(First two days of school were rough 🫠)
To b/n, to become stricken with mara was to drown.
Drowning in one's own memories of suffering, little droplets of pain building up behind a wall of glass that will inevitable crack and break under the weight of it all.
His father had drowned right in front of him.
B/n had watched as that glass wall broke.
He watched as his father was submerged.
He watched his father's final struggles, his fight to remain above the raging tide, fighting, fighting, fighting.
As soon as he was dragged under, b/n's mother was there. B/n watched it all happen. In his last moments, b/n's father did emerge from the waves just long enough to entrust his sword to the young boy.
And then he was gone.
That day, water behind the glass wall slowly began to trickle in. No cracks yet, but the darkness that would engulf him too someday had begun to grow.
Everyday during normal everyday things, b/n was constantly aware of it. Perhaps it was the weight of the sword he chose to carry with him, or the memories that it brought back.
It didn't matter if that sword was the source of the growing darkness, he would keep it close. He'd never let it go.
He'd always have it with him.
That way, his father would always be by his side.
He... he would be there, right?
He was there. M/n had promised.
He would always be there.
"You're still training, seriously? You realize we've got classes in the morning, right?" a Foxian boy inquired as he sat nearby, watching b/n practice swinging his sword.
The h/c haired boy didn't reply, focused on what he was doing. He didn't seem to hear a word of what his friend had said to him.
"Leave him, he'll go home when he's ready."
As b/n's friends left, he let out a puff of breath as he finally lowered his sword. His muscles felt like they were on fire....
"What are you trying to do, dislocate your shoulder?"
B/n blinked, then glanced back up at his father who was lounging near a tree. The man yawned before getting to his feet, wandering over to his son.
"Relax a bit, but don't loosen up too much. When you're swinging your sword, you need control." the man hummed, b/n immediately making adjustments, "Don't let its weight control you. Manage it, consider it... an extra limb."
"Extra limb? But..." b/n mumbled and his father grinned, laughing quietly as he shook his head.
"Think of it like being a little toddler again! You've just gotta get used to it. For now, focus on what I told you."
B/n nodded, returning to his original task of simply swinging his sword. Over and over, occasionally getting corrections.
"How do you feel about 1000, hm?"
"1000?! But I've gotta go home to make sure-!"
B/n turned to look at his father, only to find that there was nobody there. Right... he was alone, wasn't he?
He looked back at his sword, his expression solemn.
It was a moment before he smiled a bit.
"You know what? Let's make it 2000."
B/n's favorite part of the day was training, definitely training! Being alone with nothing but himself and the sword made the growing pressure behind the glass wall slowly ease up.
However, the day y/n was born was the day that it came to a complete halt for the first time since it began.
When B/n first laid eyes on his little sister, he was instantly charmed. Maybe it was her chubby little cheeks, or her bell-like baby laughter.
He simply couldn't feel anything but adoration towards the little creature his Mother and Father had created.
It was a rough birth, the stress following the siblings' father having been a heavy hit to their mother, but it was fine! M/n could get all the rest she needed, because b/n would be there!
"See this? This sword belonged to our father!"
The little infant abandoned her attempts at eating her brother's hand, reaching out for the sword instead.
The two were nestled comfortable beneath the tree near their home, the little infant perched on her brother's lap while he carefully kept the sword out of reach.
"He died a while ago, and I know that the consciousness of those who pass usually go to the Hall of Karma... but our Father loved us very much. B/n smiled down at his little sister, "So very much, and he was so eager to meet you that instead of leaving, he stayed right here with us.
In this sword!"
He tapped the blade and the little infant reached for it again, babbling something. Her e/c eyes were bright with wonder, and b/n carefully guided her tiny hands to touch the sword safely.
"Father and I will protect you with everything we've got, so you don't need to worry about a thing!"
That was the plan, at least. B/n hadn't anticipated his little sister wanting to follow the same path he'd chosen.
What was the first sign...?
Her and her little friend would always beat each other with sticks, but little kids liked having mock sword fights.
Maybe it was her infatuation with the sword b/n carried with him. No, she was naturally always curious once she learned who it once belonged to.
She sat in when b/n trained, hoping to catch a glimpse of her father like he always did. B/n didn't want her to be disappointed, so he told her what he heard.
Or rather... what his father used to say.
"What now? What's he saying now?"
"2000 more sword swings, that's what he's saying."
"Whaaat? But dinner is soon?"
