Despite just how perfect everything was, I could feel the hesitance of going back home. Like when we were out, when we were alone, everything was great. Because it was just the two of us. But I could tell, even if he wouldn't admit it, he was still worried about what would happen if Jake and I were around each other again.
And I knew I was to blame.
What happened on Thanksgiving, never should've happened. But I got scared. And I did what I always did.
I ran back to where I was comfortable, even if it was wrong. But now.. I knew what I needed. And it was him. Even if it was scary.
Because sometimes, the scariest things were the most important. Because they meant something.
They meant.. everything.
I reached over for his hand, intertwining our fingers, keeping my eyes locked on him as he drove. He glowed so beautifully in the passing street lights, each time giving me a flash of that subtle grin he tried so hard to keep hidden, but it always managed to escape from those perfectly pink lips that I wanted nothing more than to kiss again. And again. And again.
For the rest of my life.
I could sense the tension building as he pulled into the driveway, staying quiet as he turned off the car, eventually turning to me.
"So.. everything is good now, but-"
"And it always will be." I said, leaning in, gently kissing his cheek. He smiled back at me, eventually nodding and getting out of the car, coming around to my side and opening the door for me.
I reached up for him, grabbing his jacket and pulling him into a kiss until I felt him smile again. He reached over, gently caressing my cheek before finally moving away, motioning inside. I took his hand as I got out of the car, eventually grabbing onto his arm as he guided us up the driveway and back into the house.
When the door opened, we were hit with the strong smell of chocolate chip cookies and cinnamon candles, so it was nice to know that Sam hadn't forgotten them in the oven, and it wasn't long before he popped his head into the hallway, flashing us an excited grin.
"There they are!" He called out, obviously already drunk. I shook my head, trying my best to contain my grin and hide my blushing face, despite just how much I loved being looped in with him now.
"We're all in the living room if you want to hang!" He said, disappearing again. I peeked up at Josh as I felt his grip get tighter around my hand.
"What do you want to do?" I whispered. He shrugged, biting down on his lip.
"I.. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." He muttered. I shook my head, leaning up, gently kissing his cheek.
"I'm okay." I assured him, leaning my head on his shoulder. He nodded and eventually reluctantly lead us down the hallway and into the living room. As we made our way in, I saw Jake's head instantly perk up from around the tree. The rest of them had taken it upon themselves to finish decorating.
It was absolutely beautiful.
"You guys did a great job." I said, following Josh as he lead us over to the couch, sitting down closely. I tried my best to avoid his eyes, but I could feel Jake glaring a hole through me the entire time.
"Thanks!" Sam chined in. "They can't reach the top like I can so I always get to put the star up." He laughed, playfully nudging Jake. He quickly shot him a look, instantly bringing his attention back to hanging up ornaments. Sam rolled his eyes, smirking back over at me, eventually motioning out towards the kitchen.
"You want a drink?" He asked. I peeked up at Josh who nodded, insisting I follow him.
"You want anything." I whispered, leaning in close. He shook his head, leaning in closer, but stopped himself, suddenly aware of everyone who was looking over at us.
And that was the difference between them.
Jake wouldn't have cared who was watching.
I got up, following Sam down the hall as he made his way over to the counter, grabbing another glass from their cabinet and filling it up.
"Woah." I laughed, reaching over for it.
"Oh, relax." He groaned. "It's the holidays. Lighten up. Here." He handed me a full glass of who knows what. I hesitated for a moment, holding it up to my nose before taking a sip. He playfully rolled is eyes.
"Just drink it, Jaime. It's good. You'll be fine."
"Alright, alright.." I sighed, finally taking a sip, wincing as the warm cinnamon burned all the way down. His smile grew as he noticed my reaction.
"You'll get used to it. Come on." He said, heading for the back door.
"Where are you going?" I laughed, but still followed.
"We should.. give that room a break." He sighed.
"Sam, it's freezing out."
"Then grab my jacket, it's on the back of the chair." I hesitated for a moment, watching him as he made his way outside, eventually grabbing his jacket and wrapping it around me, following him towards the already blazing fire pit.
"So.. did you guys have a good night?" He asked, smirking over at me from over his glass. I nodded, feeling my cheeks burn as I moved in closer to the fire.
"Yes." I sighed. He nodded.
"Good. You deserve it."
We were quiet again for a moment, just taking in the crackling of the fire as the cinnamon drink he concocted for me started to go down easier and easier, already making my head start to spin.
"So.. are you two, like.. together again?" He pried. I bit down on my lip, eventually shaking my head.
"Not yet. But.. I feel like we will be soon. How have things been.. here tonight?" I asked. He shrugged, giggling to himself.
"As bad as you'd imagine." He muttered. My stomach dropped.
"Is he okay?"
"He will be." He sighed. "Don't worry." I nodded, bringing my attention back to the fire, so mesmerizing, the vibrant oranges and reds gleaming under the slowly deteriorating logs.
"I really do care about him." I muttered. "I just-"
"I know. And it's okay. You don't have to explain it to me." He said simply, flashing me a gentle smile as he playfully nudged me. I peeked up at him, his face flushed a rosy pink from one too many drinks. I leaned my head on his shoulder, keeping my eyes locked on the fire.
"And I really appreciate you, you know." I said. "For everything, for just.. being here. For being such a good friend."
"Of course, Jaime."
"And thank you for never getting involved in any of this too." I laughed, needing to make a joke out of it before I started crying. I don't know what he put in this drink, but it was dangerous.
"Well, I will admit, back in the day, I might've had a.. tiny crush on you. Very small." He giggled. I felt my face get hot as I looked back up at him, my smile growing.
"You did?" I laughed. He nodded, playfully rolling his eyes.
"Yeah, yeah, but it went away, don't worry."
"Aw, Sam.." I taunted, playfully nudging him.
"Oh, stop, it's normal." He laughed, wrapping his arm around me, pulling me in closer. "You were around all the time."
"It's still cute." I sighed. "But, no offense.. I think you're a little too young for me." He pulled me in closer, playfully messing up my hair.
"Oh my god, okay, I'm never telling you anything ever again." He laughed.
"No, I'm sorry." I said, finally managing to get out of his grip. "It's sweet."
"Yeah, yeah, sweet. Well, you don't have to think about it anymore, don't worry."
"I wasn't worried." I said softly, bringing my attention back to the fire, but I could see him peeking over at me from the corner of my eyes. "So.. what made you change your mind?"
"We're not having this discussion." He smirked, shaking his head.
"Come on, you can't just tell me something like that and then not talk about it!"
"Yes, I can. And I will."
"Fine." I sighed, taking another big sip of my drink.
"I guess it was easy to, since you were always with Josh." He finally admitted. "And.. well, seeing you two, it's not like I could compete with him, so.. I guess I just had to." I couldn't help but smile, feeling my cheeks burn. He noticed as he peeked over at me, groaning again.
"Shut up." He muttered, trying to contain his grin and now blushing face. "But it doesn't even matter now so we can drop it, okay?" I nodded.
"Your secret is safe with me." I giggled, leaning my head back onto his shoulder.
"Thank you." He said softly. "And the last thing I want is the two of them having a problem with me next."
"They won't hear it from me. But a few more of those and you might slip up and tell them yourself." I heard him laugh, shaking his head.
"Speaking of.. you're running low." He said, now trying his best to change the subject. He reached out for my glass, taking it from my hand and started heading back inside.