- EDEN -
I guess my absentminded wondering recently about how Trey was doing the other day, in reflection on yet another disastrous date, must have manifested this into existence.
I'd received an online invitation to some of my old friends Carley and Mitch's wedding in a few months. Carley was a girl that Luna, Nella and I knew from trade school, and when I sent her a text message in response letting her know that Trey and I were no longer together, she replied saying she was sorry to hear that, and would I like her to contact him and let him know of his invite or would I be doing that myself, insinuating that she and her partner still wanted him to come even though we're no longer together.
I'd find it weird that they still want him to come, but Trey always got on with them best, and they were probably the only ones I'd say he really made an effort to get to know. If I had to guess, I'd have said it was because Mitch worked in the same industry as him and was originally from Melbourne.
Trey: Hey. So, Mitch called me earlier to let me know about the wedding, and that you'd told them we're no longer together. They still want me to come, and have offered me a plus one, so I'm hoping that's okay with you?
I knew this was coming when I told Carley to just give Trey a call and tell him about the wedding invite himself. I could have easily done it myself, but also, it's not really my responsibility. It's their wedding, and if they want him there, they need to extend that invite out to him.
I didn't really know what he would say, but I'm glad he felt able to message me himself to talk about it.
Eden: Hey, good to hear from you. Of course it's okay. It will be good to see you while you're here.
Trey: Okay, cool. I just wanted to check with you first before I agreed to it and invited someone.
I feel like he might be fishing for a reaction from me? But that could be me interpreting things in text with more emotion as is my natural way being such a sensitive person myself. I have a few feelings about hearing that he will be inviting a date already, but I guess that's only fair for him considering he'd be well and truly outnumbered coming up on his own given most of the people there will be my friends.
Eden: I look forward to seeing both you and your date when you get here in a few months then.
Trey: This probably isn't the best platform to have let you know this, but I've started seeing someone. We moved in together a week ago. I'm actually living in Geelong now.
Now this text absolutely has me feeling things, and not exclusively pleasant things.
I could be upset by the news that he is dating someone so seriously and so soon after we broke up, but really, being upset won't get me anywhere, nor for that matter will it be at all beneficial to Trey. I ultimately don't get a say in what he does and doesn't do with his life and his heart, which means I have no right to be affected one way or another with this news.
If anything---and I mean this is all sincerity---I'm genuinely happy that he's happy. That is, after all, all I ever wanted for him, especially when I made the decision to leave, and I'm truly glad and excited for him that he's found that.
Would I have wanted to be the first one in a new relationship? Probably. Am I shocked and slightly offended that he's moved away from his beloved city and all its career opportunities so soon to be with her, especially when I outright asked if he'd do the same for me and he chose his career over our relationship, absolutely. There's an element of ego and pride I haven't completely shed which has been pricked by this news just a tiny fraction, but I know it's not real and that it doesn't actually mean anything in the grand scheme of things, and that it will pass in time.
I'm happy and settled here. I'm laughing and joking and having fun for the first time in a long time. I feel fulfilled and loved being amongst my friends again. I've never been more satisfied with my work. I'm proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone and trying to date, disastrous disappointments though they mostly have been. I'm energised by making a conscious effort to improve my physical health alongside my mental health. I have a home I love, and a beautiful puppy to share it with.
The only thing that could potentially be improved is the trainwreck that is my relationship with the majority of my family, which I've come to accept is likely to be unchanged for a while as it would mean me sucking up my own wounded pride and being the bigger person, which I just don't see the value of right now. That, and potentially having someone to date that is somewhat normal.
Eden: Wow, that's a big change for you. Sounds exciting, and I hope I get to hear more about it all when you're both here.
That's about all I can offer him for now, unfortunately. Anything more and I feel like I'd be opening myself to feeling anything other than the content I have become so accustomed to being since returning home.
Trey: It is exciting. Thanks for being so cool about this, Eden.
"Who are you messaging, Aunty Eden? It's not Mummy being grumpy again, is it?" asked Piper from her cross legged position on my picnic rug, completely oblivious to how hilarious she is.
"It's actually Trey, Pip. He was messaging me to tell me he's coming to visit in a few months," I replied, trying to figure out how best to explain to a seven-year-old that my ex-boyfriend is coming to town with his new girlfriend to go to a wedding we're both attending.
"Are you sad that Trey isn't your boyfriend anymore?"
