Ivory - lii - Fuel To My Fire
Created: 04.18.23
Finished: 04.25.23
Edited: 08.27.23
Published: 08.28.23
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Trigger Warning: heavy dissociation and identity crisis, mentions of sensitive past, yelling and swearing, breakdown and verge of panic attacks, vague emetophobia, light gore, heavy description of stitches and sewing skin, intimate-like contact(its for the sake of comfort dw)
Word Count: 5959
A/N: RAHH its very late, and I didnt realise a week has passed- and I forgot this chapter required a heavy edit cuz it was just so bad that I had to rewrite a lot of it. It was difficult because it was one scene and I have to keep two people talking, and also there was spicy things happened at the end that i have to take breaks cuz it was just that hard to do. you'll see:33
hope ur doing well, this a/n is short cuz im sleepy and its late and i have somewhere to go tomorrow and things to do soo ahhh- see you all next week- for another chapter. if im finally adjusted to the school workload and schedules, hopefully there'll be two chapters that can come around in a week quite soon. Also i really wish i could draw art just for the chapters, it makes it look more cool and have a visual aid..school stinks.
am glad you all are patient, and just generally amazing, hope you all doing well, and..i hope this chapter gives you a little break, and something to hold on before everything falls apart. Enjoy^^
NOTE: This is a continuation POV of Chapter 50 - You Ruined The Colour Blue For Me. You may reread it in order to make sense of this chapter.
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"I have to get out here.."
"Wilbur-"
"I have to get out here.."
Irritation bubbles up but repressed by his throat. All he needs is to speak up, and tell him to-
"I HAVE TO GET OUT HE-"
"Wil, shut the fuck up!" Quackity yells, grabbing his attention, "There's nothing you can do!"
..No, he has to get out here.
He can't stay here forever - gods the worms tickling his body urge him to get out. The itch that he needs to scratch, the itch to escape-
"Your stitches, Wil..They're tearing up.."
Wilbur looks down and goes numb feeling a familiar warmth on his hands. It trickles down on the ground, creating a small noise against all the silence,
"Wil-"
"If I get to cut my whole hands off, I'll be able to pull pass the binds-"
"And then what? How will you be able to unlock the door? How will you be able to go past the guards? Do you even know the outline of this fucking prison?"
He didn't even give him a chance to answer, "No- You fucking don't. So sit your ass down cuz there's nothing we can do to get ourselves out of this fucking mess."
Wilbur exhales, but that made him shut up. He let his hands drop down on the floor, letting his blood flow.
His broken skin, it doesn't bother him. Nothing bothers him except the stitches of his heart tearing apart.
And that one? That one hurts more than his hands about to fall into pieces,
Although he stopped struggling, still he mutters something between breaths and whispers.
Quackity finds that uncomfortable at the same time, he can't begin to find his voice to shut him up about that too.
Out of all the anger, now his murmurs sounds so..blue, he can't just disturb that.
Well, they're stuck here, might as well do something about. And since his ego is nothing but dirt at this point, so is his legacy, it's just better off if he just-
"Wilbur?"
The other didn't reply, probably off with his head more than his ears.
Quackity tries again with a grimace, "Wilbur..are you okay?.."
Wilbur stops, and sighs heavily, "Wilbur's..not here..not right now.."
He finds that tone familiar, making him almost laugh, "And where is Wilbur at?"
... "Sweatertown."
A chuckle escapes from his chapped lips, a sad smile reaches his scarred face, "And who are you right now?"
Wilbur didn't immediately reply, but he finally opens his eyes but couldn't find the nerve to face him, "I don't know..I don't...know who I am anymore.."
Biting his lower lip, Quackity looks away, he doesn't know what to answer to that reply.
"I guess that's what you get for fucking up your life.." Wilbur admits, clenching his fists to quicken the bloodflow off his skin, why, he couldn't care any less,
"Are you the same that had a burning desire to create something that stays even if you leave, a sad little man who'll bring anyone down with him..An oblivious dumbass wondering why everyone hates him when all he ever wanted was to live..."
