Y/n finally was all alone with his mortal enemy, Timmie and his pigeons . He knew he could die if he made one simple mistake . They were both intensely staring at each other . Y/n slowly pulled a bottle of milk out of his inventory .
Y/n: This is the milk your father is looking for .
He ran towards the bridge , threw the milk at Timmies face , killed all the pigeons with his sword, dodged Timmie stand attack , and ran inside the city . He climbed the walls and saw Lumine and Paimon heading towards the big ass tree with an statue of the seven , so he knew he could relax since they weren't going to be in mondstadt anytime soon .
Y/n: Now what do I can do to spend time in this place ... maybe go to the library see Lis- ... read books a good book can change a man that's what I need , I don't have time to be horny today . I gotta go clean my head before talking to thicc lady .
A few minutes later
Y/n : I can't concentrate ... the librarian is way too hot .
As soon as he got inside the library his eyes locked in Lisa's boobs when she went talk to him .
Lisa : Cutie , you finally came back , what took you so long ? You have any idea how disappointed I was when Paimon told me you might not even come back here ?
Y/n: Sorry , a lot of shit happened to me in liyue and im depressed now ...
Lisa : Oh ... That's... So unfortunate , but you did founded your friend in liyue didn't you atleast she's safe .
An awkward 3 seconds silence filled the room and Y/n started talking to her all the shit that he had to experience in liyue.
Y/n: *sigh* Lisa , you have no idea who much bullshit happened to me in the last month it was horrible , I got shot in the knee by an fatui harbinger, and I still couldn't prevent him from getting what he was trying to get , everyone there treated me like shit except a cute girl who sucked my dick after I helped her with something but I never saw her after that . And my best friend died then he fused himself with me and used my body to rape slimes so Lumine had to beat me up to save me ...
Lisa patiently listened to him taking off all the shit he had go through in Liyue to find lumine , she started carresing his cheek gently while he ... Appreciating her beauty.
Lisa : You had to go through so much cutie , come here .
Y/n: Oh ... OH wait !
She pulled him for a hug ,a very long hug .
Y/n: Once again , I'm in heaven once again it's been more than 30 chapters since I've felt something like this ... don't cry Y/n don't cry .
Lisa : Don't worry about it now , you'll be okay here in Mondstadt .
Y/n: Thank you Lisa I really needed this ... Also is there any books that teach how to cook meth in these shelves , apart from seeing you this is the other reason why I came here .
He didn't founded the book about how to cook meth so he just left the library after ... swapping spit with Lisa for a few minutes .
And after he got out of the library with his face red as a tomato, The daughter of Teyvat's biggest terrorists bumped into him dropping a bunch of her bombs on the floor .
Klee " boom boom bakudan"
Y/n: Oh , sorry didn't see you there , are you alright ?
She quickly got up while getting back all her bombs and apologized to him.
Klee: I-I'm fine! I'm not hurt! Sorry for bumping into you.
He saw that she dropped an note on the ground and readed it because he an curious asshole .
Y/n: What is this ? Hmmm, "Explosion inside city wall, grounded be thy woe," "Explosions can hurt people, Jean can be dreadful," "Mondstadt be bombed, Klee be doomed..." what the fuck is this ?
Klee: Uncle Kaeya wrote this down to me , they are um , survival rules .
Y/n: Survival rules ?
Klee: Y-Yeah... Rules that I must absolutely never break under any circumstances. Otherwise, something terrible would happen.
Y/n: Of course it had to be Kaeya is always Kaeya.
Klee Ah, I forgot to introduce myself! My name is Klee.
Y/n: Nice to meet you Klee ... damn I didn't knew Jean and Diluc had a daughter. My name is Y/n , you probably must have heard about me already .
Klee: I've heard all about you ! You're the Honorary Knight who helps Mondstadt!