Elodie and Spencer were heading out for dinner with one of Spencer's work mates, and he'd hit me up asking if I could babysit Piper for the night, which I of course accepted. This whole not speaking to Elodie but still getting to see Piper by going through Spencer who I have no issue with is actually working out pretty well for me... until the inquisitive devil starts asking questions like am I sad about not being with Trey.
"Not at all, Pip. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Why? Do I seem sad?" I asked, wanting to know where this question was coming from.
"Mummy said to Spencer that you're never going to get married now."
"Well, that's interesting, isn't it?" I said, back to internally raging at Elodie for being such a judgy, presumptuous cow. "People don't need to get married to be happy, Pip. Some people just don't want to get married. Some people are happy just loving each other. Some people are happy loving themselves the most and don't need to be dating someone.
"Just because some people like to get married, doesn't mean everyone else does, Pip. We're all different, and some people's 'happy' looks very different to others, and that's perfectly okay. We don't need to be the same."
Piper looked stunned, like I'd shattered the foundation of her life underneath her feet by challenging the presumptions people have made about her life and the myths people have shared about life in her presence, which is all she really knows until she can start thinking critically and making her own judgements about what she believes and not. Of course, seeing as she's seven, she has no way of articulating that precise phenomenon, but her confusion is evident on her sweet face as she's trying to process what I've said.
"What about babies? Mummy said you probably won't have babies," Piper asked cautiously, like she already knew the answer but was unravelling her idea of women right in front of her eyes.
"I don't like to plan my life in advance, Piper. If something happens and it feels right to do it, then I'll do it. Otherwise I'm happy just doing the things that make me happy. Like, hanging out with my friends, and playing with my dog, and babysitting my niece who I love more than anything.
"Maybe I will have babies, and maybe I won't. But either of those options will be just fine. There isn't a 'right' way to grow up and do things, Pip. The goal is just to do what makes you happy, whatever that looks like."
Piper still wore a look of intense confusion, evidence of her trying so hard to understand what I was saying. "So I don't have to get married like Mummy if I don't want to?"
"Not at all, Pip."
"And I don't have to have babies like Mummy had me, or like Luna has in her tummy if I don't want one?"
I laughed at my niece, so small and simple in her reasoning, but so clever and open to learning new things. "Pippy, when you're old enough to start making your own choices in life, you can make whatever ones you want. As long as they're yours, and they're right for you. Just because everyone else lives their life a certain way, doesn't mean we all need to be the same."
"I think I want to be like you when I'm old," she said seriously, missing how one might be affected by the shot at my age.
"I'm sure your mother would love that," I smiled to myself, watching Piper continue to paint in the sketchbook we brought to the park with us.
I think I've decided after this conversation with my niece that I'll be civil and put up with Elodie purely to keep my connection with Piper until she's old enough to dictate and drive her own relationships, independent from her mother. If I tell her to fuck off and never speak to me again, which is actually what I would be saying if she didn't have Piper, she'd likely never let me see her, even with me going through Spencer. But my sister won't be receiving anything more from me than simple pleasantries from now on, and I imagine the only times I'll even need to use those is when I ask to see Piper, pick her up and drop her home. That's it. I'm done being nice to people who don't respect me.
I don't feel like I'm lacking for not having her in my inner circle. If anything, I feel less encumbered by not seeing or speaking to her more regularly, and feel more able to just be myself without having to filter through the things I would usually have to with Elodie to keep her from reacting in one way or another and avoiding more of a fight than I have energy for.
"I like you living close to me now, Aunty Eden. I missed you too much when you were gone."
There was no way I was holding back the tears this time, but at least these ones were happy ones.
"I like living close to you too, baby. You were the biggest part I missed, for sure."
My cuddle with my niece was interrupted by Hades getting up from his corner of the rug and sitting up alert to a sudden change in his surroundings, one of those being the very unexpected arrival of Miles, looking certifiably uncomfortable, like he didn't know whether to say hi or not.
"Miles," I said, shocked to see him here. "Hi."
"Good afternoon, ladies and Hades." Miles kneeled down to pat Hades before smiling at Piper, who had ducked in behind me when she realised Miles was nearby and speaking to us. "And who is this young artist?"
"Piper!" squealed Piper before repositioning and burrowing under her own arm to shield her artwork from Miles like she was anxious about him seeing it.
