April 24
Diana De Angelais
Words could not describe how tired I was.
And I hated how reliant I was on Harry to be able to sleep.
He had been gone for four nights in total, and told me he was going to be gone for at least another three nights. A week without him, surely I could do it. I had survived without him before, I could survive the next three days without him, right?
I felt pathetic, I couldn't sleep by myself, especially not in the dark. I kept the lamp on my bedside table on all night. The first two nights were fine but then there was the usual routine, the nightmares and the paranoia, the screaming and crying.
I just wanted it to stop, I wish that night would stop affecting me. It just let James continue to have control over me and I hated it, I hated my own head for doing it to me.
That night I woke up to my own screaming and I didnt even realise I was calling Harry until I heard the comforting sound of his voice.
Why he was awake to answer his phone at four in the morning I have no idea, but I was so grateful that he was.
I had no idea how many times I apologised to him for calling him, but he ended up telling me to shut up and that I wasn't allowed to apologise to him anymore.
He managed to calm me down only by speaking to me, and he spoke to me until I fell back asleep.
I was so tired that I was ready to collapse any second.
I hummed along to the music that was playing full volume through my airpods. I had it as loud as possible needing some way to keep myself awake until I had to go to work tonight.
Not having Harry quickly became extremely boring. I was used to just having him next to me pretty much all day every day, and then suddenly I wasn't there at all anymore.
Sitting cross legged on my living room floor, I wore my paint splattered overalls, and had my hair tied back in a loose bun. I hadn't painted something in ages, I really did miss it.
It was an oil painting, I was trying to recreate my favourite painting by my favourite artists. It was one of the paintings I remembered seeing when Harry took me to that gallery all those months ago.
A loud banging noise came out of nowhere, the floor I was sitting on shook from how hard the banging was.But as quickly as it came, it stopped, only three or four bangs, then complete silence.
My stomach dropped in fear when I realised that the banging was somebody at my door.
I grabbed my phone that was next to me so I could pause the music that had been blaring in my ears for the past hour and a half. The time was half nine at night, there was no reason for anyone to be at my door at this time, especially banging like a lunatic.
I stood up from where I had been sitting and shook some of the pain off me so it wouldn't be dripping through the entire apartment. I had no idea what to do in this situation, Harry wasn't back for another three days.
The banging came again, aggressive knocks on the door that made it shake so hard I was scared the door was going to break down I wanted to respond, ask who it was, but I had lived as a female alone in New York long enough not know that I shouldn't let whoever was on the the other side know I was home alone.
I went to my kitchen which was just at the entrance to my apartment, still completely stuck on what to do. There was no way for me to see who was on the other side, but they seemed angry, desperate to get in.
The feeling of absolute terror took over me.
What if it was James?
This was the kind of knock I'd get whenever I had pissed him off simply by existing. The type of knock I'd heard before he was just breaking in anyway to beat the shit out of me.
I grabbed my phone again, desperate to call Harry but knowing he wasn't anywhere near to come over if it was James. My thumb hovered over Liam's contact, he was the only other person I could think of in this situation.
My heart started thundering in my chest and every fiber of my body seemed to freeze in fear when I heard the sound of my lock being picked. I couldn't defend myself, I hadn't slept in days and I could barely stand up without feeling dizzy. How the fuck was I supposed to defend myself against someone breaking in?
The door swung open suddenly, and out of reflex on the fright I got, I so fucking stupidly dropped my phone on the floor, ruining the chance of me being able to quickly call Liam or someone.
I saw a figure come through my doorway, tall, muscular, dressed in all black. And held in the gloved hand, was a massive handgun.
My stomach knotted in fear, seeing the person take a step inside my apartment. I was still slightly hidden behind the door, feeling my heartbeat hammering in my chest.
The gun was held up in front of them, like they were ready to shoot anything that moved. They had on big combat boots, and the steps echoed around my apartment and left little trails of dirt from how heavy the shoes were.
Out of sheer panic, I grabbed the object that was right next to me; a frying pan.
I took one quick shaky breath and didn't give myself anytime to overthink it before I swung the frying pan right at the head of the intruder.
But before I could hit them, their attention was caught by my movement and they noticed I was here. The person grabbed my wrist and stopped me from hitting them two seconds before I could knock them out with the pan.
I wanted to scream in fear but I was paralysed by the person standing in front of me. They could do anything to hurt me and I had no way to defend myself.
They squeezed my wrist so my grip loosened, and then with their other hand that no longer was holding a gun, grabbed the frying pan from my hand and threw it across the room.
I was fucked. I had no other way to defend myself.
I had never been so scared for my life, I had no idea what this person wanted or why they were here. I just stared at them, frozen in fear and no other way to get myself out of this situation. But I just knew they were going to hurt me.
The person moved one of their hands, bringing it up to the air and they were about to hit me across the face. In reflex, I squeezed my eyes closed and cried out a pathetic plea, turning my head to the side to stop the hit from hurting so badly.
"Please don't hurt me" It was a weak pathetic beg that left my lips, I was so scared.
With their grip on my wrist, they tugged me towards them harshly and I whimpered in fear, feeling my stomach drop with a nausea taking over my entire body.
But, they never hit me.
And instead, their grip loosened from my wrists, dropping them completely. The person's hands moved to the bottom of my back, and the other to the back of my hair, where they pulled me harshly until I was pressed tightly to their chest and they were...hugging me?
What the fuck?
