☆Jake☆
I've been really distracted lately.
I have a hell ton of things to overthink and stress about. For example, Lia. She's been more clingy than usual. Normally, I would be able to get through a school day with just a few simple text messages, but now she bombards me with them and completely freaks out when I don't reply within like, two minutes.
She always has to put some big display on whenever she comes to greet me at school, and I cannot even begin to tell you how many times she's asked me if I was cheating, or would ever cheat on her.
The short answer is no. I'm not a douche.
I may not particularly enjoy that relationship I've gotten myself into, but at least I can say with one hundred percent certitude that I would never cheat. It's fucking disgusting.
I see her prancing around the hallways every day giggling with her fancy friend group about make-up and boys, and they occasionally stop to trash-talk someone nearby. That's also disgusting.
Lia used to be a good person, she really was. She had good grades and read books and never skipped class. She was sweet, she had a fun personality, and she was someone that nobody ever seemed to notice, but absolutely deserved recognition.
It seems that it's the opposite now.
I fell for the old Lia. For the one that baked brownies with me, and told me stories about her crazy family. For the one that encouraged others and prided herself on being honest. For the one that didn't care about popularity or her dad's money.
Lately, I've come to realize that I liked an entirely different person. Lia and her past self aren't the same person, and I've realized that I don't love her at all.
Sometimes, just sometimes, I'll see a glimmer of the past Lia in her facial expression. I'll see her consider saying something sweet for a second but then take it back to fit in with her friends.
And honestly, I'm not sure how much longer I can pretend.
The longer this drags on, the more heartbroken she'll be. I'll make her believe that we were something serious, and then shatter her heart when I tell her otherwise. I don't want Lia to be hurt, but I can't hurt myself trying to make her happy.
I have to do something, but I'm scared Lia will expose me. She knows that I love singing. She knows that I've always dreamed of writing songs and touring the world.
She also knows about my dad. She was one of the only people I've told about what really happened that day. She's one of the only people who know what he did to me. If anyone found out, I'd be labeled something I couldn't live with.
Even now just thinking of my predicament make me want to hurl.
Either way, I've got to be honest. It may just be the only way out of this crazy trap I've gotten myself into. My life has fallen apart because I'm so terrified of being honest. I need to tell the truth, but how?
It was an early Sunday morning when I shot Lia a text asking her to meet up with me at a coffee shop. If I was going to do this, it was going to have to be in public. Otherwise, I was afraid she wouldn't be able to control herself.
She replied about two seconds later with a thumbs-up emoji and a heart. I felt like throwing up. What I was about to do would either completely wreck my life, or fix a large part of it. I would either leave that shop with my heart broken or a huge weight lifted off my chest.
I told my mom where I was going, and she just smiled and told me to be safe. I hopped into my car, and the entire way there I was shaking. I ran a few lights and was honked at too many times to be considered safe.
Lia was already there when I arrived at Evergreen Cafe, sitting at a two-person table applying a light layer of lip gloss. When she spotted me, she smiled and waved me over. I took a few quick breaths and assured myself I could do this.
I walked over to the table and sat down on the opposite side of her.
I cleared my throat. "Hi"
"Why did you text me so early this morning to meet here? Did you miss me?" Lia asks quickly, batting her eyelashes.
I attempt to ignore her comment, and I strain myself trying not to roll my eyes. Hopefully, this will all be over soon.
"Have you ordered anything?" I asked, picking up the menu and scanning the page for their breakfast options. I figured this interaction would either take five minutes or five hours. I couldn't tell how Lia would take my news.
"Yeah, I ordered a latte, do you want anything?" She asked, resting her head against her hand.
I felt my stomach flop.
"Um, no. But thanks, Lia." I said nervously. Food was definitely not going to help my nausea.
Lia twirled a strand of her hair around her finger, and I fidgeted with my hands under the table. Neither of us knew what to say. I thought for a few seconds, and gathered my thoughts, preparing to say something.