He inhales, feeling the tight, compacted air this damned room could give, "A psycho that wasn't meant to exist, stuck to the living when he's ought to be in hell."
He grunts when he tries to pull, another stitch pop but at least not enough to bleed, "It was smart of you to never accept me. Your country would have been into ashes if I held it off even with a single finger. Whoever rejected my apology was a total smartass. Wil- I..I'm not meant to be here. It's wrong. It's so fucking wrong."
.
.
.
"If it's so wrong then why the fuck does it feel so right?"
Wilbur opens his eyes, finally looking at his rival.
At least this time, it was Quackity's turn not to face him, "As much as it's probably best that you shouldn't have come back. Most of us thought better off thought you didn't return."
The fact that everyone prefers him dead..actually kind of stings,
"But I appreciate that you did. I had something to compare, it made me see how much I improved..wait fuck that- it made me see how much I became so much like you.."
He scoffs in disgust, "Talking about legacy, honour and some goddamn country who couldn't last in a blink...I didn't even know how I got myself into caring about all that- Oh wait-"
He grins widely, "I don't think I ever fucking want this in the first place- I don't even know how I got myself in the first place- My first mistake was a participating in that scuffed election for the ownership of L'manburg just because I thought that was right."
Those last word bites hard, considering it's a philosophy he can't quite easily let go.
Wilbur knows Quackity is one man to follow reason - what is right and what is wrong, with his heart a constant enemy for him to quarrel with,
"Las Nevadas came after that. I needed a legacy because I had nobody. People who kept making a history of themselves probably felt they were insignificant in this shit ass space.."
He glares at Wilbur, "You probably felt you weren't enough too."
...
"And instead of making something right..you led Tommy to the wolves, with or without sheep's clothing..And who knows except the fucking gods if he'd last after this or not."
Wilbur's lips wobble, guilt spreading across his body like wildfire.
If this is what it feels like to be alive, then he'd probably better off feel nothing,
"I have to..I thought..I made a big mistake, Quackity.."
Snorting, the duck smiles and leans back at the pole, "Yeah, you're good at being a fuck up, Wilbur Soot. You always have been. From the moment you made that cursed fuck country, down to being revived. You fucked up..and for some reason? I can't blame you."
He scoffs, "I can't fuckin' blame you.."
Wilbur chuckles, "You and I certainly different, you know? I mean I should no longer be surprised-
"No, it's not a surprise. I tried so hard to believe that you and I are not the same, but actually? We're on a single coin, on the same fucking side of it.
"Las Nevadas was nothing but a city built with lying, broken trusts, and conditions. I thought I was a better person than you, I thought I could make a better world. But after everything.."
His stomach hurts, where he stabbed him, to make him know..
That he too, is an asshole.
"It never mattered if I changed..It didn't matter if I worked my ass off to change..In the end..you lose everything from the things you have done.."
Wilbur notices the other's head droops down, unable to say much, "It's better off if I stay here..Facing life after everything I have felt and done...might as well feel hell, but Dream wouldn't even give me the luxury to kill me.
"It's funny, he's fine to kill a kid who doesn't- who wouldn't even have the audacity to do twice that madman has done..he'd rather kill a child who was just trying to follow his brother in that inevitable death sentence, than a man who hurt everyone else that stepped before him with a shitty excuse for having a fucked up life."
He lets out a chuckle, his mind resumes to remember the pieces – Ghostbur's and Revivebur's. Once was shards are now fully coming together, "Tommy came up with L'manburg, you know. I just..wanted to make him proud.."
Quackity didn't get that, "The fuck? The fuck you said?"
Wilbur blinks and looks at him, confused, "Wh- What?"
Is Wilbur's memory the size of a goldfish now?
"Dude don't gaslight me man- I fucking heard it right- You said Tommy came up with L'manburg. I thought you created that and everything- Are you shifting the blame or some shi-"
"Wha? No- I- It's not that.." He laughs despite his eyes look confused, yet his mouth continues to speak,
"You are right, I did put L'manburg to reality- I was the one that brought it to life, at the same time, made it dirty. But in the end, as much as I admitted that it was all for a ruse for power, for fame, a strike of envy..I remembered..before it wasn't like that."