"Jesus fucking Christ" I heard the familiar deep rasp with an English accent right next to my ear. "I'm not going to hurt you"
It took me a moment to realise how quickly I went from trying to hit him with a frying pan, to standing confused as he hugged me tighter than I had ever been hugged in my life.
"Harry?" I blurted out his name, completely confused why he was here three days early knocking on my door like a maniac, "What are you doing here?"
He didn't say anything back to me, but he held me so tightly it was like he never wanted to let me go. My face was buried into his chest, his hand on the back of my head and on the bottom of my beck. His chin rested on top of my head, I could feel us swaying side to side faintly.
I felt him breathe out a long breath like he was relieved before he asked me in no more than a whisper, "Are you alright?"
"Yeah I'm alright" I replied, unsure to why he seemed so panicked. "Why wouldn't I be alright?" I could feel his heartbeat hammering in his chest. Mine was beating fast too but it was because I had been scared when he broke in. "Are you alright? I thought you weren't coming back for three days. Why is your heart beating so fast?"
He only squeezed his arms around me again, turning his face to rest his cheek on the top of my head, still moving us from side to side faintly, "You fucking scared the life out of me"
"I scared the life out of you?" I repeated, in disbelief, that he thought he was the scared one out of the two of us. "I'm not the one who showed up unannounced to your apartment three days early, knocked on the door like a maniac and then just broke in" I pulled back from his chest to look up into his eyes, "I scared you?"
He couldn't even blame me for being scared, I could hardly see his face. He had on a bandana that covered his nose and his mouth, and a beanie that covered his hair that I would have recognised easily. His body was hidden beneath a massive puffer jacket. He was hardly recognisable besides the piercing green of his eyes that I was now staring into.
"Yes." he said it like it was so obvious, "You fucking terrified me"
"By doing what?" I had no idea what I could have done to scare him. I grabbed the bottom of the bandana that was around his face and tugged it down past his lips so I could see the face I had missed over the past four days. "I've been here all day doing absolutely nothing"
He sighed, pinching his nose between his fingers,"You wouldn't answer your phone"
I glanced down to my phone that was laying in the floor where I had dropped it earlier, "Its on silent"
He looked frustrated for a moment, before asking me, "And what about for the past ten minutes where I've been knocking on your and shouting you name, fucking begging for you to open the door"
"I didn't hear any of that" I told him honestly, I heard the knocking, but not him shouting at me otherwise I would have opened the door.
"You didnt fucking hear that?" He raised his eyebrows, seeming like he didn't believe me at all.
"No" I shook my head.
His mouth opened like he was about to say something, but he stopped himself and something caught his eyes.
He removed his hands from me, and quickly took both of the airpods out of my ears after spotting them and realising they were the reason I hadn't heard him. He shoved them both into one of his back pockets, stating simply, "These need to go"
"Hey" I frowned at him, shoving my hand into his back pocket to get them back, "They were a gift"
He grabbed my wrist and pulled my hand out of his pocket, not letting me have the airpods back. His fingers intertwined with mine instead, and he lifted our hands up to press a kiss to the back of my hand.
"You'll get them back" He mumbled with his lips against my hand, his eyes closed and he blew out a slow breath, "Just never ever do that again"
"I'm sorry I scared you" I apologised, genuinely feeling bad for scaring him like that, I still didn't know why he was so scared, but feeling the way his heart was thundering in my chest, he had fully expected for something to be wrong."But why were you acting like you expected something to be wrong?"
"I don't know" He opened his eyes, placing both of his hands on my hips, he leaned forward to press a quick kiss on my forehead, "I was just paranoid since you weren't answering"
"I'm sorry" I apologised again, still feeling bad for not answering his calls.
His hands soothed up my spine until they found the back of my head, his fingers worked on the bun I had my hair in until he pulled the hair tie out of my hair and let my hair fall down my back. He pushed some of my hair back off my face, cupping my cheek with one hand.
"You don't have to be sorry" He had a faint smile, shaking his head slowly, "Stop apologising to me"
We just stayed like that for a while. I was pulled into his chest again and he hugged me like he was scared I was about to disappear. I hugged him back with my arms loosely around his hips. I still didn't understand why he had been that scared over me not answering his calls, he was acting like I was dead.
I was still slightly alarmed from how he had entered my apartment. Firstly I never realised just how easy it was to break in here, it unnerved me a lot. And secondly I had never seen him so freaked out before, his heart had been and still was thundering in his chest to the point I thought he was going to break a rib.
His hands soothed up and down my spine, occasionally playing with the ends of my hair that he had taken out. No words were shared between us, just a comforting silence that filled the room.
"Diana" he said my name suddenly.
"Mhm" I hummed in response, feeling like I was about to fall asleep standing up from just how safe and comfortable he made me feel.
His chin rested on top of my head when he asked me, "Why the fuck was a frying pan your weapon of choice?"
I bit my bottom lip, embarrassed that grabbing a frying pan had been my reaction to thinking someone had broken into my apartment, "I panicked"
He breathed a laugh through his nose, pulling back from me a bit. He stared into his eyes with an amused grin on his face, nodding his head to the side, "There's a fucking knife block right there and you went for the frying pan"
I glanced over my shoulder, seeing that just on the counter next to where the frying pan had been was in fact a knife block, that would have been a significantly better self defence weapon,"You'll be glad it wasn't a knife or I'd have stabbed you"
"I wouldn't have let you stab me" he dragged his gaze back to me, a teasing smile on his face. His hands wandered around my back, tracing small patterns after his hand slipped under the back of my overalls. His lips tugged up when he added, "Couldn't even get one hit"
"It's not my fault you're stronger than me" I huffed, trying to defend myself. I was lucky it wasn't actually someone trying to break in or else I'd probably be dead on the floor. "I was recreating tangled, leave me alone"
Harry's whole face scrunched up in confusion like I had just said the stupidest thing in the whole world, "Recreating fucking what?"
