I had barely turned the corner when I heard my phone vibrate in my bag. Praying it wasn't my aunt with any more bad news, I couldn't help but smile seeing Josh's name across the screen.
Josh: you're probably nervous about your flight, I know how much you said the idea of flying scared you but it's okay, you're gonna be fine. and you can put in my info for the wifi if you need to lol i'll be sure to call you when we get off stage. but text me if you need anything. really. don't worry about what time it is. chances are i'll still be up lol
I don't think he'd ever have any idea how much I appreciated him.
Jaime: thank you <3 yeah, you'll probably be hearing from me the whole time lol
Josh: good, I can't wait to get off stage then. maybe I'll just facetime you during the set so you can watch.
Jaime: I'd like that. I hate that I'm already missing you guys play.
Josh: nothing you haven't already seen before lol
Jaime: I miss you already.
Josh: I miss you too. <3
Jaime: <33
And then I felt the car stop, pulling up to the airport. Looking through my messages again, I checked to see if I had missed anything from Jake. But there was nothing. Maybe he was just trying to give me space, but.. that was the last thing I needed right now. One of the worst parts about this whole thing was having to do it alone, and he should know that. He went with me. He saw how hard it was for me.
Finally, before getting out of the car, I sent him something, just to give him a reason to say something back.
Jaime: have a good show <33 I'll call you tonight.
I then grabbed my bags and made my way inside, trying my best to follow all of the signs until I finally found my gate. Sam was right, it wasn't too bad, but I still wish I had someone here with me. You would think, being an only child would make this easier, but I think deep down it just made me feel worse. I had had to go through life by myself for as long as I could remember, now when I needed someone more than ever.. I was still all alone.
Jaime: okay, I think I managed to find my gate lol thank you again for everything.
Sam: thank goodness, we don't wanna have to send out a search party for you.
Jaime: no, not this time, but don't count it out just yet.
Sam: we'd miss you too much, Jaime. please don't get lost lol
Jaime: I'll try my best.
Sam: that's all I ask :)
I scrolled back to my texts with Jake. Still nothing. I managed to hear from Josh and Sam.. what could he possibly be doing that they weren't? Either way.. I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it. But still.
I kept scrolling up towards the top, now remembering how it exciting it felt just a month ago. I had spent years hoping to see his name come across my phone and then one day he was sending me hearts and asking me out on breakfast dates.
I just wish we could go back.
I didn't have to wait too long until my plane started to board. I really wished I could've at least heard something from him before I left.
Jaime: getting on the plane now. I love you <3
Sliding my phone into my pocket, I followed everyone in front of me, hoping they knew what they were doing as I was guided down the cramped aisle and into my seat. I was thankful for a window seat this time, with Leah and Ayla sticking me in the aisle on the way here. But I didn't mind, at least I had someone there with me.
I was lucky enough to get seated next to a little old woman who instantly made herself comfortable, pulling an eye-mask over her face and going right to sleep. I had heard some horror stories before so I had expected the worst.
Finally, I felt my phone vibrate.
Jake: hey, sorry, just finished sound checking. i swear they have it out for me here. i'm sorry you had to leave. keep me updated on how everything goes. i wish i could be there with you. please come back to me soon. i love you <33
Jaime: I love you <33 I'll call you tonight.
Jake: <333
I felt a little better now, finally turning off my phone and closing my eyes, hoping to get this over with as soon as possible.
A Few Hours Later
It felt like I had barely closed my eyes when I was gently shaken away by the woman next to me.
"We landed." She said, her voice so soft, giving me an equally as comforting smile.
"Thank you." I muttered, rubbing my eyes and looking around. Half of the plane had already gotten off. I grabbed my bags and stumbled my way out through the gate where, surprisingly enough I saw my aunt already waiting for me. She waved me down, flashing me a wide grin. I couldn't even remember the last time I had seen her.
She pulled me in, giving me a quick hug before grabbing one of my bags and leading us out to the car.
"How is she doing?" I asked, tossing my other bag into the backseat and hopping into the front.
"So they said the surgery went well, they were just going to get her settled into a room for the night so I figured I had time to come and pick you up."
"Thank you." I sighed. "Did they say how everything went?"
"They said it all went as planned, and now they just have to monitor her progress."
"W-what.. what even happened? Was she.. I mean, she seemed.."
"I really don't know. One minute she was fine, the next she was telling me to call 911."
That's exactly what had happened with me over the past few years. I felt bad that she had to experience that, but part of me felt a tiny bit better knowing at least someone else understood a fraction of what I had been through.
