Ivory - xxxvix ; Crack I
Created: 12.29.22
Finished: 12.30.22
Edited: 01.02.23 / 02.04.23
Published: 02.04.23
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Trigger Warning: residual symptoms, descriptive drowning, seizure, mentions of attempted sewerside, burning, wounds, fading
Word Count: 3561
A/N: Finalised the outline, I'm ready to finish the finale..sort of, haha- How's the book cover? I hope it's good? My sister said the former book cover looked better, and meh, maybe she's right-w- I did this one without a stylus and I just got back doing digital art, which is prolly why it looks messy. And yes, I don't have backup of the old book cover file except in the tablet, so..great. Guess you guys have to deal with this subpar book cover, am soo sorry;w;
Anygay, yes, there are two cracks. Uhhh, well, it was supposed to be one..but am practicing how to write proper cliffhangers, and also when I edited it..the whole thing before was 3000+ words, now it's basically 5500+ Oops. I will publish the part two tomorrow, and then it goes back to weekly schedule.
How am I doing? haha..hahahhhaa- Hope you guys are doing well though, you guys are amazing and it would be stinky if fate gets nasty on you guys' days. Stay safe and alive, everyone^^
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"There, does it hurt?"
He shakes his head, and so the old man bends and stretches the other limb, "What about there?"
Another shake.
He proceeds to do it to the rest of his appendages, and all end up being a shake in the head.
It's not exactly like bad news, so Phil smiles and lets go, "He's less stiff as before, and he's getting his lost weight back up again."
Tommy isn't too bothered to smile, staring blankly below the table, keeping himself still on the chair.
Techno eyes his state sharply, although he seems to be well physically, something just doesn't feel right,
"So your walking has improved, as well as you responding and communicating. Writing is a tad difficult, but better than before I assume?"
Tommy nods to let Phil know that he's right. Surprisingly, as it is, he is getting better,
"What's odd about it is that your residual symptoms occur less and less now. Per say you are triggered, the symptoms only last for a day or two."
"Back then it would stay for a week or more. Seizures were almost everyday, and you mostly had bad days." Techno remarks,
"Exactly, it's probably because Tommy's mind is slowly getting healthier and better in coping with stress or residual symptoms. I suppose it's because he's adjusting now with better mechanisms in dealing with trauma? I'd say this as a good thing."
Silence.
"Still though, it didn't change much of him. He still can't talk, barely moving and lethargic in responding."
Phil pats Techno, "If this is how much he improved within the last months of treating him, I won't be surprised he'll get all better by the end of the year."
Techno nods, slightly unconvinced, "You only asked him his physical state, care to try the mental one?"
Phil doesn't seem to be willing, yet still, he nods before eyeing Tommy, "You'll be fine answering questions? You don't have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable."
The silent boy nods once, his still averted from their stare,
"Alright, are there still troubles in eating and drinking?" He nods, which made Phil narrow his brows,
"Difficulty in taking sustenance physically, or is there reluctance?"
Tommy didn't respond quicker, but he raises his right hand, therefore he answers the latter. Phil blinks, "I see..well, still having nightmares?"
A nod,
"Flashbacks?"
A nod,
"If you were to guess, how many nightmares or flashbacks do you get in a week?"
Tommy looks down at his hands, before raising five fingers, then three fingers afterwards,
"Five nightmares a week, three for flashbacks."
He nods. Phil inhales but gives a reassuring smile, "Still, better than before. I bet Tommy has been getting night terrors basically everyday back then. This is an improvement."
Techno purses his lips, his tusks pressing against his skin, "Still-" He emphasises that one, "-with that amount of distress he gets from sleep and his waking state, it's to no surprise he remains restless."
Tommy tilts his head to the side, is it that obvious that he hasn't been sleeping?
"Care..to give an example of your nightmare?" Phil returns to his questioning.
He didn't answer,
"At least a flashback or memory?"
No answer..and that made Techno groan, "Tommy, I'd try to be cooperative if I were you. This is for your own good."
Slowly, Tommy looks up to face them, and points at Phil then Techno with a raised brow to show that he's questioning, "What..what are you asking Tommy?"
He points at the avian and the piglin once more, "Me or Techno?"
He nods,
"For what?"
He fingerspells, 'n-i-g-h-t-m-a-r-e',
"Do..do you get nightmares about me or Phil?"
He nods, as Phil's wings ruffle unintentionally, "Why..Why are you getting nightmares about us?"
Tommy only shrugs, looking down again.
Techno lowers his glare, "I'd suggest we'd move on, Phil." He murmurs, noticing the child's discomfort.
The avian frowns but nods, "Yea..we'd probably give him a break for now. Besides, Ghostboo's coming soon."
Tommy widens his eyes, and grips the edges of his chair by his shaky hands,
"Why is he coming around anyway?" Techno asks, his voice clearly showing his annoyance.