"If you're tired, go back home. It's fine, father won't be angry if you get hungry and decide to go back."
"No!"
B/n blinked, a little surprised by his sister's ferocity in that one word. The young girl shook her head furiously, her e/c eyes practically blazing.
"I'm staying right here! I might hear him myself today! I might even see him today! I can feel it!"
The boy stared at his sister before sighing, smiling a little, "Alright, if you insist, you can stay as long as you want."
B/n didn't regret letting his sister watch him train. It made her so happy when he told her what their father was supposedly saying to him, she loved hopping in and practicing with a stick so it felt like her father was training her too.
But... it did get a little problematic later on.
"I'm sorry, sir, it won't happen again. Right, y/n?"
Y/n frowned at her older brother, "But I—!"
B/n gave her a strained smile, "Right?"
The girl stared at her brother a moment longer before lowering her gaze to the floor, "I won't do it again..."
After leaving the abecedary's office, the siblings let out a simultaneous sigh before the older of the two gave the younger one a tired look.
"Again, y/n? Really?"
Y/n looked back up at him with a serious look, a sword neatly wrapped up in paper in her grasp.
"I met a goddess today, you know?"
B/n heaved a sigh, 'Oh boy.'
On the way home, y/n yammered on and on about how some Cloud Knight helped her get away from her angry abecedary when he'd chased her during her attempt to ditch class.
She happily yapped about how cool the lady was, how she wanted to be just like her someday. B/n could only listen, wondering just what kind of trouble she'd get into now that she'd gotten a sword.
Y/n happily showed off her new blade to their mortified mother when the duo got home, and B/n immediately retreated to his training spot for some silence.
He knew the storm that would come next. His sister wanting to be a Cloud Knight, his Mother desperately refusing. It'd be a tough sell... even b/n was reluctant.
He just... had a gut feeling.
"I dunno what I should do. Mother is going to look to me to say something, and I don't want to crush y/n's hopes. I mean— look at her! How could you say no to that face!"
"Mm... sounds rough. Why not issue a challenge?" the boy's father mumbled from where he was sitting beside him.
"A challenge?" b/n echoed.
The man nodded, "A challenge. You won't crush y/n's hopes, it'll be an opportunity to see if she's really determined to be a Cloud Knight, and a chance to ease your mother's worries."
B/n blinked, "That's... a good idea."
His father chuckled, "You don't give yourself enough credit. You're good s problem solving, you've just gotta give it some thought."
"But wasn't it your—" gone again. Nobody was there with him. B/n inhaled shakily, nails digging into his palms as he balled his hands up into fists before he relaxed.
"Right. A challenge. Y/n likes those."
B/n got his Mother's permission first, it took quite a bit of convincing from her, but eventually he went to his sister with a deal.
Him and their mother would be fully supportive of her decision to become Cloud Knight if and only if she could beat B/n in a sparring match.
She agreed, challenged him immediately, and was shown no mercy. M/n scolded him for how roughly he treated y/n, and all he could do was sit there and listen.
'Maybe I was a bit too harsh...' b/n thought awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly as he glanced over at his sister.
She was seated at a table, holding an ice pack against her cheek where B/n had struck her with the wooden sword to end their little sparring match. She seemed in deep thought, pondering.
Not at all disheartened by the beatdown she'd just taken, already planning out how she'd achieve victory next time. B/n could tell he had trouble ahead of him.
'Or maybe I wasn't harsh enough.'
Correct. Y/n kept returning home all bruised and beaten, in a good mood but still jacked up. She wouldn't tell her mother what had happened, let alone b/n, so he decided to do some investigating.
One day, after he finished his daily training, b/n decided to follow his sister around.
She didn't do anything abnormal, just stopped for a quick snack, visited Exalting Sanctum to go read some books, wandered through the Artisanship Commission only to take off running when someone realized she wasn't supposed to be there.
What was really puzzling to b/n was the fact that she fled to the Alchemy Commission instead of exiting the Artisanship Commission.
He couldn't follow her any longer as he'd lost sight of her, but she didn't come home that night. Or the next evening. Or the next.
This... wasn't going as planned.
M/n was distraught over her youngest's disappearance, and B/n frantically assured her that'd he'd find her. There happened to be no need for it as y/n popped up at their front door the next morning.
She was a little roughed up, but her eyes were bright and blazing with determination. In her hand was a wooden training spear. B/n already knew what time it was.
