He had tried not to think about what had happened last time his Dad got hurt but it all came swirling back, the pack crumpled around him. Kira and Derek grappling with the reaper that had almost taken them had it not been for Deaton.
That's not even beginning to think about his terrifying thoughts while he was a mutated werewolf.
He watched Scott, fearing the anger, the disgust, the hatred.
He could take it and stand up for himself even when Scott had pushed him away last time but with all this horrible guilt with what he had done, Stiles didn't think he could he could shield himself from it this time.
He might get blown away.
But to Stiles surprise Scott didn't look like any of those things, nor did he look upset over what he had said.
He looked calm, concerned and there was sympathy there as well.
Stiles felt like he didn't deserve this but before he could protest and try and dig himself into a hole that he thought he deserved but was scared of at the same time Scott spoke.
"Stiles, I'm not going to tell you not to blame yourself because I know that you won't listen to me. I know you feel like you deserve some sort of punishment for what's happened. You're right, you did hurt the pack, you did almost kill Kira and Derek, you did kill a ton of hunters and you did kill Riley but Stiles..."
Stiles who had been looking at the ground, shoulders slumped at what seemed like a scolding by Scott.
I knew it, he hates me, he hates me, he hates me.
He looked up at Scott's change of tone near the end, a spike of surprise going through him.
"Stiles" Scott said "You're pack and nothing is going to change that. I'm sorry for pushing you away when you first became a were-fox. I was so stupid! Stiles you're my best friend and even if you don't consider me that anymore. I-I still consider you that"
And something else came to Scott's mind then, something he'd remembered Stiles screaming, it was something that had really jolted him, really woke him up to what Stiles was actually feeling.
Stiles was blinking away tears as Scott started to speak again, his own voice also wavering with emotion "A while ago when I felt like there was no where else to turn, when I... almost killed myself, when I called us nothing, you were the one that pulled me back a-and I didn't realise how much you'd agonised over until I heard what you told Liam on the full moon"
Scott stepped a little closer to Stiles, his voice more urgent "We weren't nothing, you were everything to me! You still are! I couldn't carry on without you! Th-that's why I bit you!"
Scott gulped down tears as he said "And now you've gone through all this"
"This isn't your fault Scott" Stiles said, his eyes wide with shock.
So he didn't hate him?
In fact Scott blamed, himself?
"It's not yours" Scott replied sharply.
And Stiles had no response to that, Scott carried on as he said, finally getting some of his emotions under control, his voice more confident "So if this will help you then I will support you leaving but you've got to come back, right? I meant what I said, I can't do this without you Stiles"
Stiles rubbed his watering eyes as he said "Yeah, I'll come back" He joked trying to lighten the mood "I bet the pack will be a disaster if I don't"
"Yeah, we will be" Scott said softly.
They stood there a little in silence, both processing the conversation before they decide to break the news to the pack.
"You're leaving?" Malia said, shocked.
"You knew about this?" Lydia snapped, staring down Kyle who yelped "Hey hey! It was Stiles choice and it's what's best!"
"How is it what's best?" Lydia retorted.
"Lydia, it's not Kyles fault, like he said, I chose to go" Stiles said, defending the Nogisune from the angry banshee.
Lydia then rounded on Scott as she snapped "You're allowing this?"
The alpha however stood firm as he said "I didn't want too but it's up to Stiles, not me"
"You won't change your mind?" Malia asked, sounding hurt.
Stiles shook his head.
Kira didn't say much, she looked upset but seemed more accepting than the others.
Derek seemed to share the same feelings as he said gruffly "If this is what needs to happen for you to get control over yourself then I'm not going to stand in your way, as long as it's something you definitely want to do"
He looked pointedly at Stiles who took a breath in and out before saying for them all to hear "Yes, I want too, I need too"
"When are you leaving?" Kira asked gently.
"As soon as possible, likely tomorrow" Stiles admitted.
No one had anything else to say after that. His Dad looked like he wanted to protest but he swallowed it down.
This is what's best, he told himself but why did what was best feel so horrible?
Noah wanted to shout and shake his son, demanding him to get this foolish idea out of his head. He had just gotten Stiles back, how could he let Stiles go again?
On their way back home he kept on waiting for Stiles to tell him this was all a joke, of course he wouldn't leave.
Throughout the packing of bags and the night, the irrational side of him was still waiting but it never happened.
He heads Malia sneak into his sons room and he heard their muffled but sad voices.
Still a part of him couldn't accept it.
On until he saw Kyle at his door with packed bags the next morning and the pack waiting behind him anxiously.
This was actually happening.
His irrational side cried out, no, no, no!
But he managed to push that that side of himself deep down and force a smile.
"Come in, Stiles will be down in a moment" He said.
The pack all made their way to the living room and Kyle left the suitcases at the door.
As soon as Stiles opened the door, he gave a little help as Lydia suddenly flung herself on him, squeezing hard.
Stiles had a feeling if he didn't have super strength he would be suffocated right now.
"You'd better come back soon" She huffed as she hugged him.
"It might take a couple of years but it'll go by fast, I promise" Stiles said sweetly, hugging her back gently, aware of his supernatural strength.
Kyle watched Stiles say goodbye, smiling at the warm felt responses.
Malia brought Stiles in for a kiss then demanded that he stayed in touch or she'd find him and, well she didn't know what she'd do but it wouldn't be good!
Kira and Derek both gave Stiles a heartfelt hug.
"I'd knew you liked me" Stiles teased Derek, who in response snacked him over the head.
Liam who hadn't been there when Stiles had told the pack the news since he was on look out for any new mutated werewolves arriving, gave Stiles more of an awkward hug.
"Don't take too long or we'll fall apart without you" Scott said, it was playful but at the same time didn't sound like Scott was joking.
"I won't" Stiles promised.
He noticed his Dad, standing by his suitcase, he had tears in his eyes as he said sounding a little lost which hurt Stiles heart "This is it, you're...really going?"
"This is it" Stiles confirmed softly.
"I..." His Dad tried to say something but couldn't seem to get the words out.
Stiles didn't let him and launched himself into his Dads arms "I know Dad, I know"
He then slowly pulled away, trying not to cry.
"You ready?" Kyle asked.
Stiles nodded, picking up their suitcases and everyone followed them out the door. Stiles started to shove all his bags into the car, Scott also helped them pack.
"Look after him Kyle, and look after yourself too. I want both of our pack members back in one piece" Scott said lightly but Kyle beamed at Scott's acknowledgment.
"I will" He said.
Everyone hugged them once more, this time also hugging Kyle as well who tried not to show it too much but Stiles could tell he was overjoyed at being included.
His Dad looked a lot paler than before and looked like he wanted to burst into tears.
"We'll come back" Stiles said, looking at his Dad then the rest of the pack.
"I promise"
And it's a promise they would keep.
One more chapter to go!