Ever since I joined BTS, life has been more bearable. Of course there were days when I wanted to give up on everything and return to Busan and into my mom's warm arm. But I didn't
I didn't cause I was not my own from the moment I stepped into bighit, from the moment when Namjoon hyung hugged me when I told him I ain't leaving, from the moment when I was on the stage for the first, from the moment army chanted my name along with the rest of the members.
I was never Jeon Jungkook from the moment I signed the contract. Since then, I have always been JEON JUNGKOOK OF BTS.
Not that I mind, the love and affection I and other members recieve from the fans, armies and the music industry doesn't let us mind that we invested our youth towards them.
Even if somebody will offer me to switch my career, I will humbly decline. I agree BTS ain't that active right now, but we and even our fans know that we always come back stronger than ever.
Lately, me and other hyungs mutually decided to take separate paths in order to grow individually. But the question for me that is yet to be solved is
What is the thing that I want to grow in?
No doubt, army adores me. But there is something I am unable to figure out, it feels like I'm just breathing and not actually living my life.
It feels empty, it feels weird to go home and not having someone waiting for me just like all the hyung were used to wait for me in the dorms.
In New York, I had packed up schedule. Same for LA, the main motive to have this kind of schedule is to not feel lonely.
I have almost everything a normal person needs, from money to fame. You name it but what I don't have is someone to lean on.
Someone to argue with, someone to have fun with, someone to have a decent meal with, someone who will sit beside me when I'm not well.
Life is a funny game of death and life, one moment you think everything is scattered into pieces just like glass:- when it is met with the hard surface when thrown with force and another moment life is all about rainbows with sunshine.
If somebody would've asked me in the past that whom I will think for the last time when I feel like this is the end of me, I would've smiled and said of course army and members.
But now, it is not like that. Not for a milliseconds the thought of army or hyungs crossed my mind, surprising no?
For me I experienced this all in just one day. Yes, just one day
Just like glass, I thought I would be crushed into fine pieces when my car was collided with the truck. Back in the car, I thought this is my end. The final end of Jeon Jungkook of BTS, but with god's grace I survived.
I took a sharp intake of what seems like oxygen from the oxygen mask, despite having the mask over my breathing body parts. I could still smell the disinfectant that is used in the hospital. From that all, I figured out that I am alive yet.
Afraid of seeing what is my appearance right now, I kept my eyes tightly closed and I was planning to do that for a long time.
Until I heard a voice, actually not a voice but more like a sob. Well, if we go on with previous records then, in these situations Seijen hyung stays behind when someone gets hospitalized. And I have never seen him cry, so if he's crying then I'm sure as hell that I'm in pathetic state. Without thinking twice I opened my eyes just to be met with the ceiling that has dimly lit golden brown lights. After removing my mask,
I started to look around the room, well I looked around as much as my neck and my position allows. But to my surprise, I found nothing.
So my curiosity took over the best of me and I inched a little specifically towards upward to have better view of my very close surroundings which is near my bed area.
And what I saw next took me by surprise.............
It was Ariana looking as beautiful as always
I was too much engrossed in my miserable state that I didn't realised she has been holding my hand with dead tight grip from god knows how long, while lying her head on the bed and sleeping.
And that made everything clear, it was Ariana who has been crying.
But why?
More to my surprise, she was lying there in what seems like some uncomfortable black evening gown.
It means she came here from her event?
Without giving much thought I inched my other hand towards her face, removing a strand from her face.
I don't know, if it was my hulk like heavy hand or her light sleep that woke her up. She shuffled a little, adjusting herself to the little light in the room which was right above is.
And when her brown eyes found mine, her jaw dropped slightly as if she didn't expected me to wake up. If I weren't in pain from straining my neck I would've laughed at her reaction.
The next thing I saw broke my heart into another million pieces, she got tears in her eyes and well again because of me.
That gave me a quick recap of what has happened in my studio a day ago.
My accusation of her being saesang
"H-hey?" I hesitatedly said, preparing myself for the worst. And for me the worst is to be slapped by her
She didn't say anything, infact she looked away from me.
Scratch being slapped is the worst thing, it's definitely being looked away from.
"I- I am sorry" I tried again, very well knowing that a sorry will not clear the disrespect I have given to her in past few hours.
She again didn't said anything but this time she looked at me and the next thing I knew she was in my arms, hugging me like she never let me go. While I was processing all this, I didn't realise she started crying.
I adjusted my position a little, that helped me sit up a little, so that she doesn't get hurt anywhere being near the things that were placed beside my bed.
I soothingly patted her back, praying that it calms her down a little.
"I am sorry, I really am" she told me inbetween her cries. I could still feel her trembling in my embrace.
"I shouldn't have said that to you, I was fucked up in head" she managed to say this, it was completely muffled. But I somehow figured out what she meant.
