MEDIATING USED to be a place where she found peace, but was only leaving her more stressed and frustrated.
Amara opened her eyes and looked around.
She sat on top of the Falcon in the early hours of the morning. Not many people mobile on the base.
Amara placed a hand on her head, "That- That nightmare," She shakes her head, "It was only just a nightmare."
She knew it in her heart that Vira is dead. She felt the presence of her friend fade on Crait that day. She knew it, and yet her subconscious was also telling her no she wasn't dead.
"The Brotherhood," Amara frowns, "How were they able to- if that wasn't my own dream-?"
Amara looks to her hands.
She clenched them into fists.
She lifts her gaze towards the forest.
She slowly gets up and stands atop of the Falcon. Her mind is telling her to seek out her family, seek out Luke or Anakin or anyone who would listen, but her body says that she is exhausted.
Amara's fingers slowly reach the ring that is resting on her ring finger. The engagement ring Poe had given her, his own mother's ring.
"I- I don't want anything bad to happen to him," She says, "Or Orson,"
She needed to know if this was a dream or if someone was trying to get in her head. She needed to know in order to keep her loved ones safe.
{A NEW ORDER}
BEN WAS seeking his sister out, but instead ended up finding Freya Koda. The two stood inside the lounge of the well known Millennium Falcon.
"Ben," Freya says, "I've been- Well, I felt it would be right that we speak about,"
Ben frowns, "No one here knows," He says.
Freya gives a small smile, "And I know you'd like to keep it that way."
Ben gives her a look.
"I will respect that," Freya says.
Ben frowns and looks away.
Freya sits down in the bench with the table in front of her. Ben was standing across the room from her.
"I know- I know you aren't the same man who sent troopers out to kill me." Freya says, "That was a different man."
Ben looks away, "I appreciate you moving past it." He says.
Freya nods to herself, "You did always kept me on my toes," She says.
Ben looks at her.
"I know you dislike being compared to your father, but every time you give me that look, I see Han." She says, "But of course you didn't just get your father's features."
Ben crosses his arms on his chest, "I only have the Skywalker trait." He says, "Seemingly getting into danger."
Freya lightly laughs, "Luke ended up in plenty of sticky situations in our youth." She lightly smiles, "Plenty of times where we were certain would be our last."
Ben frowns.
"Ben, as much as you and your sister are like your parents, you are creating your own path." Freya says, "Every choice you've made has led you to this moment for a purpose."
Ben looks away.
"And don't give me that," Freya says, "I know it was Kylo Ren who murdered my dear friend."
Ben looks at her.
"You aren't that man," Freya says, "And knowing Han, he'd say the same thing."
Ben seemingly lowered some sort of shield he held up in front of Freya. He uncrossed his arms and looked a little calmer.
"I should've died that day." He spoke, "On Exegol."
Freya frowns.
"I was going to- I was going to transfer my Force into Rey." Ben says, "I was going to redeem myself through that sacrifice."
"But Amara couldn't help herself but step in." Freya says.
Ben nods.
Freya has a small smile, "Your sister is gifted. I can say that for certain," She says, "The Force users I've met in passing seemed quite strong, but something about your sister-,"
Ben frowns a little, "Yeah. I know." He lowers his gaze, "Her strength is amazing but also troubling."
Freya slowly frowns.
"I worry about her often," Ben says, "I want her to stay on the path she'd walked so far. I want her to stay true to herself."
Freya nods, "And she will. You don't need to worry."
Ben takes a step forward, "The Brotherhood seems to be out for her." He spoke, "And with what happened to Ronon- I feel something lurking in the shadows of the Force."
Freya nods, "I sense that as well," She says, "But I also don't have a need to worry about your sister. If she is anything like your parents, she is a fighter til the bitter end."
{A NEW ORDER}
AMARA CLIMBED to the very top of her cliff side mediation spot. She stood on the top overlooking the horizon she had come so use to staring at on the daily.
She felt the wind blow and flow around her.
"Anakin," Amara slowly closes her eyes as she sits down, "Luke. Please I need some guidance."
