Tw: thoughts of self harm and self harm
Charlie's POV
Last night was amazing and so thoughtful of Nick but still what Ben said lingers in the back of my head, I'm getting better at least I was but I'm eating better but the urge to self harm still stays no matter what happened. Even so that when I even just have scissors in my hand when cutting paper for work, that intrusive thought is still there and it's starting to affect me.
Nicks still on a high from last night but I don't know if this is the right time to tell him.
"Hey Nick" I whisper.
"Yeah, what's up" Nick says knowing that when I whisper somethings wrong.
He grabs my hands and says. "It's okay you can tell me every if it's about last night"
"It's not it's just" I start.
Nick smiles nodding to say that he is listening.
"Well I feel like my ED has been getting worse and to be honest everything's getting worse and I'm sorry but I was worrying the whole time last night, I loved it but it just I don't know"
"Hey that's okay" Nick assures me. "It's okay to feel that way"
"Yeah your right"
"But you have to tell me if your anxious ok I can't help you if you don't tell me"
"Hey it's okay I'm not mad but I do need to go to work today they said it was an emergency will you be okay here or do you want me to stay home.
"Okay" I frown.
I get up when, Nick grabs my arm.
"What are you doing?" I ask.
"This" he says.
He pulls me in towards him and starts to kiss me, obviously I joined in the kiss but for some reason it felt different this time. He pulls my waist in as we kiss, me on my tippy toes kissing the love of my life that for some reason seems weird.
"Ok I've got go" Nick says.
"Ok bye hunny" I wave.
"Bye." He says.
He leaves and my mind spins around for a few seconds before it stops and lands on the thought of the knife cabinet? No, no I'm getting better no. But this voice tells me that's I'm getting worse.
"I'm getting better"
"No you aren't, he's probably leaving you"
"NO" I scream trying to shut the voice out of my head but it keeps coming back.
"Cut, cut, cut cut cut cut cut cut cut. He's leaving you anyways" the voice eggs me on.
I get up and stumble towards the kitchen. I open the kitchen cabinet and grab the sharpest knife and with a tiny bit of force I glide it across my wrist. Blood flows from my arm, again and again I glide the knife across my arm until many cuts are visible. Shit. I've got to call someone not Nick but someone. I pull my phone out of my pocket and go to messages, Nick, Harry. I dial Harry.
"Hey" He says.
"Help, help please" I plead.
"Charlie what's wrong!" Harry says worried. "I'm coming now, but, oh well I'm coming now!"
"Ok, please I'm scared." I say.
"Okay stay on with me" He says.
"Okay" I say.
But it's to hard I feel my eyes shut as I hit the cold hard floor of our home that before felt cozy.
I wake up to Harry screaming. "CHARLIE WAKE UP PLEASE".
I open my eyes to see Elle, Tao, Aled and Harry standing over me.
"Hey it's okay they think you fainted" Harry whispers.
"Guys I'm fine, don't say you called Nick"
"No we didn't, he's at the jail isn't he" Elle.
"WHOS HE SEEING!" I scream.
"Charlie calm down it's okay" Harry says.
"NO IF HES SEEING BEN I SWEAR TO GOD"
"Charlie" Elle says.
"What Elle" I say.
"He isn't seeing Ben he's seeing David" Tao says.
"Leave, leave, LEAVE" I scream. "Except Harry"
"Everyone out" Elle says.
"Harry?" I ask.
"Yeah"
"Call Nick please and when he gets here and you guys leave please tell them I'm sorry"
"They understand Charlie but I will tell them you said that" Harry smiles.
"Thanks Harry" I say.
"Anything for you" He smiles.
"Hey Nick" He says. "I'll put Charlie on for you"
"Hey Char" Nick says.
"I'm sorry, I should've asked for you to stay home"
"What happened?" Nick asks.
"I relapsed"
"Oh Baby" Nick says sympathetically. "I'm coming now"
"Ok" I wince as Harry wraps the bandages around my arm.
As we wait and Harry continues to our plasters around my wrist. It takes about fifteen to twenty minutes for Nick to get here but when he does he barges through the door.
"Char what happened?"
"I'm sorry this voice, the voice I hate it" I say frustratedly.
"What voice?" Nick says. "Take your time"
"This voice telling me whats wrong it's me but it told me to do it and I'd get better just like my ED"
"Ok let's get you to bed so you can get some rest" he says running his fingers through my hair.
He picks me up bridal style and carries me to our bedroom. "Get some sleep okay?"
"Okay I'll try"
"I'll come in and join you with some water soon"
"Okay" I say.
He leaves the room, instantly I start to drift off and fall asleep. Why did I have to be like this. I don't know why I am like this maybe I shouldn't be here anymore then Nick can date someone else. Maybe he'd be happier.
I hear people talking as I fall asleep but I couldn't be bothered snooping so I fall asleep scared to death of what Nick will say when I wake up.
Nick POV:
Charlie's getting rapidly worse he told me he
Is getting worse and I left! I really am the worst boyfriend.
"Hey guys Charlie's alright I'm sorry if he yelled or anything" I say.
"We sorta told him we're you we're accidentally" Elle
says.
"That's okay but thank you for helping him I can't thank you enough" I smile.
They leave soon after and I start to clean up the kitchen. After I'm done I go into our bedroom and get into bed with Charlie and start to fall asleep scared to death of what he's gonna say when we wake up.
Authors Note:
Hi everyone! Thank you for everyone who has been reading the story continuously I really appreciate it but on the contrary we hit 100 reads! I hope you enjoyed this chapter I've always wanted to implement myself and I have done that but with Charlie I wanted to show the battles in his head as if they were with a person. Thank you everyone for ready have an amazing day/night.