I never expected him to be like this.
I gently wiped his eyes as he held his stare on me. I knew there wouldn't be a day where staring into those eyes wouldn't make me feel something, and part of that scared me, knowing that being with Josh meant always being around Jake too.
But I still knew that I made the right decision.
And with time, it would get easier.
For the both of us.
"Jaime, I don't-"
"I want you to have it." I said, taking it from his hands and carefully folding it to let the Gibson graphic on the front show, gently placing it down on his pillow. "And when you go on tour again, I want you to bring it, so you know I'm always there." He nodded, wiping his face again.
"I love you, Jaime."
"And I love you." I said. He sighed, looking down to avoid my eyes, knowing that even though it was true, it just wasn't the same.
"Do you want to go back downstairs?" I asked. He shook his head.
"I can stay here with you for a little bit.. if you want." I said, kicking off my shoes and lying down on his bed, cuddling underneath his blankets. He bit down on his lip, his cheeks burning red, nodding as he crawled up next to me, wrapping his arms around me as he lied his head on my chest. I gently rubbed my fingers up and down his back, slowly running them through his hair, tenderly massaging his head. I heard him sigh, cuddling closer, holding on tighter.
It all felt so familiar, but so foreign.
So far away.
But it killed me to see him like this.
All I wanted to do was make it better.
As much as I could.
And he understood.
Never once pushing it further than what it was.
Just enjoying these last few moments of us like this.
Because after today we knew..
We couldn't be like this anymore.
Josh's P.O.V
After everything he's ever said about her, I can't believe he could be so selfish, especially when it came to something like this. I'm sure at some point they had to have talked about her dad together, for him to have one of his shirts. It must've come up. And for him to just.. lose it. Like it was nothing.
What was even worse was the fact that all I wanted was to be able to do this for her, and I couldn't. He just couldn't make this easy for us. It had been us our entire lives, and over the course of just a few months, he managed to swoop in and ruin everything.
As I made my way into the kitchen, I went back over to the bar, filling up my glass with something stronger.
"Hey, you okay?" Sam asked, coming over and leaning up against the counter next to me. I shrugged, taking another sip.
"You got Jaime a camera." I said, not being able to stop thinking about what a big gift that was, coming from anyone let alone from Sam. He shrugged, his face dropping as he took a sip of his drink, avoiding my eyes.
"I did." He said softly.
"Why?"
"Because.. she deserves it."
"I know she does, but.. that's kind of a big gift." He was quiet again for a minute.
"Jaime and I are friends too." He said. "And.. this is a big deal for her and I just wanted to help her. We're doing okay, but.. I know it's not something she could afford. I just.. wanted to do something nice for her. That's all."
"I'm sorry." I sighed. "I'm just angry. You're right. It.. it was really nice. Thank you for doing that for her. It really does mean a lot to her. And.. I'm glad she has a friend like you. You know, with everything going on." He nodded.
"Of course." He muttered. "W-what's going on with Jake?" I felt my heart start beating faster.
"He's probably up there right now trying to convince her how she made the wrong choice again." I sighed. I saw him shake his head out of the corner of my eyes.
"No.." He said softly. "She loves you. I think she's made up her mind." I couldn't help but smile at the thought, hoping he was right. Things definitely felt different this time; they felt real. And I wanted to believe that they were different, but.. I don't know what it was. Every time she got around him, something changed, and we were back at square one.
I really hoped this was it.
"Do you.. see you guys getting married?" Sam asked, peeking back over at me. I shrugged, trying my best to hold in my flustered grin.
"I want to." I muttered. He nodded, his face dropping for a moment before quickly forcing a smile.
"When do you think?" I shrugged, feeling my cheeks burn.
"I.. I don't know. I mean, I feel like we're.. different. We've.. practically been together our whole lives. So.. I don't know. I don't feel like we'd be rushing, but.. definitely after school. And then.. who knows." He nodded again, staying quiet.
"I mean.." I started, giggling to myself. "She did say that she wanted to have lots of babies, so.. she might want it sooner than me." It was nice to have someone finally ask me about her. I never felt like I was really able to talk about her like this, and when I did I just felt like one of those guys that everyone wanted to shut up. But all I wanted to do was talk about her. She was just.. so easy to talk about.
Nothing has ever made me happier.
"B-babies?" He said. I could sense his change in tone. "You're.. you're already talking about babies?"
"Well, not really, just.. well.. maybe really, I don't know, actually.. maybe she was just kidding but.. part of me feels like she wasn't. I.. I don't know."
"Are you guys.. like-"
"We don't have to talk about this." I said, feeling my face get hot.
"Sorry."
Finally, I heard someone making their way down the stairs, my heart jumping when I saw Jaime turn the corner, scanning the room until her eyes landed on me, instantly lighting up as she flashed me a smile.
It was amazing how just one look made me melt into a puddle on the floor. If only she knew how much power she had over me, one touch, one kiss, and I'd do anything she wanted me to.
"Hey, everything oka-" She cut me off, pulling me into a passionate kiss. My heart jumped as I reached up, gently holding her face in my hands, kissing her back, suddenly forgetting about everyone around us. Every time we kissed we were the only two people in the world, and I couldn't wait for the rest of my life with her.
"Everything is fine." She sighed, leaning her forehead against mine.
"I'm sorry I couldn't-"
"It's okay. You tried for me and that's all that matters." I couldn't help but smile, feeling my cheeks burn as I leaned into another kiss, running my fingers through her hair.
"I promise I'll find it, Jaime. I won't-"
"Josh, it's okay." She sighed, staring back at me with dazed eyes.
I believed her.
I then took her hand, guiding her away from everyone in the kitchen, bringing her into the living room where we could be alone again.
"Hey.. um.. can I ask you something?" I brought her over to the couch, sitting down, making room for her next to me. She sat down, moving in closer, placing one hand on my leg.
I had seen that look before, now wondering if we were going to have another night like last night. I could only hope.
"Of course you can." She said, the permanent smile never fading from her lips. How badly I just wanted to kiss them again.
"So.. the other day.. when we were talking.."
"We talk a lot." She gigged. "Talking about what?" I smirked back at her. She was so adorable, especially when she drank too much.
"When we were talking, or.. really.. when you were talking about.. um.. well, you said you wanted to have.. lots of babies." She nodded, giggling to herself again.
"Mhm.."
"Well, I guess.. did you.. mean it?" I asked, now not sure if I even wanted to know the answer, knowing how much I hoped she did.
She was quiet for a moment, holding her stare on me as she slowly scanned every inch of my face, her eyes eventually stopping on my lips again.
"I meant it." She finally said. My heart jumped, now unable to contain my grin.
"And.. you meant it.. with me?" She nodded.
"Only you."