"Brother! Let's spar again!"
It was clear from the start that there was someone teaching her. As the siblings faced off against one another, b/n noticed some changes.
She seemed more sure of herself, watchful and attentive. Her defense wasn't quite perfect, but it definitely made b/n think twice before making a move.
But then again, he should've expected that she'd eventually convince someone to teach her.
Y/n's tenacity was a force to be reckoned with.
In the end, y/n beat b/n with the very thing he couldn't stand. Spearmanship. Clever little 💩.
B/n had to uphold his end of the bargain, and m/n had no choice but to reluctantly agree. Y/n had full permission to pursue the path of a Cloud Knight.
It was rough at times.
B/n wasn't always there to look after his sister, and sometimes she'd return with frightening injuries that sent their mother in a panic, but they were okay.
The young man did wish that his sister would be a bit more... mindful of her own well being. Y/n was viciously loyal to everyone and everything she cared for, and that often came at the expense of her own health.
No matter how much b/n supported his sister, assured his mother that y/n would be fine, told himself that it was all okay, he still regretted ever making that deal with his sister.
Her behavior was so self destructive, and b/n truly wished he'd said something sooner. Before he knew it, his little sister was falling apart bit by bit.
One thing after another. Comrades succumbing to mara, others being killed by abominations, each time it was another droplet added to the raging tide just barely held back by a glass wall which slowly cracked each time the weight increased.
The occasional vacation did nothing to help, the only escape was death or when the glass wall finally broke and they were dragged right under.
B/n should've known his sister would be too hard headed to succumb to either of those fates. She just kept going, bouncing back from everything.
"Was it a bad idea? I can't exactly see y/n being a Diviner, but it would've been easier on her rather than being a Cloud Knight, y'know?"
B/n was perched on the roof of his home, cradling his sword as he peered over the edge. Y/n and Jing Yuan were resting by a tree, the two of them dozing peacefully.
The h/c haired young man smiled gently before glancing down at his sword again. Silence. No answer, as expected. It'd been quiet recently.
B/n had long come to terms with the fact that his father wasn't really there, he'd known for a while. His sister seemed to believe it, and he always entertained the idea whenever she asked if b/n had heard his voice, but...
It'd been silence for a while now.
There were many cracks. Maybe that was it. Perhaps he was one more crack away from drowning too.
"That's fine, as long as it's not in front of them. As long as I can say goodbye first. That's... perfectly fine."
"B/n!"
The man jolted and peered over the other side of the roof, frantically shushing the Foxian woman down below.
"Shhh! My sister is asleep!" he hissed and the woman covered her mouth, blinking in surprise.
"Oh, my bad..!" she whispered, "You two have gotta be up early tomorrow to prep the fighter jets!"
B/n gave the Foxian woman a smile and a thumbs up, "Got it, thanks Yukong!"
Them here's always been a sort of sixth sense when it came to b/n. He was acutely aware of the cracks in his glass wall at all times.
The last thing he wanted was for y/n to have to witness her own brother losing himself, so he decided to become a pilot.
He should've known that she, with her own hefty weight behind her glass wall, wouldn't be too far behind.
It was early when they said farewell to their mother, patiently allowing the woman to tell them to be safe, give them kisses, and long lasting hugs before sending them off.
B/n handled his fighter jet, and went to y/n to ensure that she'd be fine in hers. All looking good.
Before they took to the skies, they spoke.
"Got Mimi?"
"Mhm?"
"What about your sword?"
"Mm, got it."
Her gaze was vacant, far off.
B/n didn't understand, but he felt her pain.
Y/n grunted when her brother lightly bonked her on her head, and she gave him a little startled look.
The man smiled at her, "How about some songlotus cakes when we get back, hm? We can sit and watch starskiffs..."
"For how long?" y/n inquired.
"As long as you want." b/n hummed.
Like the sun peeking over the horizon after a dark night, a bright smile graced her features. Laughter bubbles up from within her as she nodded eagerly.
"Right! Let's do it!" she exclaimed.
The duo high fived one another, wearing matching smiles before b/n tugged her into a hug. He held her for a long moment, and he eventually had to force himself to let go.
"Stay safe up there."
"You too, big brother!"
That smile remained in b/n's mind as he took off. When him and the others went into battle against the invading borisin fleet, he remembered his sister's smile.
More cracks riddled that wall, and the darkness began to leak through, but he felt... calm. At ease.
