They didn't play that night, and an eerie silence filled the air as we packed up the van for the last time.
As we suspected, Liam didn't hesitate to get them kicked off the tour. Apparently it was much easier than we thought, especially considering he didn't even want them there in the first place. I never really understood how these things works, but I guessed it was easy to explain once Jake threw the first punch.
And I would never admit it, but part of me was relieved. I just wanted them to be home with me again, as selfish as it sounded, and after knowing how well Jake was taking the whole thing, it was much easier to feel this way.
Everyone made a point not to say anything to Jake, thinking that would only make things worse. But deep down I knew that all he really wanted was to be comforted just like everyone else. He lingered in the back, making sure everything was packed right, carefully placing his guitar in last.
"Hey.." I said, leaning up against the van as he slammed the doors shut. He forced a subtle smile, holding his stare on me for a moment.
"I'm okay." He finally sighed. "You don't have to worry about me."
"You know I'm always going to worry about you." I giggled. He nodded as his smile grew.
"Well, that's nice to hear. But.. I promise. I'm okay." I wasn't entirely convinced, but he never truly seemed happy out here to begin with. I knew there was better out there waiting for him. This wasn't the end.
"I'm sure whatever you get next will be better." I muttered. "I.. I don't know how this works, but-"
"Well, a lot is word of mouth and who you know so.. I don't see them speaking very highly of us."
"Well then I'll just tell everyone how great you are." I laughed. He smiled again, his cheeks burning red.
"Thank you, Jaime." He laughed. "I am excited to get to sleep in my own bed again though. I know we've spent our whole lives talking about getting out on the road, but.. it's crazy how quickly you can miss home."
"I can tell you, it wasn't the same without you."
"At least you noticed I was gone." He sighed. I rolled my eyes, smirking back at him.
"You know I did."
"You know, my bed would be nicer if you'd share it with me." He said softly, reaching out, gently grabbing onto my jacket. I felt my face get hot, peeking back up at him.
"Jake.." He sighed, his face dropping as he let go.
"I'm just saying.."
"You're just saying.." I laughed. He nodded, his lips curling into a smile.
"Nothing has to happen, I know where we stand right now, I just.. I'd feel better if you were with me. In.. whatever way that means. I just.. I really don't want to be alone tonight." I hated how easily he could do this, it was heartbreaking.
"I just think.. the sooner we get used to being apart-" I started. He nodded, looking away.
I jumped at the sound of the van finally staring, knowing that was our cue to get back inside. He sighed, finally looking back at me before reaching out, gently touching my cheek.
"I'm glad you were here to see some of it, at least." He said. "It.. really meant a lot to me. And I promise I'll be better. I want to give you something to be proud of."
"I know you will be. I'm not worried about that. You're gonna be fine."
"Yeah, everyone keeps saying that.." He said, his voice trailing off.
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing.. let's go." He sighed, moving away and getting back into the van, slamming the door behind him.
I made my way around to the other side to see Josh peeking his head out the passenger window, giving me questioning eyes. I nodded, climbing into the back to see Sam sitting in the middle, separating Jake and I. He smiled back at me, as if knowing exactly what he was doing. I was thankful for the space.
The ride was peacefully quiet, as if acceptance had finally sunk in. It was nice to see the scenery get more and more familiar as we finally pulled back up to the front of their house again, their mom being the first one to greet us from their front steps.
It was all so bittersweet.
We all instantly hopped out of the van, no doubt happy just to be off the road. Josh came over, holding the door open for me after Sam got out, giving me a gentle smile.
I loved our small moments of secret intimacy, no matter how innocent. Just a look from him could make my heart jump, wanting nothing more than to spend every second with him, no matter how.
"You happy to be back?" I asked. He nodded.
"More than you know."
"I.. I know you're excited to be home, but.. if.. if you wanted to stay over my house, I could-"
"We'll talk later." He said softly, leaning in, quickly kissing my cheek before heading to the back of the van, to grab more bags. I watched him as he made his way inside, unable to hide the giddy grin on my lips when I turned to see Jake watching me from across the lawn, his eyes in a jealous glare. I quickly turned away, grabbing my bag and heading over to my house.
I knocked twice before feeling the door was unlocked and then instantly made my way upstairs and down the hallway to her room. I lightly knocked again, before carefully pushing open her door where I saw both her and my Aunt Dianne laying in her bed watching tv together. Her eyes instantly lit up as she propped herself up as quickly as she could.
"What are you doing home!" She exclaimed. "I thought you'd be gone for at least another week!" I couldn't help but smile at how excited she was. She made it so easy to love coming home.
"Yeah, well.. a lot happened. I can explain later."
"Is it just you?" She asked. I bit down on my lip, shaking my head. I could tell she was even more confused now.
"N-no, they're.. they're unloading the van."
"Don't tell me they didn't like them, but.. they're so good."
