Chapter 26
Published: 6/11/2021
"Merlin... fuck... I don't deserve you," Draco groaned as Harry finished his massage.
"Yeah, you do. How's that cramp?" Harry said, smiling.
"Gone, thank you."
"No problem."
"Alright... spill Harry," Draco said, meeting his eyes.
"What?"
"Whatever you've been neglecting to tell me... ask me."
Harry lowered his eyes. "I didn't mean to keep things from you."
"I know. Tell me about the case, Harry."
Harry slowly took a seat on the rollie stool. He sighed. "The case against the guards is wrapping up. A few were already sentenced, but it's... your parole officer, ex-parole officer, that's the problem."
Draco frowned. "McGrath."
"Yeah... we need more... that's why Hermione is coming. She has... questions for you."
"Questions... like?"
"What happened... how you feel. Unfortunately, we can only get him on misconduct and other minor charges."
"I'll need to testify?"
"Only for him... yes... unless Hermione can get him to plead for a lesser charge. She might do it, if you're firm about not testifying."
"I don't want to," he admitted. Talking to the head healer was one thing. Being in a room with the Wizengamot members who sent him to hell, was completely different.
"Okay... we'll try to work around it. But... can you talk about it? I mean... without it hurting you?"
Draco nodded. "I'll be fine."
"I don't think that she'll talk about... Azkaban."
Draco nodded, again. "Your boss... said that I have to clear mental health to get released."
Harry lowered his head. "I didn't want you to worry about it. We still have a bit."
He eyed Harry, who seemed determined not to ask the one question that was hanging on his lips. It was no matter. Granger would ask tomorrow, but he turned it to the other topic, which Harry seemed determined to avoid.
"Harry, what did you find at my house?"
His green eyes met his and watered. His lip was trembling. "I... talked to your mum... and dad."
Draco lowered his eyes. He couldn't talk then, even to her painting. He remembered just staring at her, wishing that she would hold him and make all the pain disappear. But she couldn't. She just apologized over and over. His father ignored him for the most part, except for a few veiled comments about how much he had failed him.
"I see."
"Do... you want to talk about it?" Harry whispered.
Draco shrugged, but then said, "What did she say?"
"That she loves you, that she was sorry she didn't wait for you. Your dad had passed and told her that you were... gone, too. She believed him."
He closed his eyes. "I miss her," he admitted.
"I'm so sorry, Draco," Harry said, taking his hand. "I'm sorry she's not here. She loved you... so much."
"I... I think she was why I bothered to stay alive. When I got home and she was gone, there was nothing for me anymore."
Harry's grip was becoming painful. "But there is, Draco."
Draco turned to Harry and smiled, "There is, Harry. Don't worry. It had hit me hard when I came home. But I'm happy, now. What else did she say?"
"There's a letter for you... in your room. I can get it for you."
Draco shook his head. "I can wait."
"But I told her that you were healing, talking and would eventually walk, again. She was so happy."
"Thank you," Draco said, smiling.
"I told your father that if he didn't change his act that I was coming back with a sledgehammer."
"You did?" he asked as he smiled widely.
Harry blushed. "That asshole... I would have done it then, but I didn't... want to make that decision without your... approval."
"Yeah, wouldn't want you to kill my father's spirit without permission," Draco deadpanned.
Harry's head jerked up. "I...."
"I was just joking, but yeah... please don't... at least until I see him again and tell him he's an asshole. Then you can smash him."
Harry smiled. "Okay." He seemed to be deep in thought, and Draco waited for him to say something. He wouldn't meet his eyes. "Draco... will you... ever tell me what happened to you?"
"Yes, but not today. I think you've been through enough trauma for one day."
Harry frowned. "It's you I'm worried about."
"Yeah, but I worry about you, so touché."
Harry shrugged and nodded. "Yeah... I guess we both have different viewpoints on that. But when I was in your head... you were afraid... of the stuff outside the pitch."
It was Draco's turn to frown. "Yes. Even if it bleeds in or I see or talk about it, I still have guards up. But there's no sunshine daisies, butter mellow on the other side. You wouldn't like what's there, and I have no desire to get full sensory replays. Talking is a bit different than reliving it, and if you were in my head, you'd feel what happened, too."
"Oh, I do know. I mean... I... umm... feel it."
"Feel it?" Draco asked.
"Your pain."
Draco tilted his head and analyzed him. "What do you mean?"
"Not as much now... but when I was healing your breaks... I could feel the ghost memories, how the breaks happened... echoes of your pain."
He nodded. He didn't like that. "I had a feeling you knew what happened."
"I mean... I knew the big things before I even walked in the door. Scans show a lot. But... like... I know how your teeth broke. My Achilles tendon twitches every time I do another round of healing on your leg. I can feel it when they sliced through it. It was a silver knife... brown handle."
