⚠️CW: MENTIONS OF ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, AND ABUSE⚠️
I turn around and the harsh lighting of the morning sun shines in my eyes, I open my eyes—squinting.
I lay on my back, trying to escape the light. My eyes closed again as I tried to drift back to sleep until I noticed something.
I sit up and see the other side of the bed empty, I look around the room and nothing changed—it was just how it looked last night.
For some reason, a pit grew in my stomach as I slide out of the bed and let my bare feet hit the cold floor. The apartment was quiet, enough to where you could hear anyone walking around and I heard nothing but my own steps.
I didn't bother to look in the bathroom as I walk out of the room and my eyes go to the couch, where I see Minho sitting. Head in his hands and still half naked, with only a pair of sweatpants on but the upper half of his body was bare.
"Darling?" My voice came out gentle, I didn't want to startle him.
His shoulder rises as he took a deep breath at the sound of my voice, walking around the couch and looking at him curiously.
He looks up from his hands but not enough to look at me in the eyes, they looked straight at the tv ahead. His arms were still propped up on his knees as I noticed his eyes shifted around.
"Is everything okay?"
To say I was worried was beyond an understatement. We finally slept together last night and it felt now that he regretted it.
I look for signs of tears in his eyes but there was none, his eyes held no tears or any signs of them at all.
I decided to sit beside him with a small sigh, "Is it about the last ni-"
"What do you do for a living?"
I froze, his voice came out hoarse from the lack of talking after waking up and that led me to realize he's been in his head this whole time.
I look at him as he still stared ahead. "What?". I tried not to sound afraid but I was. I knew this was it.
Finally, he turns his head and he looks at me. I saw nothing, he didn't look scared and he didn't look mad, nothing was held in those big eyes of his.
"Other than the club, what are those businesses you own?"
His eyes stood on mine, they didn't waver and his voice didn't hesitate.
"Tell me... tell me what you've been keeping from me" I can hear the impatience growing in his voice.
I look away from him and inhale sharply. "I don't feel it is the right time darling"
"Don't call me that!" His voice was now raised as his patience was no longer there. Standing up, I look at him as he runs his fingers through his messy brown hair. "Not now Jisung, don't call me that!"
His voice was breaking and the tears I was searching for moments ago were now making an appearance. He's been trying to keep it all inside.
Minho points to the coffee table and that's when I notice a familiar folder, "Someone came over and left that"
My eyes stayed on the folder "You looked in it didn't you?"
"Yes", my jaw clenched "Just tell me, please"
My focus got blurry as my attention stayed on the coffee table, Minho walking in front of me. Grabbing my face in his hands, his eyes now red.
"What does Jae have to do with any of this business shit you do?"
My eyebrows furrow "What?"
He also got confused "That folder—the papers are information on Jae"
Right, I forgot I had Choi look into him.
Minho let go of my face and grabs the folder, putting it on my lap "I'm not gonna let this go Jisung, so just tell me"
Fuck it.
I stood quiet for a second, trying to figure out where to start. "After I left, I met Changbin" I look to Minho who sat on the carpet in front of me, listening to my every word.
"We met one night when I was close to just... ending it all" Minho's face falls and I look down "Changbin was always there, he talked me out of a lot of shit and I can't help but feel like I owe him so much now" I mumble, feeling myself get emotional at the memories I promised myself not to bring up.
I felt Minho's hand on my knee, looking up from my blurry vision he had a small frown on his face. "I told you how were drunk one night and that's when we came up with the idea of starting a club"
"Was that a lie?"
I shook my head slightly "For the most part, no".
I sat back and Minho's curious eyes stayed on me. "That year we got involved with... illegal men, and things. That's all it was, a job that can earn money fast and a lot of it."
"All it was, what is it now?"
"We use to work for someone then, when we got the club we started doing our own thing—making our own money and having our own men"
Minho looks down for a second, messing with his fingers he says "Do you hurt people?"
He looks up hesitantly and I nod "Yeah, but I think you already knew that"
He bites his lips and nods "I figured", he looks to the folder on my lap that I still hadn't gone through. "I still don't get why you looked into Jae"
I open my mouth to speak but hesitate with my next words. Now that he knows what I do for a living other than own the club, it makes me want to tell him more.
"I'm in deep shit right now darling"
His head tilts slightly and his eyebrows pull together "Did someone go wrong?"
I chuckle, looking away from him briefly. "I fucked up this month, bad". I look at him and sit up, my arms propped up on my knees as I look at him "Jae can be a very important person to help fix this and I'm hoping darling—I'm hoping that when I open this folder that it confirms it for me"
"Your not making sense jisung, confirms what?"
I look down at the carpet and say "The day after you showed up, I killed someone" I didn't dare look up, yes I admitted I hurt people but full-on telling him that I kill people was different.
