I was laying on my back in the bed, but I couldn't sleep.
The dinner itself was all right. We were sitting in front of the Mexican President and his wife, along with the French President and his wife. They had apparently been Locatlie's biggest allies. I listened in on their conversations, but I didn't participate in it. I didn't feel like talking to anyone, I wanted to observe. But I also couldn't talk because my mind kept thinking about Hugo, just like my mind was thinking about Hugo right now.
It was as if he was my personal drug of some sorts. I hadn't felt him for three years, but after our hug earlier tonight, I couldn't stop thinking about his touch, about his arms, about his protection.
I knew that if I laid here for the rest of the night that I wouldn't be able to sleep, so after doubting and debating the choice I was making for an hour, I stood up. I walked towards my closet here and I grabbed one of his shirts and a simple pair of shorts. I walked out of the room and I walked up towards Hugo's personal wing. I took some nervous breaths before I opened the door. Just like I expected, I saw Hugo half sitting on his bed with his reading glasses reading some book. He looked up and did a double take, looking at me over his glasses.
"Julia." He said a bit shocked and I bit my lip looking at him nervously.
"Can I come cuddle?" I asked immensely nervous. I didn't know why I was nervous, we were married after all, but still, I never knew. Maybe he didn't love me anymore, or maybe he wasn't interested in me as a wife anymore. He might just have been nice to me the past couple of days because he felt guilty and wanted to make sure I was mentally stable, before leaving me.
"Of course." He said right away. "Do you mind if I continue reading?"
"No. That's fine." I said as I walked up towards the bed and I pulled up the covers and he held out his arms like he always did. I went and laid on my stomach, my arm over his chest, my hand on his neck to hold onto his perfect curly hair, my head against his neck, my leg over his waist. When I was settled, Hugo put his hand on my upper back, grabbing one of my braids.
I closed my eyes and took in the familiar feeling of being home, finally. I had dreamt of this moment for years, and now that it was here, it hit me like a brick and I didn't know why, well I did but still, I started to cry.
"O honey." He said as he put his book down and he put his arm around me. He didn't say anything, he just let me cry and after a while I was done and I put my other leg in his leg as I was laying on my side now, and he was too. He put his other arm carefully around my waist and I put my head on his arm to look at him.
His face reminded me so much of Jude. The way his eyes were shaped, the bright brown colour, his lips that were slightly parted, the soft glinstering in his eyes as he was trying to hold back tears. Even the shape of his nose.
"You're so much like her." I whispered softly as I put my hand against his cheek. "You have the same eyes, exactly the same." I whispered as he was looking at my face, observing me. "She had the same constipated look you have whenever you're confused or if you're trying to process something. She" I said and I shook my head. "She was so happy." I said as tears flowed down my cheeks. "She was my gift from Seglusa, reminding me that you were waiting for me patiently. It was so selfish of me to keep her, but it was the only piece of you guys that I had." I said as I bit my upper lip. "I should've sent her towards Locatlie the moment she was born, she would've been-"
"No." He said. "You can't do that to yourself. She might've died with Lea as well." He said right away. "Either way, she would've been gone Julia. It isn't your fault." He said as he put his finger against my lip to silence me. "None of this is your fault and I know that it's going to take more than me telling you that it isn't' your fault for you to believe it, but it really isn't your fault. The whole world should thank you, because without you the war would've gone on for years." He said and I frowned at that. "This war was coming with or without you, but because we had to get you back, Trevor pulled out all the dirty tricks in the books on fast forward." He said and tears appeared in my eyes. "You're the reason why this war only lasted for two years"
"274 million people died in this war Hugo. 274 million people died because I lied to the whole world." I said and he nodded slowly looking at me.
"That is true, but 274 million also died because we took you in the first place." He said. "You can't blame yourself for the loss of those 274 million people, nor can you blame yourself for Jude's death." I shook my head a bit as I closed my eyes for a couple of seconds just to take this moment in. "Can I ask you something?" He said carefully "And if you don't want to answer, you don't have to, but I'm curious" he said and I opened my eyes and smiled a bit looking at him and I nodded. "Why did you run away from the summit this morning?" I hadn't expected that question and I let out a deep breath and nodded slowly but then shook my head.
"I haven't had the time to process that yet, when I have, I'll tell you." I said and he nodded slowly looking at me. "Can I ask you something?" I asked as I wiped my tears away and I looked into his perfect brown eyes. "Those darned eyes." I sighed and he giggled a bit at that as he bit his lip amused.
"You can ask me anything."
"Polly told me that uhm" I said and I gulped as I put my hand in his hair as that calmed me. "That I had to replace my bad memories with the good." I explained and he nodded slowly looking at me. "And that it would require baby steps in some aspects, but in others not."
"Ok." He nodded looking at me. "What do you want to do? Let's go right now" He said pretending to sit up and I laughed very loudly at that as I pulled him down and I held onto him tightly.
"I want you to show me what it's like to feel loved again." I said as I looked into his brown eyes and his eyes widened a bit. "I want you to make me understand and make me believe that I deserve to be loved in the way you guys believe that for me."
"You want to have sex?" He said as his dick responded to that and I smiled a bit as I looked down and then back up at him.
"I want you to make love to me." I said and he let out a deep breath. "But only if you're comfortable with it. I can understand that your heart is in another place and I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I know Heather-" but he shut me up by leaning forward pressing his lips on mine.
A.N
Wait, what? Are Julia and Hugo actually going to do this? What do you think?
And what about her opening up slightly to Hugo about Jude??
Tomorrow I will post only 1 chapter, but it's a very long one! I've got some personal stuff I've got to deal with so I don't know if I'll be able to be on my laptop.