"Tangled" I repeated what I had said to him. I quickly understood by the look on his face that he had absolutely no idea what I was talking about, "please tell me you've seen tangled"
He just stared at me with a black face that asked me, what the fuck do you think?
"God Harry, how do you live?" I threw my head back, genuinely reconsidering whatever we were. I couldn't spend time with someone who had never seen Tangled, it was literally a crime to not see and love that movie.
"How do you live?" He flipped the question back in me, laughing faintly, "I don't know how you live. I need to work on some self defence with you, my darling" he brushed his fingers through my hair but seemed to become a bit more serious when he added, "Especially if you're living here alone, neighbourhoods like this are dangerous."
"I know" I sighed, I hated where I lived, "I'm trying to save up to get a better apartment"
He flicked his eyes between my own, one of his hands still slipped beneath my overalls and traced patterns across my spine when he asked me, "How much?"
"Too much" I shrugged
"Ill write you a check" his reply was almost instantaneous, he didn't even think twice before he said something like that like it was the most casual thing in the world.
"Fuck off" I laughed, there was no way he was actually serious about that.
"Im serious" he stated with a stern expression, but also I could see the hint of worry in his eye when he added, "I don't like the idea of you staying somewhere like this when you're alone, and especially since you're out so late at night because of work" he paused, before adding in what seemed like complete seriousness, "Ill write you a check for a new apartment"
"No" I denied him instantly.
"Why?" His eyebrows furrowed and he seemed like he didn't understand why I refused him.
"Because I said no" I didn't need another reason other than saying no. I shook my head again in decline, not wanting him to do that for me, "You're not buying me an apartment"
"I want to" he kept trying to persuade me to change my mind, but it was really the last thing I wanted.
"I don't want you to" I wasn't going to change my mind, obviously I was eternally grateful that he would ever offer to do that, but there was no way I was going to take his money, especially that much.
"I'm going to do it anyway" he replied simply, still seeming like he was being completely serious about it.
"Please don't" I really didn't want him to do that for me. I hated talking about money with him because sometimes it made me uncomfortable.
He was so secure with his money, obviously considering where he lived, and most of the time I really struggled for money, but that didn't mean I wanted to just take his. He was silent for a moment and I think he began to realise that I genuinely didn't want to take any of his money.
"At least let me get you better locks and a security system" he tried to compromise with me. His arms were around mr and one of his knuckles traced up and down my back, his gaze fixed on my eyes, "Please"
I stared at him for a moment, knowing that he wasn't going to drop this anytime soon. And even if I did say no to him, I knew I'd be coming home to a new security system tomorrow and he'd just do it anyway. I considered his compromise for a second, seeing how easy it was for him to break into my apartment only ten minutes ago.
"Fine" I gave into him, not really wanting to, but I knew he just wanted to keep me safe.
His lips tugged up to a faint smile when I agreed to let him do it. I watched his eyes trail over my face for a moment, glancing to my lips for a moment before quickly looking back to my eyes like he didn't want to be caught staring at my lips.
Smiling back at him, I grabbed the bandana that was still on his face, sitting right below his lips. I tugged on it to take it completely off his face before my hand found the back of his neck, and I was standing up on my toes to kiss his lips.
Harry wasted no time at all kissing me back, ten times deeper than I thought he was going to. His lips were on mine and a groan left the back of his throat.
His hands found my thighs almost instantly and he lifted me up so I was sitting with my thighs around his hips. I grabbed onto his neck to hold myself up while he walked me backwards to sit me up on the kitchen counter.
His hand soothed up my back to knit in my hair, his other hand held my thigh that was hooked around his hips. He tasted like cigarettes, which was never a taste I enjoyed unless it was from him.
I hadn't kissed him in four days, and he seemed to have missed me considering how deeply he was kissing me right now. He kissed me like he was a starved man and I was the first taste of a proper meal he'd had in weeks.
Both of us were breathless when he pulled away from me to rest his forehead against my own. I let out the faintest noise of irritation when he stopped kissing me. Hearing the nose that left my lips, I felt the faintest amused smile tug up on his lips.
"Speaking of you being out late..." he began softly, "Are you working tonight? or can we watch a movie and order takeout so we can pretend to watch it and I can kiss those perfect lips for at least the next five hours straight"
I got butterflies. The fact that he wanted to spend time with me, he wanted to do those things with me and he wanted to kiss me until we fell asleep was still something I wasn't used to. I wasn't used to someone actually wanting to spend time with me.
"Im working" I was genuinely so upset that I had to say no to his plan for tonight. And I watched his face fall too, like he was devastated. I cupped his cheek and kissed his top lip,"But your option sounds much better"
"Call in sick" he said back quickly.
"I can't" I sighed, I literally couldn't afford to call in sick to work right now. I slipped my hand into one of his back pockets and took out his phone. He looked caught off guard for a second, but I checked the time on his phone and rolled my eyes when I saw the time,"And I need to leave in half an hour"
He sighed, tightening his hand on my hip, not wanting me to leave. Breathing in deeply, he leaned forward to press a kiss to my forehead, shortly after he was doing the same to my cheek, placing a slow kiss before eventually kissing the corner of my lip where he mumbled, "Can you come to mine after?"