"Yeah, they.. they definitely didn't like them but.. it wasn't because they weren't good enough." I muttered, sitting down on the edge of her bed. She patted a spot closer. I didn't hesitate to crawl up between the two of them.
"So then.. what was it?" Dianne asked, finally sitting up to face us.
"Well.. Jake kinda.. got into a fight and-"
"He what?!"
"He.. he fought one of the guys from the headlining band, so.. they kicked them off the tour."
"Oh my god, why would he do that?!" I felt my face get hot, not really wanting to get into it right now. Not while it was still fresh. Because explaining that would mean I'd have to explain everything and I just-
I then looked over as I heard another light knock on the door, my heart jumping when I saw Josh standing in the doorway, flashing us a timid grin.
"Hey, sorry to just barge in, but.. just wanted to say hi and see how you were doing." I couldn't help but smile as he quickly peeked over at me.
"Oh, you're so sweet." Mom said. "You know you're always welcome here, don't you worry. I'm good today, how are you guys? You're home so early." He nodded, peeking back at me, as if asking if she knew yet. I nodded.
"Yeah.." He sighed, making his way in, leaning up against her dresser. "You win some, you lose some, I guess, but.. it was a great experience while it lasted."
"That's a good way to look at it. Well, we're happy you're home. All of you. It's been so quiet here without you guys."
"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll hear us again soon." He laughed. "But.. I was just wondering if you guys were hungry. I was gonna head out and grab something, and.. if you wanted I could pick up dinner for you."
"I.. I could come with you, if you want." I said, trying not to seem too eager as I crawled out of the bed, making my way over to him. He nodded, his cheeks burning red as he tried his best to contain his smile. I did the same, wanting to avoid any other questions from them.
"Oh, no, we're okay, Josh, but thank you. You and Jaime go ahead." She said, winking at me before lying back down.
"Are you sure? I really don't mind.."
"Don't worry, we'll be okay, you guys go have fun. I'm sure you're excited to be home." He nodded, flashing her a toothy grin as I grabbed onto his sweater, pulling him out of the room.
We were only a few steps down the hallway when I felt him slowly move his hand into mine, intertwining our fingers, eventually guiding us into my room, being careful not to make any noise as he quietly shut the door behind us.
I held my stare on him as I backed up, sitting down on the edge of my bed. He made his way over, cautiously sitting down next to me, eventually reaching up, gently touching my cheek. I couldn't help but smile at his touch, always so gentle, showing so much by doing so little.
"I'm so happy you're home." I sighed, leaning in closer.
"I'm happy we're home." He said, gently combing his fingers through my hair.
"Are.. we gonna go get something to eat?" I asked, giggling to myself. He nodded, his smile growing.
"Yes, I just.. since we were alone, I just.. I wanted to talk about.. well.. us." I bit down on my lip, feeling my heart beat faster. Even just the thought of us was enough.
"What about us?" I asked, moving in closer, wanting nothing more than to just be us again.
"I don't want to hurt him more than he already is." He said softly, taking my hand in his.
"Neither do I.." I said, now knowing where this was going, having been here one too many times.
"And I know feelings just don't go away."
"Josh, I.. I can wait, I just want us-"
"I just want you to make sure this is what you want." He said. My stomach dropped.
He meant.. me?
"I mean.. you two got into a fight. I understand that, but.. feelings just don't.. disappear because of a fight. You love him, I know you still do, and that's okay, but.. being with you, knowing that you still love him.. I can't do that. And.. he needs you right now, I can tell, I see it, and.. if you want to be there for him, I understand. I.. I think you should be. But if we're going to be together, it needs to be us. Just us. And I can wait for that. I told you.. I'd wait forever for you."
I moved in closer, gently holding his face in my hands.
"Josh, I lov-"
"I don't need you decide anything now, but.. now that we're home, I.. I just want us.. to take our time, if this is what you really want, and.. well, if it's what we want then.. then it'll happen with time." I bit down on my lip, nodding, knowing that I didn't need time, but if he felt that we needed time, then I'd give him as much time as he needed.
Because I knew that no matter what happened, we would always find our way back to each other, because deep down I just knew, I could feel it, our souls were tied to one another. And no matter how far we strayed, we would always be pulled right back where we belonged.
He held his stare on me for a moment, gently brushing the hair out of my face before finally getting up from my bed, holding his hand out to me.
"You ready to go?" He asked. I nodded, taking his hand, following him close as he lead us down stairs, letting go of my hand as we made our way outside where we saw the rest of the guys still unloading the van.
I peeked over, seeing Jake already watching, his eyes glued to me as I followed Josh to his car where, like habit, he opened the passenger's side door, waiting for me to get inside before lightly closing it behind me. I watched him make his way around, just like so many times before, getting in and flashing me a timid smile before reaching over for my hand again, intertwining our fingers, and driving off.