The next morning I woke up, unsure of where I was, but as my eyes adjusted, I could finally make out Josh's familiar curls buried within his pillow, his arm still stretched out and wrapped around me, his fingers tangled within my hair. I couldn't help but smile, cuddling close enough to nuzzle my face into his chest, careful not to wake him. But then I heard him sigh, his arm tightening around me.
"Hey.." He groaned, his voice still raspy and tired, his body tensing up as he stretched around me. I peeked up at him to see his lips curled into a half smile, his eyes still closed.
"Hey." I whispered. I then felt his hand move to my back, his fingers lightly gliding up and down my spine. Part of me felt like I was still dreaming. How did I end up here?
And then it all came rushing back to me.
"How'd you sleep?" He asked, peeking one eye open at me. I smirked back at him, feeling my cheeks burn. He was.. so cute. It was crazy to think how last night was technically.. our first sleepover. It wasn't exactly how I had imagined it but.. it was still a "first" that I would remember forever.
"Okay." I managed. "How about you?" He shrugged, his smile growing.
"I can't complain."
I didn't want to move. I just wanted to lay within this moment with him, just us alone together, because I knew as soon we got up, then I would be dragged right back to reality, and I was terrified of what I was going to find out. Just once.. I wanted to be able to have a moment like this, without having to worry about anything or anyone else.
But.. I also had no idea how he felt about the whole thing. I couldn't help but wonder if.. he was just being nice. Like always. If all of the hand holding and cuddling until we fell asleep was just him.. being a good friend. Because he was. He was an amazing friend, and I knew I could never repay him for the ways he's been there for me over the years, but I don't know how much longer I could go, or how much further I could go with him.. without really knowing what his intentions were.
And then he reached over, gently caressing my cheek, staring back at me with sleepy eyes and a doting smile and I decided.. I'd much rather live in the fantasy of right now than ruin it with the possibility of the painful truth. Because for all I knew, once we left this room, my life could be changed forever, so I was going to let myself pretend, just for a moment, that his affectionate touches and comforting words were more than him just fulfilling his duties.. as a friend.
I hesitantly reached over for his hand, feeling my heart beat faster as he slowly intertwined our fingers again, his lips curling into a giddy smile.
"Josh.." I finally said, peeking up at him. I could feel his eyes tracing my face until they eventually stopped at my lips. And then I looked down at his, lips that I knew all too well, lips I had found myself staring at during our many conversations of god knows what. I had zoned out so many times thinking about what it would finally feel like to kiss those lips.
"Yeah?"
"T-thank you.. for being here. For always being here." He sighed, leaning his head against mine.
"You know that I'm always here for you, Jaime." He said simply. I nodded, biting down on my lip, still not quite getting the answer I was hoping for.
"Yeah, but.. w-why?"
"Why?" I nodded, becoming more aware of his fingers still gliding across my palm.
He hesitated for a moment, holding his stare on me.
"B-because.." He finally said. "You're.. you're my.. my best friend."
My stomach dropped.
That's what I figured.
"Right.." I said, now sitting up. He propped himself up, leaning his head on his hand.
"Jaime, w-what's wrong?"
"Nothing." I said, forcing a smile. "Nothing's wrong. I just.. I'm lucky to have you. A friend like you." His face dropped as he sat up to face me.
"Did.. did I say something?" I shook my head, pushing the blankets off of me, searching the floor for my clothes.
"N-no. You didn't, I just.. I.. I should get to the hospital."
"I can take you. We can get breakfast and-"
"I think.. I should go by myself." He stopped, leaning back.
"Oh.." He sighed. I grabbed my jeans, reaching for the door.
"Jaime, I.. I think I should come with you. I want to come with you." He said, hopping out of bed. I peeked back at him before making my way down the hall to their bathroom.
As I reached for the knob, the door swung open, and I was faced with Jake walking out, towel wrapped around his waist. I quickly looked away, feeling my cheeks burn.
"Oh.. Jaime.." He said, backing away.
"I.. I'm sorry.. I'll.. I'm just gonna go." I managed, wanting to be anywhere but here right now. I didn't care, I'd just bring Josh his clothes back later, as badly as I wanted to keep them, just like all girlfriends got to.
But.. I wasn't a girlfriend.
"Jaime wait.." I heard from behind me as I made my way down the stairs. "I.. I don't understand. What happened? Talk to me."
"Nothing happened." I said, peeking back as Josh followed me closely down the rest of the way towards their front door. "I just.. I need to go see her."
"Jaime, please let me take you. You shouldn't be by yourself. I.. just give me a minute and I can drive us."
I finally stopped, realizing.. he really didn't do anything wrong. I was just.. disappointed, but that wasn't his fault. He just wanted to help. All he ever wanted to do was help, and me wanting more wasn't his problem.
"Okay." I finally said. He hesitated for a moment before reaching out his hand, motioning back into his house. I took it reluctantly, following him as he lead us into the kitchen.
"I'd.. rather not go back upstairs." I said softly, not wanting to face Jake half-dressed again. He nodded, smirking back at me.
"Yeah, um.. he.. he kinda knew you were here. It's okay."
"He knew?" He shrugged.
"I.. ran into him in the hallway last night, don't worry. He won't say anything." I nodded, sitting down at their counter as he rummaged through the cabinet.
"Here.." He said, pulling out a box of cereal, placing it down in front of me. He quickly grabbed two bowls and two spoons, sliding them across the counter. "I'll be right down and.. I'll eat with you and then we'll go, okay?" I nodded, filling my bowl, watching him as he quickly made his way back upstairs.
I got up, going into the fridge and grabbed the milk when I heard footsteps make their way into the kitchen behind me.
"Well, good morning." Jake said cheerfully.
"H-hi.. um, sorry about-"
"It's fine." He laughed, going over to the coffee maker. "You want any?"
"Sure."
He pulled out two mugs from the cabinet, leaning up against the counter as it brewed.
"So.. you have a good night?" He asked, smirking over at me. I felt my face get hot.
"I mean.. aside from my mom being checked into the hospital.." I said. He bit down on his lip, containing his smile, shaking his head.
"Yes. Aside from that."
Jake was the closest thing I had to a brother, and I was thankful, especially at times like this, to have someone like him to joke around with when life got a little too serious.
"It was okay." I said, shrugging. "What about you? How is.." I stopped, my voice trailing off, realizing I was never really introduced to the girl he brought to the carnival. He shrugged, looking away.
"Cait." He giggled. I nodded.
"How is Cait?"
"She's okay." He said plainly, not very enthusiastic.
"Just okay?" He shrugged again. I decided not to push it.
It seemed like Jake always had a new girlfriend, every time I managed to hang out with them. I had always wanted to question him on it but.. it just became one of those things I preferred not to get into with him. And he never seemed to want to talk about so.. I left it alone.
He poured the coffee into our cups, bringing them over and sat down across from me.
"Well.. Josh seemed to be.. excited last night." He said, taking a sip. I felt my heart jump.
"Excited?" He peeked up at me from over his cup, playfully shrugging. "He was? W-what do you mean?"
It was then I heard Josh eagerly hop down the stairs, making his way back into the kitchen. He looked over at us, hesitating for a moment before coming over, sitting down close to me. Jake's smile grew as his eyes moved back and forth between us.
"I'll leave you two alone." He said, taking his coffee and heading back upstairs.