I took a moment to calm down the butterflies I got from the gentle way he had just kissed my face before I responded.
"I'm not gonna be finished until like two in the morning" I blew out an irritated huff, there was no point because I wasn't even going to be spending time with him.
"What if I want you there anyway, I want you to stay over with me" He was quick to respond. Leaning forward, he nudged his nose against mine, "Maybe I miss your company"
I puckered my lips to press a quick kiss to his bottom lip, but when he tried to kiss me back I turned my head to the side so his lips were against my cheek instead. The noise of irritation he let out when I turned my head made me smile.
"Just say you're obsessed with me and move on" I teased, tilting my head back when he ran his nose along the underside of my jaw.
"I'm obsessed with you" His response was instantaneous with no hesitation at all. He leaned down to press a kiss between my collarbones before he pulled back, meeting my eyes with his own when he added, "Moving on..."
I let out a small laugh, and a dimple popped up on his cheek when he heard me laugh, he looked amused.
"How are you getting there?" He asked me, his hands now on my hips, kneading small circles on my skin under the overalls.
I went quiet, knowing he wouldn't like my response to his question.
He raised an eyebrow, waiting for a response but I could tell he knew exactly what I was going to say.
"Walking" I responded with a timid smile.
"Yeah fuck that" He huffed, hooking his hands around the undersides of my thighs to lift me off the counter, "I'm taking you"
He placed me back down on the ground and slipped his arms around my lower back, holding me close to him again. His arm then closed tighter around my back, and his other hand played with my hair again, twirling a few curls around his fingers before letting them go to bounce back to their natural shape.
"I'm glad you're okay Dais" He pressed his lips to the top of my hair, sighing slowly in a way that made my hair tickle my head, "I don't know what I'd have done with myself if you'd got hurt because of me"
___
I regretted not calling in sick to work tonight, I was so tired that I was genuinely concerned that I was about to fall asleep midway through dancing.
I had almost fallen asleep in the car on the way here, but managed to force myself to stay awake long enough to get inside the club. The loud pulsating music and flashing lights were enough to wake me up for a bit.
Luckily I wasn't dancing on stage tonight. I was supposed to be though, but luckily Jade saw how exhausted I was, and swapped with me. I was working a double shift tonight since another dancer decided to stop showing up to work.
There were four dancers now that disappeared, and nobody seemed to care.
It was definitely just a coincidence, but the voice in the back of my head was telling me there was something wrong.
It was starting to scare me but I knew I was just paranoid.
Maybe they had just found other jobs and completely cut off all ties with the club.
Jade was looking beautiful as usual dancing on the stage, and I was serving drinks. She had her hair in hip length braids, and gold jewellery tied into her hair that I had helped her with last night. I loved that she had taught me about her hair and how to do it properly and I loved it when she let me braid her hair for her.
Harry had driven me here, and he was sitting along the back couch, watching me like a hawk, waiting for me to be finished so he could take me back to his.
I wished I wasn't as tired, because I knew I'd probably end up falling asleep as soon as I got back to his, but he still wanted me to stay over anyway.
"Daisy" Niall's voice snapped me out of my daydream.
I breathed in and opened my eyes, which I hadn't even realised were closed, looking up at him with my head held in my hands, "Hmm?"
"I'm pretty sure you're getting paid to serve drinks, not sit here and stare at the wall while I make them" He joked, wiggling his eyebrows at me.
"Sorry" I shook my head, trying to wake myself up a bit. I hopped off the stool and picked up the tray of drinks that he had finished preparing.
"Don't apologise to me" He laughed, placing one last drink on the tray. "Apologise to the scary looking man who's waiting on them" He pointed behind me.
I turned around to see that it was Harry he was pointing to, who was still staring at me like his life depended on it.
"No...I don't like that, why is he looking at you like that? it's scary" Niall scrunched his face up, looking between me and Harry.
To be fair to Niall, it did just look like there was an incredibly intimidating and scary, but hot, man with long curly hair that he didn't know staring at me and basically eating me alive with his eyes.
I smiled at his concern, shaking my head "It's fine, I'm with him...that's Harry"
He smirked at me, leaning down until he was eye level with me "Harry?" He raised his eyebrows at me and tilted his head to the side.
"Harry," I confirmed.
"You're with him?" He raised his eyebrows, smiling like a gossiping high school girl.
"He drove me here," I answered vaguely.
"And who exactly is Harry?" He asked, since he only knew the bare minimum about him. He basically only knew the bad things.
"Harry is..." I had no idea what Harry was, I mean, I could say he's my friend, but I didn't think a friend was the best way to describe whatever our relationship was.
He wasn't my boyfriend, especially since he told me once that he doesn't do girlfriends. He was more of a one-time sort of person, not a relationship sort of person. But he confused me, because clearly whatever it was that we were, was more than a one time sort of thing.
I was his and he was mine. That's all I wanted, there was no need to put a label on it. I was happy with whatever we had.
"Harry is Harry" was the only thing I managed to come up with. That would do.
Nialls jaw dropped dramatically, and he stood up straight, staring down at me "He wouldn't be the dumb trash man that you were all upset over like two weeks ago, would he?" He raised an accusing eyebrow.
I smiled and shrugged my shoulders, "Maybe"
"I'm not gonna lie to you, you're doing well for yourself" He wiggled his eyebrows, leaning down to talk quieter like he was about to tell me a secret "He's hot"
"I know," I giggled.
"And he apologised for everything he did to make you sad?" He questioned, his protective side coming through.