He wasn't quite sure when it happened, but everything went dark. The wall hadn't broke, it simply disappeared.
Silence, endless blank silence.
"Father?"
B/n certainly hadn't expected to see him.
The man was standing a distance away, looking as cheerful as he remembered. Were those...?
"Yikes, that's scary!" the man murmured before laughing, "I'm so used to you calling me Papa! Guess you grew up, huh?"
B/n inhaled shakily, "You... you're here."
"Of course, I never left." the man chucked before slinging an arm over b/n's shoulders, "Here! Have a songlotus cake!"
He shoved one the the h/c man's mouth, and b/n blinked rapidly, a little taken aback by the action.
"Come on, come on, we're gonna be late?"
"Late?"
"You promised y/n that you'd eat songlotus cakes with her and watch starskiffs! We can't be late!" his father insisted before ushering b/n along.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Ow! Damn..."
Y/n grimaced, arm trembling as she carefully wandered through her home. Her mother was fast asleep, having cried herself to sleep a while ago.
Y/n stayed with her for as long as she could, but she had something to do. When she was sure her mother was asleep, she decided to head to her brother's room.
She carefully opened the door to her brother's room.
It was dark, vacant. It felt... empty.
But there was a smell.
"Songlotus cakes...?" she mumbled.
There, on her brother's desk, were songlotus cakes.
Y/n blinked blearily before grinning and picking up the plate. She clambered out the window, ignoring her pain as she headed up to the roof.
It was a slow trip, she'd been severely burned when her Starskiff exploded after the crash. Still, this was something she had to do.
Eventually she made it up to the roof, setting the image down beside her before letting out a small sigh as she gazed out into the darkness.
As usual, starskiffs flying by.
Y/n weakly reached for a songlotus cake and brought it up to her mouth before biting into it. Damn thing laughed. She... really wasn't feeling it enough to giggle along with it this time.
Dead. Her brother was dead.
She was told that like many others who were caught up in the Reignbow Arbiter's Lux Arrow, he was killed instantly. His bow and his broken sword were the only things that were brought back.
Y/n ate in silence, swallowing the food before quietly whispering, "...Brother? Are you... are you here?"
Silence.
"You said we'd eat songlotus cakes together... watch starskiffs..." y/n murmured, "For as long as I want. So please..."
More silence.
She took the broken sword and cradled it with a soft whimper, "Please... don't leave me too, I'm begging you."
Noise caught y/n's attention but she couldn't care less as she quietly begged and begged. She recognized her mother's arms that wrapped around her as the older woman sat down beside her, holding her close.
"It's okay," m/n told her daughter, "Even Cloud Knights need to be vulnerable and cry sometimes."
Y/n's tears began to pool over before she began to weep, m/n rubbing her back gently as she began to cry as well.
It was a long while, y/n's tears never seeming to die down, yet she still found it in her to reach for another songlotus cake. M/n offered her one, and y/n gratefully took it before biting into it.
"Did you make these?"
"Mhm. B/n asked me to."
"They're... good."
M/n picked one up as well and tried it.
"Ah. I guess they are...."
The duo ate songlotus cakes together, the silence broken only by the laughing sound emitted by the crisp snack.
Y/n stared down at the broken sword as she nibbled on her songlotus cake. B/n always kept his promises, so surely he'd be there... right?
Another crisp sound of laughter.
Not from her songlotus cake, more from m/n's.
Y/n glanced over to her left and found her brother.
He was eating his favorite snack, watching the starskiffs pass by. At ease... happy.
He glanced at her, and grinned.
"You're here..." y/n mumbled, "You'll stay, right?"
B/n nodded, "For as long as you want."
"Hey, y/n."
"It's time to wake up."
"Come on, sleepy head!"
Y/n opened her eyes slowly, eyelids heavy.
It wasn't dark anymore.
The sky looked as though it were caught between the moment the sun set and the moment it rose, stars fitting the sky.
It was warm, but easy to breathe.
B/n's face popped into view, and he smiled.
"There you are... had a nice nap?"
Y/n stared in silence before tears began to gather in her eyes, pooling over as she let out a shaky breath.
"Yeah. It was...definitely something."
"Something, eh?" her brother echoed before settling down beside her, "Wanna talk about it?"
Y/n sat up with a huff, "Where do I start... oh! I know!" she clapped her hands with a grin.
"Let me tell you about the Astral Express!
(Ahem... a gift)