"Lia, I... um..." this was going to be hard to get out.
I cleared my throat.
"Let's say that I um... broke up with you. How would you react?"
She stared at me for a few seconds but then reacted in the strangest possible way. She started giggling.
"Jake, what would you expect me to do? I'd obviously be mad. I'd probably try to ruin your life" she paused and took a sip from her latte. "I'd probably tell everyone about your whole singing thing and maybe...about your dad. Why do you ask?"
My lungs felt like they were collapsing, and everything went blurry for a second. What was I expecting? Lia would obviously act petty if we broke up. She would make sure that if she couldn't have me, no one could.
"Why?" I asked weakly. "I mean, I get that you'd want revenge, but I've always treated you well. I've always put you before me. You know that."
Lia stood up from her seat, and grabbed her latte, stepping next to me. She bent down and whispered into my ear.
"Let me make one thing clear Jake. You're not even going to consider breaking up with me until the end of high school." She grabbed my shoulder and leaned even closer. I could feel her breath against my ear.
"You will not ruin my fucking reputation just because you decide to be a loser. You won't ruin my life, because trust me, I can make yours a living hell."
I shivered, and she backed away from me smiling. She must have seen the look of pure terror in my eyes because she giggled again and kissed my cheek.
"Don't worry too much about it, I'm sure you'll change your mind. I'll see you at school." She said sweetly. She turned around and walked straight out of the cafe smiling to herself.
As soon as she was out of sight, I bolted to the back door of the cafe and ran to my car. I unlocked it, and threw myself inside, slamming the door.
My chest felt unbelievably heavy, and I had trouble seeing straight. I sat there for almost a minute just trying to control my breathing. It felt like my life was falling apart. I was stuck with Lia, I had no choice.
I felt hot tears sting my eyes, and I wiped them away. I closed my eyes and rested my head back against the seat. What the hell was I supposed to do now? I couldn't wait until the end of senior year.
Just then, my phone dinged, and I grabbed it from the seat next to me.
Luke had posted on Instagram.
The photo only made me want to cry even harder.
He had his arm around Hailey, and they were both laughing. Zander was in the background rolling his eyes, and a young girl who looked about seven stood next to him smiling.
The caption wrote: Just hanging out with my new friends :)
Yeah sure, Luke. "Just friends." Hailey seems like a lot more to you than just a friend. Why her out of all people? You couldn't have liked anyone else? But no, it just had to be her.
Suddenly, a thought struck me. Why did I care if Luke liked Hailey? It shouldn't have mattered.
Unless...
No. Hell no.
I didn't like her... did I?
No, absolutely not. Not right now.
I slammed my head against the steering wheel. There was no way this was happening. How on earth could I like her? I'd only known her for three months. That wasn't enough time to fall for someone...was it?
I cried for a bit, overthinking everything. I was stuck with Lia, Luke liked Hailey, and somehow I had fallen for her.
The worst part was that I knew that it wasn't just because of Lia that I'd never have a chance with her. She probably didn't even consider me a friend. She would never take an interest in someone like me.
She had told me in chemistry class a few weeks ago that she wanted someone who was calm and put together. Someone who had good grades, and who was humble.
I'm far from calm or put together. My room is always a mess, I joke around way too much, I forget to do my homework half the time, and I'm constantly talking about the things I've accomplished. I'm not even close to what she'd want in a guy.
Luke on the other hand is. He fits her description perfectly, and I hate to admit it, but it makes me so damn jealous of him. Why does he have to be so perfect? Why can't I just be like him? Life would be so much easier.
He doesn't have a problem being honest, he always looks perfect. He's kind, forgiving, and doesn't have a crazy girlfriend who could potentially ruin his life.
Even if it's just small acts, no matter what, I'm going to have to start standing up for what I think is right.
Otherwise, I'll lose everything again, and this time, I won't be able to run away.