"He did" I nodded
"And is he the Harry that you were having a staring contest with that one time at The Beachwood?" He smirked because he already knew the answer.
I smiled and nodded again, thinking back to the day that he took me to that gallery "He is"
"Okay that's all the gossip I need tonight, now go serve drinks to your sexy hunk of a man before you get us fired with all this gossiping" He waved me off with a towel in his hand before he started wiping the counter
"But never let him hurt you again, or I'll kick his ass" I heard him say from behind me as I left with the tray of drinks.
Niall was constantly offering to fight people for me, but I knew the second someone raised a fist at him, he'd be running the other direction. And I was sure Harry could snap him like a twig if he wanted to.
My heels clicked on the sticky floor as I walked towards the table that had ordered the drinks. I vaguely recognised one of the men sitting there, he looked in his fifties or sixties and I could feel his eyes watching me intensely. I avoided eye contact with him, placing the drinks on the table.
I was uncomfortable, it was a round table of seven men, all wearing dark suits and they looked very out of place here. Except the man in the middle who was wearing a short sleeved black t-shirt. I knew he was staring at me.
He had a few tattoos of what looked like birds on his arm, and he was wearing sunglasses, which I thought was really weird. It was even more awkward that none of them said a word when I was there, not to me and not to each other.
Where had I seen those tattoos before? I knew I recognised them from somewhere.
I almost felt the need to cover up, I was wearing a lace baby-doll slip dress and thigh high stockings. It was considered a lot of coverage here, but I still felt the need to hide my body from them, I didn't like the way they were looking at me.
I quickly left their table, holding the empty tray under my arm. I spotted Harry again, who like I expected, was watching me.
He raised a finger and motioned for me to come over. I quickly put the tray down on an empty table before walking over to him and sitting down next to him on the dark padded couch in the back of the club.
It was further away from the stages and the crowd of dancing people, and it was slightly quieter, there were no speakers back here, but the music was still pretty loud coming from everywhere else.
"Who the fuck was that?'' He asked, sounding really pissed off.
I followed his eyes to see who he was looking at, and I had assumed he was talking about the table of men that probably made me very obviously uncomfortable.
But instead, he was glaring straight at Niall, who was drying glasses and preparing more drinks.
"Who? Niall" I asked, confused why he seemed like he was annoyed.
"Niall" He repeated, and his jaw clenched.
"He's the bartender. He's my friend" I said warily, not knowing where this was going.
Harry's hand wrapped around my waist and held my hip, he tugged me gently and I scooted closer to him, my bare thighs pressed right against the rough material of his jeans.
"I hate him" he said bluntly, with absolutely no emotion in his voice.
"What?" I frowned.
"I hate him" He repeated, still glaring at him.
"Why?"
I could still see the irritation in his face as his jaw was still slightly clenched. "I don't like the way he was looking at you"
"How was he looking at me?" I questioned, still having no idea what he was talking about.
"Like he wants to fuck you" He stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
I blinked in disbelief, that he thought Niall would ever look at me in that way. I moved from sitting next to him and hooked one of my legs over his, straddling his lap with my knees on each side of his hips, blocking his view from Niall so he would stop death staring at him.
"And you don't even realise it, that's the problem, your oblivious to how fucking attractive you are" He glared at Niall over my shoulder.
"Harry" I shook my head and looked down to hide the fact that I was laughing.
"I swear to fuck I wanted to kill him every time he dared look at your body" he said through gritted teeth, holding my waist tightly and rubbing his thumbs in circles on my stomach.
"Harry" I bit my lip to stop myself from smiling, looking back up at him and seeing him looking back at Niall
"I don't want anyone to look at you like that except for me" he said, sounding almost disgusted at the fact that other people that were not him could look at me.
"Harry" I raised my voice, grabbing his face and forcing him to look up at me. I was slightly higher since I was sitting up on top of him.
"What?"
"I think Niall would rather throw up than think of me that way. He's like a big brother to me." I told him honestly.
Niall had actually told someone he would rather throw up than look at me like that one time when a stranger assumed we were together. Females can have male friends without there being anything sexual about it.
He paused for a moment, relaxing his shoulders that were once so tense.
"Not everyone that looks at me wants to fuck me" I giggled, shaking my head "He used to go to the Beachwood everyday'' I said thinking back to when Harry would show up at my work, just like Niall would when he got his muffins. "He's my friend, he doesn't think of me like that, I promise you."
He didn't say anything, he just glanced over my shoulder to look at Niall again with furrowed eyebrows, searching his eyes over his face like he was trying to piece together whether he wanted to believe me or not.
"I still hate him" His eyes met mine again, he looked serious.
"You wouldn't be jealous, would you Harry?" I teased, twirling my fingers in the ends of his long curls that looked like he actually brushed them for once.
I smiled to myself when I saw the look on his face, I had succeeded in getting a rise out of him. I didn't know why I wanted to do it, but he always teased me. I wanted to have a turn.
I shifted my hips on him, moving my body closer to his and tangled my fingers into his hair properly, making him look up at me. I tilted my head to the side and raised my eyebrows, waiting for him to answer.
Instead of answering, he leaned forward to press his lips against mine softly and sweetly . My lips curled up into a smile as I kissed him back.
I could tell he was trying to prove a point as he wrapped his arms around the bottom of my back to deepen the kiss.
Even though he had kissed me just a few hours ago he returned from his work trip, I missed the feeling of his lips against mine already.
Longest and most boring four days of my life, even though half of the time with Harry we sat and did basically nothing, talking about random shit or trying to convince each other to watch our favourite shows, doing nothing was enough with him.
