Ivory – xix ; His Lily, Her Angel; His Boo, His Bee
Created: 06.17.22
Finished: 06.18.22
Edited: 08.28.22
Published: 08.30.22
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Trigger Warning: mentions of death and revival, fading??, breakdown
Word Count: 2393
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It's cold out here.
The kid keeps himself under wraps of the Snowchester coat Tubbo lent him. It seems that he forgot to retrieve it, well..at least Tommy has something to remember him by.
It's better if he has the other thing that is also important to him..he doesn't really remember where it is now.
No matter, he clutches the coat tight and eyes the starry sky full of colourful northern lights. This in particular really made Tommy realise that he's finally out of that cave, out of that darkness.
For some reason, although he's alive, he still believes he's in that hellhole. The only thing that makes it apart is his presence being around or not. If he could hear or see something, he must be alive, if not, he's dead again.
That works right? Why should he think about it now? He's out of it, and he's safe.
It doesn't feel like he's really out of the danger though.
Regardless about the fact that he's protected by one of the most powerful people in the server, he knows well that he would do whatever it takes to get him, hurt him, and finally kill him-
He blinks at the thought, clenching his fist, no...no no no no he doesn't want to die again.
If he's in his normal self, he'd probably flinch and start palpitating badly. That's what he acted when he lost all of his canon lives and was revived, as he attempted to recall.
'I don't want to be killed and be revived anymore.'
That's some thought that happened to have crossed his mind. He wasn't sure if it was his or not, but it was something.
Relaxing his trembling fists, he opens them and looks at them intently. They're freezing, full of scars and bandages. Did he not put on gloves?
Anyway, there's more where that came from. It's almost funny. But this, being able to see his hands, to be able to feel cold...he's alive.
He no longer knows what it feels like to be..him. Tommy. That name they keep saying at him. It doesn't feel real.
Is it because he's detached to it, or there's still that sense of disconnection?
Well whatever it is, he doesn't want to feel it.
He doesn't want to?
Yes, he doesn't want to feel it anymore.
Would he ever feel complete?
"Hey, mate. What are you doing out here? It's freezing."
Someone comments from behind to which Tommy looks back to see Philza. Grinning softly, he comes forward and stands beside the kid, eyeing the view,
"Getting some fresh air? It's nice, isn't it? There's been some fuckin' blizzards lately..it's nice to experience being in the eye of the storm." He remarks, inhaling and exhaling the winter wind.
Tommy looks at him before watching the surroundings in front of them. Although it's nothing much but a pile of snow, there are northern lights brightening the land, dimly..He couldn't help but to find it-
"She's beautiful, isn't she?" Tommy cocks his head to the side in confusion,
"The light she shows, the glow and all..it's wonderful."
Still, the kid didn't really respond much to it which made Phil laugh, "I..have lost a lot of people in my life, Tommy. When you're an old man like me..you kind of outlive a lot of people..No matter how much you don't want them gone or love them with all your heart." Phil starts, his eyes fixated on the sky with a bittersweet smile plastered on his face,
"I miss someone really special, and she's..god she's just everything to me, Tommy. If only you knew how much she means to me." He laughs, a slight blush blooms on his face and the kid could notice it so well, how much he's so besotted to this certain woman,
"She was the most beautiful woman ever, both body, mind and soul. All the crows adored her and smitten by her existence, and when I first encountered her, so was I."
Tommy couldn't help but to shake, almost to the point that it looks like he's silently snickering, "Oh god, I'm not that cheesy, am I? There's no need for me to tell the story."
The kid frowns and shakes his head, putting a finger on his chin and presses it a few times, "Tell? You want me to keep telling you?" He nods, "Man, Tommy..that's really unlike you." Phil notices, but smiling anyways,
"Well, I'm not sure if there's much to say..."
The kid grabs his attention once more before pulling up a few signs. He just learned about them for this day so he was pretty new about all this.
The words as usual are incomplete but the way Tommy mouths the words off silently really helped, "When..you she meet? When did she and I meet eh? Let's see.."
He thinks for a moment and smiles, reminiscing the past, "It was a very long time ago, but the memories are far too fresh to me. I was supposed to die long ago you know, and people like me and Technoblade; one life cast out, we're already done for."
His tone has gone softer, peaceful in telling his tale, Tommy couldn't help but to listen, "I was badly wounded. My wings didn't make it and the fall could have been my demise. It ought to be my death..but she took pity on me..and spared my life."
He eyes the skies, with his ocean blue eyes twinkling, "Kristin, the goddess of death."
oOo
"Tell me I fucked up, Techno. Tell me I fucked up.." Tubbo managed to say through fits of sobs. Techno could only watch him with a straight face, hearing the storm outside,
"Even the gods have heard your tremor and adjusted, respectfully. That's something." He muses, indifferent on how to really comfort anyone.
