Maybe rain wasn't so bad.
The wet weather didn't work out too well for Daniel, but it worked out great for Lando who placed third. It was a shame for Daniel and incredibly frustrating. Turns out that his whole 'I don't crash' thing wasn't entirely true today. On the first lap he went into Carlos Sainz, the rain blinding them both in the first turn so that they ended up in the gravel. Thankfully, unlike Carlos, Daniel managed to skirt out of the gravel, but it meant that he was in last place for the rest of the race.
I don't think he was too impressed with it either.
His press interviews following the race were subdued, a complete flip on Lando's energised and excited smiles. He went to apologise to Carlos both on and off camera, I caught it on the tv screens during all of Lando's celebrations with the team.
Since then though, he'd not been spotted. Hiding from everyone, even those in his own team. I've been quietly worrying about him through all the celebrations.
"Hey, where's Daniel?" I ask Lando who's still gripping onto his trophy proudly, a proud grin on his face. He shrugs in answer as someone else comes up to ask for a photo. I wouldn't be surprised if he's drunk, he'd had a little champagne and he barely drinks. The slightly dazed look on his face makes me laugh. It's almost confirmation of my wondering.
Lando Norris is drunk on a little champagne.
Lightweight.
The whole team is suddenly crowding him, cheering and pushing for a photograph of them all but I can't find the other key member. Everyone is clapping Lando but I can't help but scan the garage for Daniel. I didn't even see him in person after the race, too busy celebrating Lando's podium finish.
It would be a lie to say I or anyone here expected it.
My eyes land on Michael, he's dressed in the white and orange team polo watching the celebrations with a small smile on his face from the frame of the garage doors. He's in casual conversation with another dark haired man, the two of them chatting as the stranger taps away on a phone.
I make my way over to them, pulling the slouched fit leather jacket closer to my body. I wish I packed my big cream puffer coat, I honestly didn't think it was going to be this cold. Note to self: check the weather report for future trips. I can't be freezing like this at another race. "Where is he?" I ask, approaching Michael who frowns at the mention of Daniel. He simply shoots his finger up, in the direction of Daniel's room. I should've known he'd be nearby, they're never usually too far from eachother.
"He's sulking." Is all I'm offered by Mike, a shake of his head paired with the words. He might've even rolled his eyes.
"Oh," I hum, deciding that here is as good a place as anywhere to watch Lando's celebrations. It was all getting a little too chaotic for me in the middle of it all.
"This is Blake, Dan's manager, by the way." Michael says pointing me on the direction of the dark haired man beside him.
"Heard a lot about you Amber." Blake greets his hand reaching to shake mine. I take it with a smile. I wish I could say the same about him, Ive heard his name brought up once or twice but heard nothing about the guy. Of course I knew that Daniel had a manager but I never thought about him attending races. I suppose it makes sense, Lando's manager Simon appears now and again too.
"It's good to meet you." I'm distracted by Daniels disappearance and well aware I'm not giving this guy the best first impression of me.
"Should...someone not check in with him?" By someone I may or may not be talking about me. There's an ache in my chest at the thought of Daniel being remotely sad because of today. Especially when he helped me so much yesterday. There was nothing he could've done to avoid the crash - at least not to me.
Michael only shrugs at my question lazily, Blake looks to him with a raised eyebrow. "I've tried." Is all I'm offered from him. "Give it a go if you want?" The words are a complete suggestion, it's like Michael is at a complete loss with Daniel. I can only nod at the words, chewing down on the inside of my cheek as I turn to look up the stairs where I now know Daniel is.
I take a cautious step in the direction.
"Amber," Michael says my name cautiously, like he's weighing up whether to say his next words or not. After a long pause he shakes his head, looking at me straight in the eye. "If he's a cunt don't take it personally." The word makes me cringe, I've always hated it. I know it doesn't have the same effect on him and Dan though, the two of them through it around all day as they laugh through training.
With Michael's warning I brace myself for a grumpy Daniel. Sneaking my way through the garage, away from Lando and up the stairs and to the door which had Daniels name and a big sky blue '3' printed on it. My hand knocks against it slowly, there's a small voice in the back of my mind that knows this isn't quite right. A quiet 'yeah' is shouted from the other side of the door and I push open the white door.
"Hey," The doors are much heavier than you'd think they'd be, I have to put quite a bit of weight behind it. Daniel is slumped on the sofa in the corner, papaya headphones slung around his neck. He's not listening to any music through them. His head is resting on his hand, the grin that's usually on his face is nowhere to be found. In his spare hand he's bouncing a ball against the wall, throwing and catching with only his left hand. I'd be impressed at his skill if I wasn't so concerned for him.