And doing nothing by myself was the most boring thing in the world. I actually wondered what I did before I met him, because I never got taken on dates and he never spent time with me during the day, Niall lived too far away to meet up often and Jade was always busy with school or with Liam to do anything.
Harry's tongue teased my lips and I opened my mouth for him and an approving groan left the back of his throat.
His hands slid down my back to hold my thighs, squeezing once before he held my hips
I didn't have time to react before he was grabbing my hips and standing up holding me around his waist.
It took me a second to realise what was happening before I held onto his neck to keep myself up as he started walking through the club.
"What do you think you're doing?" I asked with my lips against his ear as he held me tightly against him and I crossed my legs behind his back.
"I'm taking you home" He said, walking us closer to the exit.
"No you're not" I laughed, hoping he was joking even though I knew he wasn't. "I've still got another hour until I'm done.'' I protested despite the fact I knew he wasn't going to put me down, he was quite stubborn. It was never a request from him, it was a demand.
"I don't care, it wasn't a question" He said and I almost laughed again, I knew he was going to say that.
I gave into him, not protesting anymore. It just meant that I didn't have to walk in these heels anymore. I held onto him properly and looked over my shoulder as he walked us past the bar.
I spotted Niall who gave me a confused look at first, but then gave me a very encouraging smile and a thumbs up.
I hadn't even noticed we were outside the club until I felt the freezing cold air on my skin. I was glad that I had left my phone and everything else in Harry's car before we went inside, I couldn't be bothered going all the way into the dressing room.
Harry put me down when we got to his car, opening the door for me and holding my hand as I stepped up into the tall Range Rover. He knew there was a very small chance of me getting in myself wearing these shoes.
I felt his fingers at my ankles, I didn't know what he was doing until I felt the amazing relief of him taking my heels off, I literally groaned at the feeling.
The heated seats were my favourite part, the warm leather was so relaxing against my bare skin that was cold from being outside.
The back seat door of the car opened and I was slightly confused why he was going into the backseat. I heard him moving about in the back before he shut the door and stood in front of me again.
He was holding a jumper and a pair of sweatpants out for me to take.
"I just thought that maybe you would get cold or something" Harry scratched the back of his neck and glanced at the ground, looking uncomfortable.
I placed the clothes on my lap and held his cheeks, dipping my head down to kiss him once on the lips. I pulled away and smiled at him, seeing that he didn't look uncomfortable anymore.
"Thank you" I smiled at him.
The street was empty and it was only us here, so I reached my hands around my back to undo the zip on the back of the slip dress I had on. It was pretty uncomfortable so I wanted to take it off.
I turned so my legs were outside the door of the car, Harry stepped forward to stand between them. He placed his hands on my beck and pulled me closer to him until my chest was pressed against his. He grabbed the hem of the dress and pulled it up off my head for me, leaving me naked from the waist up, but since my chest was pressed flat against his, I wasn't uncomfortable.
Just as quick as it was pulled off, Harry was pulling his sweatshirt over my head to cover me back up. Placing a kiss on my forehead once my head was through the hole.
He did the same with the sweatpants, dressing me instead of letting me do it by myself. I held onto his shoulders when he pulled up his sweatpants to my waist, and then tired the drawstring tightly around my waist to keep them up.
I sat back down in the car and Harry closed the door to walk around to his side. Something about how he had just dressed me, but without exchanging any words was so strangely intimate. The clothes were his, and something about wearing his clothes that were drowned in his scent made me feel so warm and comforted.
I didn't hear Harry get in the car, I didn't even notice him start to drive away, but suddenly we were on the road close to where he lives. I blinked a few times, not knowing how we got here so fast.
"How-" I started but he cut me off.
"She's awake" He said with a faint laugh placing his hand on my thigh.
My mind was still slightly foggy and everything was blurry, the yellow lights of the cars on the opposite side of the road were stretched out in the same way as car lights were when you're tired and driving down a busy road at night.
I rubbed my eyes with the backs of my hands a few times, realising that I must have accidentally fallen asleep in his car.
"Sorry" I apologised, sitting up properly on the seat and blinking a few times to try and wake myself up.
Harry squeezed my thigh, glancing down at me quickly. "What did I tell you about apologising to me?"
I shrugged and smiled sheepishly.
"That's what I thought" He smiled and placed his hand on top of mine on my thigh and intertwined his fingers with mine.
I sank back into the warm leather seat. I felt so cosy in the clothes he had bought for me, and it was such a simple gesture, and I knew he wouldn't know how much it meant to me that he even thought of the fact that I would be cold.
"You're tired, Angel." He squeezed my hand, glancing to me beside him. "How about we go back to mine. Turn off our phones, take off our shoes and we can hide in bed. Just us both and you can sleep as long as you want. All night and all day tomorrow."
I smiled faintly and nodded my head, "I'd like that."
I probably could have fallen back asleep, but something caught my eye and I sat up quickly, glancing out the back window.
Harry looked down at me confused for a moment, furrowing his eyebrows. "What's wrong baby?"
"Take a right" I told him.
He didn't ask why, but as soon as the car pulled up to the next corner, he took a right like I asked him to.
He kept glancing between me and the road, but I was focusing on the back window and not explaining what I was thinking about to him.
"Take another right" I kept my eyes on the window, but I could see in the corner of my eye just how puzzled he looked.
He squeezed my hand like he was trying to comfort me, but he still didn't ask any questions.
"Take a right"
Harry did what I asked, taking the next right. I gripped his hand tighter, feeling a fear starting to grow in my stomach.
