
He can see his body asleep by a random bar, a faint pale streak of hair contrasting his brown ones, "I have to go back.."
Tommy then scoffs at that, smiling, "Live for me, Tubbo. Can you do that for me?"
Tubbo widens his eyes, almost completely forgetting everything the moment his focus is on him, "No..Not without you.."
He goes back and holds his hands, "Come with me Tommy. Please..If I can come back, so can you.."
Tommy blinks before laughing, "I am there..I am always there somehow.."
Tubbo shakes his head, "No no no..I want you..I want you too, Tommy..I want you to talk..I want you to laugh and talk about stupid shit that can make people mad..I want you back..
"I want you to be there with me..we'd get out of this mess and..start a new life..I want you to be okay again..Please.."
His legs almost buckled, lowering himself down when he lost his strength to stand up. Tommy holds him still,
"Just like you said Tubbo..I'm never alone..because you'll always be with me.." He squats and hugs Tubbo,
"If you're that eager to be stuck to me..then how can I ever let you go..?"
Tubbo's tears well up before hugging Tommy back.
He isn't sure what he's crying for.
Tommy's right, whoever's awaiting him up there will be him.
Sure, he may not speak, or laugh, or at least smile..but that is still Tommy.
"Whoever told you you're a nobody..they're fucking wrong, Toby." He pulls the hug away and holds him by the shoulders, ensuring that Tubbo's listening to him,
"You have a name, bossman, and you have your own body. You have choices, values, and something to cry and yell about, like a big fucking man you are. You're someone to people..you're someone to me. You're someone's husband..someone's father..someone's friend..someone's sidekick."
...
"My Tubbo.."
Your Tommy.
Your Tubbo.
Tubbo sniffles without a word, falling for Tommy's words and hold, wishing he could have done something..anything..for things to stay like this.
..But like him, he has things to do. Therefore, he can't stay,
"Take care of yourself, Tubbo..I'll be right there watching-"
And he lets him go..
Tubbo falls onto the sea, and gasps for air but instead, water is what he swallowed.
He didn't feel pain but was still terrified that he's practically drowning without that urge to breathe.
He's more focused on seeing Tommy's vague figure against the water surface. He can see his smile as he salutes in a form of goodbye..and his single tear..joining the salty sea.
Tubbo's tears mix against the ocean's depth..welling him up..swallowing him completely.
It almost feels peaceful..strange. To be dead.
His eyes open, his vision blocked by most of his hair..including the white ones.
He grunts but everything feels hurt and not hurt at the same time.
For a moment, he can't feel much of his appendages, his parts..it's like he has to move in order for the blood to flow around him.
Gods..it numbs to be alive.
An enderman noise cuts him back to reality.
There's a beast is in his cell as he panics and backs off painfully, trying to be small and unharmed as possible,
"S-S-stay b-back!" he stutters in fear, his hands twitching as he tries to find something sharp..like a weapon whilst keeping his eyes away from it to not aggravate it.
It was until the creature held Tubbo's chin, making him look up at him.
His neck jolts to stay away but the creature's hold has gone tighter, keeping it in place.
Tubbo tries not to look, considering it's a death sentence to stare at a fucking enderman.
Eventually, it growled lowly..it's like beckoning him to stare at it.
With a silent swear, he finally faces the creature and realises.."R-Ranb-boo.."
He blinks..since when is it difficult to utter simple words?
Usually he's terrible with pronunciation, but now it's basic intonation?
The hybrid tilts his head, lets out a few words that's gibberish to many..but familiar one to Tubbo..He never knows what it means..but that tone..he knows that those noises are for him..
"Bee.."
Someone's husband.
Tubbo smiles, his hand shakes so wildly and he doesn't even understand why..still it manages to hold onto his love's cheek, and cup, "I-I-I'm here..yo-you're ok-kay..Boo..I'm h-here.."
Someone's love.
Ranboo releases a few more noises as his tears trickle down his burnt up skin.
Tubbo sniffles up, crying with him, "P-Please d-d-don't cr-cry..you're m-making me cry t-too.."
It feels weird..feeling everything at once..yet something is missing.
And then he remembers something, "Tommy..Boo..we have to get Tommy out of here.."
Tommy. Where is Tommy?
Ranboo tilts his head, pulling himself back to let Tubbo see who he was with.
The ivory haired boy stares at the scene, staying at the corner of the cell.
His eyes are wide, his cheek is a little bruised up, yet paying attention to the two without a word to say – doubt he'd say much anyway,
"T-Tommy! Fack!-" Tubbo stumbles on his steps before getting himself close
Tommy blinks once, wondering why Tubbo's getting all frantic, as the other, couldn't get anything to say except creating a random enderman noise,
"I- I- I- T-Tom-my.." He mumbles, unable to say his words right.
What's going on with him? It hurts to speak but still..he has to try,
"R-Rem-memb-er what I t-told you? I-Im Im Im always h-here..y-you're n-not alone..not al-lone.."
Tommy seems unfazed by what he said, so Tubbo can only sigh, his head twitching back and forth.
He forgot. This Tommy is different to the one he met when he died.
As always, confused..and forever lost as to what the fuck is going on in this bullshit world.
And that broke it.
A sob escapes his lips, sadness breaking his walls..pain breaking him over and over.
Oh how much it hurts to live.
"I-I'm..I'm s-s-sorry Tommy...F-F-For evv-verything..I'm s-s-sorry.."
He hasn't even noticed that his hands are punching his head, so overwhelmed with all the tears that's welling up on his cheeks - showering like waterfalls.
Tommy blinks, puzzled as to why his friend..his good friend crying..and apologising in front of him.
When all he has done was to try..and try..and try..and try..
To help..to care.
Suddenly, he feels a hand on his head, and he jerks up to see Tommy petting him and giving him..giving him a smile?
Slowly, he gets close to pull Tubbo for a hug..the goat is in shock as to what Tommy did.
Tommy..
He can see something..he hears something..before a sob cracks up to his throat and he begins to cry again..reciprocating the action by hugging him back.
Tubbo holds on to Tommy to show he's not alone.
Tommy holds on to Tubbo to show that he's still here.
Somehow..someway..he's still here..
They're still here..together.
And nobody they know..will understand.