It's not exactly his best forte, at least that's what makes him imperfect, "I shouldn't have said that..I shouldn't have said any of that.." He whispers under his breath.
Regret and guilt bruising his damaged heart more even to the point he couldn't breathe, "Ranboo would hate to see me like this..what I've become..what I've said...He'll never accept me again from treating his ghost like that."
Technoblade sighs heavily and eyes Tubbo with a glare, "Crying doesn't solve anything, Tubbo. If you really want to fix things, get your ass up and apologise to him."
He shakes his head, but did try to stop tearing up so much, "He won't forgive me, Techno...he won't...I told him he's better off dead...I want him gone and want Ranboo back.."
Frowning to see his friend like this, he continues talking him out of it, "For fuck's sake Tubbo, why on hell you'd say that to him?"
Tubbo sniffles, getting his composure back, "I don't really know anymore..I don't really know what I want to do with him..I hate him that he's not the same, I hate that he keeps reminding me about who I lost..I hate that he keeps comforting me like him, say things like him..smile like him...It hurts so much.."
Humming as he listens, Technoblade eyes the main doors of Snowchester mansion, "Do you want him gone? You could always tell him to stay away from you."
Tubbo shakes his head, "Michael needs his other dad, I...as much as he's no longer the same person, I still need him."
Laughing lamently, he looks up to see his friend, "Does that make sense Techno? You need someone but at the same time hate them?"
That only made the piglin chuckle, "I don't understand a single fuck about emotions, Tubbo. It's a confusing enemy, and a hard one to beat. But know this." His voice deepens,
"You shouldn't let it control you, but you should control it. It's yours, Tubbo. Your emotions, you control now if it was the other way around, that'd be fucking weird-"
He almost fucked up with his words but saves it, "What you need to do right now is to actually calm yourself for a minute there and think..what you really want from him at this point. Do you want him to be around you or not? Do you want him to pretend that he's still Ranboo or act like his..ghostly self? Do you want him dead or to live for you?
"Think, Tubbo. I know it's hard, but eventually, one has to choose decisions under a dilemma. It's something we all have to face, including me."
He readjusts his mask and lets out his trident, "Where are you going?" Tubbo shakily asks, watching Techno leave,
"To talk to that ghost lover of yours. While I'm out to do that, you can spend the rest of your alone time to ponder, and decide what you really want from him." He jumps and flies away before Tubbo could even say farewell.
oOo
"Every meeting with her is like a blessing. Any slightest sign that her presence is around could make my day. I know well that we couldn't be together, to a mere mortal like me against some perfect deity.
"I could never reach her. I tried flying higher, in hopes I could meet her in person, but all she could do for me is to show me something that resembles her. Her body would be the clouds, her emotions would be the weather, and her beauty would be the aurora borealis in front of you."
Tommy blinks, eyeing the sky as well, "She could do anything in her power to make me know she's there by my side, always..but I could never touch her, hold her, hear and see her..for as long as I want to, and that really hurt. And it's a hard thing that I have to accept." He sighs heavily, ending it with a chuckle,
"And I did try to like..make her come to the overworld..she said it's been such a long time since she felt like being human. After years of constant search, both her and I, we managed to have figured it out..and have done the process a few times just so she could experience mortality. The only problem is that I am unconscious when that happens. Therefore it's still infeasible to be with her physically. We're still working on that..
"What matters most is that she could have fun being human for a little while, even though I'm not there. Kristin being happy means the world to me." Phil looks at his side to see Tommy's head on the rails, over his folded arms, clearly listening to the old man's stories.
It made him chuckle due to his unusual behaviour, "I think I have told you about her long ago, but you have only called me a crazy bloke; an old geezer..You never let me tell all the tales about her, and on you go rambling how much crazy I could get, you and Wilbur."
Tommy blinks, getting up hearing a familiar name, but Phil didn't take too much notice of it, "I'm glad you listened though. I don't know if you liked listening to me, but I feel rather appreciated being heard out. I think Techno's got tired of hearing my rants about a woman he knows well he couldn't talk to."
His smile lowers, eyeing the rails, Tommy wonders that, "I miss her..it's been a while since I've heard from her..I get that she's busy, but that doesn't make a man stop missing his beloved..his lily."
oOo
"It's weird seeing you out here in the middle of a storm..knowing that you were once squeamish around rain." Ghostboo looks back, seeing Technoblade coming close to him.
That's when the piglin also realises that his whole outfit is drenched and brimmed with mud, "You seem to have tripped and fell down, what happened?" He asks, worried about the ghost,
"Oh no, it's just nothing..Slipped and fell that's all-" Ghostboo stammers, lifting a smile despite his..messy state.