It's always about him,
"It has always been about Tommy..it has always been about..him.." He smiles, sadly, "And I failed him."
He shakes his head, beginning to pound, "I destroyed his home, his family, I even left him behind..when he never even asked anything more than his asshole of a brother to just stay him. I can't even do one fucking thing, Quackity! I couldn't even keep myself alive for him- I was that much of a pussy and prideful I was in the war.."
He pulls himself again, trying to rip his hands despite Quackity's opposition, "I left him behind, I have forgotten that L'manburg wasn't about my legacy- There was no legacy- It was a remnant of how much I cared for him, and I- I burnt it to the ground! L'manburg was Tommy- And I have hurt him I-"
His stomach churned, acid filling up his throat as he has the need to throw up again, his headache worsening,
"Wilbur calm down- It's okay-"
"No no no its not okay..Tommy needs me..I have to..be there for him..I can't leave him again..He's hurting-"
Quackity frowns at the obvious, "Of course he's hurting Wil-"
"No..no no no I see him..I hear him..He's screaming..He's crying..he hates me Quackity..he hates me so much now..He won't even talk to me..Couldn't even begin to look at me without giving me those eyes..I can't..I can't be here.."
..How does Wilbur know that?
Quackity lowers his brows, "How..can you hear him?"
Then he stops himself, "Oh right..uhm..might be because you two are both revived. I heard those who are can connect in a much deeper level than what normal people can do.." He murmurs, expecting a reply from Wilbur.
Only to hear nothing.
He looks at him and notices his slightly limp body, his eyes are closed but his mouth is moving..almost like talking.
This freaks Quackity out, confused on what's going on Wilbur.
When actually, he has no idea what has been happening to him..at the same time, the fear mixes with worry..for him,
"Wil? What's going on with you?.." He whispers quietly, not wanting to scare him, "You have been..different after what happened earlier..I heard..I felt like I even met-"
He couldn't bring up his name. Ghostbur's long gone..right? "I'm just..a little weirded out..and overall scared for you..and I wish I know what's going on so I can...I can help you.."
When Wilbur didn't reply, Quackity then continues, "I'm here, Wilbur..and you're stuck with me..so.."
Still not saying anything, the other sighs, "You're not the only one that failed someone..and lost someone because of it..Losing Karl, and Sapnap was one thing..but Charli- I mean Slimecicle..it was just..I no longer felt hole after his slime abandoned my heart."
He isn't sure if Wilbur remembers Charlie, not that it matters, "I built Las Nevadas to make me look like I have power, to intimidate people, and to no longer be at the bottom where I get hurt..all the time.."
He inhales deeply, reopening scar has always been unpleasant, "Charlie..came to my life and..I didn't expect how much it'd hurt to lose him..how much I have actually valued him..and I was..a bad person to him..I used him..at the same time..I wish he knew how much I was willing to give my world for him..my country..my dreams..why, even my heart.."
Quackity clenches his fists, remembering his cool touch against his rough grip, "We have both failed one person..but unlike me, you have a chance to make up to him..doesn't matter if that's what's left of him..I have..nothing..and no one to live on for..
"I have..nothing.."
He finally gives up, said what's needed to be said.
He hasn't actually expressed this to anyone.
No one was there to listen to him..let alone trust that information.
Missing a slime seems stupid..even when that blob meant so much for him..enough to break his own rules..break his own heart just to let him in,
"I..I think something happened to me..."
Quackity widens his eyes, looking back at him,
"Like..I feel different. It's like..I feel complete..at the same time it scares me.." Wilbur finally murmurs, looking down at himself,
"I was so used to rely with my pieces, and I never had anything whole with me. And I didn't mind that either..now..its just different."