"Take a right" I told him until we were back on the road we were before.
Harry kept glancing between me and the road, a deep crease between his eyebrows. "Care to explain why you just made me drive in a circle?"
"Shit..." I whispered under my breath, my thoughts had been confirmed.
He was obviously pretty confused as to why I just made him do that, but there was a lingering fear in the back of my mind. I'd told myself at first I was paranoid, but I knew I was right.
I looked up at him, seeing his jaw slightly clenched and his eyes on the road. "We're being followed"
The second I said it, Harry turned around in his seat, looking at the black SUV that I had watched follow us in a circle around the street.
"Are you sure?" He asked me, looking out the rear-view mirror.
I frowned at him "Harry I'm a woman who lives alone in New York, of course I'm sure were being followe-"
Before I could even finish the sentence, the back window of Harry's car smashed, and the sound of a bullet being fired echoed throughout the quiet 2.a.m. streets of the city. My ears were ringing but I just froze.
Suddenly I wasn't tired anymore.
"Fuck!" Harry yelled, instantly flooring the acceleration.
Before I could even process what the fuck was going on, he leaned across me and undid my seatbelt, grabbing the top of my arm and tugging me town harshly so I was sitting on the floor of the car, curled up in a ball where my feet once were.
"Stay down there, alright? I need you to just-" He was cut off by the deafening sound of another bullet being fired at the car
Harry held my hand, he squeezed three times, something he always did when I was scared.
"You're okay, it's okay" He gave me a fake smile and tried to reassure me but the bullets kept coming.
This is not okay.
Nothing about this is fucking okay.
I jumped each time I heard the loud echoing noise trying to keep my head down as I sat in a ball on the floor, shaking like a leaf. I watched as Harry drove faster, a look of rage on his face. He gripped the steering wheel with one hand, so tightly that I thought it could actually break.
How the fuck was he not terrified right now? Did he forget that someone just tried to shoot him?
Another bullet was fired, and this time it hit the front window, not smashing it but cracking it completely and making it almost impossible to see.
"Can you close your eyes for me baby?" Harry asked in a soothing voice, and it almost calmed me down.
I nodded my head and pinched my eyes shut, trembling in fear and there were tears streaming down my cheeks. I covered my mouth with my hand to stop myself from screaming and sobbing every time I heard a bullet.
I could feel that the car was moving around quickly, Harry was driving as fast as he could and turning corners rapidly, while I sat on the floor completely helpless and terrified.
As soon as I heard a shot ringing in my ears that seemed louder than before, I opened my eyes for a moment.
The glass of the passenger's side window, where I was sitting two seconds ago, was completely shattered. The broken shards fell around me and I tried my hardest to not scream when I could hear the bullets being fired above my head.
Harry was holding the wheel with one hand, and holding the handgun from the back of his jeans in the other, firing it out the passenger's side window just above my head.
Whoever was trying to shoot the car was driving right next to us, shooting at Harry as he shot at them.
"Harry let me do something, let me try and help" I wanted to do something, anything. He was focusing on too many things at once and needed to do something.
"No" He replied instantly, snappy with the raise of his voice. And the second I moved from my spot, hiding down by where my feet were supposed to go. Harry was placing his hand-still holding the gun- on my head and shoving me back down. "Stay down there and do not fucking move until I say, got it?"
I nodded and squeezed my eyes shut again, I'd never felt so useless in my life. I wished there was something I could do to help, but I was too scared, I was always too scared and I hated myself for it.
It wasn't like there was anything I could do anyway, I was a shit driver and had never even seen a gun before meeting Harry, there was nothing I could do besides sit and be fucking useless.
Sometimes I forgot that Harry could be used to this. I didn't know anything about his job, but I knew it wasn't the safest job, considering the amount of times I had seen him with a gun, threatening and intimidation in a way that I knew he had used it before.
And I could only be sure he didn't know about the amount of times I had seen him come back from work with blood covering his hands, and he thought I was asleep.
Why was this happening? Why was there someone that followed him and then was trying to kill him?
I had one of my arms wrapped around my stomach and I could feel my body shaking in fear, my other arm was wrapped around my mouth to conceal my sobs.
I knew if it hadn't been for the thick jumper and sweatpants Harry had brought for me, I would have one hundred percent been covered in tiny cuts from the amount of shattered glass that had fallen on me and was still surrounding me.
There was a sick feeling in the back of my throat and my stomach felt like it dropped even further with each shot.
The car turned a sharp corner, and I placed both of my hands on the ground in an attempt to steady myself from the uncomfortable way I was sitting on the floor of the car. But I had forgotten about the smashed glass all over the ground, and cried out in pain when I felt the shards digging into me and cutting my skin.
I pulled my hands back up, analysing the damage through the blurriness in my eyes. My hands were covered in my own blood, there were some tiny cuts on my hands and some massive ones, all with shards of glass sticking out of them. But the adrenaline took over the pain, my hands were trembling but I could hardly feel the pain.
And then suddenly the car stopped, and everything went silent.
I couldn't move, I couldn't even open my eyes. I'd never been more scared in my life. I didn't even want to open my eyes, everything was quiet and I had no idea what I would do if I opened my eyes and saw that Harry had been hurt.
I jumped and shrieked when I suddenly felt a pair of hands on my hips, pulling me out of the car harshly.
I grabbed the hands that I could feel on my body, trying my hardest to pry them off of me, pulling on their fingers and scratching at their wrists, kicking my legs about to try and get them off me.
