Ivory – xxxv ; Brother
Created: 11.01.22
Finished: 11.03.22
Edited: 12.24.22
Published: 01.08.23
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Trigger Warning: night terrors, breakdown, amnesia
Word Count: 3478..yea
A/N: I am not mentally well..haha..and I probably won't be well until another week passes.
tw: traumadump
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I remember what my brother said when he noticed I bruised my ribs which took 2 months to fully heal with no medical help..It was painful to breathe and move to the point I got used to it, "Breathe through it. Pain is only temporary."
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Anygay..maybe after the exam I'd feel a bit better..pleaseXD Do enjoy this chapter since the next chapter is a bit..hmm..intense. The next chapter has a mix of blublu_by's content and ideas, so yea- I don't think I have anything more to say except..thank you^^
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His eyes shoot wide open, his nostrils smell the faint aroma of those familiar flowers.
Cornflowers.
No.
No way he's back here somehow.
How is that possible?
It must be a dream, or..the lily.
A headache immediately stabs his temples, he has to clutch himself from the pain. As always, he's confused as to what's going on.
Why is he here? Why is he here again?
"Tommy?"
Blinking in shock, he looks back at the one who called his name.
Feet away from him, a ghost stares at him..with a transparent bluish hue, a mustard yellow:] turtleneck with a large tatter at the centre..dripping blue ink..or blood.
His chestnut hair, mostly hidden by his maroon beanie, whisks softly against the spring wind but it shivers Tommy.
His eyes are tearing up, the ghost's eyes tears up, his skin sizzling due to them, :]Tommy just realised that,
"It's you..you again." It's the only thing Tommy could muster to speak, before taking a step forward.
The ghost whose name he no longer remembers remains still, his eyes with nothing but blue stares back at him,
"You keep..I keep seeing you sometimes, hear you sometimes.." He continues, taking another step forward, eager to touch him, to make sure that he's real and not just a figment of imagination.
It's an understatement to say he has troubles in differentiating reality and dreams, "You were crying. You keep crying. You keep telling me you're lonely..you miss someone..I forgot..I forgot who you are again.."
One more step and he might as well stumble towards him. Lifting his hand, he plans to make it pass through this ghost, "Who are you?":]
The moment his finger meets his forever bleeding wound, he falls into an abyss; away from the flowers, away from the fair sun and cool wind.
Now it's cold, now it's empty..until he hits the ground. Now this is certainly a dream..or a flashback in a nightmare.
Who knows?
No matter how much he begs his dreams to end, it never works out..might as well witness the whole show.
There's a reddish aura around the areas, around the corners and amidst the darkness. Cursing silently, Tommy gets up to his feet, appreciating that he's back to his old self..well, physically-wise.
He looks around and finds the place unsettling; it's all tight, and grey, secluded and barren. At the same time, it looks familiar.
He's been here before.
Footsteps echo behind, the stranger moving forward was quicker than Tommy looking from behind.
It's that man..the man with a trenchcoat..his hair is all over the place. The kid's nose crinkles, finding the smell unpleasant.
Unlike the faint smell of cornflower valley, this place reeks with alcohol and cigars, especially from this man.
The only question he could think of is who is he, and what the hell is going on?
"Is this your stop?"
His voice is deep with a lulling brit accent, he finally opens his eyes and it bears enstatite, at the same time, reflecting crimson,
"What?" Tommy asks, perplexed by his question.
The man only laughs, finding the confusion of who he is talking to hilarious, to which Tommy finds insulting,
"I wonder when my stop will arrive. I have been waiting forever."
Blinking, Tommy lowers his glare, his expression back to being puzzled again,
"Who..who are you?"
The man only blows off the cigar air, as Tommy dodges it off while clipping off his nose with his fingers,
"You know me." His encrypted words freak him out, at the same time pisses him off.
Tommy takes a step back when the man gets close, taking over his smaller figure,
"You just don't let yourself remember-"
A noise erupts from afar, grabbing Tommy's attention.
The rails vibrate from the upcoming large vehicle, as the sound grows louder and louder.
A train is coming, Tommy realises that.
His train of thought is interrupted by being grabbed by the shoulder,
"It seems to be my unlucky day."
His smile scares him, his voice petrifies him..at the same time, why can't he help but find his company..welcoming?
Like he knows him, more than just an acquaintance, a friend?
"Farewell, Tommy."
He pushes Tommy's frail body and lets him go, leaving the other to fall to the rails just in time the train reaches him.
