Ivory - xxxviii ; I'm Not Angry Anymore
Created: 12.27.22
Finished: 12.28.22
Edited: 01.27.23 / 01.29.23
Published: 01.29.23
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Trigger Warning: no tw much..this is a chill chapter..its just the ending sso, maybe a bit dull huhuhu
Word Count: 2079..still cant put it on the second part cuz it'll make them all 4612 worth of words so nah-
A/N: There's gonna be 2 days of test and it starts tomorrow, oh boy..Once more I have failed to be in the honour's list, and nothing makes me more disappointed. Am not smart. Shouldn't say so much things people hardly give shite about. Anygay, uhh this concludes the daily uploadXD Back to your usual schedule of weekly uploads hahha..am sorry; w;
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"I'll be leaving."
"At this time of night?"
Niki nods, keeping her stiff smile.
After dinner, the pyromaniac has packed up her things and is ready to leave for tonight. It wasn't planned, but after what she experienced, she'd rather not stay any much longer.
If what Wilbur said was true, then something is indeed odd about Tommy. Other than his behaviour, his personality..and everything, it is no longer something that Niki recognises.
His name may be Tommy, but this boy acts nothing like him. She loathes Tommy, this one right in front of her.. scares her,
"I don't recommend that, Niki..It's risky to travel at night. Even I forbid Techno-"
"Although I can most likely handle myself-"
"And most likely, your complacency would eventually eat you alive." Phil stares back at Niki, "You can sleep with Wilbur in the den. I'll watch the whole cabin for the night.
Niki frowns, clutching her belongings tighter, "Surely I won't be a bother of what you guys are doing?"
The avian chuckles, taking away Niki's things, "You were never a bother, Niki..quite the opposite."
Niki beams, warmly..those words help her,
"You take the couch, Niki. I don't mind the floor." Wilbur speaks up and proceeds to run towards the den to organise the beddings,
"Oh no no no no- I'm taking the floor- No-!"
Phil cackles at the sight of two people arguing on which spot they should take.
Techno notices that Tommy has refrained from doing anything. Either that was intentional, or his staring spells, along with some of his symptoms haven't fully gone away, "Sure you'll be alright sleeping alone out there?"
Tommy didn't respond, and so Techno sighs and makes Tommy lean closer to him, petting his hair, "So much for a day being here..hopefully this would get better by the morning.."
His voice resonates within Tommy's cold body..slowly slipping him back to reality. Tommy rubs his eyes, sleepily and looks up at Techno in question.
Soon the other notices that he's responding once more, "Hey, kid. Can you hear me?"
Tommy nods a bit, rubbing his eyes again, "You're obviously sleepy. Get your ass to the enderboy's house already."
Tommy tries to look like he's glaring the best he could, and slowly crosses his arms.
Techno could only snicker..then picks him up easily, "You could barely fight me off even if you were fully moving, so you best give up."
...
And so he did.
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Tick.
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Tock.
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Tick.
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Tock.
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Tommy eyes the clock with boredom.
Hours passed and he still couldn't sleep.
He must feel homesick. That's probably the reason.
Ranboo's house is cosy, at the same time, it has solitude.
Tommy can't help but to feel lonely, no matter how much he wraps himself on pillows or blankets.
He's all alone..He forces his eyes to close, but he knows well that wouldn't work.
He can't sleep.
He can't sleep.
He can't sleep.
"Tommy?" He opens his eyes, hearing a voice outside.
Wondering who it was, he gets up lazily and checks out. It appears to be Niki, no one in the server he recognises having pink hair besides Techno.
Tommy tilts his head as if to question why she's here, thankfully Niki understands the gesture,
"I can't..I can't sleep. May I come in?" Tommy stays in his place for a moment before opening the door.
It's not like she can't trust Niki, it's just the fact he's aware that he hurt her. He doesn't recall how, but there must be a reason why she seems fearful of him right?
"Thank you, Tommy."
...
Why is it always snowing?
He ponders when it'll ever stop, he ponders when this will stop.
He didn't expect Niki would be sleeping with him at this time of night.
Most likely she'll be off by the time it's morning, and he hasn't formed a good connection with her as much as thought he could.
There's something in her that he couldn't relate to, and after her flashback, he now knew why.
She probably doesn't even know why she saw that.
He doubts anyone does,
"Are you alright?" Tommy raises his head and gazes upon Niki who has been staring back at him.
She looks worn out, at the same time, she looks like she can't take a breather and rest either..like him.
He nods to answer her question, tightening his grip on the blankets, "Sorry about what I said earlier. I didn't mean that to happen. I shouldn't have lashed off like that,"
Tommy shrugs in saying that 'it's fine' or 'it's cool. doesn't matter.' but it's better off that he'll write what he thinks, at the same time, it's pretty draining,
"Did..Did you know what happened earlier?" Tommy tilts his head, "It was here..I was mad and you passed out, then you started to shake pretty badly it made me panic..Then you held my wrist and felt-"
Her hand reaches her throat, trying to forget what she felt, "I don't know what happened..I was..I was hoping you know."
It takes a while, but Tommy nods, "You know..you know what happened to me?"
He nods again and that brightens Niki's mood, "So can you tell me what happened? Why did I experience that?"
Getting up, Tommy looks for a paper and pen and soon he sits down and starts to write. He doesn't want to write so many words, and it gets tiring to write for a long while.
Once he's done, he rips the paper and gives it to her.
What he wrote brought frost in her blood, as she could only hear nothing but her still heartbeat.
You haven't died yet.
What the hell is that even supposed to mean??? "I don't..get what you mean-" She anxiously replies, and Tommy gets close to her just to pat her head.
