Song recommendation for the chapter: The one - Folklore - Taylor Swift.
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Charlie was waiting in the park near Tao's house as they had agreed. Meanwhile, he was trying to convince Isaac through messages that he should come soon and help out at the girls' library downtown. At the moment, they only had a terrible selection of random books, and they needed Isaac.
"And add more fuel to the fire? Charlie, do you realize the drama that's approaching?" Isaac had become much more confident and outspoken since he moved to Paris with Tao. "Helping the girls with the library sounds great. I have lots of ideas, and at my parents' house I have boxes and boxes of books I'd love to donate. But I can't just leave my classes hanging."
"Since when does your presence fan the flames of chaos, Isaac? In reality, I think your presence would help us all calm down and not let all the drama of Elle and Tao, and well, mine and... Nick's, consume us. Maybe you can do what Tao did and find a place here. Can't you advance your professional practices?" Isaac was studying library science, and establishing a queer and community library focused on local culture would look incredible on his resume.
"I thought that was Imogen's job, to clear the fire... but I've considered it. I even have a plan in mind, but I don't know. I'm not sure I can come back yet."
"I haven't talked to Imogen about Nick in a long time. She used to be a good confidante about how he was when I was really curious and didn't have the strength to ask him directly. But in the past year, we haven't talked much, and Tara and Darcy don't want to get in the middle of both of us."
"I don't blame them. Charlie, obviously, I want to go see everyone... I'll find a way to sneak away for a while. Just as an excuse for the new library, of course."
"How excited I am to see you!"
"As excited as I am to see you." Charlie couldn't help but smile.
"How's everything going with Matias, by the way? Do you plan to tell the others about you two? Or introduce us to him finally?"
"I second that question. I need to scare him too."
Tao's voice made Charlie quickly put down his phone and rush into his arms. Tao looked good, really good, with his long, straight hair, knitted cap, and dressed completely in black, like a good and mysterious photographer. "You have no idea how much I've missed you," Charlie whispered in his ear as they hugged. "You should have let me pick you up at the train station."
"My whole family, uncles and aunts and all, were there. I love you too much to let you experience that."
"I love your family."
"They love you too. I've missed you so much, little one. You have to tell me everything."
"You first," Charlie said, as Tao left his backpack next to the bench and sat down with him. "Starting with why you didn't tell me you were coming."
"I wanted it to be a surprise. The truth is, I was afraid that Elle would find out before it was time... and everything turned out terrible, as usual. Is she angry?"
"Elle? No, not at all. She's excited, I think. She doesn't know what to expect, but she wants to see you and find out how you're doing."
"It's terrible, Charlie. It's the last thing I want to do. See her. It upsets me so much. I miss her so much, and I left her in such a bad state because of my stupid mistakes."
"Your careers are no mistake, and believe me, she didn't look angry. I think eventually, both of you understood that the long-distance thing stopped working... besides, you two never stopped being friends and staying in touch. Not like me and..."
"Don't mention that idiot's name."
"Tao, you're not fooling anyone; you love him."
"That's why I'm so angry. Apart from terrible weekly movie recommendations, we don't have any communication. I still haven't forgiven him completely for everything he put you through."
"Nick is not guilty of anything. I am."
"Charlie, that's not..."
"He's coming."
"What?"
"He's coming too."
"Oh no."
"Oh, yes."
"It's our chance, Charlie!" Tao almost jumped off the bench with excitement.
"What are you talking about?"
"The operation to get our lovers back starts right now." Charlie couldn't help but laugh at his intense friend and the strange looks he was giving to the grass, as if they were being recorded and everyone was in a mystery movie.
But the immense hole in his heart seemed to hurt even more with those words.
"With pleasure, I'll help you with your operation... but I won't be a part of it."
"Charlie, we all know you should be together again."
"Everyone except Nick and me, apparently."
"Do you say that because of that horrible new guy who plays the guitar?"
"His name is Matias, and you like him, admit it."
"I haven't even met him properly."
"I didn't know I had to make a formal introduction; I'll have to send out invitations to such an event."
"You know what I mean. Charlie, I'm not entirely convinced that he makes you completely happy... you're something, and the you're nothing, and then he appears and disappears, and you always seem hurt and ready to wait for him again."