I forced myself to open my eyes so I could see who it was pulling me out the car from behind.
When I looked down, I felt the biggest wave of relief when I saw the familiar H S rings on the fingers of the hands holding me.
I flipped myself around so I was facing Harry, I didn't even look at him before I was wrapping my arms around his neck and holding him as tightly as I could. He was the only thing that made me feel safe.
"Hey, it's okay, you're okay" Harry wrapped his arms around the bottom of my back, rubbing up and down slowly to try and comfort me.
I nodded my head, sniffling against his shoulder to try and calm myself down. I'd never been in a situation like that before and I'd never been more scared in my life. I didn't even know what happened to the other car and I didn't want to know, all that mattered was that we were okay.
"Jesus fuck" Harrys seemed to panic, guilt took over his entre face, "let me see your hands"
I pulled back from him a bit, holding up my hands between us so he could see. My hands were still shaking uncontrollably, and were completely stained with my own blood.
The look on Harry's face was so filled with guilt and dread it was like he was completely blaming himself for what had happened to my hands. His hands hovered over the cuts on mine.
I wanted to say something to him, but I literally couldn't speak. It was like my mind had just decided to leave my body for a moment to try and process what the fuck just happened.
We could have died.
Just like that, in the space of a few seconds, our lives could have been over.
Harry placed his hands on my cheeks, he looked so devastated, and I could tell he was blaming himself. He sighed, flicking his eyes between my own, "We need to go baby, I'll clean you up"
I nodded in response, looking up at him with blurry eyes, still shaking and feeling the nausea all throughout my body.
I searched my eyes all over him, looking for any sign of harm considering all the glass that had been shattered and the amount of bullets that had been fired, there was no way he hadn't been hurt.
"Hey-" Harry placed a finger under my jaw, tilting my head back so I was looking at his face rather than his body, he leaned forward, kissing my lips once, "I can see you worrying, I'm fine, I'm okay"
I looked around us to see that we were in the parking area underneath Harry's building. His arm was on the bottom of my back and he nudged me once to get me to walk with him. I didn't even understand what I was feeling but it was a type of fear I'd never felt before
"You're shaking" He stated the obvious as we entered the elevator to go up to his floor. "Please say something to me"
I held his hand with both of mine, not caring about the pain in my hands from how badly that had been cut. He was the only thing in the whole world that made me feel the slightest bit safe. I kept my eyes on our hands, unable to speak.
I shuffled closer to him until I was leaning against him. He breathed out slowly, using his hand that I wasn't basically death gripping to hold my shoulders and hold me close to him.
The elevator doors opened, and we stepped into his apartment, it was dark and completely silent. It was almost terrifying how quiet it was compared to the chaos that just happened ten minutes ago.
I stayed quiet, too frightened to speak and I think Harry understood that I wasn't going to say anything yet. He kept whispering words of reassurance, and I tried to listen to him, but I just felt so lost from my own head.
I didn't let him leave my side the whole way up the stairs to his bedroom or when we were getting ready for bed. I needed him to be close to me because he was the only thing that was stopping me from just breaking down.
I wished I was stronger and that I wasn't as scared, nobody even got hurt so I didn't know why I was acting like someone had just got shot and killed in front of me.
And as much as I hated to think about it, I was pretty sure Harry shot someone, because I couldn't think of any other reason why whoever it was would just randomly stop shooting at him.
We were laying in his bed, and I was as close to him as I could get, laying on my side facing him with his arm wrapped around my neck. He used his other arm as a pillow, laying on his back looking up at the ceiling with his arm folded behind his head.
He had tied his hair in a loose bun to go to sleep, but there were a few loose curls hanging down framing his face. He looked so pretty and didn't even have to try.
He had tied my hair up for me too just after I had finished brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed. I had just sat on the edge of the bed, still feeling like nothing was real until I felt his hands running through my hair before he tied it in a loose bun.
My hands had also been bandaged up. He cleaned them for me and took the time to pick out the little pieces of glass that had been stuck in my palms. Every time I had made the slightest noise of pain, he looked like he had been stabbed each time, hating that he had to be the one to hurt me when he took them out.
I had one of my hands up beside my shoulder, I held his fingers of his hand that was wrapped around me. In my other hand I held the necklace he got me, toying with the butterfly charm
And then he moved his arm, reaching for the lamp on the bedside table next to him to turn it off.
"Harry" I spoke for the first time since what happened, making him snap his head down to look at me with worried eyes.
His hand that was about to turn off the lamp dropped down to hold my face, cupping my jaw and ghosting his thumb across my cheek that I knew was still damp.
"Are you okay?" He asked me cautiously in a whisper, probably knowing the answer already.
I wasn't sure if I was okay. I definitely wasn't good, but I wasn't as scared as I was earlier, I felt more relaxed, like being curled up in bed with Harry would protect me from everything.
I was still wearing the jumper and sweatpants I had put on in the car before we left the club. It made me feel so much more secure and comfortable since they smelled so strongly of him.
"Can you leave the lamp on?" I asked, hoping I didn't sound pathetic for not wanting to be in the dark.
Normally I slept fine in the dark when I wasn't alone. I always left the lamp on when he wasn't there. But tonight, I could tell that I wasn't going to be able to sleep well. The light made no real difference, but it made me feel safer.
He didn't say anything but nodded before pressing a kiss to the top of my head and holding me tighter. I closed my eyes and relaxed against him, listening to the patterns of his breathing.
Harry could protect me from everything in the real world. But I needed the light on because he couldn't protect me from the nightmares in my own mind.
//