I know if this had happened a few days ago, it would have been more than enough to win me over. I wouldn't have thought twice about running back to him, he wouldn't even have to ask. A few days ago, the idea of him putting me before everything was.. all I ever really wanted.
But things were just.. different now.
And I didn't want to come between him and everything he's ever worked for.
"You know, I don't think a black eye is gonna be a good look on you." I joked. He smirked back at me before turning towards the mirror, leaning in close to get a better look.
"I don't think it'll be too bad." He sighed, but he didn't look convinced.
"What are you gonna do.. I mean.. if he-"
"Well, then I guess we'll be home a little earlier for the holidays."
"You're being.. surprisingly okay with the idea that.. you could be kicked off this tour." I said. He shrugged, avoiding my eyes.
"I've been wanting to go home anyway." He muttered. "This just.. it's not what I thought it was going to be. I don't want to be associated with guys like him. They're.. they're just not.. I don't know. But they don't care about what we care about. I don't know why we were even put on this tour."
"Well, you have to start somewhere, right?" I asked, but what did I know. I had no idea how any of this worked, and if he didn't feel right about it, maybe this was the wrong place for him. But I didn't want him to throw it all away over something stupid.
"You're okay though?" He finally asked.
"Yeah." I sighed. "Thank you." He nodded, holding his stare on me. I could tell there was more he wanted to say, but he kept it to himself. I was thankful.
And then I heard the door to the dressing room open, the room filling with familiar voices as Josh and Danny made their way in, obviously completely unaware of what had just happened. It didn't take long for Josh to carefully push open the bathroom door, peeking his head in.
"Hey.." He said, his eyes jumping from me to Jake. "W-what happened?" Jake shrugged, keeping his eyes down.
"Well, let's just say we may be going home earlier than we thought." He sighed. Josh then looked over at me, giving me questioning eyes. I just shook my head, my face dropping. He nodded, subtly motioning back out into the dressing room for me. I hesitated for a moment before eventually following him out, seeing a bag of food sitting on the table.
"I got you something." He said softly. "I figured you still haven't eaten, so.." I couldn't help but smile, going over and opening it to see a small salad and with a side fruit cup. He was so sweet.
"Thank you." I mouthed to him. He nodded, playing it off as he went back over, plopping down next to Sam on the couch.
"So, what happened?" Danny finally asked, trying to stay quiet enough where hopefully Jake wouldn't hear.
"Well, Jake decided to just beat the shit out of Liam, so.. we can say goodbye to this tour." Josh instantly looked over at me, his eyes getting wide. I nodded, knowing he could tell what it was about. He had seen the way Liam had acted at the bar the other night. Everyone knew that it was only a matter of time before something happened.
And even still, I couldn't help but feel like it was my fault. If I had just never come out here..
I quickly made my way out into the hallway, already feeling the tears start to fill my eyes, just wanting to get out of there before anyone could see. I made it far enough away where I hoped they couldn't hear me crying, but I didn't have to wait long before the door opened again, Josh coming out and making his way down, leaning up against the wall next to me. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in without a word, just letting me cry into his sweater as he held me tight, his hand gently rubbing my back as he pressed his lips against my forehead.
And that was all I needed.
He was all I needed.
And I knew if I could have this for the rest of my life..
I would be okay.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked. I shook my head.
"Okay. Do you.. want to talk about anything?" I took a deep breath, finally moving away, wiping my eyes and bringing myself to look back up at him again. He reached up, gently wiping my tears away with his sleeve, quietly giggling to himself, staring back at me with such.. kind, loving eyes - it was impossible to understand how I had ever managed to find my way out of them after once falling so in love with them to begin with. But here was I was again, so completely lost without any hope or desire of ever being found again, finding solace in those eyes was like a dream come true, and I prayed I never woke up.
"I.. I want to spend Thanksgiving with you." I finally managed. His smile grew as he giggled to himself again.
"That's what you're thinking about?" He asked. I nodded, a smile eventually escaping my lips.
"Well, I'm thinking about a lot of things.." I sighed. "But.. that's the main thing right now."
"Okay." He sighed, gently caressing my cheek. I moved in closer, gently grabbing onto his shirt. His smile grew as he leaned his forehead against mine.
"Josh, I just.. I need you to know-"
"It's okay, Jaime. You don't owe me anything, and if-"
"I didn't ask him to do that."
"You didn't have to." He said simply. My eyes were then drawn to his lips as he licked them, pulling them into a gentle bite as if trying just as hard to keep them to himself, but that was the last thing I wanted him to do.
"Josh, I want to owe you things." I whispered, reaching up, wrapping my arm around his neck.
"Jaime.." He sighed, now tilting my chin up to face him, gently rubbing his thumb over my lips. Every second with him felt like an eternity. All of the backstage commotion around us faded into a muffled murmur of white noise, it now feeling like we were the only two people here, and how badly I wish we were.
What I would give to get him alone again.
"You know.. maybe going home early won't be so bad." He finally said. "We.. we could finally start working on.. what we want to do.. together." I nodded, feeling my cheeks burn.
"And you're gonna show me what you've done, right?" I asked, my heart jumping at his gentle laughter as he pulled me into another tight hug, his gentle breath on my neck making my heart beat faster.
"I told you, when it's done-"
"Okay, okay.." I groaned, wrapping my arms around him, squeezing him tighter.
When he finally pulled away, he gently ran his fingers through my hair, his eyes slowly tracing every inch of my face again. Even at my worst, being gazed upon by him made me feel like I was nothing less of the utmost beauty; personified radiance that mimicked only that of his brilliant rays, leaving us both to light up the sky, blinding anyone else in our path with a transcendent love made for many lifetimes, and I prayed I found him in every one.
"Now that I'm thinking about it.." He finally said. "I think that.. last time you came to us for Thanksgiving so.. if you wanted to, I.. I could come to you. If.. well, if you wanted to be home, I mean."
"Yeah, but.. everyone is going to be together at your house, I don't want you to miss that. That's your family." He bit down on his lip, holding his stare on me for a moment.
"Your family is my family too, Jaime." He said, giving me a gentle smile. "You're my family."
And after that, I just couldn't contain it anymore.
I leaned into a quick, gentle kiss, moving away before he had any time to react. He stared back at me with wide-eyes as I hastily made my way down the hall and back into the dressing room.