Why is he annoyed?
"Probably to check up on him or something..I don't know."
Sighing exasperatedly, Techno wears his mask back, adjusting it to make it comfortable, "Thank the gods Niki already left a few days ago. Seeing his ghost would make her freak."
Tommy frowns as he softens his grip to the chair, Techno observes his blooming stress getting worse, "Hey, you'll be alright. I don't think it's your fault from what happened to Niki..and Ghostboo's just a ghost..they can't exactly hurt you."
Techno's bound to be right, he's mostly right.
.
.
.
.
.
swoop.
It's nearly noon that the ghost has arrived on their own.
They appear to only teleport their way there with ease. With their outfit hidden by a transparent coat, alliums forever blooming sit upon their head, their smile never wavers.
Techno narrows his eyes at the sight, Tommy finds it unusual that he's keeping his guard up around the ghost. Is Techno and Ghostboo having a sour relationship at the moment?
"Hello everyone!" They glee, their shoes barely touching the ground. The mixture of blood; red and green levitating along them.
They look peculiar,
"Hey, mate. Thanks for letting us borrow your house for Tommy. He's been sleeping alright these days, so it seems that it has been a nice place to settle in."
The ghost hums in enthusiasm, their grin growing wider, "Then I'm glad you find peace in my home, Ivory. I barely go there anymore anyway. I don't need it."
Phil and Techno blink, "Did..did you just call him Ivory?"
The ghost blinks, "Well yea, what about it?"
The other didn't question it further, Phil figured it's just a nickname, but Techno, Techno has a feeling that it's something way more.
"Anyway, we're still doing that stroll in the arctic, yeah?" Phil prompts, holding Tommy's shoulder reassuringly.
The boy seems nervous around the ghost, it's probably nothing..right? "Of course! Of course, anytime I'd be fine with it- But I prefer it no later than twilight, I have to leave at that hour."
Phil nods, pushing Tommy out of the door, "Then I better get Tommy ready. Techno, if you don't mind?"
Techno nods, Tommy meekly waves goodbye at Techno and follows Phil outside to get to Ranboo's former refuge.
The cabin grows quiet now it's just the two of them,
"So." Techno starts, grabbing Ghostboo's attention, "About the day you admitted to me that you're fading-"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Tommy rubs his eyes out of nowhere, Phil notices that it's a different kind. It's not from dirt, "You okay, mate? You tired?"
He shakes his head, eyeing the mirror still.
Eyeing his reflection.
Eyeing what he is supposed to look like.
Eyeing who he is supposed to be..
The avian has patched him up with extra coats and gloves, to keep him warm enough for the rest of the day outside.
He's probably used to the cold right now, still, the fact Phil can't tell when Tommy's ever going to experience hypothermia scares him.
He already looks blue and deathly pale on his own, what's more if he gets to lose his ability to do homeostasis?
"Techno's planning to have another grind of mining snow..Ghostboo's probably here to help him for that, as well as..I don't know, probably going to get some of your things they left behind in Tubbo's house."
Tommy could hardly listen from his words, almost losing his consciousness. He doesn't understand why he feels so woozy all of a sudden. It's not like he had a terrible rest today..
"You alright? You're paler than usual-" Thank the gods Phil is quick, he catches Tommy at ease and carries him to a nearby chair, "I forgot you get these sometimes. It's been a while."
Tommy signs 'its fine' over and over again as he attempts to get up. Whenever Phil pulls him down, he gives a bird to tell him to fuck off, whilst, trying to avoid his firm grips,
"No. Stay down. Don't defy me right now. We can sit down for another hour or so. We have half the day." He can't move his legs again, gods it's annoying.
Why is it happening again?
He rarely gets these anymore,
"Did something trigger you? I'm sorry if I said something wrong." He fixes Tommy's curls, then notices something,
"Are you..are you crying? What's wrong?" Tommy shakes his head, pissed off that he's crying this much.
Why is he crying?
"Oh, Tommy...don't feel bad. This is not a bad thing. The fact that I have forgotten how to treat you when you get like this is a conclusion that we seldom experience now. It's alright, we all get bad days, with or without a reason."
'I don't understand.'
Phil is surprised that Tommy managed to raise both his hands to sign. And boy does he sign rather strained,
'Why?'
'I thought I am getting better.'
'Im fine.'
"Don't push yourself mate. It's fine..really." Phil gets up, and wraps a coat around him, "Stay down, I'll make you some soup. Helps you get warm."
Tommy rubs his eyes to take the tears away and nods, now tired of getting mad..how did he even get to feel such red anyway?
"You'll be fine, Tommy. I assure you that. Someday, things will be okay. For now.." He pets his head, "Behave."
Phil hasn't returned for the past few minutes.
God. That old man is slow.
