- EDEN -
Three months later.
We girls have headed to Carley's bachelorette party at a club in Gold Coast while their men are at home this evening watching River. Wolfe and Mason offered to drive us all and pick us up so we could make it a big one and have a few drinks seeing as Luna hasn't been out since having River, but Nella insisted on driving and not interrupting River's sleep routine. She's been quite sick lately so isn't really feeling up to a big night, but was happy to chauffeur Luna and I around.
Once Luna had pumped all there was to pump from her boobs, she had pulled out her uncle's vintage vino from her collection and we managed to down a few glasses before heading out, making the long trip north towards our destination. I think most of the other girls coming tonight drove up last night and are staying the weekend, but neither Luna, Nella or myself felt the need to do the same. We haven't remained as close to these girls as we have each other over the years, and realistically we're just looking forward to a fun night out with each other. This just provided us with an occasion to do it.
"Oh, he is such a handsome little thing," said Carley, looking through Luna's very extensive photo collection of River when she and some of the other girls squealed for a peek at him.
"Aren't you worried about the baby being at home with Wolfe without you? I know when I had my first I could barely leave her for a minute without feeling bad," she asked Luna, who almost choked on her wine with disgust when she registered what was being asked of her, which was basically, 'Do you trust your partner with their own child?'
"Oh, no. I have complete faith in Wolfe to just do his job as Riv's father. If I didn't, I'd never have had a baby with him in the first place. He's an amazing dad, and he knows what to do," she said, trying her best to keep the annoyance from her tone, which was thankfully masked by the slur of her drunkenness. She’s one of those overly happy-seeming drunks. Imagine actually having to worry about whether your partner can take care of your child while you're out for a few hours.
After that, Luna, Nella and I mostly just stuck to ourselves, trying different cocktails---Luna and I at least---and dancing. We used to do this kind of thing heaps when we were younger before I moved to Melbourne, but it's a rare occurrence nowadays with our evolving lives.
I felt my phone vibrate in my bra, where I've been keeping it to make sure I don't drop and lose it somewhere, as I am prone to do when I’ve had a couple drinks.
Miles: On a scale of 1 to that time you thought it would be a good idea to try to out-drink me---a man at least four times your body weight in pure muscle---on an empty stomach, how much fun are you having?
Even the mention of his body via text makes me want him. More so because I know that's why he purposely added that bit in. He knows how instantly primed I am to welcome him into me whenever my hands explore the zero body fat on him. He’s just too sexy.
Eden: None. I miss you.
Miles: Haha! Aw, you really must be drunk to be saying that.
I am, and that's a fair call by him. I've been actively avoiding as many conversations regarding emotions as I can. I miss him constantly when he's not around, and I hate how out of control my heart feels around him. It terrifies me---wanting someone as much as I do Miles that I feel as though my life will be irreparably damaged if for some reason he were to not be in it, or even just not feel the same way. It's why I haven't told him I love him, even though I love him more than I ever thought myself capable of. I want to tear my heart out of my own chest and throw it at him to make him see how much of himself lies inside it. Ask him to take some of it back because it feels like it's more his than mine every day that goes by.
Some days I look at Miles and feel like he wants to do the very same thing to me, but we're both stuck in a stubborn stand off, testing each other to be the brave and vulnerable one first.
I hate it.
The last time I cared about another man, it turned to shit almost immediately. Knowing how it feels to have connected with Miles in the way I have now, any love I may have felt for Austin---and even Trey before him---was but a drop in the ocean compared to how much I adore Miles now. It's an altogether different experience.
But oh, do I love him. I love how he makes me laugh. I love how much fun we have together. I love how he challenges me. I love how courageous I feel around him. I love how much he loves to make me smile. I love who I am more when I'm with him.
Eden: Very.
Miles: Get off your phone, go dance and have fun with your girls, and let me know when you get home safe later.
I want to cry at how much respect he shows me every day. How he accepts what I want without question or judgement. How he seems so much to just want me to live my life how I want it and with whom I want to live it with. To find my own rhythm and happiness in life.
When I told him about the Hens tonight an hour north in Gold Coast, he too, like Wolfe, asked if he could drive me and the girls to the club so we could all let our hair down and not have to worry about getting home later.
Of course, I said no because the girls in question still don't know that I've been dating Miles. I've somehow successfully kept it quiet for the last three months. From everyone.
