Song recommendation for the chapter: Exile - Folklore - Taylor Swift.
——————————
Listening carefully to the train station announcements, Nick clutched his backpack tightly between his arms and his suitcases between his legs. Sitting on one of the station's waiting benches, he trembled as Imogen went to find coffee for both of them. His mother would pick him up at the station near home, which meant only a short car ride would separate him from his old town. With all the changes and feelings he was experiencing, he hadn't stopped to contemplate that soon his mother would leave that house behind as well, since without children running around, it had become too big and lonely. He hadn't thought about what it would be like to live there one last time and, in the process, pack up all his memories and close that chapter of his life.
"A bit more expensive than I expected, but I found them," Imogen returned to his side with a wistful smile and two cups of hot coffee. Nick smiled back, thanked her for the coffee, and made space for her on the bench next to him.
"The train will be departing in a few minutes."
"Do you have plans for your arrival?"
"For now, just surviving the trip."
"Come on, Nick, it doesn't have to be so daunting. It's your home. You'll have to visit the school before you start working, see the new fields they built; you'll love them for rugby. Oh! And you'll have to go to Darcy and Tara's center before the forum's opening at the end of the week. It's beautiful, you'll love the idea... I know you talk to those you can, but I'm sure everyone misses you a lot..."
Imogen did that. She talked a lot and quickly when she was nervous about something or didn't know how to get Nick out of his head. She looked directly at him, almost pleading, and he tried to do the same, but he failed miserably.
"I saw that Tao will be around as well. Elle goes there a lot, I think. The last time I visited them, they told me that, no matter how much they insisted, you refused to go to the center..."
"I'm not refusing, I swear. I just haven't found the time to go. But I want to, believe me. They know that. I'll meet up with them this afternoon."
"Alright... Nick, I... " She nervously sipped her coffee. "I've been talking to Sahar..." Imogen's friendship with Sahar gave him a lot of comfort. They had become as close as the two of them throughout college, and knowing that Imogen wouldn't be alone thinking about Nick and his insecurities and problems comforted him. "Everyone knows that after what happened, and, well, you and Charlie stopped spending time together, the whole group fell apart with you two. But she asked me to remind you that they're all still your friends, and they care about you just as much as you do about them. They miss you. They'll welcome you with open arms... maybe even Charlie, you never know." Imogen knew that more than his ex-boyfriend, Nick had lost his best friend in the process of everything that happened, and thinking of Nicholas alone was just scary.
"I highly doubt that last part, Imogen, but thank you. I... know it. Or at least I think I do." Nick knew he had distanced himself from everyone to save his heart and Charlie's from breaking even more. That sacrifice had cost him many friendships along the way. He knew they still loved him, but he also knew he had provided very little care. There was nothing Nick hated more than not taking care of people he cared about so much. He tried to find a way to stay current with everyone. He remembered their birthdays, sent them things from time to time, talked to everyone at least once a week... he even exchanged movie and book recommendations with Tao and Isaac, but everyone knew. Nick had disappeared from the group for five years, and it was a conscious and sad decision. He didn't attend their gatherings. He didn't go to their respective celebrations. Not if it meant he'd be there too.
"Thank you for the coffee, and thanks for coming to the station with me. You didn't have to."
"You're my boyfriend, Nicolas, you'd do the same for me." Nick noticed the doubt in her eyes, and it hurt more than he thought it would. "I know you're worried about something, Nick, and I want to be there for you. Talk to me, okay? Even if it's about Charlie, we haven't talked about that as much as I know you'd like."
"I don't want to hurt you, Imogen... it's been so long."
The sound of the train preparing to depart distracted them both.
"You're not hurting me, Nicolas, quite the opposite; you hurt yourself by not involving me in what you feel. I can tell, and that silence hurts me. Sahar suggested that I try to find out more. I care about Charlie a lot, and what you went through together was tough, and it's part of you. If I want to be a part of your life, I have to understand it thoroughly. You can tell me anything..." Imogen looked uncertain about saying the next part. "Just come back to me at the end of the day, okay?"
That plea sounded so strange coming from her. Nick could be somewhat reserved and enigmatic with his emotional processes, but he was certainly a constant and faithful boyfriend. Imogen was much more outgoing and flirtatious than he was, with many more options, and that had never scared or bothered Nick. He loved that part of her. So, if Imogen, who met people every day, worried that Nick wouldn't return the same way in this new stage, it meant she knew something he didn't yet.