Draco's eyebrows rose. Potter was filled with unexpected surprises. "I'm sorry... I don't want you to feel pain."
Harry's eyes widened. "No... I just... I wanted you to know... that I know... things."
"It's okay, Harry. Thank you for telling me. I don't mind, just don't like that you had to feel it too, but it's late and Joel is surely waiting for you."
"Yeah... crap. He's in for a rough one. His healer exams and boards are coming, and he'll have to pass with great marks and knowing Higgs, probably won't make it easy. He's got friends."
"So do you. Ask for a reviewer to be present."
Harry nodded. "Maybe... but I'll see you tomorrow. Got your remotes?"
"Yep, I'll just settle down to an episode of The Office."
Harry laughed. "Okay, Draco. Do you even understand what is going on?"
"Not really, but it's amusing to watch idiots interact."
Harry smirked. "Alright, goodnight, Draco."
"Goodnight, Harry."
Harry walked out the door, and Draco breathed deeply. He missed him already. Night was always hard, but he could manage. Harry would be there in the morning. He always was. His gut wrenched slightly as he considered what it'd be like if Harry didn't show up. Holy fuck. His breathing increased, and he was well into a panic attack of his own, before he locked down his emotions.
Devastated was an understatement. Harry was an addiction at this point, and he was hooked. His gentle touch, the blush of his face, the undying loyalty he has for his friends and the tender care he took in every step of his recovery. That head healer knew that there was trouble brewing, and he wasn't sure that he had entirely convinced her otherwise. But he had spoken true. He couldn't imagine a life without Harry in it, one way or the other.
He turned on the telly and veged out on muggle shows. It was a few hours later when the door creaked open. He looked at the wall automatically, but Cass came in. She always talked to him as she checked his vitals and made sure his water cup was filled.
"So, I heard that there was a meltdown in the mental health ward. All the wardens are talking about it. We're going to start a little war on Harry's behalf. Nothing too obvious... just sinister enough that Higgs won't have any target to blame. We have also been collecting evidence in case... well... things come to a head," she said, refilling his cup. "I heard you talked to the head lady herself. That's impressive."
"She was okay," he said, quietly. He still couldn't meet her eyes.
She seemed happy that he finally said something. "Yeah, not too bad of a boss. I'm glad you're doing better."
"Thank you," he said, knowing that he had to get used to talking to people and looking at them.
"You are welcome. So... want to hear what shenanigans we got planned?"
He slowly lifted his head and looked at her. She smiled. "Sure."
She smiled and sat down, eager to unload all the gossip of the hospital and who's in whose pocket. It was particularly interesting. Cass stayed for almost two hours before she said that she had to do rounds and he needed sleep.
"You're doing great, Draco. You both are healing. Thank you for that," she said and walked out.
Draco smiled and slowly closed his mind, maybe hoping to go a little deeper into his sleep cycle.
***
Harry was already a nervous wreck when he Apparated into work. He hoped that Hermione wasn't going upset Draco, but he couldn't stop this now. Draco's reassurances aside, he was still afraid of him getting hurt. He didn't say anything about the fall yesterday, and Harry couldn't bring himself to ask about it. Fear ruled his life in a lot of ways.
Joel was already there when he arrived in the ward. He was in his office, his books cracked open all around him, and Cass was quizzing him. He let them be and went to Draco's room. He was met with a smile, and an almost restful-looking Draco. Did he actually sleep? he wondered.
"Morning, Harry."
"Draco... how are you feeling?"
"Great, actually, though my stupid leg muscles aren't happy."
"Well, I can take care of that," he replied, waiting for Draco to nod okay, before he lifted the blankets.
Draco laughed. "I feel like I can get a massage out of you every time you stop by."
"You probably would. Free massages for life."
Draco smiled and then moaned as soon as Harry's hands touched him.
"This is just to butter you up... don't forget we have to do your morning stretches in."
"Fuck... don't remind me. I still don't think that I need to walk."
Harry rolled his eyes and got Draco, begrudgingly, to do his exercises. Joel tried to go to his morning appointments with him, but Harry shot him down. Study and practice spells. Failure on the boards meant retraining and another full year on rotation. Joel did not need to get held back another year. Harry did allow Joel to join him for lunch in Draco's room and Harry spent the time talking about the exams and giving him advice.
"Thanks, Harry. I'm sure I got the practicals down for healing and trauma. Potions and Spell Damage are okay, I think, but there is a mind healing section, too. I don't know what to do."
"I'm sorry, Joel. I can't help you. I wouldn't let them try and I flunked that part of the board."
"What does it entail?" he asked.
Harry frowned. "If I understand it, you have to be able to calm a patient under a panic potion. It's supposed to be simple Legilimency... to emit calm feelings on them. I wouldn't even try, but you don't have that luxury."