I've wanted to tell them every day. But I'm also terrified about what will happen when I do. I'm worried about how it might change what Miles and I have now. And I'm anxious about their thoughts and opinions about me being with Miles considering I know they didn't like Trey or Austin, and I want them to like Miles. To love him like I do. I don't care about anyone else's approval or endorsement except my family of best friends. Especially Wolfe, and I don’t know how he will react to me dating one of his closest mates.
Eden: You're pertty amazimg, Miles.
Shit. Stupid drunk fingers.
Eden: Pretyy amazibg*
Eden: Fucker!
I'm getting annoyed at my lame excuse for opposable thumbs and their inadequacy right now in communicating my appreciation for my boyfriend via text.
Miles: Haha my woman, the guttermouth. Seriously, sweetheart. Phone down somewhere you'll find it later, find a glass of water, and shake that gorgeous, drunk ass on the dancefloor a while. I'll be right here if you need me, but I know you won't, so go find Luna and Nella and forget about me. The only reply I want to this message is a 2am, "I'm home and hot for you, Miles. Please come over, get naked immediately, and give me a lap dance."
My breath hitched in my throat so loudly it caused Luna to look back at me practically drooling while imagining that scenario actually happening. I think it may bring about some premature heart failure because despite being a healthy woman---healthier than usual considering my tease of a boyfriend keeps me well active in the bedroom, among other places---I'm sure the sight of Miles seductively stripping and grinding all over me might make my heart and/or vagina explode.
"Who on earth are you texting to make you blush so hard?" Luna and Nella had just returned from their bathroom break. Luna is just as wasted as I am, and Nella is playing the dutiful designated driver and best friend responsible for escorting us both to and from the bathrooms whenever we need to pee, which is very frequently now after we broke the seal. Luna tried to sneak a peek at my phone, and I frantically moved to lock my screen so she couldn't see Miles' name or the stupid heart emoji he added to his contact a while back. Unfortunately this move on my part just spurred her on. "Ohmygod, Eden. Who is it? Was it a dick pic? Show us!"
I laughed on the outside to hide how turned on I was thinking of Miles and the collection of dirty photos he's sent me over the last few months. It started as a joke when I told him I had forgotten what he looked like when we'd both been so busy for a couple days that we hadn't been able to catch up, and he took a photo of himself topless in the mirror at the gym where he was at the time. I sent a reply back that I think I needed further reminding of all the other parts of him too, and he then went into the bathrooms and re-familiarised me with his dick, understanding exactly what I meant when I said I needed more photographic evidence of what he looked like. I believe I almost came just looking at him without even touching myself, which I had no choice but to do after receiving that text and all the other dirty worded ones he sent accompanying it of what he'd have loved to do to me with his now very hard penis. I received a snap of that too, and I swear, I've never been so wet in all my life.
From then on, because Miles is a major tease, he'll send me sneaky photos when he knows I'm busy and can't just drop my hands into my underwear and take care of how turned on I am myself. One time I fumbled my phone at work when he sent a particularly sexy one, and Heath captured a glimpse of it when he reached down to help me pick it up. It was one of the rare moments I was grateful Miles had cropped his face out of the photo, because if Heath had known it was Miles, he would have died. He already almost passed out just getting a brief glimpse before I snatched it up and away from him before he could even recognise his tattoos.
Miles just found it hilarious. Until, of course, I got him back by sending a photo of myself while he was at work, just before he had to lead a pilates class. Apparently an erection while wearing tight-ish shorts makes teaching pilates in front of a group of middle-aged ladies a little uncomfortable.
"Earth to Eden," Nella said slowly with a wide grin, apparently trying to draw me away from my dirty mind. It's a hard feat when I've got Miles around, constantly coaxing me out of my shell in the most liberating ways possible.
He's more than everything I've ever dreamed of.
"I love him so fucking much," I sighed, unable to contain it any longer. Alcohol is a powerful truth serum.
"Wait, what?!" cried Luna, trying to wrap her head around what I'm saying and who I'm saying it about. "Love who? Girl, please tell me you don't mean Austin?"
I haven't thought about Austin in a long time, not in the way Luna is potentially assuming I am now. The only reason why he pops into my mind is when Miles challenges me on my skittishness about expressing my feelings because he is one of the reasons why I find it so hard.
I never did tell Luna or Nella about my termination. It just didn't seem relevant or important for them to know. My body healed, and my soul slowly came to terms with it as well. I told Wolfe eventually, because he was relentless in wanting to know what had me so upset the day River was born. He was as gallant and supportive as I knew he would be, and as far as I know, has kept it from Luna like I asked him to.