"Thank you for coming out, though." I said softly, keeping my eyes on the road. "It.. it meant a lot to me.. being able to go.." I stopped, my voice trailing off, unsure of how much my mom had told her about where I was going. I could seer her nodding, eventually peeking over at me.
"You're welcome." She finally said. "Your mom tells me.. there's a boy." I could hear the smile in her voice, making my cheeks burn bright red as I trued my hardest to contain my grin.
"There is." I finally admitted, looking back over at her. She nodded, bringing her attention back to the road. "He's.. he's in a band."
"Oh, no.." She giggled to herself. "That's always trouble."
"I know, I know.." I joked. "But.. well.. I don't know. He's not like that."
"Your mom tells me they're very good boys, so.. I'm inclined to believe you. And I don't think you'd go after anyone who wasn't anyway.. you're too smart for that."
"I like to think so."
"So.. is it serious?" She asked. I felt my heart beat faster. "With you and.. um.. Josh?" My stomach dropped.
"Oh, um.. is.. is that who she said?"
"She spoke so highly about them both it was really hard to keep track." She laughed. "But the way she talked about Josh.. well, that just sounded like someone you would choose, from what I remember anyway." I felt my body get hot, my heart beating faster.
"Well, um.." I muttered. "Jake is my boyfriend. But.. I.. well, Josh and I.. we.. we dated for a little bit.. but.. well.."
"But life happens." She sighed. "I know."
I bit down on my lip, holding my stare on her, wondering if she knew that I knew about her and my dad. I couldn't imagine they would have spoken about it, not after how my mom described it.
"She spoke about you and Jake too.." She said, breaking the silence. I was thankful. "But.. I don't know.. and well, I don't want to overstep.. but the way she spoke about you and Josh, it just.. it reminded me of.. someone I loved very much. And I would just.. hate for you to miss out on that while you had the chance, that's all."
Part of me wanted to ask, but something told me it was best to just leave it alone.
"Aunt Dianne, can I.. talk to you about something?" I asked.
"Of course. Whatever you need. It can stay between us if you'd like."
"Do you think that.. there's different kinds of love?"
"Sure I do." She said. "I don't think we ever love the same way twice. I think that.. different people bring out different versions of ourselves, and.. in return we love them in whatever way they help us become." I nodded, keeping my eyes forward, watching as the blurred headlights all eventually became one.
"Cause.. sometimes I feel one way, and then.. well, then something will happen and then.. I start to second guess myself." I mumbled. I could see her nodding again.
"I think, the most important thing.. when you're looking for the person you want to be with.. is who makes you feel the most like you. When you think of.. home, and the idea of coming home to someone.. who is that? Because I know we all chase that exciting butterfly feeling but.. from my experience, once those butterflies die, you're left with nothing but emptiness, grasping onto broken wings that are never coming back." I nodded, grabbing at my heart locket, pulling it out from under my shirt.
"I hope that helps a little." She said softly, peeking back over at me.
"It does." I saw her look down at my fingers, a gentle smile spreading across her lips as she looked back out at the road.
And then as we pulled into the hospital parking lot, I was brought right back to those long, sleepless nights that never seemed to end. At least this time I had her here with me. We sat in the waiting room for what felt like hours, fading in and out of consciousness, jolted awake each time by the drastically changing volume of the tv above us switched to commercial. I could swear that time stood still in this room, feeling like I got off the plane days ago rather than.. however many hours.
Reaching around for my phone, I realized I had never turned it back on when the plane landed, having found my aunt right away. I quickly pulled it back out, hoping that maybe I'd come back to some messages.
It didn't take long for my phone to start vibrating, messages coming in from Sam, Josh, and finally Jake. I clicked on his first.
Jake: hey, show went great. wished you could've seen it. I miss you already. let me know what's going on so I know you're okay. I love you <3
Jake: haven't heard from you yet, I'm pretty sure you've landed, according to Sam, let me know when you're with your aunt. I love you <3
Jake: I'm guessing your phone died lol I'll have to get you a portable charger. well, when you finally get it charged, give me a call. I love you <3
Jake: alright, I'm starting to get nervous. please call me when you get this.
I felt a few more messages come in, but decided it would be best to just call him now. I'm sure he was already worried enough, but before I could press 'call,' I heard the doors of the waiting room open.
"Jaime.." I heard, my heart instantly jumping as my head shot up. I'd know that voice anywhere. And there he was, standing breathless in the doorway.
"Josh.."