Y/n: *visible happiness*
Klee: I heard it from Amber and Lumine... But wait, no- there's no time for this right now. I'm dealing with a big emergency. I grabbed my map and ran as fast as I could all the way here.
Y/n: What's wrong?
Klee: Th-The treasure I buried in the Whispering Woods, it's... gone.
Y/n: What kind of idiot would steal and treasure from a kid ? Well that doesn't matter , a treasure definitely is not something good to lose Klee. Just like your head something I have lost a long time ago. Let me help you find it.
Klee : Yay! Thanks, you ! Here! Here's where the map says the treasure should be. I put a circle round it.
She gave him the map showing where the treasure was .
Klee: I also put a wooden sign in the ground at the place where I buried it. To make it easier to find!
Y/n: Oh my God , i finally founded someone dumber than Paimon .
Klee: Come on Mr.Honorary Knight, less go!
Timeskip
Meanwhile Y/n and kled were still looking for the place where she buried the treasure.
Jean: So Y/n decided to come back to mondstadt after going to Liyue . Does Lumine knows he's here ?
Lisa: He asked me to don't tell that to her , he said he doesn't has the balls to talk to her right now .
Jean: But why would he avoid her ? He went to Liyue just to find her .
Lisa: He went through a lot in Liyue , maybe he just need some time for himself ... he isn't in his right state of mind after all
Jean: I think we should tell her that he is here .
Lisa: Don't worry about it Jean , he will go look after her when he's ready .
And suddenly Lumine and Paimon got inside Jean's office.
Lumine: No need to tell me about it Amber already told me that he is here .
And back to Y/n and Klee .
Y/n: ... Suicide is always an option .
Klee: We're here! This is the place. Look, this is where my huuuuuge treasure was buried...
Y/n: And now there's nothing more but and huuuuge hole here ... wait a minute who the hell is that .
He saw an Pyro abyss mage looking at them from a distance .
Y/n: Is that your treasure ?
He grabbed her head and made her look at the abyss mage .
Klee : My treasure !
Abyss Mage: Hmph! I see the little girl's brought her friends with her! Time for a change of plan...
And the abyss mage used the secret joestar technique and ran away .
Y/n: Oh now you don't have enough balls to do what wanted to do ? Come back here bitch ! Let's go catch this shithead Klee .
And the epic chase started.
Klee: What's an Abyss Mage? I play in the forest all the time, but I've never seen one before. It looks so cute! Soft, and fluffy...I wanna pet it.
Y/n: Abyss mages are assholes , dangerous and annoying assholes Klee, we need to kill him .
Klee: What !? But Jean would-
Y/n: Jean is a bitch . Forget about her for a while , you're with me now .
Klee: What is a bitch ?
Y/n: Ask Kaeya .
Eventually they cornered the abyss mage .
Y/n: Whatchu gonna do now you pussy ?
Abyss Mage: Grr... You fools think I would give this up so easily after what I have been through to acquire it? Hehe...
He summoned 3 pyro slimes surrounding them .
Y/n: Too bad for you I already have 3000 years of experience against slimes .
He concentrated all his anemo energy and lifted the slimes with the wind forcing them to fuse themselves and he slammed them against the abyss mage .
Klee: Wow , that was amazing honorary knight !
Abyss mage: Urgh goddamn this is gross ! You litle shit !
He threw an fireball at him but Y/n quickly changed to geo and .
Y/n: ROYAL GUARD !
He perfectly parried the attack and punched the shit out of the abyss mage in the face .
Y/n: Come on I'm done with your shit buddy , give the girl back her treasure.
Abyss mage : NEVER !
And he floated his way out of the place, but they kept chasing him .
A few minutes later .
Now they were at the edge of a cliff , near the beach Y/n founded Paimon .
Y/n: Nowhere to run now , just give up already .
Abyss Mage: Hmph. You followed all the way up here me. I must say, I'm impressed. But this is as far as you will get.