"Lord, no. Not Austin," I said, alleviating her fears that I might still be hung up on him. "Mi---" I caught myself just before I said his name, clasping my hand dramatically over my mouth to avoid any further slip ups.
"Huh? Who? Michael? Milo? Micah?" said Luna, literally with her fingers touching her chin like a real life thinking emoji. "Ohmygod, my brain hurts trying to think of names starting with M-I"
Nella on the other hand, being dead sober, was looking at me curiously as if she wanted to add another familiar name to Luna's list of M-Is. If that was indeed what she was thinking, and I wasn't just being drunk paranoid about it, she didn't offer it up to Luna, for which I was immeasurably grateful for.
Nella, perhaps recognising how uncomfortable I was toeing the line between wanting to finally spill my intoxicated guts about the man I love, but recognising that now might now be the best time or place to facilitate this conversation with my best friends, offered to escort us to the bar for one final drink before calling it a night and heading home. Admittedly, it was getting quite late, and we had a long drive home ahead of us. And by we, I mean Nella, the sweet sober thing that she is.
We stayed another half an hour or so, maybe a fraction longer considering how long it took Luna and I to stumble our way through the crowds to say goodbye to the bride-to-be and all our old friends from trade school. It was weird seeing them all, and seeing how much their lives have changed. In many ways, mine hasn't. Marriage, kids, jobs, altogether different personalities. I would feel like a failure if I didn't have everything I wanted and needed in life: best friends, an enjoyable job, a comfortable home, a sweet furchild, my health, happiness, confidence. Miles.
Nella finally managed to get Luna and I into her car and on the road home. I was in the back seat and could feel my ears ringing with how loud the music was in the club in the now relative silence of Nella's car, and I was so excited to be heading back towards home.
Back to Miles.
It reminded me instantly of that time Wolfe flew down to Melbourne to come help me drive back home to Bryon Bay, and how much he missed Luna just being away from her for a couple nights. It hasn't even been a day since I saw him last and I already feel my heart aching for him.
The mixture of my dawning realisation as to how much I truly love Miles, and the cool air hitting my face with the window down, has me reaching for my phone to text him with a much clearer head than I had earlier. I know he'll be awake because he would have been waiting to know we got home okay before he fell asleep because he's just so precious like that.
Eden: On our way home now. And as much as I'd love nothing more than a nude lap dance, I'm going to take a raincheck on that real life porno because I actually want to be conscious enough to remember it… and take full advantage of the situation. Maybe even film it for those lonely nights without you. Don't you dare believe I'll forget the offer though. Work on those moves, baby, because as soon as I'm sober and not falling asleep, you're up. Hopefully very literally too ;) I really did miss you, but I had so much fun with my best girls. Now go to sleep. I know you're up early for classes tomorrow, and I'm safe.
I almost typed 'Love you' at the end, and had to battle my sobering fingers not to punch out those extra letters. I looked up and saw Nella watching me closely in her rear view mirror. She knows something is up, probably because she's been able to see and hear everything with a clear head, and she's got the faintest hint of a knowing smirk on her face as she looks back at me texting my boyfriend with a proposition to film our own home sex tape.
Miles: Damn it, Eden. Now I'm going to have to jerk off again before I'm able to fall asleep. You can't float the idea of a sex tape and not expect me to get instantly hard!
Eden: Photographic evidence or it didn't happen.
My phone dinged with the text message alert tone twenty seconds later and I gasped at the photo when I opened it. It absolutely did happen, and I'm now bummed that I mentioned it because I'm desperately wanting to race home and sit on it.
Miles: I wish you were here, for obvious reasons... But also because I'm just glad you're coming home to me. I was surprised with how hard it was that you were so far away tonight, even if it was only an hour up the road. I look forward to having you in my arms again. I'll see you tomorrow for dinner?
I smiled at my phone. He missed me tonight.
Eden: I missed you too, Miles. Now go touch yourself and then go to sleep. You must be tired. And yes to dinner please. I can't wait.
Miles: Can't wait to touch you tomorrow ;) Goodnight, sweetheart xo
I chuckled to myself. Fuck, I love him.
"Mi… Mi… Michelangelo!?" I heard Luna humming and proclaiming from the passenger seat, apparently still desperately trying to think of names, no doubt revisiting her search considering all the 'dings' coming from my phone. Even in all her drunkenness, her overt Italianness makes me laugh.