He could barely react.
He could barely hear the alarm telling him to get out of there. He could barely feel his body ripping off to pieces.
He could barely feel-
With a gasp, Tommy sits up from the bed, his own sweat drenching his outfit and his body.
Another one rolls down his cheek as he pants, unable to recover from what he just dreamt.
He still hasn't known who this man is, and it's been haunting him crazy. His face..that voice, who the hell is he?
Something falls down on his blankets and he doubts that it was sweat. He soon notices that his eye releases a tear, and he doesn't even know why.
Why is he even crying?
His dream isn't exactly one of the worst dreams he had, that wasn't even a flashback nightmare, at least he doesn't think so.
Still, why does it upset him?
Sniffling, he catches the tears with failure, unable to stop them from forming. His body shivers from what he's been releasing, his body hunching, face crinkled up.
A knock emits from the door, as Tommy jumps in fear but so caught up in his breakdown to react,
"Tommy? Are you awake?" His voice.
Tommy sniffles a bit too loud and of course the other's ears, sharp as his blade would react well, getting inside swiftly.
Techno's feral look lowers down into a soft face, seeing Tommy in tears,
"Theseus, what made you cry?" He asks, his voice both a growl and a coax for him to answer.
Tommy tries to lift his hands to sign something but it only devolves into tremors.
Because of that, Techno instead, sits down close to him, but knows well this time not to touch him unless he has permission.
The other only sniffles, his head down while wiping his tears away,
"It's okay to cry in front of me, kid. I do not find it weak nor shameful..If ever, I find it brave of you." He sighs and pulls off his mask, Tommy can finally see his face he never saw for weeks,
"What would you like me to do to make you feel better?" He sounds rough, but to Tommy, he knows well that he's already lucky that Techno is willing to do something like this.
'Hug.' He mouths and signs at the same time, Techno watches his lips more than his hands and closes his eyes,
"Alright, come here." He bashfully encourages him to come close, as Tommy reacts and reaches forward.
Techno envelops him with his arms, he couldn't say no more, his cheeks red with embarrassment,
"I pray to the gods no one would see us like this." His voice calms Tommy down, sniffling less now, before hiding his face and leans closer to his chest.
The piglin deepens the hug and leans against him as well, then ends up sighing, "So what happened to you? Another nightmare?"
He nods, "Of course...Should I call in Phil for that, would Tubbo being here would help you feel better?"
Tommy shakes his head, his sniffles growing louder,
"Okay okay we're not calling anyone. We're just gonna stay like this as long as you want."
This is not what he planned in mind, but he supposes he'll just fix that later. For now, he has to deal with Tommy.
His large hand plants on the child's messy hair, and ruffles it softly. Tommy gulps a lump in his throat, his tears still coming down from his face,
"Cry until there's nothing left, kid. Better now, than never."
Tommy nods and accidentally wheezes a noise from mouth, before tearing up more.
Techno rubs his back, trying to follow how Phil does it for him.
A part of him is glad that Tommy still has his voice, at the same time, devastated to how broken it sounds.
He isn't sure if he'll be able to speak again, a part of him does wish to hear his rants again, his complaints, his noises.
He shouldn't have taken it for granted.
"You're cold." Techno notices, pulling Tommy off of him.
He's about to get close again, but Techno wraps him up with his mantle first, "Wrap that close, keeps you warm."
Tommy clutches the fabric, and pulls it close to him.
He's right, it is warm, "If that's enough, I suppose you no longer have to hu-"
Still, Tommy leans close to him, urging him to hug him again non-verbally. Techno groans, pretending not to appreciate this situation,
"This is too sickening, you always love messing with me, brat."
If Tommy could smile, he would.
OoO
"Techno's taking a while to fetch Tommy.." Quackity comments, his hands busy with a chest full of items.
Phil narrows his eyes before settling the furniture down,
"Should I catch up to th-?"
"Leave them." The avian roughly replies, adjusting the items in front of him.
Quackity blinks but instead of questioning his answer, he moves on.
Sam deals with the lights and redstones to make the place brighter instead of using torches on the ground.
Tubbo's holding onto the redstones and other materials, while Phil and Quackity focus more on placing sets of furniture.
The goat is deeply thinking about something out of the hundreds of things to think about, might as well make his brain explode,
"Tubbo? Tubbo..Tubbo-"
He curses and looks up, eyeing Sam,
"The..the redstone? I'm almost done with this one." Sam repeats his request for the fourth time,
"Oh. Oh here you go, sorry." Tubbo hands him what he needs as the other takes them and finishes up the work.