Y/n: Oh yeah? What are you gonna do? Shove up some sticky honey roast up your ass and start laughing ?
Abyss Mage: Mwuhahaha! Ahahahaha! Oh, the human proclivity to gossip has provided us with everything we need... We learned that your little red friend had in her possession the most powerful treasure in all of Mondstadt. That treasure is now in my hands. There is nothing you can do! Now your precious treasure shall be your undoing!
Klee: No, no, wait! D—Don't touch it!
Abyss Mage: Hah! Oh, how you fret now your predicament is finally clear to you! Now, what have we here — a flame symbol? Mwuhahaha...
And he just blew himself up after activating the bomb .
Klee: NO! I broke the survival rules... "Explosions can hurt people... Jean can be dreadful..." This is it... This time I'm done for... *sobs*
Y/n: Hey come on Klee , don't cry for these things , Jean ain't gonna hurt you for blowing up an abyss mage .
Klee: But... but-
Y/n: Listen to me , some people actually DESERVE to be blown up. That abyss mage was one of them , people like him do bad things that hurt people . Which means there's nothing wrong at blowing them up .
Klee: Really ?
Y/n: Yes jean ain't gonna get mad at you for this , instead she would be happy to know that he didn't hurt you or anything.
Klee: So Klee can blow up people that look like Mr. Fluffball because if I don't ... they gonna blow me up instead!?
Y/n: Exactly! Now just to make sure you will be able to defend yourself wihout feeling this guilty, how about you come with me on a magical adventure around mondstadt so I can show what kind of people you can legally blow up that won't make Jean mad at you ?
Klee: But uncle Kaeya said-
Y/n: Yeah your uncle Kaeya is an asshole who can't beat a stupid kid who loves pigeons in a card game . Now wanna go commit a genocide with me ?
Klee: Y-yes ! I want to know what kind of things i can blow up that won't make master Jean mad at me !
Y/n: Then less go-
...
Y/n:
Y/n: Fuck shit shit FUCK ! She's here !
Klee: Mr honorary knight are you ok ?
He heard Lumine screaming his name from a distance.
Lumine: Y/n I know you here ! Get out of whenever you're hiding ! We need to talk !
Paimon: Y/n ! We have a surprise for you !
Y/n: Oh God they are approaching us Klee , MENACINGLY. I ... I gotta hide . Shit what do I do now... I just want some distance from them I'm still not ready to get face to face with them after that fight against osial bitch in Liyue... come on Y/n THINK !
Lumine: Amber already told us you're around here !
Y/n: WHAT !?
His heartbeat would get faster and faster whenever he heard Lumine taking a step . He felt like he was gonna puke his heart if they called for his name again.
Y/n: Klee , klee listen to me I'm gonna go hide and you- you gotta tell them that I am not here , tell them that I am in mondstadt... tell them I am at the cat tails tavern tormenting Diona and getting drunk .
Klee: Hmmmm , ok leave it to me .
She gave him a thumbs up and he immediately ran for his life and jumped off the cliff but he was holding at the edge waiting for Lumine and Paimon to go away .
He heard Klee coming up with an story on how she ended up there . Eventually Paimon and Lumine left the area and he climbed back .
Y/n: Thank your for that Klee , you just saved my ass . Now come with me I will show where you can find the bad guys and why you can blow them up .
A few minutes later .
Y/n: See those skinny weirdos with masks , well they eat people and they would try to eat you if you get near them .
Klee: Really ?
Y/n: Yes . Which means Jean wouldn't give a fuck if you blow them up and you would be saving lifes, now go teach those hilichurls what they deserve for eating people ! Before ella musk shows up.
Klee: Hmmmm ... but what about that big one sitting next to them , he scares me ...
She pointed at the mitachurl holding an big ass axe.
Y/n: Come on Klee just grow on some fucking balls ! The only difference between him and others is size , I heard you managed to blow up bigger monsters than him. Just go for it , if things go bad I will jump in to save you.