He sighs terribly, "I remember everything..what I did..what I have forgotten..what I tried to forget..what Dream made me forget..I..I never felt so complete..and still I think I'm missing a few more..one more.."
He looks at him, and the way he looks made Quackity almost fluster.
Those eyes, it's a familiar one..he's seen that before,
"You're..not the Wilbur that came here before."
That answer made Wilbur scoff, chuckling, "You make it say like I have different people in me. I don't think its like that..just..fragments, losing a whole that represents who I'm supposed to be.."
His eyes darken, "When the ghost's memories merged with that walking dead man, something must have happened..Like a connection or something – that just..broke the crack. The crack Dream did to me, the crack the Revival Book which is what cost me to live again."
Quackity tries to process what he said, but couldn't get the whole picture. But he understands one thing, "So..you remember everything?"
Wilbur frowns, "At least I believe so..I don't know..I certainly remember you and-"
When he realises Quackity stares at him that way, he almost reddens, "Al-Although a part of me envies and dislikes you for being better than me..Whereas, I- I- couldn't..I couldn't find the nerve to do that to you, BigQ.."
Now it was Quackity's turn to blush.
That part of him must have been the one he fought times and times before: the one too prideful to see his fall, adamantly ignorant and faithful to his saviour..apathetic, selfish..who couldn't even begin to care for Tommy..for his brother,
"You sound like the Wilbur I met before.." He admits as Wilbur raises a brow, "Before what?"
Quackity smiles at the memory, "Before you left me."
oOo
"Why are you giving us this? I thought you're one of them." Stars voice softly echoes the walls, stars accent wavers but kept stars stand.
Ponk remains besides star, ready to just mangle the man in front of them. Llemon could, but with star around, lemon could not do such thing.
Eryn's just ready to bite the man's arm, if he ever attempts attempt to touch any of daer friends.
Sam, despite his tall stature, kneels down so all three could face each other equally.
Although his face covered with a mask, Aimsey can feel how terrified he is, and how much this thing, is enough to ruin whatever he was trying to keep together, "Take that path and go two lefts and then a right..you'll eventually find a lock suitable for this key. It's where Wilbur and Quackity lies..I don't know if you know them but still, you have to get them out."
Ponk, narrows lemons eyes before pointing the axe at him before Aimsey can stop lemon, "Setting those tnt maniacs free is not what we're here for. Where are Tommy and the others?"
Sam holds his chuckle at his old partner's attempt. Despite lemons small height, lemon can act tough on his own enough, "Tommy is where high security takes place..and I am of the few people that have access to it. I'll take him out and the others myself, you take those two...You'll be safer that way."
Before Ponk can speak up, Aimsey manages to cut through, "Why are you doing this? You have betrayed everyone's trust- and I? I held hope, that whatever they said to you, the things they said to you was all just a misunderstanding."
Sam blinks, his hands shaking from what star is saying,
"I thought that they were exaggerating, hell even lying- Because I don't think that any person who has morals, who thinks for good and does everything for good would do something like this..and I have always believed that everyone is like that..."
Ceasing the tremors, he gets up, and tightens the cloak. The action almost made Eryn jump at him with a feral growl if it weren't for Aimsey being in the way,
"What you need to understand Aimsey, that not only there is good, but there is also evil in the world..Your ideology is what will drive you to your downfall, and I hope that you'll realise that in this world..not everyone is like you: a martyr that saves anyone they don't even know."
..Aimsey couldn't say anything much after that,
"I don't know what drives you, and I won't say mine either. I will no longer give excuses for my actions, for it is done and it is over, and I fully regret it."
He readjusts his mask before walking away, "I can appreciate you for taking care of Ponk. He's better off with you more than me..he deserves the world more than what I could ever give him.."
A single steam lets off of his face, trying his best not to let it out. Still, with all his might, he stops and lets go of his mask before facing Ponk and showing his vulnerability: the repercussion of his actions, and the effect of his pride.
Lemon can only tear up, rendering lemons mouth useless.
