*Song rec - Forever
by Lewis Capaldi*
After dinner, we didn't part ways with the others like we would usually do.
Before it ended, Changbin and Felix offered for us to all go over and look at the house they just bought. I had heard briefly about it while I was working with Changbin but I never had the chance to go look at it.
Minho laced his fingers with mine as we walk up to the door. His eyes looked over the large house, it was big but not huge. It was a family house, enough for three.
I force myself to look away from Minho's excited gaze. Walking in with Changbin and Felix, Chan followed behind.
I look around and swallow harshly. I expected this but still I was surprised to be greeted with warmth. It was inviting and it could be because all the lights weren't too bright but had a warm tone to them. Or it could be because it wasn't plain like the apartment. The furniture wasn't all white along with the walls, there was the color. There were personality and memories.
"It's beautiful in here, I'm so happy for y'all," Minho says.
I noticed Changbin's eyes on me and I look away quickly, walking to the wall that hung a lot of pictures. My eyes looked over them, my eyes freezing on one particular one.
"You look happy there" I turn my head to see Felix.
I look back to the others and Changbin was showing Minho around. I look back to Felix and nod "I was... kinda"
Felix frowns, looking back at the photo. It was Changbin, Felix, Hyunjin, and me. It was one of the few times we went out together before Minho showed up when the club started getting more attention and they all wanted to celebrate it.
"I know what's gonna happen" Felix looks back at me.
"Let me guess, Changbin asked you to try and talk me down"
Felix shook his head "No" He said simply. "But I won't lie and say that I ain't talking to you right now for Changbin's sake. And Minho's"
I inhale sharply "Why do you think I'm doing it? For myself?"
"No, shit, sorry, I didn't mean to make it sound like that" Felix apologizes "Look, we all care about you Jisung. What if it goes wrong? Don't you understand how hard they will take it?"
I look back at them and they laughed about something Chan had said. "I can't think that way" I mumble.
"It's something you have to think about" I shook my head and looked back at him.
"Can I ask you for something?" I said.
Felix hesitates before nodding "Of course"
-
"You should have seen her face, it was hilarious," Chan says loudly.
I pull my phone out of my pocket and look down at it. I swallow harshly, I turn to Minho. "Come with me"
Minho looks at me curiously and nods, I stand up and grab his hand. We walk down the hall and out the back door. Minho's eyes look out to the fully lit backyard.
I turn to him and give him a small smile "I'm so happy for them" Minho says, looking at me.
"Yeah, me too. They deserve it"
Minho nods with a smile, agreeing.
I stare down at him, taking in all of him. My hand goes to his cheek as my thumb grazes over his soft cheek.
I lean down and plant my lips on his softly, making Minho grab onto my forearms. I pull away and place my forehead on Minho's.
Watching him open his eyes slowly. "I love you darling"
Minho smiles "I love you too baby"
I swallow harshly and pull away, keeping my hands on his cheeks "I need you to promise me something"
Minho chuckles "You ask for a lot of promises"
I smile and nod "True, I can't help it"
"Okay, tell me"
"Promise first"
Minho furrows his brows "Well, what if it's something I can't keep?"
I look at him for a second before saying "Just promise me"
Minho frowns "Fine, I promise. Now tell me"
I pull away and grab his hands in mine. "First, I want to tell you something but you can't interrupt me"
Minho's eyes grew more curious "O-Okay"
"All my life I've done shit for my benefit or just because I want to. I realize that when we were younger I took advantage of your love and maybe than I didn't admit it but I used you" Minho inhaled sharply and I let go of his hands, looking away to the night sky. "I did. I cared for you, so much but that didn't stop me from doing what I did every day before finally admitting that all I wanted was you"
I look at him and he stood there, listening as the words spill out of my mouth. "I was a coward. I loved you then but I couldn't say it. I don't blame you for leaving me then, I think you should have left me a long time ago" I give him a small sad smile, "I won't say that I don't deserve you because I know in your head you will say that I do and that everyone deserves love"
Minho chuckles and I smile at that "I love you Lee Minho, my darling, my love" I hesitate before saying "But, I have to go" I whisper.
I notice Minho's tense, "What?" His voice was low and breathy. My eyes flicker behind Minho and notice the other guys coming outside, making Minho turn his head to look at them.
He shifts to turn to look at us. "W-What are you talking about?" I stood quiet and he didn't do very much as he says "What the fuck are talking about?!"
I look down and close my eyes briefly, inhaling before opening them again and looking up at him. "Minho"
He shook his head, eyes already full of tears "Don't ask me, don't make me"
I walk up to him and take his tearful cheeks into my hands. "Promise me, darling, promise that you will be happy-promise you will take care of yourself"
Minho shook his head and grabbed onto my forehands harshly. "No please-please, Jisung"
"Darling," I said my sternly. "You already promised"
Minho pushes me off "Where are you going?"
I look at Changbin and he shook his head slightly, I knew I couldn't tell him. I knew he wouldn't let me leave if I did.
I look at Minho and all I could say was "I'm gonna fix everything"
Minho furrowed his brows and then it hit him. Looking at me and he froze, probably scared to think about it.
I walk to him again and embrace him, kissing his cheek and he pulls me in tighter.
"You have to let me go, darling" I whisper.
"I can't"
I pull him away and I step back, making him look at me with red eyes "I love you" I said watching Felix walk up to Minho and embrace him in a hug.
I briefly look at the guys before walking inside and the shut of the door closed out Minho's cries. I felt my heart break, again. This time it was my own doing.
I never wanted it to be like this. I saw myself with Minho for the rest of my life and the rest of his. I loved him, with all my heart.
I wasn't dumb, I knew there was a small chance I could walk out of this alive but there was also a huge chance that I won't.
I knew Moon was always a step ahead of me, I'll admit that. That's why I never told Changbin or Chan the address Jae gave me. That's why I only told them my plan.
I was to go alone, mostly because I didn't want them hurt. This was my war, my fight. They will hate me for this but later thank me.
I thank them. I thank them for always putting up with me. They were my rock when I was lost and young, I needed to do this for them.
For all of them.
*Song rec - Forever
by Lewis Capaldi*
I'm sorry, I love you
and happy thanksgiving <3