The next few days went by in a blur. For the most part, I kept to myself, wanting to make sure that my portfolio was as perfect as it could be, as I'm sure did Josh, which was why we hadn't really spoken much since that night in my backyard.
And it only made me realize just how much I missed him when I didn't.
But then it was finally time.
Jaime: your place or mine?
Josh: I'll be over in a minute :)
I stood eagerly at my front door, waiting to hear the loud creak of his as it slammed against his house when he made his way out. Backpack in hand, he flashed me an earnest grin as he quickly came inside, shaking from the frigid chill in the air.
"Are you nervous?" He asked. I nodded, reaching out for his hand and leading us upstairs and into my bedroom. He kicked off his shoes, hanging his coat on the back of my door as I climbed into bed, sitting back behind my computer.
"So, it seems pretty straightforward.." I said, scanning over the page again. "All we have to do is upload the files and then hit submit." He climbed into my bed next to me, pulling his laptop out from his bag, cuddling in closer, letting his leg brush up against mine. I tried my best to hide my flustered grin.
"Crazy to think that this is all they have to base us off of.." He muttered, scrolling through. But he was right. How could they ever truly know us based on "3-6 pieces of your best demonstrated work?"
"This could change everything." I said, peeking up at him. He nodded, giving me a reassuring smile.
"But that's what we want, right?" He asked. I nodded, leaning my head on his shoulder as I finished uploading my pieces, and then watched as his continued to load.
"Are you happy with it?" I asked. It was killing me that I still hadn't seen it, but I knew he would show me once he was ready. Or at least I hoped. I felt him nod.
"I think it's the best I've ever made." He said softly, but I could hear the confidence in his voice. I smiled back up at him.
"Good."
"How about you?" He asked. I shrugged, giggling to myself.
"I guess we'll have to see."
"But are you happy with it?" I eventually nodded.
"Yeah."
"Good."
Once they were uploaded, we sat there for a moment, just staring at the submit button.
"Josh, what if.. only one of us get's in?" I asked, despite not wanting to think about it.
"Well, then we'll all miss you when you leave." He giggled. I shook my head, playfully shoving him. He crawled back over, cuddling closer to me. I hoped he couldn't feel how fast my heart was beating.
"I don't think that'll happen, Jaime." He said. I loved his optimism.
"But what if it does?"
"Then.. we'll figure it out from there. But until then.. we can live in whatever possibility we want."
I hated the idea of him leaving me again, but I was so excited about the chance for him to finally live out his dream. They had been focused on the band for years, and sure, he loved it, but.. this was him dream. And I wanted that for him more than anything.
"Ready?" I asked. He nodded, smirking back down at me.
"Ready."
"Good luck."
"Good luck." He said, reaching over, gently grabbing onto my hand. I bit down on my lip, trying to contain my grin as we both hit "Submit."
"And now we wait."
A Few Days Later
Each day that went by felt like a lifetime. They didn't tell us exactly when we'd hear back from them, so every day we both dreaded that walk to the mailbox.
But still nothing.
And as Christmas got closer and closer, I couldn't help but think about what Jake had said about it being the worst Christmas gift ever if we found out we didn't get in. I think at that point I'd leave the letter unopened until after New Year's.
Josh: we're decorating the tree if you want to come over and help :)
Jaime: who's we?
Jake and I hadn't spoken in days, and I knew it was for the best. The more time we spent apart, the more I could separate myself from him, in every sense of the word. And I knew the day was going to come when he brought another new girl home, and I had to make sure I was healed enough by then.
And so far, it seemed like it was working.
Josh: just me and mom :)
Jaime: I'll be right there <3
Josh: <33
Before heading over, I popped my head back into Mom's room to see she was sleeping, Aunt Dianne sitting up next to her, quickly placing her finger over her lips.
"I'll be next door." I whispered. She nodded, flashing me a smile, motioning me away.
Quickly making my way over, I barely knocked on the door before it swung open, Josh standing in the doorway flashing me an excited grin. I couldn't help but smile, giggling to myself as I looked him up and down.
"What, you don't like them?" He asked, spinning around to show off his Christmas-themed pajamas.
"Oh, I love them." I said. "I just feel underdressed now." He smirked back at me.
"Funny you should mention that.." He said, taking my hand and leading me inside toward their bare tree. Underneath I saw a single gift box, wrapped in green, tied with a red bow. He playfully nudged me toward it.
"That's.. for me?" I asked. He nodded, his smile growing.
"Open it." He insisted.
"But it's not-"
"Just open it, Jaime." He laughed, gently grabbing onto my hips and leading me over. I leaned back against him as he wrapped his arms around me, bringing us over where we sat down next to the tree. He reached over for the box, placing it in my lap.
"I'm pretty sure we're not supposed to open anything before-"
"Oh, stop it." He laughed. "It's not your real present. It's just fun." My heart jumped. So there was more?
I pulled open the ribbon, carefully unwrapping the box, and tossed the lid to the side to see he had gotten me Christmas pajamas to match his. Sometimes I couldn't believe just how adorable he could be.
"Go put them on." He said, his smile growing. I didn't hesitate to grab the box and bring it into the bathroom where I quickly got changed, admiring myself in the mirror.
Our first set of matching pajamas.
We hadn't really talked much about what we were these days, but whatever it was, I just knew that I liked it.
When I went back out, he had already unboxed all of the ornaments and had started stringing the lights around the tree. I waited for a moment, just watching him, loving the idea that one day we would be doing this in our own home, and maybe one day, much further down the line, we'd have to buy a much smaller pair of pajamas to match ours.
Finally, he noticed me in the doorway, stopping to flash me a toothy grin.
"Oh, they look great." He laughed, climbing down off of the ladder and coming over to me, pulling me into a tight hug, kissing the top of my head.
"Thank you." I said, peeking back up at him.
And then I felt my body get hot as I saw a familiar decoration dangling in the doorway; the bright red berries hanging from the dark green leaves, tied together with a festive crimson bow. I had spent one too many nights every December, lingering underneath it, just hoping to be caught by the right person, but it never happened.
Not until now.
He looked up to see what caught my attention, timidly turning back to me with his cheeks burning red, matching the blushing berries above.
"Well.. would you look at that.." He giggled nervously, unsure as to how I would take it. But little did he know, I had been waiting for a sign to finally jump again.
And this was it.
Before he could say anything else, I reached up, grabbing onto his shirt and pulled him into a passionate kiss. It felt like my heart was going to combust as he reached up, caressing face and kissing me back harder until his lips curled into a smile, leaning his forehead against mine when he couldn't control his giddy laughter any longer. It was contagious.
What I would give to hear that laughter for the rest of my life, but for now, his kisses would have to be enough.