The scar that etched across his face, and the tears he let pouring off his steaming face, his dysfunctional eye blaring...the other useless and defeated, "And I'm sorry Ponk..truly I am..."
oOo
"I guess this is it huh..a death where we have nothing to lose-"
Wilbur frowns before chuckling, "A death where we have nothing to lose? You'd certainly lose something BigQ-"
That made Quackity raise a brow, almost finding that funny to hear, "Wilbur. My country is ten feet deep to the fucking ground. Most of my allies have betrayed me. And no one looks for me, and no one waits for me out there."
...
"Well I believe someone is waiting for you to get out of here."
Quackity looks up at him, confused, "What?"
Wilbur smiles, "If you can get out of here, I'm sure you'll start off somewhere fresh..somewhere new. A far off place..where you can make a new story, and have new friends.."
He sighs, smirking sadly, "Maybe you won't need to build a country, but instead, build relationships..friendships..Who knows..you might find something..or someone you like."
Scoffing, Quackity looks away, "Nonsense, with an asshole like me, do you think anyone would fucking like me?"
That made Wilbur's smile go softer, "Just enough that would give you something to lose."
Enough to give you something to lose.
Someone or something waiting for him out there that make it worth to survive.
How sweet,
"Who would it be anyway?"
"Hm?"
"The person that would wait for me out there? Who would it be?" Quackity looks at him with a solemn stare,
"Who would actually wait for me despite who I am now and I have been through. The things I have done, and the things I can't turn back to..everything that makes me underserving to keep going..Who would fucking want me to keep going?"
Wilbur smiles and looks away, "Well, I personally want someone to keep going and outta this place. He deserves better..he deserves someone better too.."
Rolling his eyes, Quackity lets out a snort, "Tommy does, doesn't he? He's been so-"
"The fuck- Of course Tommy deserves better and I'm also talking about you man-"
Quackity stops, blinking his eyes,
"Que?"
Wilbur bites his lips, his sad eyes furrows.
Quackity is unable to decode his tone, his expression and emotion, "You."
.
.
.
"Wha--"
The door crackles which cause the two to jump back, wondering who it could be.
It's clear that someone's trying to unlock the door, but gods it's taking them to do something so basic it could almost make the two laugh.
This is definitely not Purpled, or Dream, isn't it?
Slowly, the metal door creaks and one thing that surprised them, is to see two hardly ever familiar people...and their short statues,
"Are these two Wilbur and Quackity?" One whispers, as the other nods, "Ehhhh pretty much."
That sounds like fuckin-
"Ponk?" The two calls lemons name as lemon tries to unleash the tnt duo out of their bounds.
Wilbur grits his teeth as the unfamiliar person struggles to get him out of bounds.
Unlike Quackity who's bound in ropes, Wilbur was restrained to chains as to which Purpled randomly found elsewhere.
Still, it was a tacky idea to use against him, "Aimee it's a fucking chain- Get away-"
Wilbur raises his brow seeing this Aimee back off quickly as Ponk raises leoms hand with a sword, ready to strike him down,
"No no- wait-"
Ponk slashes down the chain, and although all of them expected it to break apart...it didn't.
Quite actually, the chain has been glowing, and one of the few things that has been radiating in the room despite all the lava,
"The chain is enchanted..." Wilbur remarks, "Must be one of the leftovers they're supposed to use to Techno..Normal binds aren't enough to keep that beast down."
The man with bionic appendages breathes out, not knowing what to do to get Wilbur out of the chains. He even has noticed that his wounds is sticking against the metal bounds, and they aren't going well
"Your stitches..Wilbur Soot what the fu-"
"We'll have to find another way." AImsey takes out stars small dagger and roughly tears off Quackity's ropes off of him.
Ponk helping him get up, Quackity uses all of his energy to raise up his wrapped up wrists for Aimsey to continue cutting them.
Wilbur gives off a clear exhale of relief seeing Quackity released.
Even without energy, gods he looks so-
"What about him?" Aimsey asks, pointing their dagger to Wilbur, "He doesn't look like he's one of the enemies anymore. We have to set him free too."
