I split this one in two, 'cause we know I like a cliffhanger. 😛
Nikki's POV
"I'm fine. Stop being a tit." Ryan smacks my arm when I wince as the doctor starts to sew her stomach. I never liked getting stitches.
"You need to stop the blood thinners. Your arm looks good, and you're gonna have a hell of a time healing this if you keep taking them." The doctor looks at Ryan through the tops of her eyes, waiting for clarification that Ryan understands.
"Yes ma'am, I won't take them anymore. I hadn't taken my dose today either." She lays on the hospital bed as normal as can be, like she doesn't even have a needle going in and out of her skin right now.
Ryan's face is indiscernible, as soon as we got to the hospital she switched from upset to what I can only identify as numb. I wish she would tell me how she's feeling, but she's barely said a dozen words to me.
I know I'm pissed off. How long will we have to deal with the repercussions of her first marriage? Are we always gonna have to look over shoulders? Am I always gonna have to worry about my wife being taken from me in a violent manner? I know I shouldn't be, because she duly warned me before we got too involved, but I'm a little angry at Ryan for bringing so much shit into our lives.
"Okay, you're all good. Keep it dry, keep it covered, and I'll give you some antibacterial ointment to put on it once a day and an antibiotic pill to take twice a day with food. You need to be very careful, and don't lift anything over five pounds or they can come undone. Come back in two weeks and we'll get these out. Do you need something for the pain?" My eyes flick to Ryan, pleading her to say no.
"No, I'm good. Thank you." I let out a sigh of relief when Ryan comes to the conclusion herself since she never looked at me to see my pleading expression.
"Tough one, huh?" The doctor chuckles.
"Addict, actually." Ryan quirks an eyebrow and the doctor nods in understanding.
"Well, I'll see you in a couple weeks then." The doctor stands and grabs her clipboard before she shuffles out of the room. Ryan pulls her shirt down and swings her legs over the side of the bed to stand up, wincing in pain.
"Are you okay?" I extend my hand to her to help her off the bed but she refuses.
"I'm fine." Her voice is full of annoyance and I snap my hand back, her attitude catching me off guard. "I'm sorry. I just want to go home." She notices the hurt expression on my face and she shoots me an apologetic look.
"Okay, let's go home."
The car ride home is eerily silent, Ryan looking out her window the majority of the time. Thankfully at five in the morning there's not much traffic and we make it home before the city starts to wake up. The living room light is on, signaling either Riley or Tommy are awake and Ryan groans.
"I don't want to talk to anyone right now." Her voice is stern as she gives me a hard stare and I nod in response.
"I'll talk to them. Just go up to the bedroom."
As soon as we enter the house, we notice both of them are passed out on the couch, giving Ryan an easy exit out of conversation. Tommy's loud snores reverberate through the the whole lower level of the house and I wonder how Riley sleeps through that shit.
"Hey." I gently smack Tommy in the face multiple times until his eyes start to flutter open. "We're home. You can go to bed now."
"Where is she?" He sits up slowly in an effort to not roll Riley off of the couch, looking around the room for Ryan. "Is she okay?"
"She's okay. She got stitches, but she's fine. She went to bed, she didn't feel like talking much."
"I wouldn't either if someone tried to murder me for the second time." He looks down at Riley, giving her sleeping body a genuine smile of admiration. He gently shakes her arm and she jolts awake in fear, toppling to the floor.
"Shit." She groans, getting her bearings on her surroundings. "Is Ryan okay? Is she home?"
"Yeah, she went upstairs to go to sleep." She nods as she lifts herself back onto the couch, both of them yawning simultaneously.
"So, what happened?" Riley rubs her eyes with the back of her hands.
"I don't really know that much. Kelsey's brother that died in Vancouver, his wife came to fuck with Ryan. She tried to stab her, but it's just a big gash. I guess Ryan moved just in time for the blade to slide instead of stab." I make hand motions to match my words.
"Did she get arrested?" Tommy's eyes are wide in disbelief.
"Yeah, the cops hauled her off when they got there. I haven't heard anything since, though. Ryan's supposed to go to the police station to give a statement later this morning."