I don't receive a greeting in response only a small nod of his head. The complete resignation in his body language makes my chest ache. The wall makes a dull rhythmical 'thud' everytime the ball hits it. "Why aren't you downstairs?" I ask. His eyes narrow in my direction as I take a few steps closer to him, resting my weight on the desk opposite him. He kicks his feet out further to they brush against the toes of my shoes as I settle. I only nudge his foot playfully in return.
Nothing.
The ball continues to be thrown. I can feel a wave of air hitting my face everytime it passes through the air whacking off the wall to my right. It's a little off putting and very irritating.
"You should be down there celebrating." Daniels voice is painfully resigned. He doesn't even acknowledge my question. It only makes me sad. I shrug shaking my head. Another thud as the ball hits the wall, I clench my jaw at the action.
"They won't miss me." I've already sent more than enough photos to the same family chat that existed back in Monza. Lando is far too excited celebrating with his team, as he should it's well deserved, he won't even notice I'm not there. "You did good." I try and encourage because Daniel really tried his best out there. Maybe no points, but there's good data in the laps he completed and a certain triumph in even finishing the race all things considered.
Daniel doesn't keep his eyes on me as we fall into silence, they instead fall to the wall, fixed on the spot he's hitting repeatedly with the blue ball in his hand.
"Wasn't it you that said that there have always been worse?" I ask, trying my best to comfort Daniel. I'm sure Michael's tried all of my lines already. This seems to be a waste of my time. "You finished." I enthuse - it's certainly more than Carlos can say.
The thought of the Spaniard makes my mood lighten, some point when I'm here I should go and say hello to him, I've somehow (sadly) avoided him until now. Before he left for Ferrari, he and Lando were closer than most teammates (closer than he and Daniel now are). He became almost an extension of Lando they spent so much time together. They still are close I guess, on race weeks they usually catch up over dinner or a game of golf at least once. It's all very sweet, just like Carlos has always been.
My previous words are only met with silence. I huff quietly, I don't mean to sound annoyed. When Daniel goes to throw the ball again I my hand snaps out in the direction of it, catching it before it can smack against the wall again. It's just frustrating when these guys can't see how brilliant they are - and when a ball is about 30cm from hitting your face. "I just wanted to let you know it's okay." Daniel shifts at my words. His eyes are narrowed at me as he snatches the headphones from his neck tossing them roughly down in the seat beside him. I roll the ball in my hands, pressing my fingertips into the soft rubber as I keep my gaze trained on Daniel.
"It's not okay." Daniel snaps. He's looking at me directly now, his hand that was holding up his head clenched in a fist as he rolls his jaw. It's all very intimidating. "Can't you see nothing about this is okay?!" I'm confused by his words. He's holding out a hand expectantly, waiting for the small ball to be returned to him.
Now he really is being dramatic. I can think of at least two races of his that were worse. I toss the ball back to him and he assesses it in his hands for a moment, just like I did, weighing it up. It's just a blue rubber ball, nothing too intriguing.
After a moment of silence, Daniel shifts around uncomfortably so he's stood in front of me. I've never noticed how big our height difference is until now. For a driver Daniel is surprisingly tall, my height puts me at a solid 5'5, maybe 5'6 depending on the shoe.
I can only watch with my lips parted as Daniel looks like he's losing his mind. His hand is tangled in his curly hair and when he snatches it out it splays out wildly. "Did you know this whole thing drives me insane?" His hands gesture to the space around us. Am I supposed to answer the question? I'm stood staring at him with my pink glossed lips parted in puzzle.
"Maybe have a look into a different sport?" Is all I suggest, because I don't know what else to say. It's a poor attempt to humour him and his anxieties but I don't know what else to say. I didn't expect Daniel to be this upset, disappointed yes, but like this? It's not a side of Daniel I know how to deal with.
Daniel is laughing at my words, shaking his head in disbelief. My eyes drop to his hands which are balled up in fists still. "Fucking hell," he mutters, tension glowing from him. The ball is thrown roughly in the direction of the door. I flinch at the noise it makes when it collided with the door, my eyes squeezing closed, heart rate picking up. This seems like an overreaction, even for me. "You're so fucking obtuse." Something inside of me shifts uncomfortably at his grumbled words.
The ball is bouncing somewhere in the room I can hear it the small 'smack's as is bobs along the wood floor. Daniel huffs loudly and when I open my eyes he's stood in front of me, closer, buzzing with energy. "I don't mean fucking racing Amber." The words are dry and I swallow heavily. My eyes are searching his face for something, anything to go off. "Don't look at me like that." My eyes dart around the room, desperately wondering what the hell he's talking about. This man has truly lost all sense.