Ponk frowns, inspecting Wilbur the best lemon could, "His wounds are getting infected. We'll have to get him out of there as soon as possible. He could get a blood infection, septum-"
"I'll not fucking die by a bloody infection..always had them and never got sick from them..."
He flinches at another feeling of a stitch coming off, "Although, I'd rather be out of these chains than be with them."
Quackity swears before staring at the two, "Both of you, got any picks? Hairpins, anything-" He then is reminded by Aimsey's dagger, and so he takes it off from star,
"H-Hey-"
"I'll get him out of this. You two need to help the others escape. Get Tubbo and Tommy out of this."
Before Aimsey could speak, Ponk answers first, "Sam's getting him out himse-"
"You'd fuckin' trust that traitor?" Quackity interjects, almost yelling
"I trust..I trust..him.." Ponk's voice wavers.
Aimsey notices lemons feeling of discomfort, and the way lemons hand glides to lemons opposite arm.
Quackity sighs, "Remember how you lost your arm? Think about it again, Ponk." He focuses on Wilbur this time, "Stop Sam and have Tommy and Tubbo out of this place..You and your friend have done enough here."
He was about to say a threat, but he gulps it down his throat. He'd rather not make Ponk afraid of him just to follow him.
It should be loyalty, not fear.
Why does he have the need to make people afraid of him in order for them to fall submission?
Ponk nods and grabs Aimsey's hand without a word,
Aimsey was about to stop him from taking them away, eager to help the two of them out, "If they can handle this, they can. We've done enough. Let's just get Eryn with us and get the others.."
Sighing helplessly, Aimsey finally looks away and runs off, dragging Eryn with them who was guarding by the door,
"Jesus Christ- Kids playing hero and all-"
"You're one to talk." Wilbur scoffs, "And also that cripple isn't a kid..Don't even know how she got herself in this mess-"
"Yeah yeah whatever-" Quackity shrugs off the words and focuses on getting him out with the dagger.
He attempts to meticulously pick up the lock to unlock it and every time he pulls off to budge it, Wilbur grunts in pain,
"Fuck- Did that hu-?"
"Keep going." Wilbur urges, voice frail but stern, "We're running out of time. Cut off my hands if I have to."
Quackity stops and faces Wilbur, "You're getting out of this hell in one piece." He growls before focusing on picking the lock, "I'll make sure of it."
Wilbur blinks before looking away, feeling his cheeks growing warm. He shouldn't even thinking about how he'd blush for someone like him. He's just being nice. He has always been nice.
Nothing more.
Remembering that everything that they did together has always been a play of rivalry; endless banters and arguments.
Are they ever tired of being foul to each other?
But honestly? It has always been like that. And honestly..he's fine if his relationship with him has always been that way.
At least he never left him or forgot about him. He has always been an egotistical asshole to his eyes. Better than forgotten.
Better than forgotten.
Better than-
"Fuck yes!" The click of it getting unlocked, and Quackity's cry has caught him out of his thoughts.
He looks back and his eyes widen seeing him so..why is he so happy?
He couldn't care less to react how much it throbs getting off of the chains, as Quackity quickly unwraps him off.
The chain clatters against the cold ground, before him inspecting Wilbur's hands, "Shit..They have gone bad..but at least they stopped bleeding for a while."
Wilbur looks down, unable to say anything. Gods, why is he getting lost again?
"Hey- Hey, don't lose me right now...Where's your fucking sutures?"
Blinking he looks down, "In..pockets..always have extras of them somewhere.."
Quick as a flash, Quackity rummages on them until he manages to grab hold of some, "Jesus Christ, they're not even disinfected..How are you still not dead?"
"What is there not to understand, Quackity? I'm not human."
Quackity cringes at that before shaking his head, "That's not fucking true-"
Wilbur was about to retort before his yelp of pain cuts that,
"You feel things. You get hurt. Is that not fuckin human enough for you?" He tries not to jerk off from his attempts since gods, for one thing Quackity is stern with his turns,
"You have been stitching yourself I bet? These seem wobbly and imperfect, so they come off all the time. And with your reaction, you're not used to a proper stitching."