"That's not true." It was entirely true, Charlie thought, and he knew it, but he didn't want to admit it to himself. "He's sweet, fun. We have so much in common. We spend a lot of time together."
"It sounds like a great FRIEND."
"Believe me, things are about to change. I don't know, maybe seeing Nick is what I need to move forward, let go, and finally be okay with Matias and my life. Everything will be perfect."
Charlie was doing it again, Tao thought. He was prone to sadness, but when things got really bad, he had a strange tactic of pretending that everything was fine, putting on a fake smile, and pretending that everything would be perfect. That word had too much negative weight for Charlie. Although Tao didn't like to admit it, Nick had been the only one who had managed to pull Charlie out of that space, to confront him with the fact that not everything was perfect, and that was okay.
But after everything that had happened... Nick couldn't continue to be there to do that.
"I want to believe you, Charlie, really. But I need proof that this person is worthy of all your light. I'll stop insisting on Nick, but I'm not sure if assuming that you'll see him and everything will be fine is the best plan."
"We don't know," Charlie said with a smile, but he was hiding the fact that he had spent the night crying, thinking about everything that could or couldn't happen when he finally saw him. He had to maintain the facade if he wanted to survive this. "Maybe our friendship is still there, and I can see him well, happy, comfortable, safe, and then... he can see me the same way."
"You don't owe anyone to be okay, not even him. Especially not him."
"Alright, alright, let's put that aside. Let's think about how we're going to make it possible for Elle and you to be in the same room without setting everything on fire. I miss our parties, and Isaac will be here soon, so I hope everything gets sorted out before his arrival."
"I love you, Charlie, but sometimes you're so naive. It's not that easy. I have to think, my plan has to have parts and objectives. I can't just show up and ask her to be with me again. Things haven't changed that much since we broke up. We're still far apart. We're still busy."
"I think you can always find a way to be together if that's what you truly want."
Tao couldn't help but smile and look at Charlie with as much irony as he could muster.
"You have to learn to follow your own advice."
"Other people's lives are easier to analyze."
"Oh, sure, I forgot that yours is an endless melodrama."
They laugh, but after that both fell silent for a moment, looking at the trees and the quiet town around them.
"Who would have thought we'd all be back."
"It's just for a while... Afterwards, everyone will leave again."
"Charlie i..."
"I understand, really. You don't have to apologize for moving on with your life"
"...And I'll be left with the pieces of what you leave behind. You told me that years ago, you know, when you and Nick, well, had your falling out. Am worried you are going to feel the same this time"
"I wouldn't call it a falling out... but yes, I remember telling you that. But it makes me sound like the victim in all of this, and I know it's not anyone's fault that I chose to stay. This time is going to be different."
"Maybe it's time for you to go. There's always room in Paris. You can play in many bars there, and there are incredible writing scholarships at my university."
"Maybe. Maybe," Charlie stopped looking at Tao for a moment to turn towards the street. If he continued walking on that same sidewalk, turned a couple of times, he would see Sara's house in the distance. The path had become an extension of their home, thinking about how many times they had walked it together.
"Maybe we should leave," Charlie was startled to hear Nick's voice in his memories. He thought about him a lot, but over time, his voice and face had become more of an idea than something real and tangible. He suppose it was for self-preservation. But in that moment, there they were, walking together, hand in hand, from Charlie's house to Nick's, one of the millions of afternoons before everything fell apart. Nick was wearing light denim shorts and a yellow striped shirt. He was so insufferably handsome. So effortlessly genuine and beautiful. "You know, leaving together. Studying something far away... together. Living together. Adopting a dog. You could write. I could teach and play. Disappear."
"I don't know if we could leave everyone behind so easily."
Now, so many years later, when the wind and leaves seemed to fall and move the same, everything was actually different.
Now, so many years later, he deeply regretted not having run away with Nick at that very moment to the ends of the earth.
Now, he had to do it all over again. Learn to say hello again without his world falling apart.
"Come on, Tao, I want to write a message, and I need your help."
"I'm not going to give you dirty advice to exploit with Matias."
"It's not for Matias. It's for Nick. I want to invite him to my concert this week."
"Are you sure?"
"I'd never forgive myself if I didn't."