Although the clock is ticking loudly close to his ears, he can't tell exactly how long time has passed.
Should he sleep?
Is that a good idea?
He doesn't know what to do.
He can't move much, and when his legs were immovable, soon his arms froze too.
He's basically trapped.
Great.
His body is really fond of him.
Sooo fond of him.
He doesn't hate himself as much as he hates his body right now?
.
.
.
He still hates himself though.
Something bubbles.
What bubbles?
Tommy peers to look down and widens his eyes seeing grey water bubbling from the floor.
Obviously, at first glance, that is a hallucination, at this point, he's desensitised by that.
The problem is, if he can't get out of it quickly, it might as well feel like reality; he'll feel like he'll drown, although he's aware that it's not real.
The water rises and rises, affecting the furniture and the carpets. Some took off from the ground, but he was certainly not one of them.
Imprisoned by his own body, he tries to wiggle his toes in hopes it would start moving but to avail, they're stern as stone.
Water. The sea. The ocean. It fears Tommy, his great dislike of the sea has worsened.
He doesn't even know why he fears it, a part of him is terrified of it.
All this thinking took him a while to realise that the water is about to reach him, nearing his neck level. Tommy only looks at the ceiling, he can't help but to find it similar to the sun.
It was evening when it happened, or was it sunset?
All he could remember..was that he jumped.
If he was still here, guess he made it out alive then..didn't he?
About to say something..to swear, to plead, to pray to the gods for help, he inhales the salty mixture which causes him to choke.
It can't accept it. But all he could do was to choke.
His body trembles to get the water out of his system, but it barely works.
Soon, the water reaches his nose, now he can neither breathe air through his mouth nor nostrils. His heart begins to hurt, his lungs lack oxygen, his body can't breathe.
As he attempts to snap out of it, over and over, he tells himself that this is a hallucination, he remains on the verge of drowning, he remains dying.
It hurts, he rarely experienced torture that is involved with water besides being waterboarded by him.
Didn't he drown one time when he was thrown to an open icewater because he reeked of death and he needed to take a bath?
It was cold.
Very cold.
And everything..was dark.
And alone.
The river was so deep.
The river was freezing.
And blue.
Blue.
Blue?
.
.
.
Why is he thinking like this is normal to think about?
His body slowly gives up trying to intake air, as his remaining energy pushes his consciousness to fall asleep.
The familiar feeling of tranquillity..before death.
His body is a vessel with nothing but water..and a lost boy.
His eyes drooped close.
Mouth open, hair still white.
Feeling his body disintegrating into a million pieces of shards again, he can only question one thought before his brain shuts down completely.
Is he dyin-?
A hand grabs his wrist, as he is pulled up.
Frozen and without energy, he lets this figure take him up. Despite the pressure of water against the stranger's hold, and that sizzling noises he can vaguely hear, he was still helped out of it all.
Soon enough, he reaches the surface, his body plops like it's nothing but lifeless meat.
The figure continues to pull him close to the little land they have, and attempts to get the water out of him by clearing his airways. Thudding, his body is being resuscitated. He can feel their panic, their hope in keeping him alive.
He's not asking them to do what it takes to make him live.
Yet they did anyway.
His hands clench the drenched dirt before the water sprouts out of his mouth like a fountain, choking without a stop; his coughs removing the rest of the inhaled grey.
When he gets to sit upright, the figure continues to help him get all of it out by patting his back both with force and comfort.
Tommy's chest hurts, his nostrils and throat hurt.
Once there's nothing but pants escaping his lips, he then began to cry. His salty tears mix with his wrinkled body.
Shivering, he might as well look blue, both outside and inside.
God he doesn't want to feel like he's drowned again. It felt like an inescapable situatio-
"You looked like him so much that I really thought you were real."
Tommy opens his eyes, he feels like they're burning. Oh gods, he wonders why.
"Why do I keep seeing you?.."
The voice made him look up and stare widely at the one who saved him. It's that guy, back then, in the sea, who almost looks like-
"Gh-Ghostboo?.." He speaks up, voice raspy, but gods above and below, he can speak.
He can fucking speak.
If he can actually speak, then this is no longer a hallucination, this is something else.
Something else he felt before, but to this day, he doesn't know how to call this.
The other only chuckles, "I can't believe the things I am seeing are talking back to me now..I'm Ranboo.."
Ranboo? That's..That's one of his-
"Ranboo..You.." Tommy murmurs, unable to remember much of him, except the fact that he died, and he meant a lot..to Tubbo,
Does he ought to mean a lot to him? It feels like it.
"You talk smart for a delusion..I'll give you that." Ranboo laughs, self-deprecatingly, "I don't mind..I don't have anyone to talk to anyway.."
Tommy notices that his friend rubs the wounds of his hands. Despite his skin being both black and white, them being sore and swollen is clear as day.