"Are you okay?" I stare at Riley for a moment, not quite sure how to answer her question. "It's okay to be frustrated with all of it." She gives me a weak half smile.
"I'm very frustrated with all of it." I plop onto the couch next to them with a sigh. "It's just always fucking something, you know? When is it gonna end?"
"I can imagine it's hard to deal with always wondering what's next." She nods in understanding, guilt rising up out of my gut at how angry I am at Ryan.
"It really is hard. All the fuckin' drama and the never ending fucking letters from her ex. I don't think she's ever gonna leave Ryan alone. She's always gonna be apart of our lives and I'm just-" I sigh as I shake my head. "I feel like such a dick for feeling this way but I'm just fucking over it, you know? I don't want to deal with it anymore."
Tommy's hand pats my shoulder as Riley gives me a sympathetic look, both of them staying silent, because there's no words to make me feel better right now.
Do I really want to deal with this forever?
Ryan's POV
My eyes fill with hot tears as I stand around the corner of the top of the stairs, Nikki's words replaying in my ears.
"I don't want to deal with it anymore."
Neither do I, Nikki.
Neither. Do. I.
I have to fix this somehow, or I'm going to lose him.
-
"Babe. Wake up. You need to take your antibiotics." Nikki jostles my arm and I groan.
"What is it?" My voice comes out as a hoarse whisper and I look around the room, the clock reading 11 AM.
"You need to take your antibiotics. Tommy made pancakes. Get up and get dressed. Your daughter has been screaming 'momma' for the past two hours and she's about to come unhinged." He gives me a half smile, a look of guilt covering his features. Maybe he feels bad for all the things he said behind my back last night.
He barely touched me last night when normally I can't get the mother fucker off of me while I'm asleep. It could be that he didn't want to hurt me, but I know deep down it's because he's harboring some pretty big resentments toward me right now. He always has, really. There hasn't been a moment of our relationship that Kelsey hasn't loomed in the background, even if we weren't exactly aware of it at the time.
"Okay, I'm coming."
I feel as if a dark cloud is hovering over me, depression seeping into every pore of my brain. I've racked my mind for the past six hours trying to think of how to fix everything and get Kelsey out of our lives for good. I know in my heart she put the idea in Sylvia's mind to seek revenge on me for Michael. At the very least, she helped her find me. If I could just get rid of her, everything would be okay.
I can only come up with one idea, and no one will be happy about it. It might even cost me my marriage, although it seems like I'm going to lose that either way.
But do I really have the stomach to follow through?
I can't lose my husband. As pathetic as it sounds, the only thing in my life that doesn't revolve around him or Mötley is my job. Even then, the Whisky is known for being Mötley's breeding ground so I don't even really have that either.
Even if I had other aspects of my life that weren't Mötley-related, he's the love of my life and what the fuck would I do without him? He could bring up all of my past to the court and have a pretty damn good case as to why I don't provide a safe environment for my daughter. I don't think he'd do that, but Nikki is nothing if not fucking spiteful when angry.
Would he really leave me?
Or was he just frustrated?
Do I really want to risk finding out?
I would give anything to have the drama of Kelsey out of our fucking lives. I don't enjoy having to look over my shoulder either, especially now that I have a small human to keep safe, too. I can't keep burying my head in the sand and pretending everything is okay, because it's not. Simply wishing her away is obviously not going to work. I have to take matters into my own hands instead of hoping everything will be alright.
"Good morning!" Tommy's chipper voice greets me in the kitchen after I get dressed, along with the delicious smell of pancakes and sausage.
"Morning."
"Momma!" My face instantly lights up as Wylie screams from her walker, and I struggle to find a comfortable way to pick her up without hurting myself.
Fuck the five pound rule.
"Let me help-" Nikki steps toward us as I grit my teeth and pull her from her spot.
"I'm fine." He puts his hands up in defense at my cold tone and steps away as I let out a deep breath, a stinging sensation zapping through my torso.