"I see. Top secret womanly art business," Miles chuckled, watching Piper peeping her head up at Miles periodically in between brushstrokes, naturally curious about him, as am I. "No boys allowed?"
"No boys allowed," Piper mumbled loudly, causing Miles and I both to laugh at her.
"Well, this is certainly the most interesting-looking activity my maleness has excluded me from," Miles joked, causing me to laugh so loudly that both Hades and Piper simultaneously looked up at me in bewilderment. Miles, meanwhile, was beaming at me. "How are you doing, Eden?"
"I'm doing well. How are you? You know, besides being sad that you can't paint flowers and rainbows with us."
"I was hoping for a new painting of the beach for my fridge, but I guess I'll just have to find one somewhere else," he said, winking at me when Piper looked back at him quickly and grabbed a new piece of paper and what looked to be the yellow and blue paints.
Men shouldn't be allowed to wink. It should be illegal. Especially Miles, who is practically sex incarnate already without adding that guaranteed-to-get-me-wet move.
"That's too bad, isn't it, Piper?" I said reaching for Piper's arm to see what she was now painting, but being fended off with a paint-soaked brush which no doubt is now splattered all over me. "Thanks for that, Pip."
"You're welcome," chimed the smartass, not looking up from her next masterpiece.
I looked over at Miles who had sat down beside me, and he laughed at us. More specifically at me considering he pointed out all the places on my face where I now had paint.
"Here, let me," he said, pulling down his long sleeve and reaching for my face, pausing briefly before making contact with my cheek, like he wanted to know I was okay with him touching me. I nodded and he smiled and began wiping the blue paint from my face, taking ridiculously good care to not be too hard against my skin.
"Your shirt is ruined," I said, feeling bad when I looked at how much blue paint now marred his sleeve.
"Totally worth it," he grinned, wiping it off on the grass and leaning back on his hands. Hades, never wasting an opportunity to cop some free pats, sauntered over and sat in Miles' lap, which was amazing timing because it pulled Miles' attention from me and the mini freak-out I was having at what Miles had just said.
'Totally worth it.'
What does he mean by that? I don't think I'm being too presumptuous when I interpret into that sentence that he enjoyed the opportunity to touch my face as much as I enjoyed him touching it. I want him to do it again, and again, and again. It felt like all the shooting star, rainbow, and earthly delighting magic that Piper and I had been drawing all afternoon.
"So, Aunty Eden?" Miles said, startling me out of my daydream about him kissing me under a galaxy of stars in a field of flowers. He must have overheard at least some of my conversation with Piper. I'm really hoping it was only the tail end because otherwise that might be quite embarrassing witnessing me being grilled about love and relationships by my seven-year-old niece.
"Yep. this little devil is my sister's kid," I said, snorting a little when Piper looked back at me darkly with blue paint on her nose, like she'd been working so close to the paper that the tip touched the wet paint. I'm not sure she appreciated me referencing her to a mini Satan.
"Man, I wish I had nieces and nephews," Miles said, continuing to scratch my baby's head. Hades is seriously vibing with Miles right now. He looks so relaxed and content in Miles' lap. "Only child," Miles elaborated.
Quietly, I replied saying, "Lucky you. Siblings are overrated."
He looked at me curiously. "I'm intrigued, but assume we're probably not in the best company for me to ask any more about that. So all I'll say is that I'm genuinely jealous. This one seems like a lot of fun."
"She's a delightfully sassy, funny, sweet, inquisitively bright, mess of a human, aren't you, Pippy?" I said, poking her waist and laughing again when she jumped and squirmed out of my reach, looking back and squinting at me evilly.
"Just like her aunt then," Miles grinned over at me, sending my ovaries into hyperdrive. This guy, I swear. Wolfe better seriously appreciate how much I love and respect him to not instigate anything with his friend. "Maybe not the messy part though."
I chuckled. "Oh, I'm definitely a mess."
"Well you keep it pretty well hidden then," he said, redirecting his gaze back on Hades who had rolled over to expose his belly in front of Miles, clearly as infatuated with him as I am. "What are you ladies up to today? Aside from creating the next groundbreaking exhibit for the Byron Bay Gallery?
"Piper here is having a sleepover at my house, so just movies and popcorn and icecream and---"
"Pizza!" squealed Piper suddenly. "Lots and lots of pizza."
