I haven't had a real conversation with Matteo in months. I loved it. I need to talk to him more, be with him more.
I walked up to my bedroom and sat on my bed. My shoot was for a small company, just a couple of hours. I haven't had a modeling shoot for a couple of weeks, my agent hasn't found anything. I wasn't sure how much I like her, but I needed her.
I closed my eyes and let sleep consume me.
*********
The next morning I awoke with the sun rising. Tomorrow was my next shoot and I was dreading it more by the second.
I sat up and looked around my mess of a room. My bedroom was never what people would imagine. Honestly, it was quite boring. Plain white walls, a small dresser, and my bed. My closet was probably more interesting than the room itself. The only thing decorating the room right now was the huge piles of clothes on the floor.
I walked downstairs to an empty house, per usual. I shuffled through the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water, quickly drinking it from the glass.
I figured I'd just work out until my mother woke up and decided to join me. I needed to work on my core today for the shoot tomorrow.
I walked down the stairs and started with plank hip dips and went from there.
**********
After about 45 minutes I heard some rustling upstairs. I checked the clock and realized it was most likely Matteo getting ready for school, which reminded me that I had yet to get ready.
I ran up the stairs and noticed Matteo humming a tune to himself while putting two slices of bread in the toaster. I smiled and ran up to my room, skimming my closet. I picked out a pair of ripped jeans, a white tank top, with my Taylor Swift cardigan over it.
I set the clothes on the counter in my bathroom before turning on the warm water in the shower. I quickly washed all the sweat off me and stepped out. My hair was slightly wet after towel drying it but I didn't have the energy to blow dry it, so I decided to let it air dry.
I threw on my clothes and grabbed my bag before running down the stairs to see Matteo washing his dirty plate.
"Do you need a ride today?" He asked as he noticed my presence.
"No, thank you. I have to pick up Izzie and Kylie."
He nodded and began to dry the dish. I sat on the couch and grabbed my phone before opening Instagram.
Scrolling through all of these pretty people made me wonder why I was in the business in the first place. I was never as pretty as the people I saw, but somehow I was so fortunate with how my life turned out, however it was also terrible. You can never tell when somebody likes you for being you, or if they want to use you, hurt you, break you. Being used messes with your trust so badly, and before you know it, you're alone and don't have the heart to let anyone else in. Being broken from the inside is the worst type of hurt, and it's really hard. It drains you until you have nothing left to give. That's why I tell people not to get into the public eye, I try to save them before it's too late.
The hate is also terrible. People always say "Don't let it get to you", but I don't get how you can just ignore people telling them to harm themselves every day. The hate will always be there, I've never seen a creator without hate. It's inevitable. But the worst part is that you can't tune it out. Some tiny spot in the back of your brain will always have those little voices telling you that you're not good enough, that you don't deserve where you are, that you're fat, ugly, too tall, too short, too pale, everything they say will be there, and you just have to deal with it.
I noticed the time and closed out of my social media.
"Bye Matteo," I waved. He held up his hand, not looking up from his phone as I walked out of the house.
I never really liked driving. It always made me anxious. What if I crashed, what if I killed somebody, what if I killed myself, but nevertheless I still drove to school every morning.
I stopped by Izzie's first and saw her looking down at her phone on her front porch. She noticed my car pull up and an immediate smile rose on her face.
"Hi, Faye," she said, cheerfully, sitting in the passenger seat. I nodded toward her and began driving to Kylie's.
On the way, Izzie talked my ear off about this new guy she likes. Something about a brunette with green eyes.
As I pulled into Kylie's driveway I noticed her already walking toward us. She sat inside and immediately began talking. I don't know how I ended up with two social best friends when I usually kept quiet, but as cheesy as it sounds, I wouldn't trade them.
"What are we doing for your birthdaaay" Kylie asked, extending out the a.
"I don't know why everyone cares that much. I'm gonna be seventeen, not that huge."
"Faye," Izzie rolled her eyes, "Stop doing that. Kylie celebrated her seventeenth, I'm gonna celebrate my seventeenth, so you are celebrating yours, so what are we doing?"
"You guys are just like Matteo. Also, ask him, I have no idea what we're doing and I really couldn't care less. I could be in bed watching movies for all I care."
And with that, we finally pulled up to the school so I could escape this dreadful conversation.
I managed to navigate through people's stares and get to my locker safely, without people bombarding me with wanting to be "friends" or take pictures with me. I was used to it by now, but it was tiring.
I got to my first class and sat in the back corner. Mr. Raagen was a middle-aged history teacher and his classes made me want to fall asleep on a fully rested day.