Techno could only frown at his old friend, unsure what to do, "You okay?" He tries instead, awkward asking that,
"Oh I'm doing alright, you know I am fond of rain..although this one is a tad bit too much for my liking." He replies, eyeing the storm, almost back to his lackadaisical self but Techno could still sense that his mood is low, only hiding it,
"You're not upset from what he said about you, right?"
Ghostboo lowers his grin, eyeing Techno with pursed lips, "So he told you?"
The other could only shrug, "Sort of. He was more of a mess to tell me everything, but I kind of just connected the pieces myself: You two had an argument, he said something bad, you said something bad..you ran away. That's all I could picture at the moment."
Ghostboo chuckles, his feet on the ground, drenched by the wet grass upon him, "I think that's what really happened. I'm not really sure. Everything was a blur, so I don't know.." he mutters, looking away from him despite all the fog covering up everything.
Technoblade groans, getting to the point this time, "Are you not hurt for what he did? Are you just gonna let that slide and run away?"
The ghost lifts up a beam, but it looks like it's a lament instead of genuine, "He is right, honestly. I'm not him, I'm a constant reminder of who he lost, and he deserves to hate me."
Techno shakes his head, "That doesn't sound right though, he can't let you push off like that."
Shrugging, he grips onto the cloth he's been holding for so long, covering what has been happening to him for the past months, "I can't do much anyway, plus I'm a ghost, Technoblade. What could a ghost do other than wander, smile, be carefree, and remind people what happened to the person that used to be here?"
(A/N: that actually hurt what- wtf)
Sighing heavily, the piglin reaches forward to hold his shoulder, "Ghostboo, listen-" He stops, noticing something, and the ghost notices it too.
He quickly tries to pull Techno's grip away from him but the other's reaction is quicker and grabs hold of the cloth, "What the- This is not a part of you? I thought-"
"Techno, don't pull it off." Ghostboo's voice trembles but Techno only glares and pulls it off completely, widening his eyes after what he's done.
The cloth is off, and the rest of the ghost's body is visible for all to see, the crown is thrown away in the process.
Technoblade could see who Ranboo was before; his hybrid form, black and white skin blending. His old suit is still stained with his green and red blood, and his heterochromatic eyes are faintly glowing against the mist.
There's that familiar noise whenever he gets hit by water, that steaming noise, like what Ghostbur experienced, as well as Ranboo for being half enderman. But earlier, he wasn't hurting, and now,
"Ranboo..what the fuck?.." He takes a step back, seeing his friend being in pain due to the rain but the ghost couldn't bother going somewhere to hide. Despite burning, he looks up and gives a smile to his dear friend,
"I think..I think I'm fading."
It was quick but he lunges at Techno as a distraction to grab his cloth and crown and immediately disappear before the piglin could even react or say anything.
oOo
Getting an idea, he walks inside the cabin quickly. Rummaging to get something before swiftly getting back to Tommy with an item frame, "One of our successful attempts in making her come by here. Kristin plucked this particular flower and took it home. Do you find this flower familiar?"
Tommy eyes at the plant intently, whose flowers are like white small bells, dangling on each stem, the kid shakes his head,
"This is a lily of the valley. As pretty as it is, most of its parts are actually poisonous, so I don't usually pluck them out. It surprises me how she even got a hold of it, I got to deal with rashes for a few days."
Smiling a bit because of that, Tommy could only see a happy old man talking about nothing but his lover. Cheesy yes, but also rather sweet,
"Maybe someday, you'll meet her too. She's fond of you, you know..even before." Phil chuckles, tucking the item frame with the lily in his robes,
"You're hard to handle, I admit..annoying, stubborn, loud..but she didn't see you that way. That's probably because she could see something no mortal could, neither could I.." He murmurs, facing Tommy with a soft look,
"She said you are wise..in your way, that is. You never let anyone stop you from achieving what you are striving to get. Despite all the choices and the pathways you made, your heart...your heart has always been in the right place. As long as it stays that way, you'll eventually make it. I believe that in time, you'll find what you're looking for..she believes so too."
Tommy looks away from that, eyeing the distance before widening his eyes, seeing someone. Phil squints to figure out what he's looking before grinning.
With a few swooshes, the piglin lands with ease, staring at the cabin with a light smile. Jumping once more, he lands where Phil and Tommy at before sighing heavily,
"Welp, that was a trip." He mumbles before grunting in surprise from the kid to suddenly hug him, "Woah, kid hey-" Techno tries to push him away, but Tommy isn't letting him go,
"Just let him hug you, mate. He missed you, you know." Phil teases with his snarky sneer, Techno goes red, looking away. Although, he didn't push Tommy away, that's something,
"Fuck off."