What happened to them?
"You're hurt." Tommy whispers, getting close in an attempt to help him but Ranboo shrinks away,
"It's fine, Tommy..T-Tommy, right? You're..Tommy?"
He is Tommy...right?
Tommy ends up looking away and looks down at the grey water.
It looks terrifying. The fact that he has zero idea what could be inside there. It's worse than a river, than a lake.
The ocean has no end, does it even have an end?
..How did he even get here?
After a while, he notices something is swirling..forming from the water. It's like an image..a moving imagery,
"Hey..uhm..Are you seeing this or am I as crazy as you?" He asks, which caught Ranboo's attention, peering at the water too then smiles with a lament on its edges,
"Yeah..my limbo tends to make me see things from the living..Just sometimes though. If it wasn't for that, I think I would have truly gone insane. Well, bold of me to assume that I haven't gone mad yet." He laughs at his words once more, creeping close to stay beside Tommy,
"It seems Michael's still okay..that's nice." He points at a pool of water where Tubbo is tending Michael.
The two are in Snowchester it seems. Michael is doing doodles as usual, while Tubbo is patching up clothes close to the warm fire. It must be snowing there, enough to use the fireplace. He misses the comforts of that house.
Seeing his son chortling being tickled by his other father, happy and with glee, burns his heart, "Tubbo..That's Tubbo right? It's hard to remember his name these days..I wonder why.."
Tommy looks at him, then back at the water. He can now see Phil bringing the soup to a sleeping..sleeping,
"Hey- There's you-" Ranboo smiles and points at the other spiraling pool of water.
Tommy frowns at the pale corpse, "I look..different."
That made Ranboo chuckle, "We both have been.." He whispers, softly.
It took Tommy a while to realise that the hybrid does look..rather transparent, like what Ghostboo is ought to be. Are they..what?-
"I don't think I can last any longer, Tommy..It's..scary.." He presses his wounded fists. His eyes squinting, like he's trying best not to cry.
Tommy wants to ask what's happening to him but a voice caught his attention,
"Tell me what's happening-"
"There's nothing for you to worry about, I am fin-"
"Then remove that cloth, I'll be the judge."
Tommy blinks and eyes the water once more, seeing his familiar brother figure piglin..and..the ghost, "What the.."
Ranboo's ear twitches before lifting his knees only to hug it. Disinterested in listening to the conversation, he already knows what will be his fate.
-
--
---
The ghost clasps their cloth tightly close to them, now lowering their grin, "No."
Techno sighs, pulling off his mask. The ghost knows he does that when he means what he says; no lies, no sugarcoats, but the truth showing genuine concern, "What has been happening to you lately? Should we be worried? If you are fading then that means Ranboo is-"
"Why do you still care about him? He's no longer coming back, you know."
That made him glare, "You don't know that..unless..you do."
The ghost widens their eyes, before pulling their nonchalant mask back on and smile, "I don't know anything-"
"And something tells me that you're lying..You have been pretty different lately, Ghostboo."
The other could almost twist their face from sweet to citrus, attempting to leave the situation, "I have always been different. I mean- Not Ranboo and all. Am your daily ghost in the mornin-"
"Why did you call Tommy Ivory?"
They stop and go still, not facing Techno this time, "It's a silly nickname, that's all."
The piglin sighs, "You're making it harder for me to help you. Everything about you is difficult for me to understand."
Ghostboo only smiles, "I don't need your help. Besides, what is there to understand? Just like I said: I do nothing but a reminder of who you all lost. No matter how much I smile and pretend that everything is a-okay, I will never be like him. I can never be him. A walking not-good-enough fraud is what I am, that's what you need to understand."
He doesn't want to hear things from their mouth again. It reminds him of how Ranboo beats himself up even the smallest of things. It doesn't feel right,
This doesn't feel right. All of it..
"Don't worry, Techno. You will understand soon. Things change in time, probably for the better or for worse."
Techno growls, the voices are not liking their remark. As imperative as it is, one thing he despises of is change, "What are you talking about?"
Ghostboo only beams, their fangy lips reaching their hollow cheeks. His eyes avert from his stare and gaze upon Tommy..at Tommy?
H-How-??????????????
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crack.
- -- ----
"Tommy?..get up-"
His eyes flutter open, the light is hurting him..at least it's no longer the sun, faintly burning his skin against the salt,
"You good, mate? We're leaving soon."
Tommy internally sighs, rubbing his eyes as he gets up. He is not too bothered to answer his question.
He already fucked up the moment he made him wake up from a sleep. Does he realise how hard it is to fall asleep?
.
.
What a weird dream.
He dreamt about that hybrid again.
Should he be concerned?
Should he tell Phil?
"It seems that you look better than before...had a nice sleep?"
Not wishing to bother him, he nods.