Well, one thing's for sure, pain is taking him back from reality, "I still remember the time you were waltzing in my country..drunk and bleeding to death...had to stitch up your whole arm.."
Wilbur blinks, "I was?"
Quackity laughs, "Fuck, yeah? You were fuckin drunk you couldn't care less about the- Wait..You don't remember any of it?" Wilbur frowns, before laughing it off, "Fucking ass, of course I remember it."
.
.
.
The only thing he could remember was the feeling.
It didn't feel much. Except the fact that this must be the feeling of being cared for.
Quackity remembered it. Every second of it.
It must have engrained in his head for some particular reason, he'd rather not admit it.
"Quackity?.."
"Hm?"
"Uhm..nothing..sorry..
"...You're all done. Now we need to get fucking out of here."
Wilbur frowns at him while checking up his wrists so it won't dangle off without function once more. But of course, Quackity's stitches don't fail, as his skin stays firm to its place.
Although rigid, he has appreciated his help, "Thank you, BigQ.."
Quackity looks away, his cheeks burning from being appreciated, "Yeah, whatever now let's fuckin-"
Wilbur grabs hold of his tie, and tugs it to make Quackity face him.
ooking down at him, he can see Quackity's face frozen, his scar apparent where his eye should have been, "Wil? What the fuck?"
Since the other wasn't speaking, his anger from being touched dissipates as his face softens, "Wil..don't lose yourself right now..you have to keep yourself together..for Tommy..for.." He doesn't want to admit it.
But at least his words seem to make Wilbur blink out from his cloudy thoughts,
"..Why do you still look so fucking beautiful with that atrocious scar of yours, Quackity?"
Blood boils around his cheeks but still he responds with annoyance than to melt away from those words.
He raises his hand but Wilbur quickly catches it, pulling it down, "I don't understand why you haven't stopped being so nice to me..I was terrible to you..I made you walk in this hell just because you think it wasn't fair."
Once Quackity finds his words to talk, he mumbles, "You always..you always make it about yourself, don't you, papacito?"
Wilbur can't help but chuckle, his hand gliding to his cheek, glazing his scar, "I always do, mi patito.."
His touch is warm..he feels..alive.
Now, Quackity has interacted with Wilbur before, back when they were arguing because of Las Nevadas.
His stitched hands were painfully cold, a sign of him being a walking dead man.
How on earth is he so warm now?
He too, can feel his trembling heart, and how he averts his stare from Quackity..he doesn't know what to do to him,
"I probably..didn't give up on you because..you didn't give up on me..Even if you were an ass..at least you didn't forget me.." The duck murmurs, clutching his cold arm by a hand, to keep himself warm,
"The rest were either dead or abandoned me..It diidn't matter if you hated me..at least you stayed.."
Wilbur blinks before chuckling softly. His voice flushes Quackity's cheeks, "I don't think I ever hated you, BigQ..Annoyed yea, envied you yea..You were someone..I had admired for a really long time..You just..never gave up..unlike me..And that's something..I couldn't ever achieve..even if I'm dead, even if I'm in pieces..even when I'm with you.."
Quackity looks at him, expecting those words to only make him vulnerable, but theres a hint of genuinity of his words,
"Fuel to my fire..thats what you are to me..You..kept me going, even before Las Nevadas..L'manburg..the moment I met you..You were an opponent I have to be better . A reason to be stronger, braver..better.."
That made the other laugh, unable to handle such words, "Fuel to your fire? You're..you're selling yourself short, Wil..That's just..I didn't know that you have actually seen me that way.." His head lowers,
"I just felt I was never better for anyone..no matter how hard I try..no matter how hard I hurt..and die each and every time.."
Wilbur smiles a little before his shaky hand lifts up Quackity's chin, making him face his eyes, "I'm cold, BigQ.." He murmurs, "Aren't you cold?.."
