Söbriety • Mötley Crüe •

67. Gone

Warnings: Alcohol Use

Ryan's POV

It didn't take long for everything to completely fall apart.

Within a week Nikki's existence was completely wiped from the house, him being so much of a coward that he hired movers to get his stuff instead of doing it himself. They were polite and only took what was definitely his, leaving me most of the communal things we shared. It's not like it would've mattered, they could've taken everything and I wouldn't have cared.

Within a month I had a manila envelope taunting me on my kitchen counter.

My kitchen counter. No longer ours.

Will you ever take me?
No, I just can't take the pain
But would you ever trust me?
No, I'll never feel the same, oh
I know I've been so hard on you
I know I've told you lies
If I could have just one more wish
I'd wipe the cobwebs from my eyes
If I close my eyes forever
Will it all remain unchanged?
If I close my eyes forever
Will it all remain the same?

"Good God, you have to stop listening to this on repeat. It's depressing. Come on, you have to eat something." Riley rubs my shoulder after she turns off the stereo, but my eyes are fixated on the tan envelope that holds the dissolution of my marriage inside of it.

I've barely been able to function the past few weeks, only managing to go to work and come back home. Half the time Layla sends me home, because I spend the majority of my shift crying in the bathroom anyway. She's been understanding about it, but I know that I can't keep going on this way and not lose my job.

Wylie is starting to pick up on my negative feelings, being even moodier than normal, which I didn't know was possible. Some nights I'll bring her into my room with me and she just stares at Nikki's side of the bed with a pitifully sad face like she understands he's gone.

"How can he do this? It hasn't even been a full month yet and he's already found a lawyer?" My hands reach for the envelope and I wave it in the air in anger, tears flowing down my cheeks for the hundredth time. I don't know how I even have tears left to cry.

"He's just upset, babe. This is probably just a power move. Give it some time. I bet you a thousand dollars he'll be back here begging for you to forgive him within another month."

"He hates me. He like really, truly, hates me. He won't speak to me at all, I don't know where he is, and he hasn't even called to check on Wylie. That's what hurts the most, he didn't even tell his daughter goodbye. He hasn't talked to her in a month." My bottom lip quivers as I spit out the last word, my heart shattering into even tinier pieces at the thought of him not only leaving me, but leaving Wylie as well.

"Oh, honey, come here." Riley wraps her arms around me and I sink into her, allowing myself to completely lose it.

I know she knows where he is through Tommy, but I also know that she's a great asset, and friend, to me and I don't need to push her into taking sides. I need her help a lot more now that I'm a single mom.

A single mom.

I hate everything.

"I'll get it." A knock on the front door pulls Riley away and a tiny shred of hope in me thinks it's Nikki.

My face falls into a deeper frown when Tommy's lanky legs walk into the house.

He decided it would be best to move back into his house after Nikki left, to avoid the inevitable band drama that would happen if he stayed here with me. I don't really blame him, I'm just glad he didn't take Riley with him. On top of losing my husband, I feel like I've lost some of my best friends. Although I know it's not true, I feel like I have nothing left. Everything just feels so ...empty.