His touch is cold, almost like a corpse..probably dead honestly. He continues to write more and gives Niki the papers..the more she reads them, the more she grows confused.
Can't see any memoris of you.
You not dead before.
No conections.
I'm sorry.
Im suposed to be the one who feel it.
Not you.
Niki shakes her head, "No, Tommy..don't apologise..It's alright."
Silence,
"So..that was you..it was..your memory?"
Tommy numbly nods, clutching his fingers together,
"So you were..burnt..got your throat slit..and your stomach stabbed multiple times."
Tommy nods once more,
"Those were one of those things that he..Dream..did to you?"
His name is like a censored word, and for some reason it barely affects Tommy. Still, he nods and tries to readjusts himself to sleep,
"I'm..sorry..I'm sorry Tommy..I wished for bad things to happen to you..and when you did, here you see I am regretting. Gods I'm such a mess up. I'm becoming like him.."
Tommy wishes to say something, anything to comfort her yet, he can't..and so he stays silent.
The two can see the snow falling on the ground from the nearby windowsill. The house keeping them warm, but he can never sleep.
How could he ever sleep?
He's not home.
He doesn't find anything comfortable.
Not even being with her makes him feel safe.
He misses him.
He misses his friends.
He misses everyone.
He misses everyone together.
When was the last time everyone was practically together?
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.
.
"..Die Stühle liegen sehr eng..Wir reden die ganze Nacht lang..Dieser niedrige Raum ist nicht schlecht..Wir können uns gut verstehen.."
He's not aware of this language, but it certainly fits Niki's tongue.
How much it slides off from one word to the other, it's definitely soothing.
"..So ist es immer, unser Licht ist nur das..Trinken und singen wir, begrüßen morgen..So ist es immer, unterm riesigen Himmel..Leben wir zusammen..die Nacht ist lang.."
His body begins to drift off, his eyes dropping.
He hasn't realised how much a song can just make him pass out. He isn't sure that she's singing for him or for herself.
But for whatever reason as to why she is, he is thankful.
"..Da die Sterne nicht leuchten..Kann der Mond auf diese Stadt nicht scheinen..Schauten wir das Licht selbst an..Singen wir unter dem Sternenmeer.."
Niki yawns and sees Tommy's asleep, his body heaving and lowering slowly, in sync with his heartbeat
That made her laugh, and blew off the lantern's flame, letting the whole house darken..as the two fell to slumber, with unblissful dreams.
.
.
.
.
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.
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.
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.
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.
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"Wil, if you don't mind, can you play this for me?" Tommy feels warm, it takes a second for him to realise that he's close to a campfire.
Its flames tend to disperse like wisps, might as well flutter close to him.
There are men sitting close to him by the logs; some are unfamiliar, some do, "Are you alright, bigman? You're zoning out over there."
Tommy looks at his side, and sees what appears to be Tubbo.
Huh..he looks so young, his face doesn't appear to have any scars yet. His eyes remain bright blue, and his smile is wide..it's..he misses it,
"Please, Wilbur..I don't think the chords are that hard-"
Tommy looks at his front, and notices her.
Niki..her hair is different, she can see her blonde and two locks of brown hair..she probably dyed that too.
She's with a tall man with brown hair and chocolate eyes, he doesn't have that white streak yet..Wilbur.
Other than that, he doesn't recognise the bald guy who has too many shots of alcohol, his eyes covered with red and blue glasses.
The other one appears to be an anthropomorphic fox, with his tail brushing against the log, laughing closely yet avoiding alcohol,
"What on earth are these lyrics, you swear you are British?" Wilbur jokes at her while adjusting his guitar, familiarising the chords given,
"I am British I swear..If you want, I'll just play the English version- It's really good-"
Niki presses as Wilbur chuckles at her desperation,
"I am only teasing you, Niki. I can always play my guitar for you if you ever want to sing."
here he picks and strums the guitar, creating a beautiful impromptu showing off his musical skill.
That made Niki anxious and almost attempting to back out, but Wilbur nudges her to start,
"Erm..Chairs so close and room so small..You and I talk all the night long..Meagre this space but serves us so well..We comrades have stories to tell."
The others stop talking and have started to listen to her.
Even Tommy listens, although he is aware that this isn't real, but a dream..well, more like a memory.
A happy one.
"And it's always like that in the evening time..We drink and we sing when our fighting is done..And it's always so we live under the burnt clouds..Ease our burden, long is the night~"
Wilbur smiles at her, trying to match her energy. As he strums and plucks the strings, Niki grows more confident,
"Da die Sterne nicht leuchten..We are stars and we'll beam on our town..Schauten wir das Licht selbst an..Sing with hope and the fear will be gone~"
Clapping soon ensues as Niki blushes, realising that she has used her native tongue on some of the lyrics,
"I am sorry- Wilbur- I didn't mean-"
"What are you apologising for- that was great! You sing lovely, Niki." Her cheeks redden more at the compliment, and smiles at him, "Danke schön, Wilbur.."
"A toast!" The man with glasses, standing up on the log,
"Jack get down you might-" The fox tries to tone the man that seems to be named Jack down,
"Oh go fuck yourself, Fundy- A toast everyone a toast!" His deep accent is showing the more he drinks, as the other that is named Fundy ends up cackling and brings up his shot.
The rest raises their shots as well,
"Tommy, here." Tubbo hands Tommy a glass, as the other takes it reluctantly, "Don't worry, we don't have to drink it." He assures his friend.
Even to this day, Tubbo never stopped caring about him.
He misses him,
"A toast to our glorious, rising country- L'manbu-"
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He forgot that this was only a dream.
Quite frankly, something tells him that he doesn't want to wake up.
...
Where has the time gone?