Most "popular people" sat in the front, itching for all of the attention, but I never understood it. They loved the constant stare, the not-so-discreet whispers, people crushing on them from afar, it fed their tiny little egos.
I never wanted to be popular, but here I am. Center of attention, "Faye Collins - Fashion Icon". Counting down the seconds until it all comes crashing down.
The bell rang before I could even comprehend the first thing Mr. Raagen said, much to my comfort. My next class was honors literature with Mrs. Sullivan, which was an okay class.
I made my way to the back and prepared for one of her peaceful lessons,
**********
Before I knew it, the lunch bell was ringing, and I was making my way outside. My group and I sat at the one table outside in hopes of avoiding any confrontation. It usually failed.
I was the first one at the table and out of boredom I started checking my phone again. It was flooded with notifications that I didn't care to open. I just glanced up and saw Charlie Beckett, one of Kai's baseball teammates sitting down.
"Hello, Faye," he greeted in a fake British accent.
"Hi, Charlie."
Soon enough, the rest of the group showed up. The table consisted of me, Charlie, Izzie, Kylie, Briannah, Nathen, and Kai, who had yet to show. Briannah and Nathen slowly gravitated towards our friend group and I didn't ever mind, however, I do think Kai was slightly jealous whenever I talked to Nathen.
I felt arms wrap around me from behind, sending me into attack mode. My arm whipped up and hit a figure in the nose. I turned around to see that figure being Kai. He groaned, clutching his nose.
"Oh my god!" I practically yelled, "Are you okay?"
He began laughing and I breathed I didn't know I was holding released from my body. I could see it was beginning to swell slightly, but nothing too severe. He walked back to where I was and kissed my temple.
"Remind me never to surprise you again," he smiled, and I just awkwardly laughed it off.
The rest of lunch slowly eased into the normal conversation until the bell rang again and it was time to go back to hell.
**************
I would say the day went by nice and smoothly, but I don't like lying. I drove Izzie and Kylie home while they talked their minds off about their day.
Before I knew it, I was pulling into my empty driveway. Matteo had practice, but I had no idea where mom was, nor did I care.
I went upstairs to change out of my clothes when I decided to go for a run. The weather was beginning to get more cold so I wanted to get outside while I could.
I changed into some shorts and a sports bra before grabbing my phone and AirPods. I put them in and ran downstairs, hurrying before my mother returned home.
I opened the front door and felt the light breeze blowing on my face. The air felt much clearer and my mind began to fizzle out into calm.
I shut the door and turned on my music before beginning to run.
Running was an outlet. I could focus on what I was doing, and not anything else at that moment. I could get away from the stress of my job, my life, my home.
The trees were softly shaking from the breeze, and a large patch of grass was in front of me. I walked through the grass to see a small playground I hadn't seen before. I sat on a swing and pulled out my phone. Two missed calls from mom and one from Kai. I ignored them both, knowing they didn't need anything important, but I did see a voicemail from Kai that I decided to listen to.
"Hey Faye," his cheerful voice rang out, "I was just with some people, wanted to check how you were doing. I know I just saw you, but I thought I'd check anyway. Alright, call me back. Good night, love you." There was a little rustling before the voicemail ended. When Kai did things like that it just made my heart squeeze in joy. I don't know what I did to deserve him.
I put my phone back in the pocket of my shorts and began heading back home. The sky was beginning to dim and the moon began to shine.
I was running slower back home, not truly wanting to go back. I knew mom and Ethan would be there and I truly just wanted to take a shower and go to sleep.
I saw my home in the distance and the closer I got, the heavier I felt. I eventually made it there and slowly opened the door. Mom was in the kitchen, pouring a glass of water, and Matteo was on the couch watching a movie.
I made my way over to the kitchen to get a glass of water when I felt mom's piercing gaze on me.
"Hello Faye," she began, a certain tone that I couldn't make out in her voice. "Have you eaten at all today?"
I thought back on my day. I hadn't eaten breakfast and I don't usually eat lunch.
"No, I haven't," I answered, "Why do you ask?"
"Oh good. You have to look good for tomorrow. Anyway, goodnight."
"Goodnight," I mumbled, setting the glass down. I walked up the stairs and sat on my bed.
Maybe she was right. Maybe I shouldn't eat as much as I do. I clearly don't need it. I'll be okay. I look terrible anyways. Why do we need food? She was right, I just wouldn't eat. Right.
QOTD: Have you met anybody famous?
Word Count: 2029