Joel nodded, but Draco said, "Well, I can train him."
"What?" Harry said, at the same time Joel exclaimed, "Really?"
"Sure, it's not a problem," Draco said.
"Umm... Draco," Harry said, worried.
"It'll be fine. Basic Occlumency and Legilimency skills are easy to teach, Harry."
"If you're sure...."
"I am. We can do it every day after lunch when Harry is at his appointments."
"Thank you, Draco... this means so much," Joel said, gratefully.
"You've helped me, I'm glad to return the favor."
Harry reluctantly left Joel with Draco, while he did his afternoon appointments. He was about to go back when he finished, when Natalie stopped him.
"Harry, got one from Trauma. Quidditch accident."
"Ginny?"
"Yep, I was sure you'd see her. Dislocated knee and muscle pulls. She wanted you."
Harry nodded, went to her room and opened the door. "Well, Gin, it's been almost a month and no accidents? Are you getting better at flying?"
She smiled faintly and looked at him wistfully. "Yeah, I've never gone so long without an accident. Actually was letting the bludger hit me, to get in to see you." Her voice wasn't as high and cheery as usual.
Harry was almost about to panic that something was wrong with her, but then he looked into her eyes and saw the pity. He sighed and looked down. He forgot that he told Ron to tell everyone what happened to him five years ago.
She started, "Harry... I'm so sorry that I didn't realize...."
"Stop!" he cried, as tears started to well up. "Please, don't apologize. You asked me many times what was wrong. I choose not to tell. Nothing is your fault."
"Oh, Harry," she said and almost hugged him, but stopped.
"Please, don't treat me differently, Ginny. You're such a positive and strong person that I always feel safe with you. I didn't want to ruin the fun we have hanging out."
"Harry... I was always making fun about..." she started.
"Gin, you weren't doing it maliciously... I'm fine."
"You're not fine, Harry. You've been alone and hurting for five years. We should have...."
He put his hands on her shoulders. "You are one of my best friends... you're my sister. You were there. You, Ron and Hermione... you kept me going. Thank you for trying to apologize, but there isn't anything that you could have done."
Ginny nodded and wiped some tears away. "Harry... you didn't deserve... that. You deserved so much better after everything. I can't believe... if he wasn't in Azkaban, I'd kill him."
"Thanks," he said, smiling and left go.
Ginny took his hand. "I'll try not to treat you differently, but... still have to say that I'm so sorry, Harry."
He nodded and tears came out, again. She didn't ask to hug him this time and just wrapped her arms around his neck.
"I will still kick your butt if you do stupid things and yell at you," she whispered in his ear.
"Just like Ron, huh?" he laughed.
"Yep. My stupid brothers. Now, are you going to fix my knee, or do I have to wait all day?"
"Yes, ma'am," Harry said, and got it back in. He massaged her pain out and fixed her muscles.
"Ron said that Malfoy got you to open up," she prodded.
Harry sighed. "He's my friend. We are helping each other heal. He... he let me inside his head."
Ginny's jaw dropped. "You... did Legilimency? I'm impressed. Ferret face must have some sway with you."
"He's not... he didn't sway me. He... it was different. I trust him," he mumbled, awkwardly.
Her eyebrows rose and she smiled, her normal radiant smile. "Oh, Harry... you don't have to explain. I understand."
"You do?" he said, confused.
Her grin widened, and she reached up to push his hair out of his face. "Your hair still untamable. For now, anyway. I suspect things will change soon."
Harry's brow furrowed. "Gin?"
"Malfoy is a neat prick, isn't he?"
Harry nodded. Draco had started brushing his hair, but he still let Harry rub the potions in.
"I'm sure he'd make sure that you learn basic hair care."
"Hey!" he said, indignantly and then realized what she was getting at. "Hey!" he repeated.
"Hey, yourself. Merlin, if you could get any more awkward... you'd be rendered mute."
Harry clamped his jaw, unable to say anything.
"See?"
He forced himself to say, "Stop eluding to anything... I will get fired, Gin."
"Okay, sorry, but I can see what's going to happen like it's written on the wall, Harry."
He shook his head. It wasn't exactly denial running through him. It was fear: fear of rejection, fear of losing his job and more shaming, and worse, the fear of intimacy. It was something that he had determined he would never have, what he had really lost that day. Why he drank every night and couldn't sleep. He tensed up, resisting the urge to break down.
Ginny's eyes went wide, and she took his hand. He flinched and started shaking. "Harry! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please, calm down!"
It took a few minutes, but he got his emotions to stabilize. "It's okay... I'm okay," he said automatically. "It's okay, Gin. It's just a pipe dream. It's something I can never have."
"But you can," she insisted, still a little pale.
"No, I can't. Thanks for coming... and your concern, but I need to go," he said and left the room, without waiting for her reply.