"Ari, it's fine. Look god gave me punishment for being disrespectful to such an amazing lady" I said jokingly but deep down I knew it is the truth.
As soon as I said those words, she tighten her grip on me. And not for a one bit I minded it.
"I dare you to say that again" she sternly said as she was getting out of the hug. But surely I have some other plans.
"As you say, but just 5 minutes more" I pleaded in a tiny voice to which she gave in.
To be honest, being in those 5 mintues gave me a much needed break I didn't knew I craved, she continued he tiny sobs but was calmed from before.
After good or I will say amazing 5 minutes, we broke the hug. I wanted to stay in her embrace for much longer but didn't pushed my luck as I know she isn't a touchy person.
"You okay now?" I asked her looking into her hands and taking her cold hands in my warm ones.
"I should ask you that" she replied me, looking down at our hands and not in my eyes.
"Will you look at me? Please" I asked her in a tender voice. After contemplating for few seconds she looked at me.
"Tell me" I simply said
"Huh?" She said in adorable confusion
"Tell me what's on you mind, I know you want to say something" I told her, as I want her to be completely comfortable with me just like I am with her.
"I was s-scared you know, the ride to here was seriously d-dreadful" she confessed, and looking at her made me realise that she was deep bone worried for me.
"The afternoon argument was on repeat till the time I didn't saw you, doctors won't tell me a thing on phone" she added and another sobbed left her lips, so I started drawing soothing circles on it.
"Hey, I'm here as annoying as ever with you" I assured her
"Still..." She trailed off, unsure about all of this. So I decided to change the topic instead
"Okay, you tell me about your event" I said excitingly because I genuinely was interested in her big moment.
"It was good" she said and I didn't missed the lack of enthusiasm.
"Just okay huh? It must be spectacular" I told her showing my smile
"Yeah" she said and inverted her gaze from me to behind me, and then I knew she is lying
Typical Ariana
"You are hiding something Jonas"
"No" she quickly said and that made my suspicious confirmed
I just gave her my gaze of not buying the shit
"I don't know, I came here as soon as I gave my speech" she confirmed and for once I was confused to what she meant by this
"You did not" I said while untangling my hand from hers
"Let's talk about this later, doctor should check you now that you are up" she quickly rambled and shuffled out of the room without giving me chance to say anything.
Ariana Jonas is a complete defination of being a mysterious girl. Earlier I was afraid to solve this mystery, but now I'm willingly want to solve this mystery. She hides way too much than she let's on which is fine, everybody deserves to have their privacy under control. Again on this one nobody can understand better than me.
Like Ariana said, few minutes later a doctor and his team entered my room. I could clearly see they were trying their best to avoid asking anything except health care, but alas one specific nurse couldn't stop oogling me. She must be a fan, to be honest her stare was making me uneasy not to mention her weird gestures.
I was about to stop this when somebody entered the room and God it'll be no lie if I say that this woman will be end of me.
There comes the Ariana Beautiful Jonas in her just so casual outfit. Every outfit she wears makes her standout, or she makes the outfit standout. Now I know why people say that the whole world fades when you have your favourite person right infront of you.
"How is it doc?" She asked while coming beside me and I took the opportunity to hold her hand which took her by surprise.
"He's fine, just injuries here and there. A sprain in his neck plus some torn muscles on his left arm, it'll be fine if we put safety cast for few days" he said looking up from his clipboard that had my health report.
"And about tests?" She immediately inquired.
"What about them?" I asked looking at her which obviously she ignored.
"We'll be taking him right now if that's okay" doctor too ignored me and replied to this missy beside me.
"Guys, I'm fine. Where are they taking me Ari?" This time I asked adding puppy eyes.
"Jk, just few tests to make sure you don't have internal bleeding or some kind of serious issue" she replied me finally looking at me while crouching a little to match me.
"But whyyyyy" I whined and that had few hospital staff chuckle.
"Just for surety sake... I need that please" she softly said, rubbing her hands with mine.
"Fine, if that makes you settle. Contact the company, they should know" I absent mindedly said
"Mr. Jeon Jungkook, just so you forgot I'm your boss from now on to god knows till when" she whispered, coming near my ear so low, that I could've missed it.
And holy Jesus her whisper and hot breath did fucking things to me, that I didn't knew could have been possible.
"He's ready, you can take him" she dictated this to the doctor while moving back from me.
"Ahhh and I assume Miss Lee have more important work to do than being around this room, right Mr. Jang?" She added and I didn't knew whom she was referring to Miss Lee until my doctor spoke
"Yes, Miss Jonas. I'll take care of that" and then he turned around to the girl that has been drooling over me ever since she entered the room.
He said something to the girl, which got her in tears and she dashed out to the room. The other staff were ready to take me when something stuck my mind and I grabbed onto ariana's hand again and pulled her towards me so that I can whisper in her ear
"Go on a date with me, I'm doing this for you"
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Love, lina 🐥