It was silent.
Nothing.
Amara tried. She tried desperately to connect to them through the Force. She tried and tried to seek them out. When moments past, she opens her eyes and noticed she was alone.
Amara stands up.
"Why? Why is it that you guys show up all the time before but- but when I need the most guiding, you take a vacation?" Amara asks.
She just hears the sounds of leaves slowly blowing in the wind.
"What kind of family ignores family when they need help?" Amara asks.
Nothing.
Amara shakes her head, "This is insane!" She yells, "There is another galactic threat! A threat that seemingly always involves the Skywalkers and yet none of them want to show up!"
Amara slowly clenches her hands into fists.
"I shouldn't have to clean up all of your mess!" She yells.
Nothing.
Amara grows frustrated.
She reaches for her saber handle, and then she ignites her green blade. She then slams the blade hard into the rock beneath her feet. She thrusts the blade into the rock until the handle was the only thing sticking out.
She pulls it out revealing a circular hole where the saber had been. Amara looks at the green saber and the turns it off.
"I- I have a bad feeling about what's coming next," Amara says looking at her saber handle and then to the horizon.
{A NEW ORDER}
POE AND Finn had some meetings during the day, which met the general had not seen his future wife at all on base. Usually that's not something to worry over, but Orson had claimed he hadn't seen her. Which caused Poe to worry.
Finn and Poe were hanging around the command center after a meeting with Jess on a mission regarding destroying remaining First Order cell groups.
"Poe," Finn says, "I'm sure she's fine."
Poe lifts his gaze from his datapad, "I- I wish I could sense that like you."
Finn shrugs, "I don't have a fully grasp on it yet."
"But you were able to sense when Rey- you know," Poe says.
Finn's gaze moved away from Poe.
When Finn revealed the fact he is Force sensitive, he also explained about sensing Rey's death. At first Poe felt terrible that his friend knew it that Rey was dead, but also relief that she came back because of Ben and Amara.
"I mean yeah," Finn confesses, "But I- I wasn't or still aren't in full control."
"But it's getting better?" Poe asks.
Finn glanced at Poe, "Yeah."
Poe nods.
Finn turns to fully face his friend.
"Amara is fine." He says.
"Do you sense it?" Poe asks.
Finn frowns, "I don't want to intrude." He answers.
Poe frowns.
Poe knows better than anyone of the idea of someone invading his mind. So, it wasn't shocking that Finn would feel the same way in not wanting to be someone like that.
After all, with Poe's past torture through the Force was part of the reason why he didn't tell Poe about being Force sensitive.
"I want her to be okay," Poe says, "I don't want to be pretending to be all together because of me or Orson."
Finn looks at his friend.
"She shut down when she killed Ronon and now- now she's-," Poe frowns.
"I know," Finn says.
"I know she's hurting but- but why not come to me?" Poe asks.
Finn shakes his head, "I don't know, Poe. I don't know."
{A NEW ORDER}
POE SEES her from afar. She has a smile plastered on her face as she held onto Orson and spun him around.
The boy laughed with glee.
He could tell how much she was putting on for Orson, because despite all the times she's spent pretending she was okay, Poe could see a glimpse of her not being genuine.
Poe walks over.
Orson noticed Poe.
Poe gives a small smile when he sees Orson give him a huge smile and point over. Amara has her attention away from Orson, now she had stopped spinning, and looked over at Poe.
"Hey," Poe says.
Amara looks at him, "Hi."
"Where did you run off to?" Poe asks, "I was worried."
Amara feeds him the smile he wants to see, "I- I went for a morning walk. I needed to clear my head." She says.
Poe nods, "Oh, I see,"
"Sorry I didn't tell you." She says, "I just- I just had a hard time sleeping last night."
Poe could understand why. After all, just yesterday she took a life of a person. Killer or not, Ronon was still a living breathing person and Amara hadn't crossed over into murder.
"No- No, it's quite alright." Poe says.
Orson, who didn't know about the sensitive stuff like what happened to Ronon, glanced between the pair with confused looks.