The thought settles back to the goat's head, making him lower his smile,
"Sam?"
The other responds with a hum,
"Um, about what I did..about what you did..can we turn over a new leaf?"
Sam stops what he's doing, his eyes flickering, at least he has a mask so Tubbo won't be able to notice, "I'm...I'm actually surprised you even have the nerve to apologise."
Tubbo chuckles, "Well, I already have a lot of shits to deal with, so I suppose I should give acceptance and forgiveness a try."
With that, Sam goes down once he's done with the lights. It seems the two got all the lights and redstones checked out. Considering that this place is made out of wood, it certainly is not fireproof,
"If so, then I would like to apologise as well."
Tubbo blinks,
"I made a mistake. I don't think I can make any more excuses from what I did. It was wrong of me to kidnap your son, more so of killing your husband. I apologise for what I did."
A part of Tubbo truly desires to be furious, to be upset, and to hurt him as much as what he has done to his beloved.
His beloved..who has done nothing wrong, now stuck in limbo and his ghost being nothing but a bother to him.
But it's his decision, to turn a new leaf, to move on, to accept what happened.
Even so, Tubbo brings out a grin to his lips, "Then I suppose we turn this to a new leaf?"
Sam smiles, it's the only thing he could give, "I suppose so."
oOo
"Hey, Tommy. You look terrible." Phil observes.
Tommy narrows his eyebrows, which made the old man chuckle, "No, no mate I'm concerned..Did you not sleep well?"
The other only looks away, and keeps the cloak wrap up close to him,
"It seems that Techno let you borrow his coat. Good riddance, he keeps it close to him a lot. I hope it doesn't smell?" Tommy shakes his head, and eyes Techno and Quackity conversing.
Although Techno seems chill talking to him, Quackity is more guarded and aggravated than usual, clutching his injured arm,
"Oh look..Techno's making a friend..Well I hope he won't kill him again this time." Phil snickers at his own joke before realising Tommy's tugging one of his robes,
"Yes, mate. What is it?" Tommy was about to raise his hands, but close them to fists and lower them down.
Phil notices the hesitation and takes this more seriously, "Hey, you don't have to force yourself. If there's anything you need to tell me, let me know."
Tommy nods instead and looks away, staring at Techno and Quackity. Phil smiles warmly and moves on.
It took him a while to notice that Tommy's eyeing the two a bit..too much than he usually does, particularly how Tommy's eyes move everytime Quackity moves.
Phil is at least aware that he's not having his staring spells again, "You got business with Quackity?"
The question made Tommy flinch in surprise, looking back at Phil, which the other looks guilty in scaring him,
"Sorry." Tommy takes a while to nod, and holds his hands together, playing with his fingers.
He's anxious, it's unusual that he's showing that he is, he could barely move his body at all back then.
He must be improving, even if he's having episodes,
"Well, if you do...let me help you with that." He leads him towards the two, but Tommy holds his ground, holding onto Techno's mantle even tighter,
"Tommy.." Phil softens his voice before kneeling down to him, "Tommy. It's okay. If he ever hurts you, you know well that I'm going to kill him."
His calm voice isn't helping with his concerning assurance, "We're going to leave by noon, so..you better do what you need to do before he leaves."
Tommy soon nods and inhales heavily, "Let's go." Phil prompts and pushes him again this time as Tommy lets him as the two gets forward.
Techno and Quackity notice their approach, "Hey mate, I wanna talk to you about something." Techno raises his brow but says nothing and joins Phil walking away.
Quackity wasn't bothered to say goodbye and instead pans his attention to Tommy, "Hey Tommy..you look you didn't have a good sleep."
The child only looks at him like someone already told him that before, "Haha..yeah.."
Usually he's got a lot of things to say, but now he's cautious in fear that he would trigger him again.
And so, he keeps his quiet, at the same time, it'd be too awkward to leave Tommy without company, at the same time, he can't leave much with that kid staring at him.
It's like he wants something from him, the problem is that he doesn't know what.
Finally after long painful minutes, Tommy gets close and tugs Quackity's shirt, "Um, yes? Tommy?"
He bites his lower lips and clasps his hands together, the only thing he could infer from him is that he's nervous.
Despite having a straight face, his body looks like a nervous wreck, "Uh..it's..okay. I don't..I don't think I can..hurt you. I already got injured, I'd rather not have any more of them, thank you."