Miles and I laughed at her, the blending of both sounds doing weird and wonderful things to the vital organ pumping furiously at me in my chest.
"Love a woman who knows what she wants," joked Miles cheerfully, smiling at Piper who seems to be following in my footsteps and quickly falling for his charms, finally emerging from her artist's cave to sit up and look at him. "What pizza are you making Aunty Eden buy you, Piper?"
"Um," she started, touching her index finger to her mouth and leaving red paint there like she was wearing really poorly applied crimson lipstick. Miles and I both laughed at her, even more so when she continued talking. "Aunty Eden's favourite is Margherita, which is fine, but like, a little boring. I like mushrooms, and olives, and spinach, and pineapple."
"You must be a mind reader Piper because they are my four favourite toppings of all time," Miles replied to Piper enthusiastically. I'm not sure if he means it or not, but Piper is glowing at his energy, as am I. He's so sweet with her that I want to throw him down, climb into his lap and kiss the hell out of him. Men with an earnest warmth with kids is undeniable, and this is coming from a woman who doesn't even know she wants kids. "You've gotta make sure Aunty Eden orders a really, really big one, okay? Like, the biggest one they have, and you eat a slice or two for me."
"Why don't you just come over and have some with us?" Piper suggested innocently. At least I hope it's innocent and she isn't ratting me and my horny vagina out. She's too young to know how to set someone up, right?
"Piper!" I said, aware that I'm sounding alarmed at her inviting Miles over to pizza and not sure how to recover from the embarrassment I'm feeling when I hear it replaying in my own head.
"What?" she asked while Miles laughed heartily. "Miles likes pizza. I like pizza. You like pizza."
"I know, Pippy, but you can't just invite people you don't know over for dinner."
"But you know him?" she said, again exuding guiltlessness and looking confused as to why I'm all flustered by this whole scenario. Sure, I know Miles a bit now, but not dinner-invite-at-my-house-with-my-niece level well.
Miles, coming to my rescue unknowingly, interjected and replied to my niece. "As much as I would love literally nothing more than sharing a pizza with you, Piper, I very sadly already have plans tonight. But maybe we can convince Aunty Eden to buy us pizza another time?"
I held my breath the whole time he spoke, not missing at all the disappointment to his tone in his rejection of dinner with us tonight. I don't know if he was just making up an excuse to get out of it because I was clearly on edge about the idea of him coming over, or if he did actually have plans. But I can't deny that I wish he would come over, and stay over, and fuck me senseless into tomorrow morning. Which means I have completely lost control of my ability to keep our friendship simple for the sake of both our relationships with Wolfe.
Piper exhaled a defeated sigh, and said 'fine' to Miles' offer before returning to her painting, apparently done with interacting with us now her hopes to have Miles share cheesy dough with us tonight were shattered.
"She's clearly your niece," Miles laughed, elaborating when I asked what he meant by that. "You guys are like peas in a pod. Matter-of-fact, bold, beautiful, hilarious."
I know he's primarily complimenting Piper, but my stomach is fluttering knowing he's describing me with these generous accolades as well.
"I've gotta get going," Miles said with one final pat of Hades' head before he got up to leave. I realise I don't want him to go about the same time that he wishes us a good evening, and says to Piper that it was such a joy to meet her and he looks forward to seeing her paintings sell for thousands of dollars in the future. "Have a good night, ladies. I'll see you in class, Eden."
Piper sat up and moved to whisper in my ear as Miles started walking away, holding up her sweet drawing of the beach with a rainbow in the background and flower stars in the sky. "This is for Miles."
"Then go on and give it to him, Pippy, before he runs off."
"No, you!"
"Do I look like your slave?" She looked at me with narrowed eyes and said that yes, I am her slave, and my left eyebrow shot up so quickly with how unimpressed I was with her answer that she got the message and just jumped up and ran after Miles, handing it over to him without a word before making her way back to me, leaving Miles there, staring at the drawing with what looked like glassy eyes.
"Is that your new boyfriend, Aunty Eden?" Piper asked, not at all quietly enough for Miles to not hear, which I'm guessing he did given the shaking of his shoulders as he continued walking away. Thankfully he didn't linger, so I could reply to my meddlesome niece without worrying I'd be overheard too.
"I wish, jellyfish. He's pretty handsome, huh?" I said watching Miles turn the corner.
"Very!"