"Daniel I don't know what..." he rolls his jaw a little again. "I think you need to calm down." I hum my voice as gentle as I can manage, my eyes scanning him cautiously. What the hell is up with him?! Maybe I should just leave him to wallow for a little while? I'm clearly no help here.
I tuck a stray piece of hair behind my ear, Daniel's eyes are still firmly on me. His gaze is so intense I feel self conscious. "Do you know why I crashed?" Daniel's voice is low, like he's resigned himself that this whole conversation is a lost cause. My skin is prickling under his gaze.
"The rain." The words fall out of my mouth in a 'duh' tone but Daniel shakes his head. He's rolling his jaw again in the way he did earlier. It was the rain. I saw it, the spray from the water lying on the track as all 20 cars headed to the first corner. It was insane! Daniel's looking at me like I'm stupid, a heavy sigh falling from his lips.
"It's because I was so worried about you seeing me crash I chose a safer line around the corner last minute." The rushed admission hits me like a truck. Daniel's words have an edge to them, like he can't believe he did such a thing and for me, of all people. After another pause his hand traces where my fingers have been, pressing the lock of hair firmly in its place behind my ear. "When I said you're driving me insane I meant it. I've never questioned my driving, ever, in my whole life!" His warm brown eyes are wild. I think he's mad at me, but I'm not sure what I've done. I can't help the panic I felt on Friday at qualifying, but Daniel was there one who made it all okay.
Confusion is clouding me as I lean into his touch which is lingering behind my ear. "You looked so anxious on Friday, it stuck in my head." Daniel looks so inconvenienced by it all, even a stranger would know by his voice that he's almost disgusted by it. My heart sinks.
"I-" My mind is racing through things, trying to find the words to say. There are none. His hand slips down to my neck, brushing against the delicate skin there which I'm sure is bouncing heavily with my heightened pulse.
"It's you Amber." This shouldn't be said in a back room of a racing garage. This is the type of thing which should be revealed overlooking the sea, the Eiffel Tower or between loving kisses. Not low hums and confused, angry whispers in the back room of a garage. I'm watching him with cautious, heavy eyes.
Daniels head dips down, his big brown eyes cautious as they look into mine, our faces centimetres apart. "You're always stuck in my head Amber." He repeats my name and my eyes fall closed. "You're always...there." The words are growled at me. He's furious and it makes me gasp.
I don't even get a full inhale of air before daniels lips are on mine.
The relief hits me like a tidal wave. This moment has been building for almost two months and we both know it. We both feel it.
My pulse sky rockets, I can hear it in my ears and feel it in my neck where the pads of Daniel's fingers are grasping softly. Holding me in place. I'm feverish to return his kiss, leaning into his touch on my tip toes. It's not something I had to do the first time we did this since I was wearing heels.
I don't know where this has come from, but I don't question it. I don't even want to think about it. If I do I'm scared I'll push him away. I'm very aware that I should be pushing him away.
Daniel's hand drops from my neck, brushing over my chest, my waist until it reaches my ass. Both of his large hands squeeze firmly, the action making my body hot. I'm pretty sure my chest must be crimson with heat, with the vest I'm wearing below the jacket he'll no doubt be able to see.
It's like something between us has been unlocked, I'm desperate and needing. I want him everywhere and from the hunger in his eyes I know he feels it too.
In one smooth motion I'm lifted onto the table, my body kept close to his as he rolls his hips into mine. We both let out desperate and embarrassing moans at the contact. "Babe," my stomach swirls at the name that spills from his lips. My head is too scrambled by everything going on to say anything in response. I only cling to Daniel's body harder, my hands pressing into his hard shoulders and snaking up until they weave into his dark curls.
It's something I've thought about doing many times over the last few months. They're soft and wind themselves perfectly around my fingers which dig into his scalp a little. He groans almost silently at the contact, he liked that last time, I remember. We both curse at the same time, our lips meshed together as we tug and pull at different parts of eachother.
I'm beginning to wonder how I've managed this long without this. Without Daniel's body against mine. I forgot how good he is at this, how good this feels. I've never felt anything like this before. It's addictive.
He's addictive.
His hands travel around my body, I arch my back trying to push myself closer to his body. He feels so close, yet so far. Everywhere, but not where I need him. "Amber," my name is hummed into my ear as he kisses along my jaw and down my neck. The stubble lining his jaw, which is longer than usual, brushes against my skin. The feeling makes me widen my legs further, imagining how it would feel against other parts of my body. It feels good, he feels good.
"Amber," my name is repeated like a prayer. I release a heavy breath with the word, it's definitely my favourite one that he says.