Tommy looks up and frowns more seeing the duck's injured arm, haven't he noticed that before? "Yep..Techno did that..soo gonna be more careful now. I already was when I met you but I suppose it wasn't enough."
The chuckles weren't really convincing, still, Tommy let it go. He lifts his aching hands, and begins to sign quickly, like he was at a rush.
Even Tubbo or Phil couldn't read that on a whim, "Wait Tommy..I'm sorry I can't read signs..Uhm.."
He touches his pockets if he has something, and indeed he takes out a few papers and a quill, "Here."
Tommy takes them and shakily starts writing something down..Well, more like a drawing.
One thing Quackity can point out, Tommy's neither a good builder, nor an artist. Still, he could picture out what he was drawing, at least he hopes so.
It's a stick man with wild curly hair on a beanie, there's a stick with smoke plastered on his mouth which he presumes is a cigarette. He's wearing a big trenchcoat, with a bandage on his right arm near his shoulder.
Although its basic art, Quackity finds it to be detailed still, Tommy may not be able to picture it out on paper, but he does have a good memory..how ironic.
He finishes it off by writing a question and hands it on Quackity. Humming to analyse the drawing, something clicks in him, and shock freezes his whole body.
Who is he?
A laugh bubbles out from his throat from anxiety, unable to reply, "What...Why..Why are you asking me this, Tommy?" He asks, before Tommy grabs hold of the papers and pen back to write something once more,
Saw him in my memories, with you. You two fighting. I don't like it. Who is he?
Quackity can only hear his heartbeat. Nothing else.
"You..you don't know who he is? Him?" Tommy nods.
He isn't sure if he should tell everything about him. There must be a reason why he forgot him too, it's probably best not to tell him,
"I'm sure you'll get to know him in time, Tommy. I'm sorry but..I don't think I should be the one telling you about him."
Tommy lowers down his papers that the other handed to him, his eyes lose colour, "I don't think..it's gonna make you feel any better, or make you better generally. He's better off forgotten..he was mean to you. He hurt you."
Although Tommy expects flashbacks coming back to his head, nothing came..which annoyed him. Most likely it would trigger a memory, something, but nothing did..and that frustrates him,
"I tried to take him away from you..in the end..I suppose you still chose him, instead of me. I understand, you guys had something..something I could never have with you..
"You guys were brothers."
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Brothers?
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"Tommy?"
He opens his eyes and realises he's outside, as a snowflake falls down on his face,
"You alright? You spaced out there, bossman.."
Tubbo.
He looks back at him, and sees his friend behind him with a worried look, "Hey Tommy..you've been staring out for a while."
Tommy blinks once and takes him a while to notice something, 'Where are the others?' he signs.
Tubbo frowns at that, "Wh- You don't remember? They already left. Just...Just now really."
Tommy doesn't recall.
Tommy doesn't recall that it happened.
They already left?
It felt like a rush, they were here just now, "No wonder you weren't responding much earlier. You weren't entirely there that time..It's alright. It happens anyway."
The mantle is no longer with him, a daisy is placed on his ear.
What happened?
Something hurts in his heart..it's blue, and pink..he misses them,
"If you want, you can stay inside. I'll make some tea..it might get colder later. I should check Michael too-" Tommy shakes his head and signs that he'll stay here for a bit.
Tubbo's about to counter his choice but holds back, "Alright..just be safe alone alright?"
Tommy nods and watches his friend leave.
He can't believe the others left without him completely being there, aware and responding.
Ugh, this is annoying, everything is.
Tommy brushes the daisy off of his ear, wondering what the others could have said to him before they left. Techno or Phil..even Quackity or Sam..why did he have to not be there?
It's got something to do with what Quackity said again. Although he meant no harm, it must have triggered something in him, at the same time, he can't exactly blame him, he asked for answers after all.
And so, he sighs and takes a ball of snow by his hand and throws it away. The snow is really pouring down. He should probably get inside,
"He told me I'd find you here."
That voice.
It feels so real.
No, he's dreaming.
He's dreaming again!
He slowly looks down and widens his eyes at the sight of the stranger, the same man he saw at the train station.
Tommy doesn't know what to do with this scene, is this even reality or dreaming?
Whatever it is, he takes a step back away from him, but that only leads him to be closer,
"..It seems that he was telling the truth after all."
His voice. His face. Everything. Everything he recognizes, except his name.
Who are you?