"Momma." Wylie coos as she nestles her head in my neck, and it takes everything in me to not start bawling immediately. At least she'll always love me no matter what.
"At least sit down. Please. I'll bring you a plate." Nikki's eyes plead with mine and I nod reluctantly, not wanting to start an argument when we're already in limbo.
I feel as if the ground will crumble under my feet at any given moment. Does he feel this way, too? For the millionth time I wonder if he meant what he said last night, if he's truly planning on leaving me. This feeling of uncertainty is driving me insane. Maybe I should just talk to him. Do I really wanna know the truth, though? No. I want to fix it before he decides it's unfixable. If he hasn't already.
Fuck, I'm driving myself up the wall.
"How are you feeling?" Riley sits next to me as Nikki slides a plate of food toward me, not even bothering to glance at me.
"I'm okay." Wylie twirls her fingers into the ends of my hair, her big blue/green eyes staring deeply into mine.
What would I do without this beautiful child? I don't think I could live without her. I wouldn't want to. A life without my family would be no life at all.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Riley places her hand on my shoulder and I give her a confused look, quickly feeling the tears that have started to cascade down my cheeks.
"Nothing. Sorry. I'm fine." I wipe my face with the back of my free hand and give her the best smile I can muster up. By the look on her face, she doesn't believe me at all.
"Do you wanna go talk?" She glances into the kitchen where Nikki and Tommy make their plates.
"Maybe later. I, uh, I have to go to the police station after I eat. I'm fine, I promise. It was just a long night."
"Sharise called this morning. She heard what happened on the news." Of course it's on the news. Nothing can ever stay fucking quiet around here. "She wants to go with you to the police station."
"No." She gives me a weird look when I speak a little too quickly and a little too loudly. "I don't want to inconvenience anyone today. I'm perfectly fine to go by myself. It won't take me long anyway." She gives me a disapproving look. "Maybe she can come over after and we'll have a girls movie night or something?" Her face relaxes as she nods, silently deciding that's a good idea.
"Okay. I'd like that."
"How are you feeling, Ry?" Tommy and Nikki join us at the table and I stuff a bite of pancake into my mouth, hoping if I just keep eating then I won't have to talk much.
"I'm okay." My voice is muffled through the pancake, which makes Wylie laugh.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" He looks at me through the tops of his eyes with a scared look on his face, as if I might blow my lid at his question.
"No." He accepts my answer and drops the subject with a shrug of his shoulders.
"When do you want to go to the police station?" Nikki stares at me from the across the table, a look of pure exhaustion on his face.
"I'm gonna go after I eat. You don't have to go with me, I'll be fine alone. I know you wanted to work on the new album today."
"You can't go alone. I'll go with you."
"I'm a grown woman. It's my mess, I'll take care of it myself." The sadness in my voice is apparent as I push my plate to the middle of the table, standing up with another stinging sensation shooting through my torso. His face twists into confusion and guilt, probably starting to question if I heard him last night.
Riley holds her arms out for me to hand Wylie to her and as I do, Wylie starts to quietly cry and repeat 'momma' in the most pitiful voice I've ever heard in my life. I suck back the tears starting to form in my eyes again as I kiss the top of her head.
"Momma will be back in a few hours, baby. I promise. Have fun with daddy and aunt Riley and uncle Tom while I'm gone."
"M-momma." Her bottom lip pops out in a quivering pout, tears filling her big eyes. My heart snaps in two at the sight, but I have important things that need to be taken care of to insure that my family stays together.
"I'm gonna go thank Layla for her help after I'm done." I shuffle out of the room as fast as I can so no one can object.
I pop an antibiotic in my mouth and throw my ointment in my purse, not saying another word to anyone as I walk out the front door. I don't want to waste anymore time than I already have this morning, I can't risk letting myself get cold feet.
My hands shake against the steering wheel as I get on the freeway, opposite the direction of the police station, the throbbing wound on my torso only exacerbating the nearly decades worth of rage filling my entire body.
My mind is black and blank for the two hours that I drive the freeway, my subconscious too scared to let myself think.
California Women's Correctional Facility: Exit 1/2 Mile