That made the duck laugh, like his question was a fucking understatement, "I'm terrified..I'm scared..I feel..alone..and I'm sad.."
He then remembers what Wilbur told him, "But you're going to wait for me..out there..you're going to wait for me right?..so I guess..I'm not alone.."
Wilbur chuckles, holding Quackity's hand, softly, "You're never alone..you'll always have someone you have to deal with..you'll be stuck with an asshole for a long long time..
Quackity hardens his stare, "Promise."
Wilbur frowns at that, "What?.."
"Promise you won't leave."
...
"That you'll always be an asshole."
...
"That you'll wait for me."
...
"You'll stick with me."
...
"Stay with me.."
Wiilbur smiles sadly, looking down at their intertwined hands.
He might feel warm, but his hands are shaking, he's scared..he doesn't know..whats about to happen to him..
But right now, the way Quackity relies on him..it's like he has to own it up for once, and he should let someone fall on him..that he has to hold on..forever,
"I'll..I'll-"
"Kiss me then."
Wilbur's pale cheeks reddening, backing off a bit,, "Wh-What the fuck-"
Quackity grins, but he too is blushing, "You heard me- Prove to me that you won't leave me.."
He then inhales, "Don't leave..and I'll..I'll keep you warm..You won't feel cold again ever, Wil..And so far, only people has broke promises to me, I never broke mine."
Those words somewhat soothed Wilbur. Someone to make him feel warm for a long time?
He doesn't deserve that, does he?
Still, Quackity is propositioning him with something. There's no loss in this..if ever..both benefits with the options,
He never expected though..for fourty years of his existence..he'd be stuck with someone that doesn't deserve him..Someone he doesn't deserve either.
What has he done..to meet this man that kept him aflame?
"Once I've told you I kissed a thousand woman.."
Quackity raises his brows at those words,
"That was a lie.."
That made the duck snort, amused, "I know."
Wilbur smiles too, bashed that the other snorted at his confession, "I've only kissed two or three hundred.." A pause, "Now..how many men have you kissed?"
Quackity hums, trying to think, "Very..few.."
With that, Wilbur takes Quackity's back and pulls him closer to him,
"But you offered me a kiss..why?"
Despite blushing heavily, Quackity felt so lost yet so close to home.
There was a second that he felt like might regret this, but the way Wilbur looked at him..and the way he held him..like he fears that if he'd let go of Quackity, he might break.
How his hands tenderly hold his back, the other caressing his hand, then close to his horrid scar. The way he carefully keep him close..why do so many people can't do this for him?
It's just what he asked for..nothing more,
"Such a foolish reason, I'm afraid.." He answers, honestly, his smile reaches his scar – something Wilbur never minded,
"I just..wanted to kiss you..."
He has no idea who pressed it first..both of them didn't. But the second their lips touch, all those worries and fear wash away.
Quackity has kissed many..very few to be specific. Most of them tasted different..whether by brown, purple, red..even black..It made him feel many feelings..and its different from each person.
He hasn't tasted yellow before..this kind of yellow at least. It wasn't sickening, it didn't have that disgusting colour..it felt warm..it felt safe.
The other well, it didn't matter who he kissed..what it feels like..what colours would it taste. As long as its warm..it made his empty heart fill with something so faintly sweet.
Quackity thought he should be the one to pull off since he asked for it, but he never expected that Wilbur would prolong it. The way Wilbur holds onto him so tight..like Quackity was his lifeline..he never realise how someone could actually need him..want him..hold him this way..for so long.
Quackity feels loved. And it didn't matter what kind of love that would be. It was not as simple as friendship, but not too sweet like romance.
It felt enough. It felt okay.
The kiss must have been seconds, but Quackity felt like he was on cloud nine for hours on end..and he doesn't want it to end..as for Wilbur..he could almost die right now..happy.
It didn't matter if there was love, or anything deeper than what they think it is..One thing is clear is that Wilbur feels warm..and Quackity feels loved.
And at that moment, it felt like that's what mattered for now..even if everything around them slowly falls apart to ruins.