"Is everything okay?" Orson asks.
Amara looks at the kid, "Of course, kiddo." She tickles him.
Orson laughs and squeals a little through Amara tickling him. He tried to get out of the hold she put him in, but couldn't.
Poe smiles softly at the great bond between them.
Amara stops tickling him, "Why don't you go ahead." She says, "We'll meet you in the mess hall."
Poe nods, "Yeah, I have to speak to Amara about work."
Orson glanced at the two, "I can tell when I'm not wanted," He says, "Alright, alright."
Orson moves away from Amara and walks ahead. The two adults watch Orson walk off, until the two were just silently staring at him.
"He's a great kid," Poe comments.
"The best," Amara says.
Poe glanced at her, "What's going on?" He asks.
Amara looks at him, "What do you mean?" She asks.
"You seem a bit off," He says, "Like there is something wrong."
Amara frowns, "You know what happened yesterday." She says, "I killed a man."
Poe frowns at her, "And yet we haven't talked about it."
"I talked to Ben already," She says, "I'm speaking to the doctors."
Poe shakes his head, "We're going to be married, Amara. We need to communicate fully." He says, "I know something is wrong and you're holding out on me."
Amara shakes her head, "I am not."
"You're not?" Poe asks, "You really think that?"
"What are you accusing me of?" Amara asks.
Poe looks directly at her, "You can't just stand there and tell me you're a hundred percent after yesterday." He says.
"You don't trust me?" Amara asks.
"I- I do trust you," Poe says, "I just don't think you trust yourself."
Amara bit back.
Poe hit some sort of nerve.
"Ever since what you did to Ronon you seem to be scared," Poe says.
Amara frowns, "Last I checked there is a group called the Brotherhood coming out of the shadows. Oh and the last of the First Order ships who haven't surrender yet." She says, "There is a lot going on."
"Amara," Poe says, "After you fought Ronon the first time you told me you were done being scared. You felt your mother's presence. You believed in yourself. What happened?"
Amara glances away.
"I believe in you," Poe says.
Amara looks at him.
"I- I just don't understand," Poe says.
Amara had tears in her eyes, "You don't understand," She says, "I feel things through the Force and it's conflicting-,"
"Then talk to me," Poe says, "Don't shut me down."
"But how are you going to help?" She asks, "By talking? Talking is only going to make me feel better for a temporary solution."
Poe frowns.
"You literally cannot understand and- and I really wish you could." Amara says.
Poe shakes his head, "Don't you wish I could?" He asks, "You can connect with the Force and with Ben, Finn, and Rey, heck even Freya in ways that we can never be connected."
Amara looks at him.
"I want to know what is going on," He says, "Even if I don't know how to fix it. I want to know. I want to try and help."
Amara locks eyes with him.
Poe reaches out and held onto her hands. He lowers his gaze to her hands and then slowly meets her eyes once again.
"Amara," He says, "I promised Leia during the mission to find Exegol to look after you. But I always made the promise to myself to always be there for you."
Amara lowers her gaze, "I don't feel my connection to Anakin or Luke," She frowns, "I- I don't know why. Everything feels off."
"Off how?" Poe asks.
"Something just- uh- I know something is wrong." She looks at him, "After that nightmare-,"
"What nightmare?" Poe asks.
Amara bit her lip, "I had a dream that had Vira in it." She says, "Only she wasn't herself, but rather a Sith Force user. She taunted me about how I should've died instead of her and then the Brotherhood."
Poe lowers his head to rest on her forehead.
"She killed me in that dream," She says, "And- And I know it was a dream, but- but it felt so real."
Poe closes his eyes, "I'm sorry."
Amara closes her eyes as well, "It's not your fault."
"But you're suffering." Poe then let's go.
He wraps his arms around her to keep her close. Amara did not hesitate to hug him back. She enjoyed the warm feeling she gets in his grasp.
He kisses the top of her head.
"We'll figure this out, Amara." Poe says, "Together."
(re-uploaded: 7/20/21)