"I'm not here to hurt you. These men are here to protect not only you, but they're here to protect me. You can trust me." He said calmly, answering my question and I looked into those eyes, and I still felt like I couldn't breathe. "Let go of the gun Jules." He repeated carefully. "I'm not here to hurt you."
"Why are you here?" I whispered back, looking into those blue eyes, which were observing me.
"We were in a meeting when I got the call that the queen had arrived and was sitting here without protection." He said calmly. "I send these hundred men right away and decided to come here to check on you. Does High Priestess Polly know you're here?" He said calmly and I stared at him, he seemed to be telling the truth. I slowly let go of the gun and he grabbed it from me and he threw it behind him, a security guard catching it. I looked at that with a frown before looking back at Trevor. He had asked me something, but I didn't know what? "Does High Priestess Polly know you're here?" He repeated carefully and I looked at his face and I let out another shaky breath.
"She knows that I was planning on leaving yesterday yes." I responded. "Am I in trouble?" I said and he took a step back and he looked at me with an eyebrow raised as he then took another step back, wait no, come back? He then took another step back, still not answering my question as he then went and sat down on the bush.
"Why do you always assume that you're in trouble?" Trevor said calmly looking at me, as he loosened his tie a bit. I looked around at the hundred men. "FACE" Trevor then snapped before I could observe all of them, and they turned around, giving us some privacy. I stared back at him as I kept put against King Roberts statue. "I mean, yes you did leave Brusta without security, you probably stayed at a hotel somewhere without security, you drove all the way up Gotar without a driver whom is experienced in driving up the mountain, yes you went and sat in the middle of a city without security, you are currently leaning against a statue of a king, which is a punishable offence, and yes you did have a gun without permission from the kings. But why would you think you'd be in trouble?" he said and he wasn't smiling and I frowned as I didn't understand what he was asking, was this a serious question? I was so fucking confused.
"Because of everything you said." I said carefully, not moving from my spot. "And because I led that guy to Gotar, putting the lives of the Kings of Locatlie in danger." I stammered staring at him. "You forgot that." I added trying to lighten the mood and Trevor stared at me, his eyebrow still raised.
"You are unbelievable do you know that?" He said shaking his head looking at me. "I haven't spoken to you in a year and you think you're in trouble. You were held captive and I now know that he planned on killing you but you talked him out of it, by coming to Gotar, the most secure place you can be, and you think you're in trouble?" he said shaking his head. "You are infuriating."
"I'm sorry." I stammered looking down and biting my lip. "I didn't- I." What the fuck was I doing? I shouldn't be thinking about what anyone was thinking, I was a free woman. "Am I going to be locked up and punished or not?" I then said a bit more direct and Trevor stared at me, his eyebrow still raised.
"No. Never." He replied directly and I nodded slowly at that as I stared sideways. I looked out at the stars and a small smile appeared on my face as I looked back at Trevor.
"Never? Really?" I challenged as I stared into those perfect blue eyes again. The darkness in his eyes changed and it seemed like his posture changed as a whole.
"I'm not planning on ever locking you up, unless you specifically ask 'Trevor lock me up and torture me.' But I have this feeling I won't be hearing that in my lifetime, especially from you." He said and I bit my underlip and I nodded as I crossed my arms and I kept looking at him, waiting for him to talk. "Are you going to keep disrespecting my grandfather by leaning against him or are you going to come sit here next to me? Why are you even right here by the way?" he said and I took a couple of steps forward and then turned around, turning my back towards him.
"Best view to the moon." I stated calmly as I pointed to it. "It's calming."
"The place where you were first taken and tortured is calming for you?" he said and I let out a sigh, there was the Trevor that I knew, and sadly loved.
I smiled as I took another step back and I knew I was near the bench now and I sat down, crossing my legs, as I kept staring at the moon.
"If you put it that way, it is kind of ironic and absolutely stupid. But yes. It's calming for me." I said and I felt him staring at me. "I like the moon. It's the only thing in this world that's always been there for me, no matter what." I said as I turned my head sideways. "Every day I know that I will be seeing the moon, and every day I know that if I need it, I can look at it."
"I've always been there for you." He replied almost annoyed and I couldn't help but scoff.
"If I walk into the love house here, I'm sure I'll hear different stories." I said casually turning my head sideways to look at the moon better.
"If I walk to the castle, I find two guys whom were going to marry another woman, but you forgave them within weeks." He replied in the same tone and I closed my eyes for a second and I stood up. "What are you doing?" He said almost shocked.
"I knew this was a mistake." I said as tears appeared in my eyes.
"What?" He said as he was sincere and I shook my head.
"You're so cruel to me. You're an asshole Trevor." I said and he looked at me absolutely dumbfounded and confused.
"I know. I'm literally the King of Knives, Trevor the Cruel." He said as if it was obvious, waving it away. "I don't get that by being nice." He replied and a tear rolled down my cheek.