"Dan..." I breathe in return, he smiles into our kiss at the quiet call of his name. My leather jacket is pushed down my shoulders so that it falls in a pile on the table. It's not lost on me how similar our position is to the first (and last) time we kissed like this. We're just as feverish.
If kissing Daniel is so wrong it wouldn't feel this good, right?
With my leather jacket on the table, I push the spaghetti strapped vest down my body, exposing more of my skin to Daniels hungry eyes. Daniel loves my chest, I know this, he's made it very clear in the time we've spent together. Everything is confirmed when he takes the second we have apart to lick his lips, his eyes on fire. My breasts are spilling out of the blue strapless bra, it makes them look amazing and we both know it. He takes the second apart to tear his own shirt from his body, his arms pulling the white material over his head. I almost groan at the sight in front of me, it can't be fair that hes just wondering around looking like...this. My impatient hands reach for him again, they're slightly shaky, - with nerves or excitement I'm not sure - but when they meet Daniel's hot and hard skin it all disappears.
"We shouldn't..." my words are interrupted by Daniel's lips as my fingers dance across his bare skin.
"But what if we did..." he counters rolling his hips into mine again. An involuntary hum leaves me. It settles my thoughts, preoccupying me with the feel of him. How good he feels between my legs, how ready and firm he is already. His lips nip against my neck and I let out a short moan, heat rising to the surface of my body.
I'm vaguely aware of the shouts of the voices and laughter outside of the door, they echo around us. The only sound in this room is our heavy pants of desperation.
It's the rattling of the door handle and it swinging open which I'm not prepared for. "Shit, sorry mate." The door is swiftly closed with a slam.
I'm suddenly rigid in Daniel's arms. He hasn't seemed to notice the intrusion, that or he simply doesn't care.
For me the bubble of lust has been popped.
"Daniel," I gasp, I feel like I've just been dropped from the sky and landed with a thud. The cloud of lust blown from my head. "Daniel stop." He stills in his spot at my words, he lips stilling against my cheek.
"It was just Michael." A heavy gasp leaves me as I feel his teeth sink into my earlobe playfully. His words are so casual that I realise it's something Michael has witnessed a million times before. My mind flickers back to our reintroduction, Daniel had the exact same reaction to finding me in Lando's room. It's obviously something that happens often around here. A sickness wells up inside of me. Not only am I just another person involved in the dirty hook ups, but there's a witness to it.
Anybody could've walked in, even Lando. Guilt pools in my stomach with the thought. "I don't care who it was." My words come in a rush and are paired with a shove against his chest. A stir of dread is making its way through my body. Maybe it's jealousy at the other girls who have been in this position. Maybe nerves at the whole situation.
I don't know.
I just know I'm thankful it hit me before this could go any further and we could get into any more trouble.
What if we'd had sex right here on the desk? That's most definitely where this was heading. I would've done it too, happily. My body is on fire with embarrassment.
Daniel is watching me with confused eyes, there's still a hunger within them somewhere. I'm trying to focus on settling my breathing as I redress myself. Pulling my creased shirt back up my body, detangling my hair where Daniel had tied his fingers into it. I must look a mess.
"What are you doing?" His words are slow.
"I need to leave." My tone is flat but words panicked. I don't know what to make of this whole thing. I curse at myself for allowing this to happen. Here of all places. I knew the door wasn't freaking locked, I was the one who closed it.
"No, you don't." His hand catches onto my arm. It's like he can't believe it. I can't believe what we've just almost done.
"I do Daniel." I say simply, my voice is not convincing though. "I'm sorry about the race but this is...." This is not what fucking friends do. "This was..." my words are panted, still breathless from our kiss.
"It was good." Daniel counters, his hand squeezing my arm softly as I shake my head. He looks hurt at the suggestion that this could be anything but good. It was good but...
"It's not right." Daniels face falls as my body scrambles to reach the same place as my head. "Not here. Not now." I say with a shake of my head. Friends. We're friends. Friends don't kiss. I shrug running my fingers over my face. My lips are swollen from being kissed, licked and sucked by him. An ache is forming in my chest and I don't like it one bit.
"Why are we fighting this Amber?" Daniel asks, it's almost like a complaint. The question hits me in the gut and I feel a little winded by it. "Seriously?" He asks an tint of frustration in his voice. There's so many reasons I'm fighting this I can't even begin to compute them now.
"I don't know what you're talking about." The lie that falls from my lips couldn't be more obvious. Dan scoffs at my pathetic attempt at denial. "I'll see you later at dinner." I dismiss him. The room is suddenly suffocating. I need to leave.
"Amber," daniel repeats my name, a litttle more panicked. I shake my head walking away, my hands clumsily making their way into my jacket and pulling it over my shoulders.