Klee: Alright them Klee will protect everyone from these monsters!
And Klee ran towards the hilichurl camp and massacred all of them .
Y/n: Good good .Now to the next camp .
After the hilichurls he took her to a camp from the treasure hoarders .
Y/n: See those assholes over there . They steal mora from innocent people because they are way too lazy to find an actual job . The knights don't kill them but they do arrest them . You can hurt them or destroy their camps as long as you don't kill them understood ?
Klee: Understood!
Y/n: Great , now go get then !
To the next camp !
Y/n: Ok , I really hate those guys . Those are fatui skirmishers, they have an evil plan of ... conquering the world or some bullshit like that i don't know , but i do know one thing, Jean doesn't care if they die. So you know what you gotta do Klee .
Klee: But those guys look really strong, they are big and carry big weapons ...
Y/n: Don't worry they are easy just take out the red dude first , he has a weird ass shield to resist pyro if you can't deal with them just come back to me .
Klee: O-ok .
A few seconds later
Klee: Honorary knight ! Honorary knight! I did it ! I defeated all the bad guys ! Now everyone in mondstadt will be safe .
Y/n: This is just great Klee , now always remember one thing Klee pay attention to what I'm about to tell you .
He crouched so she could look at him straight in the eye .
Y/n: You don't have any enemies Klee , nobody has any enemies ... except for me Timmie is my enemy but still ... you don't have enemies , you just have to... stop those assholes from hurting innocent people . Now come on let's go fishing you must be hungry after all that walking . Oh actually...
Timeskip
Y/n had the brilliant idea to take Klee for fishing with her in the big lake that surrounds mondstadt in springvale .
After the last explosion an very big fish was thrown off the lake and ended up in Y/n's hands.
Y/n: Wow look a this one Klee .
Klee: Woah he's so big .
Y/n: Let's try that again.
Before they could throw another bomb , Y/n felt another terrifying presence very close to them . It was Jean . And she didn't looked happy .
Klee: Oh no ... Honorary knight...
Y/n: What is it ? Oh...
Jean: ... Y/n what do you think you're doing ?
Y/n: Oh come on we haven't seen each other in months and that's how you greet me ? Well I can deal with that ... but you don't have to worry about me and Klee Jean we are not exterminating all the fish population here in mondstadt we just needed to some food ...
Jean: Really , you decided to come all the way here instead of just going at Good hunter ?
Y/n: Children need to have some action going on and a moment to relax . Klee and I had a very crazy day here , we fought an abyss mage some hilichurls , slimes , and in the end ... I fed her Timmies pigeons !
Jean: You fed her what ?
Y/n: But the pigeons weren't enough so we decided to go after some fish ... and ...
Klee: ...
Y/n: Well I guess I'm gonna get the hell outta here before Lumine shows up !
Jean: You ain't going nowher-
He ran as fast as he could, very far away from the city .
Timeskip
He was back at Stormbearer mountains just enjoying the peace and silence near a lake .
Y/n: *sigh* man atleast this place doesn't make me feel completely suffocated. I think I just created an war machine today I wonder if she can actually make those ugly ass hilichurls go extinct one day . But man ...
He started questioning his life choices for a moment... until he heard sounds coming from the tress behind him .
Y/n: ... Must have been the wind ... no I am not a skyrim guard I'm gonna go see what it is .
And he immediately froze once he saw who was making those sounds . He saw Amber and Lumine I'm a very ... shameless position. Lumine pinned Amber against a tree while she was literally rubbing her thigh on her ... private parts , while both of them were breathing heavily.
Y/n was thinking of actually stopping that for a second but he still didn't had the balls to look at Lumine in the eye , also he didn't really gave a fuck about that .
Amber: L-lumine , t-this is not necessary.
Lumine: Oh come on Amber , I just want to properly thank you for telling me Y/n is around here even though he asked you not to tell me that .