"You never used to be an asshole to me, or cruel." I stammered looking at him and he stared at me as if what I was saying was actually hitting him and he stared ahead for a second. He blinked and looked at me.
"You never used to shut me out." He replied carefully and I bit my lip as I wiped tears from my face.
"You cheated on me." I replied back.
"My brot-."
"THIS ISN'T ABOUT HUGO AND WILLIAM." I yelled at him, not being able to hold myself in. I let out a deep breath. Calm down Julia. With yelling I would get nowhere. "My relationship with William and Hugo isn't the same as our relationship Trevor. They didn't hurt me the way you did, they couldn't." I said in a slightly softer voice. "And you slutshaming and being a dick to me about my process hurts me. Can't you see that that hurts me. Before all of this war of hearts shit, my happiness used to be your priority, the idea that someone was hurting me, made you absolutely furious. But you're the only one out of the three brothers that doesn't see what your actions has done to me mentally, you're the only one whom hasn't owned up to the fact that you were wrong. Just because Hugo and William fucked up, doesn't mean that you can fuck up too and it just be ok." I said and he stared at me in total and utter shock. "Your family took me when I was ten years old and you are currently in charge of taking girls from their homes. I was locked up for eight years and then I had a forced miscarriage and I was taken against my will, brutally raped millions of times, tortured. ALL OF IT. And that's only half of the fucking trauma that your families traditions made me suffer through, and all you can think about is what Will and Hugo did, you don't see it do you? You don't see the pain that you cause me, that your family caused me?" I stammered as he was looking at me utterly shocked.
"They killed my family in front of me and you want to talk about me not opening up to you the moment I saw you, after finding out you were fucking the whole love house? And then you're pissed off and confused that I don't come running to you, something I've needed so fucking desperately in the past year?" I said. "How can you not understand how much everything- what an." I said and I shook my head as he stood up and he walked up to me and I wanted to take a step back, but I couldn't because he was too fast. He put his arms around me, leaning down, and picked me up slightly. I started to cry and the crying became sobbing as I wrapped my arms around his neck and cried into his arms. He held onto me and let me cry. I had missed his arms so much. I had missed his ragged heartbeat any time I was close to him. I had missed his smell; a mix of husk, his cologne and blood. I had missed feeling on top of this world with him.
After a while I had calmed down and I took a step back and I wiped the tears from my face, not being able to look at him.
"I'm sorry." He said carefully looking at me and he grabbed my chin, his touch making my heart beat normally again. He forced me to look at him. "Look into my eyes." He said in his king voice now and I couldn't not cave in, so I stared into those blue eyes once again. "I'm sorry for the pain that my family has caused you. I never thought about it like that because my brain is programmed to only think about my personal needs. But obviously you're a part of me, no, you are me." He said as tears were in his eyes. "You're right. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for cheating on you. I'm sorry for yelling at you for being with Hugo and William. I'm sorry that because of the traditions of our family, you've been through more shit than a human can take. I'm sorry that the United League used you as a pawn in a war that didn't need to start."
"But they were right Trevor. Think about it. Everything they blamed you for, they were right about that. You killed hundreds of millions of people for a lie." I said and he shook his head.
"I killed hundreds of millions of people to get you back to me and I would do it again and again. I would nuke the whole fucking world if that meant that you were safe in my arms again. You are the only reason I exist on this earth. You're the reason I breathe, you're my-" He shook his head and I looked at him and he was so full of emotion. "You're the only reason why I even am on this earth." He said and I nodded slowly looking at him and I went and sat back down and he let out a small breath as he sat back down again. "And all I can think about is my pain, because that's just how I am, and I don't see what I do wrong to you, because there is some fucked up part of me that thinks that no matter what I do, you'll love me until the day we both die. You love Trevvie, you love my dickishness, you are the only person on this world that loves me without doubts. And that you, that you went to Will and Hugo first, hurt me."
"This isn't about Hugo or Will though Trevor." I said a bit annoyed. "This is about you, about us. About what you did to me and what an effect that had on me. You're making it all about you once again." I said as I turned my head away from him. I pulled my knees up and put my arms around them as I was freezing. I put my head on my knees and looked sideways. "Me having sex with Hugo or Will isn't about you. I don't fuck them to hurt you. I don't talk to them to hurt you. Not everything I do is because of you."
He was quiet for a bit but I felt him moving a bit and I felt his jacket over my shoulders and I couldn't help but start to cry at that again.
"What did I do now?" he said and he was genuinely confused and I couldn't help but smile as I turned my head to look at him and there was pain on his face.
"You just know me. It's just an extreme relief that I don't have to explain small parts of me. That's all." I said and he nodded slowly looking at me.
"Everything I do is for you Julia." He said softly as he put his hand on my legs, by my hand. "Everything."
"Well if we were in another world, I could say the same thing. But we're in this world where I have to share my love with three idiotic brothers." I replied as he looked at me and a small smile appeared on his face as his thumb went over my hand and that felt so good.
What was I doing?
A.N.
Jules and Trev finally have the chance to talk. Do you think it's going well?