"A man I worked with for years betrayed me and stole from me so my men found his son and I killed him" I looked up, and Minho just looked at me. "He was older than me, maybe a year. I didn't think it would turn into this"
"The dad wants you dead doesn't he?"
I give him a sad smile and shake my head "No, he does want me to hurt though"
He was quiet, processing the words I said. "We found out he has another son, that's why I looked into Jae. They said it's someone close and for some reason, he's always been suspicious of me"
Minho's eyes widen "It's him"
"What?"
Minho shook his head, looking down "It all makes sense"
I grab his hand and he looks at me. "What does darling?"
His eyes were filled with tears "I don't think you killing his son started this Jisung. Jae used to always ask about you, I never suspected anything because I just thought he was curious about my past relationship but no, when I refused to tell him what he wanted that's when he...that's when he hurt me"
Tears escaped his beautiful eyes, making me get closer to him and wipe them over his flushed cheeks. He looks up at me and says "I think he's always been watching you, him, and his dad"
"Why though? I don't understand" I sit back onto the couch, running my hands up my face harshly. "I worked with Moon for years and if he wanted me he could have had me, so why fucking now?"
Minho stood up and sat beside me on the couch, I look at him "You'll kill him, will you?"
"Moon?"
Minho shakes his head "Jae"
"I have to, It's either him or y-" I couldn't finish that but Minho seemed to understand as he looks away. I sit up "Look at me". He does, worry and fear in his eyes. "I won't let him or anyone hurt you, I promise darling"
"You can't promise that Jisung" Ouch. "That night at Cafe was them right?"
I look away, "Your not a superhero, your human. I don't want you to blame yourself if anything does—"
"It won't!" I snap, looking at him as tears fill my eyes. Grabbing his face and looking into his eyes "I'll die before anything happens to you, I'll die protecting you if I have to!"
He shook his head and pushed my hands away "Don't say that", his chin wobbled and he sniffled. "Don't ever fucking say that again, none of us will die!"
I was selfish, he looked at me with so much worry and hoped I can agree with him but I couldn't. I knew this would end wrong, I felt it. Maybe it was just because I was a pessimistic person and maybe I had the right to be.
I was selfish, letting him into my life again and giving him all this stress and fear. I don't know his full reason for leaving me years ago, whatever it was only protected him more than I ever could.
I was selfish, just like Changbin had said and like how Felix sees me. I knowingly let him walk back into my club to find me and apologize, I accepted it and I continued to see him.
I was selfish because I asked him out again, and I was selfish because I didn't regret it. I slept with him last night and I loved it.
He stared at me with tears streaming down his face "Kill him, I don't care but please Jisung don't do anything stupid", Minho broke down, all because of my selfishness. His head was in his hands and his body shook as the tears he spent so much time holding in escaped.
I sit up and grab his hand "Hey, look at me" I spoke softly, having him look at me. I frown "Come here"
I move the folder off my lap and he replaces it, straddling my waist. He wraps his arms around my neck and cuddles me close. I smile softly and run his back "I won't let anything bad happen"
"And I won't let you kill yourself for me"
I laugh and he sits up with a pout, I wipe the remaining tears off his cheeks "You're beautiful"
"Are you trying to seduce me?"
I smirk "Only if it's working"
"It's not" I roll my eyes and he cuddles me again.
"I should look through this folder and meet up with Changbin"
"Sounds like a good idea," Minho said but didn't move an inch.
"Can't get things done when my clingy boyfriend doesn't let me move"
He scoffs and sits up "I'm not clingy"
-
The men left the room one by one, Changbin and Chan staying behind.
I sat down on an empty chair, "I knew Jae was suspicious, he just has that look"
"And that look is what exactly?"
Changbin looks at Chan "Suspicious"
Chan and I both laugh "Right, makes total sense"
The room fell silent, Chan looks at me and says "So Minho knows?"
I nod "Yeah, he took it surprisingly well"
"I don't think that's surprising," Changbin says.
Chan nods, agreeing, and says "He gives me the vibe"
"The vibe?" I question.
Chan swallows harshly and nods slowly "Yeah, I mean the way he acts around you and how he totally threatened me that day we went to the cafe"
"Still not understanding"
Changbin groans loudly "He's trying to say that Minho is bad shit crazy"
I chuckle "I don't even think Minho can hurt a fly". Chan and Changbin look at each other with wide eyes "What? How are y'all gonna secretly talk about my boyfriend and not fill me in?"
They look at me "What if that's what Jae meant?"
"What if Minho turned bat shit crazy," Changbin says, Chan looks at me and nods.
"He told me he was gonna—Never mind I don't relive it," Chan says.
"He's not crazy, and even if he was I still don't think he can hurt anyone—he feels too much and guilt would eat him alive"
Chan nods "True, the idea of him being secretly crazy sounded interesting though"
"Straight out of a lifetime movie for real" Changbin adds. We all look at each other and laugh.