Josh's P.O.V
Peeking out through the kitchen window, I couldn't help but wonder what Jaime and Sam could be talking about for so long. What could she be telling him that she couldn't tell me?
"So, what's really the deal with you and her?" I heard from behind me. I turned around, leaning back up against the counter to see Kim standing there, smirking up at me from over her drink. I felt my face get hot, trying my best to hold in my nervous grin.
"We're.. we're just friends." I said, avoiding her eyes. I could tell she didn't believe me.
"How come?" She asked. I shrugged, turning around to look back outside, taking another sip of my drink. I had lost count of how many I had had by now, just wanting her to come back inside.
"Do you want to be?" I nodded.
"So.. what's the hold up? You two are adorable." I smirked back at her, playfully rolling my eyes.
"I don't know, I just.. I want it to be right."
"Well.. it seems pretty right to me." She sighed, finishing the last of her drink before heading back into the living room with the rest of the party.
By now, I could see Sam and Jaime starting to head in, laughing amongst each other as she tightly crossed her arms across her chest, no doubt probably freezing having been out there for so long in only that. I tried to make out what they were saying as I heard the back door open, but they were pretty quick to stop talking once they got back inside.
I nonchalantly made my way over, trying my best to make it seem like a coincidence that we would now be here at the same time, though any time we were ever together was far from a coincidence.
"Hey, you two talking about me?" I joked, wrapping my arm around her, despite how badly I wanted to know if they really were. She shook her head, smiling back up at me. My heart instantly jumped as her eyes met mine, never failing to make me feel like the only one in the room when she looked at me like that.
"Hey, you wanna.." Sam said, motioning over to me towards the other room.
"Oh, um.. sure. Yeah." I said, leaning down, gently kissing her cheek. "Here, let me fill you up fist." I said, grabbing her glass, finishing up what was left of the red wine.
"Sorry, I'll have to grab you some more from the garage." I laughed. She smirked back at me as she took a sip, making my heart beat faster. I quickly shook it off before following Sam into the other room.
"What's going on?" I finally asked. I could tell he was purposely pulling me out of earshot. From who exactly, I wasn't sure. I just knew that whatever he wanted to talk about, was clearly meant for me only.
He hesitated for a moment before sitting down at one of the seats at the table. I sat across from him at the head, looking out into the kitchen where I could see Jake slowly making his way over to where Jaime still stood.
He had never once cared about playing with our little cousins, of course, not until Jaime was around. But he wasn't stupid. He knew girls went insane for a guy that was good with a baby. But the way she looked at him..
The way she looked at him..
It absolutely destroyed me.
He bounced his way over, playfully grabbing one of Evalyn's hands and waving it at her, to which she responded with such loving eyes, flashing them both a toothy grin, mimicking her enthusiastic laughter. It was almost impossible not to picture them with their own family together, showing up to parties with car seats and strollers of their own.
And he looked.. so happy.
The only time I had ever seen him that happy was when he was on stage. And I didn't think I'd ever see the day when something made him happier than that. But in this moment, he was looking at her like she was everything, and for the first time, I genuinely believed that to him, she was.
And then, I knew that the only thing that was in the way of them both being truly happy together.. was me.
"She loves him." I finally whispered. He stayed quiet for a moment, holding his stare on me before eventually nodding.
"She does." He sighed. "But she loves you too."
"But it's not the same."
I turned back to look at them, her hand now gently on his waist, holding him close as they gushed over Evalyn together, her gently pinching her cheek as Jake carefully fixed her hair. Her eyes slowly scanning his face with such an intoxicated, lustful gaze, it was enough to make anyone in the room jealous of such a love that was so secluded to their own little world, and how badly I wanted to live in it with her, but that world was behind a locked door to which only he had the key, while the rest of us were left banging at its hinges until our knuckles bled. It was almost enough to make you cry, seeing two people fit so perfectly together, knowing that you were the wedge between them that kept them from being whole once again.
All I've ever wanted was for her to be happy.
So.. I knew what I had to do.
As much as I didn't want to.
As I got up from the table, she instantly moved away from him, as if by habit, from the sound of my chair loudly scratching against the floor, her eyes nervously darting over to me as I got closer, eventually taking her hand and leading her out of the kitchen and up stairs into my room, shutting the door behind us.
She stayed quiet, taking her time to mosey over to my bed, cautiously sitting down on the edge of it. I could tell, not wanting to appear too comfortable, cautious of giving me the wrong impression of what we'd be doing in here.
I knew nothing would be happening in here tonight.
I went over, sitting down close to her as she looked up at me with tired, bloodshot eyes, her cheeks tinted pink to match her wine stained lips that I so badly wanted to taste, just one more time.
"What's going on?" She finally asked, her eyes getting more nervous the longer I stayed quiet. This wasn't fair to her, I knew how she got. But it wasn't about that, I just wanted to live within this moment of us being together again was actually a possibility, because I knew once she left this room, it would be for the last time.
"Jaime, I.. I don't think we should do this again." I finally managed. The words tasted bitter on my tongue. Because they were lies. I wanted nothing more than to do this again with her, and to finally do it right, but that's not what she wanted, despite just how badly she tried to convince herself it was.. I could see the truth. We all could.
Even if she couldn't.
"W-what do you mean?" She asked, her face dropping. She reached over for my hand, making my heart start to beat faster.
"I mean.. I'm.. I'm letting you go." I sighed. She stayed quiet, holding her stare on me as she carefully pulled her hand away.
"I want you to be happy, Jaime, so.. please go be happy."
Deep down, I wanted her to stop me. I wanted her to tell me that she was happy, that I was making a mistake, that I was reading this wrong. I wanted her to tell me that she was ready for us to start over and do this the way we were always meant to.
But she didn't.
"Okay." She finally whispered, nodding as she pushed herself up from the bed. She lingered in the doorway for a moment, and I could see tears already starting to come to her eyes, but she was quick to wipe them away.
"I do love you." She sighed. I nodded, forcing a smile as I felt tears start to come to my eyes too.
"I know." I said softly. "I love you too." She nodded, smiling back at me before heading back downstairs.