Amber: But what if he-
Lumine: Don't worry about him , he just doesn't care , "sharing is caring" after all.
And Lumine kissed her while Amber she was still struggling to get out of this situation but eventually she kissed her back .
Y/n: Damn I didn't knew Lumine and I had similar tastes ... Well guess I should just walk away slowly and ... nah I'm gonna throw a rock at them they definitely gonna think there's an hilichurl around .
He grabbed an small rock and threw at them barely missing Lumine's head .
Y/n: Shit that was way too close !
And he ran for his damn life .
He kept running until he ended up at the top of starnarch cliff he sat on th edge contemplating the view . He looked down and urge to just jump off came to him .
Y/n: Hmmm ... this is triggering my PTSD... doesn't matter Lumine don't need my help to find Aether after all.
But someone else had to show up to stop him from doing that .
Venti : There you are !
Y/n: Venti ?
Y/n looked behind him and saw the tone deaf bard slowly land right next to him while floating in a wind current .
Venti: Took me a while to find you Y/n . How could you come back to mondstadt and talk to everyone in here except for me .
Venti pouted at him while Y/n just started looking at the distance between him and the ground again .
Y/n: I just came back here because I was bored ... actually I don't know. I think my laziness is getting better from me and makes me want to jump from this place . So I can have some goddamn peace. My best friend just died in Liyue you know .
Venti: Well ain'tcha a killjoy ! But I understand. I understand... I also lost an close friend of mine a lost of years ago...
Y/n: Yeah cool you lost yours in like 20 centuries ago I lost mine it's been only a few days ...
Venti: Oh come on now I know what you're feeling .
Venti sat at the edge of cliff next to him just to make he would be able to prevent him from jumping . He also handed him a bottle of dandelion wine.
Venti: How about you just enjoy a drink with your good friend venti for a moment ?
Y/n: where did this bottle came from ?
Venti :
Y/n: *sigh* my God .
A few minutes later .
And a litle bit of alcohol was all it took to get Y/n back to normal. Him and Venti were cracking their stupid jokes and almost accidentally falling off the cliff because of how drunk they were.
Y/n: Hey Venti did you know that Morax is actually a milf hunter ?
Venti: What really? I don't believe it , you're serious?
Y/n: He told me that .
Venti: Maybe he likes milfs because he just doesn't want to feel too old .
Y/n: He must have realised how many people his 6000 year old ass must have shared the memories while drinking osmanthus wine .
Venti: Pfftt Hahahahahaha! That's a good one .
Until the alcohol turned Y/n into gay and he just kissed Venti .
Y/n: Man ... he's a much better femboy than Aether that's for sure ... wait a minute , HOLY SHIT THE HELL HAVE I DONE .
The readers that are not gay be like:
Meanwhile the readers who are gay :
Y/n quickly separated from Venti his whole face was red meanwhile Venti just couldn't stop smiling.
Y/n: Venti w-wait don't look at me like that !
Venti: Hehe , I didn't though you would think of me in that way Y/n .
Y/n: N-no , it's not like that y-you got it wrong!
He tried to get away from Venti but Venti just hold his arm and got on top of him .
Y/n: This is not ok ! If our balls somehow end up touching this ... THIS WILL BE EVEN MORE GAY THAN IT ALREADY IS !
Venti: You don't need to be so shy Y/n there's nothing with kissing your friends .
Y/n: W-wait !
Venti ignored his attempt of explaining himself and pulled him for another kiss .
Y/n : Holy shit , not even Lisa kisses me like this , wait that's still gay ! Get the hell off me you goddamn femboy !
They stayed like that for a few minutes but Y/n managed to prevent their balls from touching .
Don't worry guys I have found the video that proofs why femboys are not gae
Chapter end.
Now this is power
Ok now the only shit left to do is
Eula quest bcs everyone is horny for her then we speedrun to Inazuma
And r63 of neuvillete