"Thank you for listening and understanding, Im. I don't deserve so much patience. I'll be honest, I swear, and I'll tell you what I feel and think. Like I know you do too. Starting with this question... Do you think I should look for him? Wait for him to do it? Just bump into him and... and that's it?"
"Oh my God... usually, you're the emotionally mature one. I'm regretting this new role." They both laughed for a second, with the outgoing and care free Imogen giving relationship advice to her own boyfriend, who would've thought. "I think you should look for him first. Break the ice... and I think you should tell them about us."
"I will... but I'm not sure I can handle the fact that he might hate me."
The second train alarm caught their attention a bit, prompting them to get up and prepare everything.
"If he genuinely cared about you, he can't hate you for doing what's best for you and being happy... if you can't go directly to him, then test the waters a bit. Talk to Elle, Tara, Darcy, and if you're not afraid, talk to Tao, who might know more than them, but he will tell you everything with perhaps well-deserved hostility."
"I'll think about it and keep you posted... thanks, for everything." Nick approached and hugged her tightly before giving her a somewhat sadder farewell kiss than intended.
"You say 'thanks' a lot, Nicolas," Imogen exclaimed once they broke the kiss.
"There's a lot to be thankful for; I... I really care about you, a lot."
"I care for you too... I'll visit you one weekend in a month for Elle's birthday, and Sahar wants us to go camping at some point, so I'll come by after that. In the meantime... remember I'm here."
"How could I forget? If you need me, I'm just a train ride away."
Another kiss sealed their farewell, and Nick hurried to board the train before the doors closed. He found a comfortable seat near the window and prepared for the relatively short journey back. They wouldn't be that far apart, which made his disappearance more controversial among his friends.
How do I know he doesn't hate me? Nick had been so confused about seeing him again that he hadn't considered that maybe Charlie really didn't want to see him. Not at all. Maybe his life had improved so much in so many ways that seeing him would be like falling again... or maybe, even worse in a twisted and cruel way, seeing him again was completely insignificant. Maybe he wouldn't even notice.
He didn't know what he hated more, the idea of hurting him again, or the idea of his indifference.
What made him think he was ready to be a teacher and coach? He immediately pulled out his notes and work plans, which he planned to present to the coach that week. "Nicky, you're going to do great, you'll see; I'll pick you up at the station, and you can drive back to the town yourself; I'm sure you miss driving." His mother's voice echoed in his head.
Saying goodbye to Imogen had felt strangely good. He felt safe with her. He liked knowing that she understood and empathized with his indecision and doubt. But there was a feeling that wouldn't leave him alone. Well, actually, two feelings.
He quickly took out his phone and opened the group chat they all had: Tara, Darcy, Elle, Imogen, Sahar, Isaac, Tao, and... Charlie. He thought about telling them the news, even though the gossip had probably already spread, and arranging to meet up with everyone right away. But his fingers trembled, and the photo of all of them together in Paris so many years ago glowed on the screen.
He left the group and went straight to another one with only Tara and Darcy.
"Ladies, I have news! I'll be home soon, and I'd love to see you."
"OMG! What?" Tara's response was almost immediate.
"Honey, you're a terrible liar; we already knew. But we're still excited! Just in time for the forum's opening." Darcy, as always, the agent of chaos. Nick smiled.
"Has the gossip gotten out of control yet?"
"It's not like we're famous, Nick... but no, don't worry. Only Elle found out because she'll be working at Trhuman this year. She found out there. PS: Darcy, leave me alone, for that you will have to organize the reception by yourself."
"NOOOOOO, I hate that job. I just wanted us to be honest with him. We'll see each other so he can get to know the center this afternoon... and help me clean up the reception."
"I'll be there, girls... will it just be us, or...?"
"Charlie won't be there, if that's what you're worried about."
"DARCY!!! What did we talk about regarding tact?"
"But I think Elle already told him about your arrival... so brace yourself, big guy. The whole gang is ready for some drama."
His heart raced as fast as his fingers, typing and deleting messages he'd never send.
Now there were three feelings that wouldn't leave him alone.
1. No one knew yet about Imogen and him.
2. Charlie already knew he was coming back.
3. He wasn't entirely sure, but his farewell with Imogen felt... more real than he thought it would.
——
Imogen watched as the train pulled away, and tears immediately began to flow from her eyes. She took out her phone and quickly dialed one of her emergency contacts.
"Darling, tell me, how did everything go? Did you tell him everything?"
"Parts, just parts... I couldn't be completely honest with him. I think I confused him even more and made him think something else entirely. Sahar... I can't shake the feeling that... that this was a real goodbye... a real one, for us too."